It has been a very long time since I last wrote an entry, perhaps it's time to start again.last updated: September 10, 2006
It has been a very long time since I last wrote an entry, perhaps it's time to start again.
It's now two years since Jenny died - at times, it seems just like yesterday. At other times, it seems like a lifetime ago, a bad dream, starting with her diagnosis, the progression of the cancer, and then her death. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her enormously, and most days I still shed tears for her. However, the purpose of these pages always was to inform those I don't see often (or at all, in the case of those overseas) of how I am going.
Much has happened in the last two years - I had my surgery six months after Jen's death: not a fun experience, but my only regret is that I was not able to have the surgery 40 years ago when I first saw the pshrinks. It took quite some time to recover, I was in surgery some 9.5 hours. But these days my self confidence is much, much better. I've moved my birthday to the date of the surgery - 18th Feb - as Jenny was taken to intensive care on my old birthday, it was no longer a day I could ever be happy on again, so I had to find a new celebration day. My friends threw me a 1st birthday party this year, I scored some nice bath toys! It's really quite difficult to explain the euphoria I feel about finally being the real me, but it's so much better than I ever expected -well worth the discomfort of the months spent recovering.
I've taken up serious cycling again, too, after a 15 year layoff - I have two bikes at present, a hybrid, that I use for local shopping runs and a little off road work, and a beautiful, second-hand Avanti Corsa Pro racing bike. I haven't competed in any events so far, and am not sure that I will, but I enjoy riding a great deal, and have found a whole new group of friends in the last few months that have already become close friends.
They are trying very hard to persuade me to try MTB riding (mountain bike riding), I'm tempted but common sense is holding me back at present - I am aware that at my age (I am now 58) my bones break more easily and that healing takes longer. I've cycled some 3000kms in the last five months. I'm really enjoying the exercise, and in particular enjoying the company of the new friends I have that either know nothing, or care nothing, about my past.
I'm also running with Hash, but currently only with the Harriettes (women only) as they have fewer issues with my past. Even there though my past is still referred to, much to my dismay - I can see why so many people move to a totally different area to live in, so that they may start afresh without the snide, or even accidental comments - it's something I'm very sensitive about, but few of my old friends really understand why.
The Land Rover is currently undergoing a minor rebuild - complete new brake system, shoes, cylinders, hydraulic lines & all. I hope to have it back on the road in a couple of weeks, as I need it for work.
I don't see my sons as often as I'd like, upon reflection that's only to be expected, as they are now in their mid 20's and are finding their own way in life. I was like that at their age too, so I cannot criticise them for not staying in touch more :) I'm sure they'll be back in my life again a little later in time. We do stay in touch over the Internet, though.
Work is slow & steady - the odd worthwhile contract now & again, followed by a handful of small jobs barely worth my while - but still necessary - I am not in a position to pick & chose my work, bills still need to be paid. Currently I'm rushed off my feet & turning work away - I know full well that by the end of September I'll have very little work though.
And my puppies - I could not have coped in the last two years without my faithful German Shepherds, Luci & Tara. Luci is now in the twilight of her life, stiff hind legs & eyes misting over a little, but she still enjoys life a great deal and remains healthy & active. Her idea of heaven is chasing a bunny across the paddocks, followed by a swim in the dam & a roll in something foul smelling. Tara doesn't care what happens, as long as I rub her ears on a regular basis. She's had surgery twice this year, both times to repair her right rear cruciate ligament.
She's currently recuperating from the second surgery, it's hard to contain her energy, but it's vital that she keeps quiet for several more months else she may well lose the leg. This means that for most of the day (and all of the night) she is confined to a tiny cage to stop her being active - she hates it, and it breaks my heart to hear her whine. I keep her within my sight as much as I can, as that keeps her much quieter. She's become a very vocal patient, she's perfected the canine cry to heart breaking perfection. In the picture above she'd just come back from the vets after surgery, and was still relatively quiet - the cage came a week later when she started throwing herself at the back door to come in. Now, when I come home from work, the yowling and crying starts the moment the front gate lock is rattled, if not before, just to ensure I attend to rubbing her ear & taking her for a walk the moment the car is in the garage.
By the way, you can view my home via Google Earth by clicking this link (you will need to have Google Earth already installed)
