J: This is a sign on a farm near Mt Barker, which is about 350 km south of Perth, and 50 km north of Albany. Albany is my (and Rob's) home town. The sign reads: WARNING "LOCK UP YOUR WOMEN" MAFIA COUNTRY WATCH YOUR WALLET
This is actually Mk II of the Mafia Country sign; the original vanished mysteriously about five years ago, which is why this one has barbed wire wrapped around its legs, I suppose. Note small cannon at the base.

R: Ah, wry bucolic wit. Too many days driving a tractor around in circles under the hot Austrian sun can do strange things to a man.

R: Postcards of Perth often show London Court, which is basically a theme mall built in the 1950s. Note the authentic undergarments on display in the bottom left corner, in the window of Saucy Mary's Museum of Tudor Knickers.
And, on the top two floors, if you were wondering what light from yonder window breaks, 'tis ye olde dodgye fluorescente tubes.

J: Small knights on horseback above the clock spin around in a ye jousting contest on the hour. Each year, university students observe an ancient ritual by putting ye condoms on the knights' lances. (YE FNARR!)

J: Interior of London Court. It doesn't look as bad in the photo, but the clairvoyant's sign appears to read "clairboyant". Surely he or she should have used their powers to foresee this, and asked for a less confusing font? Clearly we are dealing with a second rate clairboyant.

R: Is this sign talking about a clairvoyant, or about Ms Clair Boyant, pr0n-star extraordinaire? As you can see, London Court is also home to Ambrose Gamera, famed Japanese monster-movie actor. He's starred with the greats, including Arthur Godzilla and lovely Susan Mothra.

R: A 100-foot tall fossilised shishkebab, proof that Austria was once inhabited by giant lager louts who would spend their Friday nights drinking beers the size of garbage trucks, then retire to dirty little takeaways for a kebab. Now sadly extinct, their proud tradition is carried on by their human-sized descendants.

J: Barry Humphries, probably better known to the world as Dame Edna Everage, once said something very funny about this sculpture, but I forget what it was.

J: The T building. I thought maybe this was a giant H hospital, where giant H's who had one leg broken off went to lie down and recover. But then Rob said why are they on the outside, then? Which is a fair point.

R: My theory is that this building was to have a big sign on the front reading 'The Federal Bank of Austria'. But the 'T' got jammed on the keyboard at the computerised sign-maker's, resulting in many Ts ..... a whole building of them, in fact.
Either that, or there's a mysterious alphabet war going on, and this is 'T' headquarters. Fans of the giant 'H' had better watch out!

R: The glamorous end of Perth, as you can see. I wonder what S & N stands for? I also wonder what constitutes an 'etc'? Hermaphrodites? Dogs? George Hammond? Girls with the boold of animals between their teeth?

J: This is my favourite Perth sign (the top one), for several reasons: the army-stencil lettering, the decorative party lights draped casually over the top, and of course, the rather ambiguous wording. I stress that the shop did NOT carry children's clothes, so you can only guess at the "etc". Unfortunately, it appears to have gone out of business which is a shame because it was the only place in Perth where you could buy clothes and get a personality test in the one stop.