Inspiring and Entertaining Writing - Writers International

Throwing it away
by Carrie Harris

I am crying, all around me the walls seem to be caving in
Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see
I could have died, I could have thrown it all away
And that scares the shit out of me
Pardon the language

I got so low, despite my future, my hopes and dreams
In one terrifying instant I almost lost it all
Now it haunts me, I can't shake it
A handful of pills, a future lost
So simple

Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see
Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see
Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see

How can I show them what's really going on?
They've got problems of their own
One more might tip them over

And why did I do it anyway?
Why was I so sure I wanted to die?
That's what haunts me, that I can still think this way
Despite everything
Despite God

Friends have fought the battle to live
And I wanted to die
How do I make sense of that?

Questions in my mind vying for position
Which do I answer first? Can I answer any at all
I have a label, I have an illness, but it still doesn't make sense
How do I want to throw it all away?

And for what?


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Throwing it away by Carrie Harris I am crying, all around me the walls seem to be caving in Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see I could have died, I could have thrown it all away And that scares the shit out of me Pardon the language I got so low, despite my future, my hopes and dreams In one terrifying instant I almost lost it all Now it haunts me, I can't shake it A handful of pills, a future lost So simple Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see Gotta keep the mask gotta keep the mask gotta show the mask can't let anyone see How can I show them what's really going on? They've got problems of their own One more might tip them over And why did I do it anyway? Why was I so sure I wanted to die? That's what haunts me, that I can still think this way Despite everything Despite God Friends have fought the battle to live And I wanted to die How do I make sense of that? Questions in my mind vying for position Which do I answer first? Can I answer any at all I have a label, I have an illness, but it still doesn't make sense How do I want to throw it all away? And for what?
A note from the author Yep, it's exactly what it sounds like. On Monday, December 4th, 2006, I took an overdose. Don't ask why, because I couldn't honestly tell you. I have depression, but that's no excuse, is it.