Guinness and Chips Golf Club Limericks

"Hit dum haerent descendit"

Collection of "Limericks of the Week", written at Wembley Public Golf Course on Saturday afternoons while consuming Guinness and Chips after nine arduous holes of golf.

UPDATED April 2018: GCGC Videos. Marvel at our high-quality swings as we each drive off the first tee.

St John Kenny 19/01/19
St John failed to bring any cash with him to golf. Makes it hard to pay for beer and subs.

Our St John is quick as a flash

His golf, it is sparkling and brash

Although he's a member

He didn't remember

When paying for beer you need cash

St John Kenny208
Ed Stephenson, Graeme Broadbent, Graham Cargeeg 14/11/18
Another event from the annual GCGC Dunsborough Classic is recorded for posterity by Tony Harding.  

One day when the Classic was played

Ed, Broady & Graham all strayed

They each hit it crap

All 3 in the trap

No wonder they looked so dismayed

Graham Cargeeg, Graeme Broadbent, Ed Stephenson207
Geoff Weir 14/11/18
Tony Harding provided this momento from the annual GCGC Dunsborough Classic. (We'll forgive him the forced rhyme in the last line.) 

At Dunsborough the Captain's first glitch

Was putting his shot in a ditch

He swung to get out

We all heard him shout

As his ball remained right in the sh*ts

Geoff Weir206
GCGC 4/11/18
The Dunsborough Classic has come and gone for another year.

To Dunsborough's fairways we went
For four days of golfing torment
We didn't get damp
And Jim was the champ
Graham, thanks for a marvellous event

Tony Harding 2/11/18
Tony's great 2018 form went out the window during the annual GCGC Dunsborough Classic.  

Playing golf Tony views with affection
But it sometimes can lead to dejection
He felt like a goof
Cos his ball hit a roof
When his tee shot was shanked to perfection

Tony Harding204
Nick Mayman 21/07/18
It was a tough day in the bunker on the ninth for Nick. After a few attempts battling with the rain-hardened sand, he picked up the ball and tossed it out.  

A driver can hit some big blows

And by sinking a putt your heart glows

Those clubs you might love

But I'd give them a shove

Cos a hand wedge is better than those

Nick Mayman203
Chris Walsh, Jim Hewitt, Phil Kelly and Andy Connor 23/06/18
A rare four-way tie for best net. 

A victory at golf is just dandy

We make it our modus op'randi

But it's not as much fun

When four blokes have won

Say Christopher, Jim, Phil and Andy

Chris Walsh and Nick Mayman 23/06/18
Since we instituted a rule several months ago that the moose hat should be retained by whoever last scored a moose (a 10), nobody had hit a moose, leaving the hat in the possession of Chris. Today the drought was broken with a small herd of mooses. 

We ain't had a moose since December

The memory fades to an ember

Poor Chris and poor Nick

Their golf had the dick

And they each hit a 10 to remember

Ed Stephenson 31/03/18
Ed was eating a pie on the first tee, preparing for 18 holes, when a sneak attack by a kookaburra deprived him of his lunch.

Ed wanted his pie very much

But a bird took it out of his clutch

I'm sorry to say

Twas the one time all day

When a birdie and Ed came in touch


Ed wanted revenge on that kooka

And to get back the pie that it tooka

He looked far and wide

But however he tried

He couldn't catch up with the fooka

Ed Stephenson200
Don McFarlane 17/03/18
Don hit a tree flush on, on the sixth, and it bounced back so far that it almost hit his playing partner, Jim. 

When taking his shot number three

Don doesn't like hitting a tree

He gave it a whack

It ricocheted back

And almost hit Jim on the knee

Don McFarlane199
Phil Kelly 10/03/18
Phil had repeated difficulties finding his ball today, even when it seemed like it should be readily findable.

No matter how high the wind squalls

You look for a ball where it falls

But Phil's can't be found

Like it's gone underground

In a Bermuda patch of golf balls

Phil Kelly198
Tony Harding 3/02/18
Tony seemed certain to win the round, with a score of 37 off the stick. But he got pipped by bandit Nick, with a net 29.

Scotland's a long way from Devon

And Scottsmen who golf are in heaven

Our Tony was happy

But lost and felt crappy

Despite his PB 37

Tony Harding197
Tony Harding 27/01/18
Tony came up with an irresitable dose of personal philosophy during our after-golf drinks.

Our Tony thought deeply and then he
Said something impressive to many
There are many unknowns
But you mustn't throw stones
On days when you haven't got any

Tony Harding196

Limericks from other years: 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018

Let us pray for better golf next week.

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Limericks composed by David Pannell unless otherwise indicated.

Copyright David J. Pannell, 2009-2018
Last revised: January 21, 2019.