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Episode Eight
Meanwhile on the patio of Rebecca Exwife-Richman's abode...
"Mother?" calls Sophia Richman. "Mother? Mother, where are you? Where are you Rebecca Exwife-Richman?"
A pathetic squeak comes from one of the white chairs on which one would lounge whilst by the poolside. The noise is coming from a distressed, highly plasticised, middle-aged woman curled up on a pink polka dot towel. Sophia sees her mother and rushes over, her arms and legs flailing wildly as she runs in her high heels.
"Mother! What is wrong? Are you sick? Have you eaten some sort of raw poultry or perhaps shellfish? You know what shellfish does to your collagen implants," says Sophia hurriedly as she is actually quite worried about her mother's health, despite the fact that her mother is Rebecca Exwife-Richman who we all know is an evil, evil woman. But Sophia is a kind, kind person who loves and accepted everyone, no matter how stupid or annoying they are.
Rebecca dribbles feverishly and mumbles something about putrid smells and wedding bells.
"Oh mother, don't waste your energy with that crazy rhyming. Besides, it is quite distracting and I'm trying to remember what i learnt last week at uni," says Sophia, frowning because she is thinking so hard. "It is lucky that I am studying to be a doctor and that we only just recently had a lecture on 'what to do when an aging woman begins to dribble'."
Suddenly, Rebecca starts screaming, "NO! NO! I WANT TO MARRY HIM! ME! ME! ME! ME! ME!" at the top of her voice, so loud that all of the neighbours stick their heads over the fences and say "shhh!" in unison.
"That's it, I have to get you to a hospital. Pronto. Stat. Now," says Sophia conclusively.
Sophia looks anxiously towards the inviting pool, hoping that some sort of messiah or perhaps even Jesus himself would rise from the water and show her the way, through some sort of musical number involving tapping sticks and a man in golden pants.
No such luck...
Meanwhile, at the somewhat disheveled police station, Jake Cop is talking to his superiors via a high-tech communication system, much like two baked bean cans and a piece of string...
"A one-eyed goat, you say? I'll keep my eye out, sir. Cheers for the heads up... Cool... Wick... Check it... Over and out."
Jake wipes the sweat from his forehead. He's perspiring badly because he's quite unfit and the airconditioner has been broken for the past three years. But there is no way that Jake Cop will complain about the heat. He don't let nuttin' get to him.
Jake sticks his thumbs in the belt loops of his pants and walks cowboy-style around the office. He's the one and only policeman in this town and he won't be messed with.
"No body had better try mess with me," he says proudly, reiterating the previously stated point, and chewing on an old, hard piece of chewing gum.
"And just so you know," he says to some invisible person (or maybe just to us, his devoted fans), "I don't like new people. This town is big enough without more people coming in. Besides, new people are bad news. They usually bring drugs, riffraff, mobile phones and youth with them! And while I'm the one and only policeman in Harbour Town I'm going to keep an eye on them. The eye of the law!"
Jake chews forcefully on that chewing gum, nodding his head. He puts on his sunglasses and falls asleep in his chair.
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