Guinness and Chips Golf Club Limericks
"Hit dum haerent descendit"

Collection of "Limericks of the Week", written at Wembley Public Golf Course on Saturday afternoons while consuming Guinness and Chips after nine arduous holes of golf.
GCGC Videos. Marvel at our high-quality swings as we each drive off the first tee.
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Malcolm Moore 11/04/13 The Director's electric buggy did a runner, taking his clubs. Apparently it had had enough of his poor play.
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156 |
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Jeff Flint 27/04/13 One from Jeff himself.
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155 |
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Andy Connor 27/04/13 Andy's response, after noting that apple is almost as difficult to rhyme as orange.
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154 |
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Mal Gammon 27/04/13 Then Mal got in on the act.
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153 |
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Phil Kelly 30/03/13 Phil is one of our longest hitters. Sometimes it's hard to wait long enough for the next group to get far enough ahead. A couple of times today, he under-estimated his own strength, to the peril of the three old ladies playing in front.
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152 |
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Andy Connor 23/03/13 Andy's tee shot on the 9th hole bounced off the lake, skimmed just past the edge of a bunker, and ended up winning the ball for being nearest to the pin.
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151 |
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Mike Kelly 9/03/13 On the third hole, Mike went about as close as it's possible to go to getting a hole in one without actually getting one.
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150 |
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Neil Mitchell 2/09/13 Neil had an unfortunate 11 on one hole after a terrible losing battle with a bunker. A few holes later he was heard talking wistfully about how he should have got an 8.
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149 |
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Geoff Weir 2/09/13 With the Captain away, we made an interesting discover about his handicap relative to the Director's.
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148 |
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David Pannell 23/02/13 When Dave's playing partners (Mal, Matthew and Mike) refused to grant him a gimme for a short downhill putt on the 4th, Dave was forced to putt it out.
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147 |
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Neil Mitchell 16/02/13 We played ambrose today. Neil teamed up with Dave. Our rule is that each player has to have at least three of his tee shots count, but Neil had enormous trouble keeping his drives anywhere near the fairway. By the 8th hole, Neil and Dave were getting desperate. Dave advised Neil to play a conservative shot, but Neil seemed to think this meant right-wing, and hit his ball in that direction.
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146 |
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Neil Mitchell 16/02/13 Moving onto the 9th hole, there was now no choice. Neil's tee shot was going to count no matter how bad it was.
To rub salt in the wounds, Dave's tee shot finished about a metre from the flag, but it didn't count. |
145 |
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Snippet from GCGC Christmas Party, 16/12/12 Tony Smith, Neil Mitchell, Jeff Flint and Dave Pannell perform a moving rendition of "Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano.
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Don Eastwood 9/02/13 Don overlooked a windfall today, much to his regret.
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144 |
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Tony Smith 12/01/13 Tony didn't play today as he is still recovering from a Christmas-related injury. While dismantling his Christmas tree, he fell off a ladder. Shades of Molly Meldrum.
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143 |
Limericks from other years: 2009
¨ 2010
¨ 2011 ¨
2012 ¨
2013

Let us pray for better golf next week.
Limericks composed by David Pannell unless otherwise indicated.