Scribe - Hills Hash

Hills Hash House Harriers
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8/12/2019

Christmas Trees, Cartridges & Confusion !

Oh ... thanks Skippy for a wonderful title ! ! !
True to form, the Hare was ambiguous in his directions other than to say we were not entering any dangerous zones ! His short cutting instructions had a few walkers following W's and M's but I digress ... There were some rumblings of inaccurate trail markings ??? I do not believe it ....
It was a great run /walk that took in some very festive scenery and shady trails with the promise of  drink stop which really happened.  Knowing the Hare, we were prepared for some very difficult hills but not so .... JUST A RIDICULOUSLY LONG RUN ...
No-one complained tho ... much ! Some of us got a limo drive back to the start after the drink stop !
We all returned after about 1 hour and 20 minutes .... safe and sound ! (message to GPS - you would not have got lost !)
In the circle, we welcomed a virgin walker (we have had a few lately ...) and some long time no-sees - the RA administered his discipline with much gusto but got in to a bit of trouble himself (Hee-Hee)
We had a great afternoon .... as usual ... even Pick-Up-Chick managed to find a pick-up ??? possibly ?

On-On
Pink Bits (formerly known as *the Artful Dodger* - Thanks to Rock Bottom for stepping in with some great run reports)
Run 1946, 1 December
Hares: Dripper and Wacuda
Alan Anderson Park, Walliston

The (almost) Hareless Run

The nominal hare for this event was Franger but where, you may ask, was he, and so did most of the 40 odd hashers present.  Please note Franger, it is NOT okay to commit to a run then opt out at short notice unless you have provided a substitute.  So, perennial stalwarts, Dripper and Wacuda came to the rescue and saved the day and meanwhile we await Franger’s explanation, apology and replacement run…….  

We welcomed a virgin, Gee and celebrated the return of LTNS Bigus Dickus and Hawkeye.  Leapfrog had a more pressing engagement so she summoned her brother Harry, all the way from Bristol, UK as a substitute and he dutifully obliged.  Baldrick copped some flack for being the first walker home and for boycotting the drink stop AGAIN! He’s always in too much of a hurry to stop.  Pick Up Chick returned sporting a broken down fan – very useful if someone could fix it but alas, I suspect it is beyond redemption.  Pink Bits was charged for casting a man look at the esky and not being able to spot the bottle of bubbles.  Snake Charmer reluctantly accepted a DD for getting his maths mixed up.

So, an impressive turn out for what was a well set run and walk in a very suitable location and thanks to the two last minute hares.

Rock Bottom
Run 1945, 24 November
Hare: SNB, Co-hare: Rock Bottom
The Dell, Mundaring Weir Road

Disclaimer - In NO way does my position as co-hare have any bearing on the following summary of the 1945th HHH run.

What a fantastic run, undoubtedly a contender for event of the year!  Great location, excellent weather, a well-marked course, a drink stop, trees, not too many hills, pretty well the right length, nobody got lost, not even Pick Up Chick who ran it in reverse. This judgment was confirmed by members in the circle so definitely an unbiased account.

It was quite apparent during the circle that some hashers are assuming various roles within the club.  I feel it is my duty to name and shame them as follows:

The Artful Dodger – Pink Bits who has dobbed me in as scribe yet again, blaming her computer which is perhaps slightly less original than saying the dog ate her homework.

Club Pessimist – Dripper who laments the length of things.

Morals Officer – GPS who thoughtfully reminded us that HHH is a family hash.

Quality Control Officer – Little Weed who strives to maintain high standards in the drinks and snacks department.

The Camouflage Crew – Light my Fire, Sheep Shunter and Scooby Doo who arrived wearing garishly eye dazzling red and yellow shirts designed to blend in with the dull green of the eucalypts.  They failed.

No doubt there are others.  Stay tuned until next week although hopefully Pink Bits’ computer will have recovered.

Rock Bottom
Hills HHH Report
17 November:  Choir Girl soldiers on bravely despite being hungover

Okay so the official scribe was unable to write the run report this week owing to computer problems.  So, in the interests of accuracy, wouldn’t you think she’d seek a substitute from amongst all the worthies who actually did the walk or the run and paid attention in the circle? Well you’d be wrong.  After skipping the walk at the request of my 5yo grandson who decided the pool was a much more appealing option and missing the circle owing to the fact that I was trying to save him from drowning, Pink Bits suggested I do the report.  The logic is unshakeable.  I’ll try but it may lack forensic detail.

What to say?  The theme was definitely “hungover hare”.  My spies tell me the walk was a decent length, the run rather short.  Marks on trees were a novel idea but apparently they saved the hare from having to bend over thus preventing her from throwing up.  She may have slightly overdone the celebrations of her 60th birthday the previous night but why therefore should we all have to suffer an alcohol-free drink stop? Come on Choir Girl, it just won’t do!

A large turnout for the home run in Woorooloo as we (well not me, see above) amassed into an oblong for the circle with the GM and stand-in RA in fine form.  Gone For from Adelaide was welcomed along with LTNS Cow Pat and Blow Fly.  Choir Girl was suitably punished for her misdemeanours in setting the trail and there were other charges which I missed (see above).  An unusually enthusiastic rendition of the song ended the formalities after which some of us stayed for a bbq.  All in all, a most enjoyable evening.

Rock Bottom

Nov 10th, "Pole Dancer moves up a notch"
The pack met on a beautiful afternoon to tackle to flatlands of Forrestfield.
Hare Crusher, set the run using big coloured chalk directions. He managed to find many bush reserves and local parks, which made for a very intresting trail.
We all started off around the Hartfield park duck pond, with it's fountains and many varieties of water birds - Leapfrog even spotted a turtle.
The run was long, with few false trails and no hills, but the 5 star drink stop near the end made up for these small faults.
GPS was our stand in Monk and found lots of little dissappointments to dish out fines for.Skippy was fined for muddy shoes cause Sofie dragged him through a muddy drain.
Pole Dance was called out for wearing her Tee shirt inside out. After lots of calls for a strip, she actually entertained the pack by baring all and even a young guy driving out of the carpark was impressed!
Free Beer with Aurora on her back and Teflon Kid jogging along, managed to complete the long walk, so Teflon Kid has now officially got his Hash legs.
On On Leapfrog
Nov 3rd, Hare: Sheep Shunter
Described as the "Bayswater Marathon", this run had the pack pounding the pavment.
A great drink stop was enjoyed under the watchful eye of a building site security camera.
Thanks Sheep Shunter and Light My Fire, who are now enjoying a well deserved holiday in Bangkok and organising some new Hills Hash shirts.
Oct 27
The *** LOLLIPOP*** Run

Oh, poor delusional, delirious Hare P M talking about lollipops !  He was unwell, so sent his unsuspecting son, Spider,  to give run instructions to the pack. By the way, what about the "the winery is shut now"  comment ??? We had very limited parking and were nearly run down NUMEROUS times as wine drinkers came and went from the VERY OPEN winery ! Even when it was actually closed, wine drinkers still took a chance that it was still open .... (what am I thinking ... there are wine drinkers in the Hash as well - AND -  one of the members nearly ran one of us over as well ... more later)
So,  with the message from P M that the run & walk was a short, in the style of a lollipop ??? runners and walkers were on the same trail. Good beginning going down a very secure track monitored by a security company (of which we saw at least 3 utes emerge from said track !) Still, seemed like a good idea to just keep going - so we did ... and a pleasant meander it was with reasonably good trail laid down on a very hot day (well done P M) At one point, the walkers were a bit unsure as trail was vague (delirium)
but eventually, after the second hill - not nice P M - we found ourselves on the stick end of the lollipop.....and back to the start.
Everyone got back safely (always checking on GPS) and the GM called the circle. Now as this week was meant to be Halloween dress-up, the GM and Wacuda were resplendent in their home made cardboard vehicle, complete with headlamps falling off and fabulous air-bags fully inflated (plastic bags ... what were you thinking ?) This was to explain the slight prang but we won't go in to that. Sadly, not many other Hashers dressed for the occasion although Pink Bits managed to inflict a stabbing on Leapfrog with a mere twig of leaves. Much blood ensued in keeping with the occasion.
Little Weed got fined for trying (and not succeeding) to run over the pack, Crusher was noted for wasting away while Rock Bottom was elsewhere in the country (not eating apparently !? Come back R B ) and a few other minor charges.
We sang our hearts out (no vampires around thank goodness) and so ended this years 4 pm start of Hills Hash.
Next week we go to * 5pm * start  REMEMBER !
On On
Pink Bits x


20th Oct.
Hills River Run (with a few *almost* hills ! )

There was a good turn-out for this run, far,far from the Hills. The pack had to look around for scarce parking spots but eventually, we were advised by the Hares, Pink Bits & Dripper, that there were 2 distinct trails and only a drink stop for the walkers. Trail was marked with flour W's for walkers and *chalk* for runners. (something unusual)
So the pack set off on their respective paths ... I know the walk was flat, scenic, along the river and culminating in the Japanese garden tea temple at Adachi Park. Lots to see along the way but not sure if anyone actually went up the 55 step staircase to see the view and read about fish traps. There were some playgrounds to amuse the littlies !
The runners were treated to a significant run (8.3 km) but as it was almost flat, (some slight rises) there were a number of false trails which were easy to avoid by those living locally (eh ... Scooby ???)
Once we returned (no-one got lost) we had a few snacks and GM called the circle. The run was considered good by all and the RA set about charging the majority of the pack. How do we manage to rack up so many charges !?
We ended with a fine rendition of the club song and Hash Nosh courtesy of Light My Fire .... Thank you ..... also a bit of Birthday cake to celebrate Pink Bits
latest birthday .....!  
On On
Pink Bits
13th Oct.
"Just One Big Hill" said Skippy ! ! !
On a lovely, sunny but cool  day, we gathered at the park in Chidlow. It was a modest turn-out, as for numerous reasons (most of them reasonable) there were some Hashers missing - hope all's well DOSH ?
Skippy, the Hare, indicated there was 'just the one hill' but the drink stop was somewhere nearby ! So off we surged, runners and walkers on the same trail till we had W's and R's to mark separate trails. True to his form, the Hare had not skimped on the flour so the trail was very well marked and we were mostly in bush, full of wildflowers,  on a flat trail ! Sadly, it was littered with household items discarded by those who have little concern for the environment. Still, a very pleasant run .....
Until THAT hill  .............
It was the undoing of Pink Bits ... made it to 3/4 way up but then the sheer steepness and slippy gravel had her frozen to the spot .... until help arrived in the form of Dripper (hero - thank you) who assisted in the ascent ! The drink stop had moved on,  so it was back on the *on home* trail.
In the circle, the run was voted highly by the runners and walkers alike despite the hill !  A welcome *long time no see* was Pick-Up-Chick who obviously forgot it was a 4pm start ..... she reckoned a magpie prevented her from following trail. She would have had much to pick-up on trail !
There was a bit of blood-letting (Franger) and other charges by the RA (who had also returned from his druids gathering !)
Then after the song, we had a BYO BBQ but it was a bit too chilly to hang around too long.
On On
Pink Bits
6th Oct.
Crusher's Confusing Calculations ! ! !
The pack was warmly welcomed to the home of Hares - Rock Bottom & Crusher.
It was a very good turn-out on a beautiful day.
Instructions were given that the run was long-ish  and we were on the same orange chalk and flour blobs trail together, runners and walkers till approximately 2 KM. At that point we would veer off, left and right (R & W)
It was a lovely wonderland of native flowers and bushy trail. Some of it was filmed by *Gadget Gran* on her latest gizmo that looked more like a pepper spray ! (see Hills Hash Facebook page) Runners had zoomed away so it left the walkers doing many false trails and walking about in circles - most disconcerting.
After what seemed like 3.5 KM (and it was !) the R and W sign appeared. Really Crusher, are all blokes bad at measuring ???  :)
We did all get back safe and sound and the GM (DOSH) had managed to get a stand-in RA (Dripper) who between them dished out many charges and down-downs including some long time no sees ! The run was voted as great, despite the measuring issue, and we ended with a reasonable rendition of the club song !
On On
Pink Bits


Tanglewood Hash Away long weekend 29 Sep 19
The RA worked his magic by remote and gifted us perfect weather for this weekend.
 A small but select group of 13 hashers / golfers / drinkers / pyromaniacs / musos were out numbered about 40:1 by Owls.
Owls were everywhere - inside, outside, under the bed, in the soup, and at last count, over 280 on the owl walk.
However, working on the premise that you can never have too many owls, Leapfrog and helpers set about making a memorial owl for her 1000th run.
It was of course, made out of beer cans (see photo).
 Other memorable events;
  Hash golf won by team GPS - helped by Little Weed and Leapfrog. Dripper hit a hole-in-one at the 8 funnel hole. Was this cheating?

  The Run on Sunday was three bridges, a lot of hills and about 5 million ants. Scooby Do and Choir Girl fell victim to bites.
 
  The amazing wood fired Pizza oven provided us with very intrestin pizzas.

   Glorious spring gardens.

   Did I mention owls?

   The understated efficiency of our hosts - Leapfrog and Passiona resulted in a relaxing fun filled weekend

   Drippers 700th run, Karris 150th.

   The occasional owl.

Scribe - Rock Bottom.
22nd September Run Report
Lost In Space ..... ?

Not sure how to describe this week's run ..... but here goes .....
A tight parking spot caused some shuffling of cars and bemused Hashers watched a resident with keys go through the new shiny gate across the gazetted road (which would have led to a slightly bigger carpark ! Go figure ...)
The Hare, White Pointer, gave some instructions that .... well were not quite up to the mark and the pack departed on a gorgeous bushy and paddocky trail right down to the Helena River which was fairly full ... Mind you how we found the way, with the slightly quirky trail markings, is surprising ! To be absolutely honest, some of us didn't ! The trail has squiggly marks done with flour (very sparingly used ... only 99 cents from ALDI White Pointer I) that we had never seen before  so they indicated very little ... were they for runners or walkers ? Eventually we found signs for walkers or runners and spectacularly a special one for Franger .... OMG What the ....... !
Once everyone got back, we had so many charges to possibly mull over but after a quick head count one Hasher was missing ! Who could it be ???
The most illustrious GPS ... Lost yet again (anyone keeping score ?) Franger set off to look for him - came back without him - went again, then White Pointer was sent off, then Dripper joined the search and rescue team (all Hero's)
Skippy kept up a barrage of HORN ! (sometimes resembling a cow with too much wind) Still no sign of them .... a few of the pack had to leave and it was getting dark .... we were worried (Hashing IS dangerous)
Then out of the gloom came all 4 of them - GPS safe and sound - and arriving at a trot ! He had been half way to Darlington or somewhere ...
A very quick depleted circle was convened and the thrust of charges were aimed at White Pointer for lack of trail and GPS for getting lost and for the Hero's. As there were people (same woman) coming in and out of the gate, we had to sing the song while moving out of the way only to have a local come to see what all the fuss was about ! Talk about causing a stir GPS ???
PHEW what a run and aftermath ! ! ! !
On On
Pink Bits xxx
PS. There were other lost Hashers this weekend, more later.....
15th Sep Run Report
To Be ... Or Not To Be ... Disappointed !

Oh ! - and he was not ....  GPS that is - as his run was something completely different. In the depths of the flatish land, he had set the run on a fine Sunday afternoon. The pack was excitedly waiting till everyone arrived. Then the Hare went into overdrive discussing chalk, arrows, W's and all manner of trail. Walkers set off watching the runners do a complete circuit only to meet up with them (clever Hare) then sped off into the distance. We had been informed that every single hill, mountain and steep climb was ahead of us (in Guildford ???) and true to his word there was one  teesnsy weensy rise that mostly went un-noticed ! After a very lovely trail incorporating bushland, river, house and garden, we eventually emerged in a meadow ... not an ordinary meadow but a ROYAL one. GPS was like his chooks ... a mother hen keeping his eye on his brood ! Giddy with delight, the walkers and runners came back to the start and refreshed themselves thoroughly .... We had a fabulous circle with no bloodshed (see last week) and a few long time no see's - Side Saddle (now a married woman  !!!) & Catwalk with cute Otillia (check spelling ...) Some other charges were bestowed on the guilty or not ...
We sang the song and smelt the burgers cooking in the nearby joint !  Then it was On-On to any handy eateries and there were many choices ...
Till next week ...
Pink Bits xxx
8th of Sep Run Report
It Was All Amazing !
Skippy set this week's run and informed us that there was everything ...... views, water, steep climbs, vast bush and no drink stop ! He was right ..... It was all that and more. It was a great setting in the Mundy Regional Park Kalamunda and as the sun has decided to come out to play more often, we had a super run.
Walkers and runners set of in roughly the same direction but after a short time, we veered away only to hear the Hash Horn in the distance. "Bit of a hill at the start" was the advice from the Hare and W O W ..... was there a hill..... Vertical lift more like - still everyone did enjoy the view (what F*****G view puff pant !)The trail was so well marked that it was impossible to get lost ... however, not impossible for some serious trips, slides and falls.
Once the pack got back together the extent of the 'blood loss' was more evident (2 pints in all I believe, distributed between a few Hashers ...but mostly Leapfrog - Hashing is dangerous) ) Free Beer is the new Hash MASH thanks !
Still, the circle was convened and usual charges dished out by the GM and RA with a few extras for long time no-see's and LAME DUCKS ! The run was voted L O N G but good
On-On
Pink Bits xxx
01/09/19 Run Report
Running On Water !
What a day .... we had so many Hashers - we were inundated !
Or were  we... we were just the TRULY committed ones ??? (Yes ... even Franger !)
So, after the Hare (DOSH) had set the run 3 times (YES 3 times) we had some instructions about everyone being mostly on *runners* trail and then, only veering off a little .... however,  ... there is probably a cake in the valley somewhere !
The walk and run were really great .. VIEWS for ever ! (If only some of us could stop and look !) There was  a lot of  'down, down, down'  then - up, up, up - but eventually we heard the runners horn - way, way down in the valley ! That spurred  the walkers on - and they got back well before the runners ... good job Leapfrog had the keys to the splash wagon ... (SILLY THOUGHT  !)
Oh ! .. what a great circle too ! The charges were very minimal, but succinct .... the RA thought he had altered the weather & he did good ... we had so much fun with blue skies ! ! Not a lot to report .. This week's lame duck award went to Skippy - but -  if not ... it went to someone else ! Charges sorted ... we sang the song ... End of run .... !
Pink Bits xxx
25/08/19 Run Report.

Tales Of Brave Dripper ...
Getting up from his sick bed, Dripper set a magnificent run that sent us all up hill and down dale ... Some of us managed to stop and smell the flowers ...
Very few complaints ... and many accolades !
The RA had his usual *quirky* charges ...  nothing too significant to report ...
We had a good circle and sang the song !
On On
Pink Bits x
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