The Director's electric buggy did a runner, taking his clubs. Apparently it had had enough of his poor play.

The Director was stuck in a trough

His score went from crappy to rough

His buggy, I fear

Said I'm outa here

It switched on and puttered right off

One from Jeff himself.

A crow stole my apple and orange
His beak was as sharp as a syringe [pronounced like “sorange”]
That rhyme I regret
But don’t complain yet
The last line will make you all co-ringe

Andy's response, after noting that apple is almost as difficult to rhyme as orange.

A crow stole my orange and apple

Its beak was as wide as a grapple

With orange up front

The little black c--t

Flew off leaving me eating f--k all

Then Mal got in on the act.

My orange and apple the crow took [It was a raven, really]
It came and flew off after one look
With fruit in its beak
It flew like a freak
And Jeff was left checking the rules book

Phil is one of our longest hitters. Sometimes it's hard to wait long enough for the next group to get far enough ahead. A couple of times today, he under-estimated his own strength, to the peril of the three old ladies playing in front.

When Phil sees old ladies ahead

One hopes that they won't soon be dead

But Phil meets his need

For high club head speed

And sends the ball over their head

Andy's tee shot on the 9th hole bounced off the lake, skimmed just past the edge of a bunker, and ended up winning the ball for being nearest to the pin.

Big A hit a ball in the drink

It bounced when you'd think it should sink

Though Andy's got class

This shot was all arse

His nearest-the-pin had that stink

On the third hole, Mike went about as close as it's possible to go to getting a hole in one without actually getting one.

A look of command on his face

Mike's swing had an elegant grace

Well-judged to the ounce

He got a nice bounce

By one inch he missed a fine ace

Neil had an unfortunate 11 on one hole after a terrible losing battle with a bunker. A few holes later he was heard talking wistfully about how he should have got an 8.

Poor Neil said he wanted an 8

He thought than an 8 would be great

Compared with 11

An 8 would be heaven

But he had the idea a bit late

With the Captain away, we made an interesting discover about his handicap relative to the Director's.

Your handicap shows your prowess

It's clear-cut, there's no need to guess

The captain's hurt pride

Has nowhere to hide

'Cos now the Director's is less

When Dave's playing partners (Mal, Matthew and Mike) refused to grant him a gimme for a short downhill putt on the 4th, Dave was forced to putt it out.

The cup was a half step below

A gimme? Dave's partners said no

He swore at them all

And putted the ball

I rolled past the hole nice and slow

We played ambrose today. Neil teamed up with Dave. Our rule is that each player has to have at least three of his tee shots count, but Neil had enormous trouble keeping his drives anywhere near the fairway. By the 8th hole, Neil and Dave were getting desperate. Dave advised Neil to play a conservative shot, but Neil seemed to think this meant right-wing, and hit his ball in that direction.

Neil needed a shot we could clap

A straight and conservative tap

He played like a rabbit

His shot was an Abbott*

Far right and nothing but crap

 

*i.e. Tony

Moving onto the 9th hole, there was now no choice. Neil's tee shot was going to count no matter how bad it was.

In ambrose you must stay awake

'Cos three drives apiece you must take

Neil's chances slipped by

On 9 he let fly

And clobbered it into the lake

To rub salt in the wounds, Dave's tee shot finished about a metre from the flag, but it didn't count.

Tony Smith, Neil Mitchell, Jeff Flint and Dave Pannell perform a moving rendition of "Feliz Navidad" by Jose Feliciano.

Don overlooked a windfall today, much to his regret.

Don's roots back in York, I suppose

Explain why his blood boiled and froze

Cos Andy, he found

Four bucks on the ground

And picked it up under Don's nose

Tony didn't play today as he is still recovering from a Christmas-related injury. While dismantling his Christmas tree, he fell off a ladder. Shades of Molly Meldrum.

Last week it was Tony Smith's folly

To fall off a ladder like Molly

His hip hit the floor

He let out a roar

And felt like a foolish old wally