So, the football player reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the football player gets dissatisfied with the lack of football fields in hell, and starts building and marking out numerous fields of play. After a while, they've got League competitions, Australian standard grounds and flush toilets and free admission, and the football player is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got League Competitions, Australian standard football grounds and flush toilets and free admission, and there's no telling what this football player is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got a football player? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having a football player on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll have you reported!"
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get an umpire?"
This list was originally knocked up in 20 minutes on a Sunday afternoon in December 1996, the last two were kindly contributed by Liz Linden -
Page last updated: 23rd November 2002