Guinness and Chips Golf Club Limericks

"Hit dum haerent descendit"

Collection of "Limericks of the Week", written at Wembley Public Golf Course on Saturday afternoons while consuming Guinness and Chips after nine arduous holes of golf.

GCGC Videos. Marvel at our high-quality swings as we each drive off the first tee.

Mal Gammon 11/11/17
Mal shared a cart with Tony Smith, who is left handed. At one stage mal got confused about whose clubs were whose on the back of the cart.

Mal's ball where it went left him stranded

He wasn't too pleased where it landed

His next club selection

Caused much disaffection

He'd need to have hit it left handed

Mal Gammon193
Tony Harding 4/11/17
Tony Harding tells his own story of a remarkable round, which could have been a personal best (PB) but for one spectacularly shocking hole. In summary, he got ...
1. Best nett
2. Nearest the pin
3. Longest drive
4. $5 payout from his bet with the Captain
5. A moose (score of 10 on the 6th).

Tony H should have been full of glee

With best nett, nearest pin and LD

But on 6 he cut loose

And he carded a moose

So farewell to a likely PB

Tony Harding192
Geoff Weir 14/10/17
Tony Harding tells the story of The Captain's struggle with numbers on the first tee a couple of weeks back. He normally puts tees of various colours into a hat and we draw them to determine playing groups.  

The Captain's in charge of the tees

And Saturday's twelve was a breeze

Three fours was the spread

He did four threes instead

And puzzled us with his brain freeze

Geoff Weir191
Nick Mayman 7/10/17
New member Nick has been fairly consistent in getting scores over 50 for 9 holes since he joined us a couple of months ago, resulting in a handicap of 17. Today, though, was pretty extraordinary, with a gross score of 42, giving him net 25!!

Nick's handicap hit 17

We thought it was honest and clean

But what if he planned it?

The underhand bandit!

The stewards will have to convene


Geoff Weir 7/10/17

One of Geoff's better rounds today.

The Captain he played in a bubble

He mostly stayed right out of trouble

In his round from the stars

He picked up three pars

And didn't hit one single double

Tony Harding 18/03/17

Tony finished 2016 on a high, with his handicap down at 5 (for 9 holes), but in 2017 he has seen a lot of bad luck on the course. Today was a notable low point.

When Tony plays golf he aims high

So his troubles today made us sigh

If we speak in Roman

It might stop him groanin'

His score it was LVII

St John Kenny 11/03/17

Poor St John. He made a good start to a hole but then got stuck in a bunker. After quite a few unsuccessful attempts to get out of it, he resorted to flailing wildly away with his sand wedge, sending sand flying everywhere.

The drive St John hit was a shiner

His second shot couldn't be finer

But from there it was crap

He got stuck in a trap

So he opted to dig through to China

Jim Hewitt 4/03/17

Jim has been playing with our group for a couple of months. This limerick is a reflection on whether he fits in. His ability to put up with our teasing is strongly in his favour.

Our group is divided in thirds

The good, the indifferent, the turds

We're sure Jim would be

In one of those three

And he even survives our hard words


Limericks from other years: 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017

Let us pray for better golf next week.

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Limericks composed by David Pannell unless otherwise indicated.

Copyright David J. Pannell, 2009-2017
Last revised: November 11, 2017.