My first Christmas
by Emma Monkey

I'm gonna tell you about my first ever Christmas. You all know that monkeys are better than humans in the sense that we can walk and climb trees from a really young age right?

Well I was a rebel as a little monkey. I mean I was really bad. I lived in a forest with my family, and there was a lot of us. I've got about 60 aunts and uncles, and hundreds of cousins. My cousin Chunky was my best mate (I already told you about her, she's the one that got killed by Ben and Jerry) and we did everything together.

When I say I was really bad, I mean I used to do terrible things, like steal Uncle Jonas's bananas, and swap all the newborn babies around so all the mothers would get mixed up. I once threw a banana at Chief Wilfred, and that was a big No-No.

The rest of my family all despaired of me, and after a few months of me tormenting them all they decided to send me to Monkey Boot Camp. Ooh I was scared. I'd heard all sorts of horrible things about Monkey Boot Camp. Things like there not being any trees or vines to climb, and having to eat oranges instead of bananas.

It was November when I was sent there, I was 8 months old and I really missed my family. It was a weird place. A building made of bricks, with glass bits in the walls so you could see outside. There were doors too, and you had to open them to get to a different room. It seemed really silly to me, after being in the outdoors all my life, and never having seen a brick, let alone a door.

There were 3 humans living there. They tried to be kind to me, but they weren't like my family. For the first few weeks I really tried to keep my head down, and not get into trouble. I figured that if I was a good little monkey they'd let me go back to my family. I was doing really well at being good. The oranges were really awful, and very tangy, but I ate them without complaining and the humans seemed very pleased with me.

Then in December summat weird happened. All 3 of the humans seemed to get really stressed. They were shouting all the time, and rushing around. They kept going to the Shops and coming back hours later laden with bags. They put glittery string all around the brick building, and funny little lights came on at night. There were loads of references to Christmas, but I didn't know what it meant.

One night I overheard 2 of them arguing. They were saying summat about a tree, and one was saying that it wouldn't be the same without one and the other was saying that they couldn't have one cos of the monkey.

I felt really bad, cos trees are great, everyone knows that. there's nothing better than climbing a tree and swinging around, but these people seemed to be being punished by not having a tree cos of me.

Anyway the third one said that the monkey had been really good so far, and that she didn't think there'd be a problem having a tree, so then it was 2 against 1 and they were getting a tree.

YAY!! I was so excited!! I really hoped it would be a big one with lots of bananas and branches and stuff, cos I'd really missed being able to climb, and I missed being outside, and I missed my bananas too.

I was really confused when I got up the next morning and there was a tree in one of the rooms though. A tree INSIDE??? Who puts a tree INSIDE?? And not only that, but it was only 4 feet tall, and didn't even seem real. It was flashing and shining and glittery, and instead of growing bananas it seemed to be growing metal ornaments and chocolates. And underneath it were boxes and packages of all shapes and sizes, all wrapped in colourful paper. Very strange tree it was. I'd never seen one like it when I was in the forest with my family.

All that day I stayed well away from the tree, cos to be honest it really scared me. It smelt funny, not natural smelling at all, and I didn't think that the humans would like me going near it, when they almost didn't have one cos of me.

The next day I woke early, and the humans were still in bed. I went to the tree room, and the tree wasn't flashing anymore. It seemed a bit sad, cos it did kinda look nicer when it was flashing than when it wasn't. I'd seen one of the humans playing with the flashing leaves the day before, when they'd stopped flashing, and he'd managed to get them flashing again, so I figured I'd try and make them flash again too.

I remembered that the human had started with the top flasher, so I figured I'd start there. I climbed onto the bottom branches, and inched my way to the top. I found the very top no longer flashing leaf and poked it, but it didn't flash. I kept it in my hand and found the next one, and poked that. That didn't flash either. I was feeling rather sad by this time, cos the poor tree must've been dying, all it's leaves had stopped flashing. I moved around again and found another no longer flashing leaf, I poked that and they all started flashing again. Well it scared me, A LOT!! I had two of the leaves in my hand and they were flashing, when they weren't even on the tree. I figured the tree must have been magic or summat, cos that wasn't normal.

I tried to jump off the tree but I got trapped in the flashing leaves, and fell instead. I landed in the pile of boxes and packages, and heard stuff cracking and ripping. I looked up and the tree was wobbling loads, and fell on top of me with a huge crash, breaking one of the big pieces of glass that was in the wall as it went.

The humans all came running in, screaming and shouting, and 2 of them cried. I couldn't understand why they were so upset cos the tree was obviously a rubbish one cos it wasn't very safe to climb. It wasn't even stable. I'd done them a favour, cos if they'd have tried to climb it they'd have fallen, and probably hurt themselves cos humans always seem to hurt themselves when they fall. At least now they knew their tree was rubbish.

Except that they didn't see it that way. they kept shouting at me, and screaming, and throwing things at me til eventually I ran through the hole in the wall from where the glass had broken, and kept running and never went back.

After about 6 days of wandering, I finally found my way back to my family in the forest. I was tired, and hungry, and thirsty, and I didn't know whether my family wuld be happy to see me again or not.

Chunky saw me first, and cos she was my best friend she didn't tell the others I was back. She gave me loads of bananas, and let me sleep in her bed that night, and then the next morning I went to Chief Wilfred's house to ask him if I could come back into the fold.

I told him everything that had happened with the humans and the tree and stuff, and he said I was welcome to come back cos they were obviously idiots who weren't fit to run a Boot Camp if they didn't even know what a tree was supposed to look like, and he said that I'd proven my worth as a monkey by knowing it wasn't a proper tree but still trying to climb it.

I got much respect for that!