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Note: The following is an account of how I was given my happy life back after a bad marriage failure and I hope that any reader who is experiencing the same or any other similar problems will gain encouragement from this story.

(Please click on pictures to see larger versions.)

Never before had I been so depressed and miserable. My, usually very happy, life had gone to pieces. My third wife had moved out after a very short and stormy marriage, but she was still allowing me to visit her although the visits usually ended up in an argument. I had lost my job and was on social benefits for the first time, and I was forced to sell my home. My confidence was at rock-bottom, I felt that I had lost absolutely everything and that I would never get over the problems which were causing my misery and depression.

It was during the Australian spring of 1992. Flowers carpeted the paddocks, the weather was perfect and there was the promise of a beautiful summer ahead. But all that was lost to me as I wallowed in my self-pity.

One evening, as I was driving home after a particularly bad visit, I actually considered undoing my seatbelt and smashing into a tree. I felt extremely low and desperately wanted to end my misery. In short, I was thinking of suicide. It was a fleeting, although very deep, thought and I quickly dismissed it as my religious upbringing wouldn't allow me to do such a thing while I had a sane mind.

I faithfully believe in God and I also believe that to take a precious life, even my own, will incur His wrath more than anything else that I could do. My beliefs, and other incidents that have happened during my life, tell me that our time here on earth is just a path to something better or worse. I feel that each of us must do our best as we travel along that path or fall by the wayside. Due to some previous ‘weird’ experiences, I’d done (and am still doing) a bit of research into the question of what happens after death. To make this particular incident of which I write more clear, I will just note a few of my findings.

Apparently, so past recorded history on the subject tells us, the spirit leaves the body and sometimes floats above the scene of the death where the dead ‘person’ can see everything that is being done to bring him or her back to the present life. Sometimes that ‘person’, in spirit form (the soul?), flies up a tunnel with a very bright light at the end, or suddenly arrives in a beautiful valley, where he or she is greeted by friends and relations who have already passed away. Some accounts from people who have been ‘brought back’ have told of both, going up a tunnel and meeting already dead friends and relations in the beautiful valley. There are also records of people ‘flying’ over ‘cities of light’ or seeing a very bright light that can somehow convey messages into the mind. Most of these people feel very strongly that the bright light is God or Jesus.

Usually, whether the newly-dead person is met by somebody or not, they have to enter a gate. Sometimes there are two gates (one for Heaven and one for hell?). It seems that after passing through a gate there is usually no coming back to this world. There are only a few records that I can find of anyone ‘coming back’ (after being resuscitated, etc.) once they’ve gone through a gate. But, some of the people have known whether they are going to spend eternity with God or the Devil even as they died, and others have changed their lives for the better after being ‘brought back’. Often, people who have been revived tell of seeing an instant showing of all their past life while they stand before the gate, as if ‘somebody’ is judging, from that showing, what the person has done with his or her life on earth.

A majority of the people who have been ‘brought back’ agree that the experience of death (as far as the gate or gates, at least) was the most wonderful feeling that they had ever felt and a lot of them didn’t want to return to this world. Any pain or illness that may have caused their ‘death’ is left behind with the old body and that pain or illness is usually the first thing that the person is aware of after being resuscitated.

On the other hand, many people who have led ‘bad’ lives, or non-productive lives, or have tried to commit suicide, have experienced a terrible time as they die or immediately after death and before being ‘brought back’. All of these unfortunate people beg for a second chance and, if they survive the resuscitation efforts, they certainly change their way of life for the better. The sheer horror of what they seem to be going through, and some of the things they describe, have made many non-believers, and many who have witnessed any of these ‘bad’ incidents, turn to God.

Apparently, in a lot of cases, the mind quickly blocks out the ‘bad’ experiences from memory and any recordings of these incidents have to be made within the first day or so. But there are hundreds of recorded incidents, including the last words of some famous people. Quite a few of these reports are uncanny and there are many incidents involving children and their ‘visions’ of Jesus or Angels.

With a few of these findings already in my memory bank anyway, I arrived back home that night and went to bed. Feeling as I did, it was quite a while before I finally fell asleep.

Suddenly, with what I can only describe as a shock to my whole mind and body, I was wide awake and sitting bolt-upright in my bed. I recall looking at the clock shortly after and it was just past 3 a.m. I became immediately aware of a weird ‘dream’ that I’d just had. That ‘dream’ was the most impressionable dream that I have ever experienced and I can remember every detail as if I’d only just woken up after having it. Here is a description of that ‘dream’.

From the blackness of sleep, I suddenly found myself high up on the side of a beautiful valley. For some reason, I shouted out that I knew where I was, “Above a valley in France”. But, I didn’t really recognise the valley at all. I felt so wonderful and relaxed. My depression and stress had gone and everything around me was so peaceful. The valley slope below me was covered in knee-deep, lush green grass and red (my favourite colour) flowers appeared above the grass here and there. The gentlest of balmy breezes caused the grass and flowers to bend slightly in waves.

All at once, I noticed two people walking up the side of the valley towards me. They were both males and dressed in ‘normal’ clothes. Although they had just come up the fairly steep slope, I noted that neither of them were puffing or panting from their exertions. As they approached, each of them was waving to me happily in a very friendly and welcoming manner. During the ‘dream’ I didn’t really recognise the two persons but, since then, I have fitted them into my past life where I thought that I might have heard of one and associated with the other.

The first of these two persons to reach me was a man, possibly in his late twenties, thinnish, with short dark hair. His clothes consisted of a white shirt, light trousers and a dark blazer-type jacket. He radiated happiness and love in a human sort of way and I felt very at ease with him. In 1973, before I came to Australia, I was going out with a young lady in Bristol, U.K. Her mother told me the story of how, when the young lady was a very little girl, she had seen ‘a nice man’ in her bedroom. The man had apparently told my young lady “Not to worry about anything as he would steer her successfully through this life”. The next morning, upon telling her mother and father about the man in her room and what he had said, they became very alarmed and questioned her closely. From her description of the man and his clothes, and seeing that there were no visible signs of a forced entry into their house, they could only conclude that the little girl had been visited by her mother’s brother. He had died in his twenties, long before their daughter was born and, what’s more, they had no photographs or pictures of him. After not thinking of that weird story for more than twenty years, the remembrance of it was very strong after my ‘dream’ and the young lady’s description that I recalled, fitted exactly with the man who reached me first on the valley slopes in my ‘dream’.

As the second person reached my position up on the side of that valley, I saw that he was a young lad, probably in his middle teens. He was short, with dark curly hair, a dark complexion, and a couple of broken front teeth. This lad wore blue denim jeans and a red woollen lumberjack-type shirt. He too seemed very happy, but his laughter was full of mischief. His very manner reminded me of a mischievous little imp. I had worked with a lad of this description when I was younger although I cannot recall where or when.

After the initial greetings were over, the older man asked me to follow them down into the valley. Soon they had left me behind as they raced off down the slope, seemingly in beautiful soft bounds and leaps. I was no stranger to racing down slopes and had run down the sides of many mountains in my younger days. But, my bones were more brittle now and I didn't think that I should take a chance and try to keep up with these two ‘athletes’. I recall being a bit worried that I might break a leg or something stupidly similar.

Those lads were soon out of sight and I was left jogging down the slope at my own zig-zagging pace when, all of a sudden, I could see some enormous boulders situated just below me on the side of the hill. I had time to avoid them and ramble off to one side but, for some reason, I carried on down the same course. At the time of the ‘dream’, I was already putting up with a lot of pain in my body for the sake of continuing my ‘sports’ of climbing, caving, mountaineering, etc. and I knew that, even if I used all the experience that I’d gained over the years, my old body could never take a ten to twelve foot jump down on to a lower boulder, such as I was about to attempt on the side of that valley.

And yet I did it. For one second, I calmly told myself that I shouldn't be doing it, then I leapt off the top of the highest boulder, felt very relaxed as I sailed down to the next, and landed lightly on the top of it with hardly a jolt. With a feeling of intense joy, I was soon racing down the hillside, leaping from boulder to boulder just like I’d seen the two lads do in front of me. It wasn’t long before I reached the valley floor and had turned left along its narrow defiles to follow the direction in which I ‘felt’ my two new companions had taken (I didn’t actually see them take any direction once they had raced off).

As I came to the lower outlet of the valley, I discovered that it was really a ‘side valley’ that opened out high up on the slopes of a much larger and more interesting valley. To the left, this new valley sloped up into the hills where I’d just come from. In fact, I must have been up above the head of this valley when I met the two lads. To the right, it sloped down a long way, gradually becoming more narrow towards the lowlands, until it ended as a fairly sharp ‘v’ shape in the distance. There was a stream winding down through this new valley and small trees were dotted about here and there. Although it was more interesting than the valley that I had just emerged from, it was also a lot more rugged and harsh.

Suddenly, I saw my two new companions just below me. The older chap shouted up to me and asked if I could see ‘the glorious light’. He was excitedly pointing down towards my right at the bottom of the valley and I looked in that direction again. Sure enough, there was a wonderful, very bright light radiating from the right-hand side of the valley entrance. I couldn’t see the source of that light because the far valley slopes at the entrance were in the way so I can’t tell what caused its brilliance. But I felt extremely impressed, I recall that it reminded me of a magnificent early morning sunrise. I shouted this down to the older chap and mentioned that I’d like to see one last sunrise (I don’t know why I said “one LAST sunrise” but I distinctly remember saying that!). All at once, the bright light dimmed down and a most beautiful sunrise appeared on the opposite side of the valley entrance from where the bright light had been. I sank to the ground and sat on the high side of the valley while I watched the finest sunrise that I have ever seen unfold.

Being a lover of the hills and our environment, I have witnessed many beautiful sunrises and sunsets. To me, they are a part of the magic surrounding us as we go through life. But this sunrise not only looked wonderful, somehow to me, it ‘felt’ wonderful. I can’t really explain how it felt but, the warmth from that scene seemed to emanate towards me and flow through my whole being and body. I sat there so relaxed, without a care in the world and let that warmth flow through and around me. I’d never had such a feeling of contentment before. The golden glow of the sunrise burst up into the sky above the far end of the valley and the sun was a silver orb, with a light ‘haze’ immediately surrounding it. I couldn’t take my eyes off the sight.

In the end the older chap started calling, urging me to hurry down and join them. He didn’t explain why I had to hurry but, I felt that he had something else to show me. With one last longing look at that superb sunrise, I got up and ran down to the large valley floor to join the pair and turned left to follow them as they headed up the valley towards the hills. As we ascended up the valley it seemed to me as if night was coming on and the daylight was fading. Finally, in a sort of twilight atmosphere, we reached the top of the valley where we were surrounded by high slopes on three sides, with only the open ground of the valley behind us. There was a dim light shining from somewhere up and just to the rear of us and its thin rays cast a feeble glow on the hillside immediately at the top of the valley and in front of us. Then I was told by the older person to take a good look at that hillside.

As I walked on up the last few metres past those two chaps, I became aware that there, on the hillside before me, was a high, dark wall coming in from the left that ended just in front of us. Slightly behind the end of the high wall, and going off to the right, was a lower wall that was just high enough for me to see over it. In this lower wall, about two metres to the right from the end of the big wall, was a set of very dilapidated double gates. I saw that the top hinge of the right-hand gate was broken, causing the gate to lean out on the fastening between the two gates. The left-hand gate had opened outwards a bit and I could see that there was a dark, triangle-shaped opening between the two gates, going up from the fastening and widening towards the top. The gates had once been painted a nice maroon colour but, I noticed that the paint was now flaking and peeling badly.

Rough drawing of gates.
A rough picture of the gates
as I saw them in the first ‘dream’.
Being a bit of a handy-man and having a ‘tidy’ nature, I would normally have the strong urge to set to, repairing and painting, until such a sight was acceptable to my fastidious ways. But, for some reason this time, I recall that I just couldn’t have cared less. I wonder now if I was so calm as not to bother about such trivial things, or whether I’d given up on my high standards because I didn’t care what happened to myself anymore. I hadn’t felt that there was any ‘purpose’ in what was happening while I was having the ‘dream’ but, as I think back, there was a strong suggestion of hopelessness around that pair of gates.

Even as I was standing there looking at those gates, the younger lad walked past me. As he did so, he turned and gazed into my eyes with a very impish grin on his face. Then he turned back again and climbed through the top triangle-shaped opening between the two gates that was caused by the lean of the right-hand gate due to the broken hinge.

At first, for some reason, as I watched that young lad climb through those old gates, I was overcome with a feeling of acute pity for him. He was such a likeable and mischievous young fellow that I couldn’t help taking a friendly ‘shine’ to him straight away. I walked over to the gates and looked between the opening that the lad had just climbed through. In the dim glare from the light behind, I saw a dark, very short, weed-covered area between two walls that ended at the black mouth of, what I took to be, a cave in the face of a small cliff below the slope of the hill. I recall that the blackness of the arch was in strong contrast with the grey-yellow-black colour of the surrounding rockface under the dim light.

Already the young lad had vanished, presumably into the ‘cave’. But, as I looked through the opening formed by those twisted gates, my feelings of pity for the lad began to change. I suddenly sensed that, underneath that impish exterior there had been something very sinister waiting to burst out and overwhelm my very being. I don’t know what it was that made me feel that sensation but, the feeling was extremely strong. It was just as if the young lad’s body was just a carcase that somebody or something was lurking in. What, if any, intentions of that somebody or something would have been, I (and any reader) can only guess at. But, it certainly gave me food for thought. The area past those gates suddenly took on an aspect of pure horror (just as, all those years before back in 1965, I had felt a horror while standing outside of my house (see my story 'Confessions of the Dead')) after saying goodnight to Peter) and I shuddered in fear.

I quickly turned away and rejoined the older person. He didn’t say anything but he seemed to be very interested in the high wall on the left. I looked in the direction and noticed that there was a lovely, bright, warm glow emanating from along the top and down the side of the big wall. It was as if a very bright light had been placed behind the wall and the glow made the wall look dark in contrast. I suddenly had the feeling that there was something wonderful behind that wall and I felt a real urge to walk over and look around the side to see what was there. But, I couldn’t seem to move forward for some reason.

Then the fellow looked at me with a very loving smile on his face, raised his hand in farewell and walked off around the side of the wall to vanish into the warm glow behind. It was then that I felt that there was another set of gates behind that big wall. I couldn’t see them but, for a fleeting second I imagined them to be bright with new paint, no broken hinges and situated in a radiantly lit atmosphere. Just like the other gates, I can only guess at what would have been found behind those ‘happy’ gates, for it was at that very point in the ‘dream’ that I awoke to find myself sitting up in my bed.

Over the next few weeks that dream seemed to be in my thoughts almost all the time. I hadn’t been able to get back to sleep that morning, I’d just tried to work out what it all meant. It had been so extremely vivid that I was positive that I had actually been there, doing and seeing all those things. If anybody asked me, even now, two years later, to make a choice as to whether the events had been real or a dream, I would have to say that they had been real.

Yes, I believe that the ‘dream’ was real. The Lord looked down upon me as I drove home that night, knew of my dark thoughts and sent me a warning to keep a hold on my life or suffer the consequences. The very fact that it would have been so easy to climb through the broken gates and enter that dark cave, coupled with the big wall placed across the front of the ‘happy gates’ (if they were really there, which I felt very strongly that they were) was taken by myself as a warning to try harder in this present world. I saw a ‘barrier’ across the ‘gates’ into Heaven and eternal happiness, and a fairly easy access through the ‘gates’ into Hell and its eternal horrors.

In the end, I had to talk to somebody about it. I chose a very good friend of mine, who is also a Doctor, and he came around and listened to my story. I think that, by then I only wanted confirmation that I hadn’t dreamed of the events. But my friend, of course, couldn’t give me that confirmation. Nevertheless, he had helped me immensely just by sitting patiently and listening without scoffing or passing judgement. Since then, until I wrote these notes, I had only told two other people. I knew that I could trust both of them and, at times during the next year, I had needed a bit of reassurance.

That ‘dream’ helped me a great deal, although not straight away. In my struggle to do what, at first, I thought was right as I was kept dangling with promises, I plunged to even lower depths of despair. Another precious year of my life passed by and the same problems were still there. During that time, I never once forgot the ‘dream’. I fought against my problems, and the causes, with a fierce will. But, in the end, I had to take a good look at myself and finally saw what a hopeless situation I’d allowed myself to get into. From that moment, I began, with help from our Lord, my many good friends, and a little determination on my part, to sort my life out with the aim of becoming my old happy self again.

But, the story didn’t end at that point in time for I was to have a second ‘dream’.

By October of 1993, I had moved back to Fremantle, in Western Australia, and was beginning to pick up my life again. Nevertheless, I still wasn’t ‘out of the woods’ even then.

In my efforts to get back to Fremantle, I took what accommodation was available at the time and discovered that I was sharing a house with a person whose living standards and mentality were well below my acceptable limits. Then a series of disasters occurred, including the loss of my car (through an accident), a job (because I had no car), my computer (everything was lost on the hard disk because my housemate kicked the computer), some money (I still don’t know where it went), and a trip out onto the Nullarbor (I cancelled my seat on this trip so that I would be available for the promised job). The series of disasters occurred over a period of two weeks from the day that I had moved back to Fremantle. But, I was more than determined not to give in to self-pity again. I forced myself to look ahead and see better things.

It was at this point, having had these setbacks, but determined not to give in again, that I had the second ‘dream’.

I settled down in my bed rather late one night during that month of October, and, as was my usual practice, I lay quietly reading a book. Being fairly tired, it wasn’t long before I began to drift off to sleep. Suddenly, I was wide awake again and realising that I’d had another one of those ‘strange dreams’.

As in other such instances, it was so real that I would swear the events had actually happened and that the incident hadn’t been a dream at all. It was a very short ‘dream’ (or at least, what I can recall of it) but, I feel that it would be worth recording.

I was down in a dark cellar and all around me was blackness until I noticed a flight of old, rickety, wooden stairs over in one corner on my left, leading up to a square opening set in that corner of the ceiling. The left side of the stairs was against the left wall and a single bannister ran up the right side, supported by a post at each end and one half-way up the flight. A dim light was shining down onto the stairs from the opening above.

I made my way over to the bottom of the stairs and looked up at the opening in the ceiling at the top of those steps. All at once, what I can only describe as, a brilliant globe of white light moved above the opening from the left and stopped just to the left of the centre but where I could see the whole globe from my position.

Rough drawing of cellar.
A rough picture of the scene that I saw down in the cellar.
There were about fifteen steps up to the ceiling and the globe was about five hundred centimetres above that. I judged, from my position, that the globe was roughly six hundred centimetres in diameter. It was definitely a globe, not a disk, and there were short, very thin rays emanating from around the edge, as one would see in a total eclipse. Although these days, at the age of fifty two years old, I try to avoid looking at bright lights, because I’m half-blinded for quite a while after, this brilliant ball of light didn’t seem to bother me at all (although it was supposed to be a ‘dream’ as I well appreciate!). The globe of light didn’t pulsate, dance around, or make a sound, it just moved slowly into view and stopped within the frame of the opening above me. As with total eclipses these days, it was certainly nothing to inspire any emotions regarding religious beliefs, as such a sight would have caused a few centuries back. But, that bright light caused some emotions in me that, just like the light itself, are hard to explain.

Within seconds of seeing that brilliant globe of light, I was filled with the most glorious feelings of well-being that, as I’ve already mentioned, are so hard to describe. It was like the most wonderful feeling of happiness (the best way that I can tell it) swelling up inside my whole body. Just as in the previous such ‘dream’, all my aches and pains (which I try to ignore anyway, but they are still there) had completely gone and I felt so wonderful. What few tensions I had remaining, as I was getting over the problems of the last year or so, had all seemed to have vanished in this ‘dream’ and I felt so relaxed. I can’t recall feeling so peaceful in my whole life. It was a far better feeling than I had experienced in the last ‘dream’ that I’d had along similar lines.

I only had another couple of seconds to enjoy this wonderful experience of pure peace when, suddenly I felt, what I can only describe as, the purest of love bursting up towards the globe of light from my chest. I’ve known what ‘aching love’ is like, but the love that burst out from within me that night was far beyond anything that I’ve ever known before, and I will never be able to describe it to my satisfaction. Nevertheless, I threw my arms up towards the brilliant globe, as that love burst from my chest, and called out one single word to it.

That word was “Lord!”

It was at that point that I awoke, with a feeling of sudden shock (as I had experienced after the previous ‘dream’) to find myself half sitting up in bed and almost sorry to be back to reality. And, just as after that last experience, I found it very hard to get back to sleep due to the emotions that the ‘dream’ had caused me.

I have no doubt at all that this second ‘dream’ was a sign of encouragement from the Lord. As I see it now, I was still in a ‘dark zone’ (the cellar?) But, if I continued to fight my way back up (the stairs?) I would eventually find my old bright life again and the Lord would be more happy with the efforts that I was making.

I think it can be safely said that I am a very determined person. I put everything I can into whatever I’m doing, whether it be work or play. The flight of stairs, in the second ‘dream’, didn’t look very high and I became determined to reach the top step.

Within two weeks, I had managed to move into a very nice flat and my friends had helped me with more than enough furniture. A touch of ‘wheeling and dealing’ saw me with another computer, and my car was replaced by the ‘other person’s’ insurance company.

Although I was still on social benefits my life was quickly becoming bright and happy again. With more contentment than I’d felt in a long time, I settled down to enjoy that life once more.

But, I became too content and relaxed.

Thinking that my problems had finally been overcome, I ‘sat back on my laurels’ and quickly got into a bit of a rut again. I feel now that I still hadn’t let go of those problems at that time, although I thought I had. Instead of looking forward, I began to look back and wonder if I couldn’t have sorted out those problems, rather than move away. I knew, full well, that I’d already made every possible effort to sort things out. But, I was letting myself dwell on the past when I should have still been fiercely looking to the future.

Then I had a third ‘dream’.

I was quite happy when I went to bed on the night of this third ‘dream’. My life was plodding along nicely, I had invitations to a few parties over the coming Christmas and new year period, and I was in the process of organising another trip out onto the Nullarbor.

But, more and more, I was also thinking about those problems from the past, and I could have had those thoughts on my mind as I dropped off to sleep that early December night in 1993.

Then, just as in the case of the other ‘dreams’, I was suddenly wide awake and sitting up in my bed. And, again, the sheer vividness and remembrance of a ‘dream’ had surprised me. As I recalled that latest ‘dream’ upon waking, I seemed to know, almost instantly, the cause. I knew that I was looking back, in spite of what I’d been through and the efforts that had been made on my behalf. That ‘dream’ soon nudged me back on the right path again.

At the start of the ‘dream’ I was at the wheel of my mother’s car, driving up a hill with shops on either side. All at once, the car began to roll backwards. I stamped my foot on the brake pedal, but the brakes would not work. Turning around in my seat so that I could see behind, I began to steer the car back down through the traffic as my foot furiously pumped at the brake pedal. In spite of this, there was still no response from the brakes.

Naturally, I didn’t want to go backwards against the traffic. I knew that it wouldn't be long before I ran into trouble unless I could stop the car somehow.

At the bottom of the hill was a small playing oval, surrounded by rough grass and with a steep bank dropping down to trees on the far side. On the right of that oval, as I was looking at it, was a level road. This road was free of traffic, but soon dipped away down between thick stands of trees. I couldn’t see the road after that so I had no way of knowing which way the road went, or if any hazards might be lying in wait down there.

It would have been easy to steer along the level road and take a chance that the car would stop. But, I suddenly had a strong feeling that the car’s momentum wouldn’t have been checked before I plunged on down that next hill. I decided to aim for the rough grass around the left side of the playing oval and trust that, somehow, the grass would slow the car down before it went over the far bank.

As the car went into the thick, tall grass, I immediately felt that it had began to slow down. Then I could clearly see a large tree-stump low in the grass, and the left rear wheel was heading straight for it. For a split second, I thought of how the car was going to be damaged underneath by the stump, and then the thought came to me that, at least the car would be stopped, I would be safe, and the car could be repaired.

The stump went out of my view through the rear window and I braced myself, ready for the expected crunch. But, there was no crunch, the car just came to a gentle stop, and I stepped out with a feeling of great relief. It was at this point that I awoke.

Did this ‘dream’ reflect what I was already aware of? Had I really ‘auto-suggested’ it? Was it just a coincidence? Or was I being warned that there would only be further problems if I went back down the wrong path (road)?

The third ‘dream’ jolted me back to reality and I became fiercely determined to rid myself of those dark memories from the past once and for all. Within a couple of weeks or so, those bad memories had began to fade and I was starting to wonder how I could ever have let myself get into such a state. Once again, my life began to blossom out as I raced forward with new zest.

It’s hard to realise that, only a couple of years ago I was in those depths of depression. I’m managing to put so much behind me now. I’ve lost a lot over the last few years but, I’ve also found wealth in the support of genuine people who were, and still are, the good friends that stood beside me in my troubled times. Without the Lord, those friends and those ‘dreams’, I’m sure that I would have submitted to the ‘easy way out’.

And, as for those ‘dreams’? It has been suggested that they were only ordinary dreams, caused by my own ‘auto-suggestions’. That is, my thoughts before each ‘dream’. It has also been suggested that, on each night of the ‘dreams’, I was under the influence of alcohol, or on drugs. I don’t like getting drunk and I’m not interested in drugs. A further suggestion was that, due to my deep depression, I fleetingly lost my mind on each of those nights. And, yet another suggestion was that I had a good imagination.

I can’t disprove, nor prove, any of these suggestions and neither can anybody else. But, the sheer inter-related sequences of those ‘dreams’, without the interruptions of any other subjects or events, certainly gave me cause for more thought.

Other conclusions might be drawn from these three ‘dreams’. But, I personally believe that they were too vivid, and too consistent as to what was going on in my life at the time, to be just mere dreams. I’m convinced that each ‘dream’ was meant to help steer me back onto a decent course again.

As I type these words, exactly a year has passed since that third ‘dream’. During that year I haven’t had time to look back and my ‘old self’ (from the days before the problems began) has returned. I’m very comfortable and happy in my home. I have attended dozens of parties and ‘get-togethers’, where I’ve met more of my old mates and have made many new friends. I have also been on quite a few adventure trips through the year, not only having the pleasure of seeing others enjoy themselves under my instructions, but doing some interesting things for myself.

At this time, I’m extremely happy with no worries whatsoever, except that I would like to get some permanent work and I’m being very positive in that direction. Nevertheless, I haven’t sat around doing nothing. In amongst looking for work and doing re-training courses I have written many articles on my computer, I have compiled (and have had published) a book, and I have been on many adventure trips where, using my experience as a climber and caver, I’ve had the pleasure of helping youngsters to get something better out of life. How could I have let myself get so low and think that all was lost? I have realised that we must never give up hope, no matter how bad our problems are to us. I recall now, something that was said to me, back in those other years when my life was so full of goodness and I hardly had a problem in the world.

“When one door closes, another door opens.”

With the help of our Lord, My many wonderful old and new friends, a bit of determination, positiveness and visualisation on my part, and those three ‘dreams’, I was certainly able to prove that saying right.

Although, as already mentioned, I firmly believe in God, I have not become a religious fanatic. Over the last year or so, I have looked at many of the different types of religious organisations and churches, and I cannot find anything to suit my way of thinking. But I do know that we have to learn to love and forgive. We must also learn to live happily and do our best for ourselves and others. Life is too precious to waste on petty squabbles, revenge, and hate.

Life is too precious to waste on anything but being loving, happy, and positive!

PS. As a further footnote to this story:-

It is now December 1996. Over the last couple of years I have regained all my old confidence and I’m living a full life once more. I can now happily look back on those problems without bitterness nor hurt. I firmly believe that I am a more experienced, and (more importantly) a better person, for having gone through those trying times.

After discovering that a book I'd compiled had been published my third wife contacted me after three years of silence, and once again I heard the old excuses and promises. But it was all too late, I had already moved on. Nevertheless, the bitterness and bad memories have passed and I couldn't find it in myself to be rotten. I sent her a signed copy of the book, then met her for a friendly few minutes at my workplace (where I found that the old feelings I'd had for her were not there any more), and I've heard nothing from her since.

For nearly four years after that last marriage break-up I was on Government benefits (the dole) and unable to get back into the work-force, in spite of going out looking for work regularly and doing many re-training courses. But, through being persistent and working hard towards finding employment, along with having a friendly and positive attitude, and also through helping others, I am now permanently and happily employed once again. What is even better is the fact that I’m doing the type of job that I used to wish for when I was younger - maintaining an establishment and being trusted enough to be left alone so that I can get on with the job. Due to his interests in outdoor pursuits I am also getting plenty of opportunities to go on climbing and caving trips with my boss which, for myself, is an added bonus.

Who could ask for more???

PPS. As a further footnote to this story - It is now August 2001 and there IS more:-

In 1995 I began writing to a beautiful Thai lady via the Internet. Her name is Choosri, she worked for an American communication company and used the company's computer to write back every working day.

In December 1999 Choosri came to Australia to meet me and we were so happy together from the first moment we met. In April 2000 I went to Thailand to meet Choosri's family and had one of the most beautiful and happiest holidays of my life with them. I left Thailand with the promise that I would return and marry Choosri.

In July 2000 I went back to Thailand, married Choosri in a genuine Thai wedding ceremony, then brought her back to Australia with me.

Now, in August 2001, Choosri and I have been married for just over one year (also having had a second marriage, this time in Australia to satisfy the Immigration laws), there has not been one moment of nastiness between us, Choosri spoils me rotten (although I am not the type of chap who would take advantage of her), and I am now even more happy with my lot.

My life is the complete opposite to what it was ten years ago - and I feel that it is all due to the 'dreams' giving me the determination to be positive and get on with my life again.

Our Thai wedding pic.
Choosri and I pose for a photographic session during our beautiful Thai wedding ceremony in July 2000.
Our Aussie wedding pic.
And we pass through an arch of mountaineering ice-axes held up by our wonderful friends during our Aussie wedding in January 2001.

Appendix 1 - A poem, 'The Flying Flop'.

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