Guinness and Chips Golf Club Limericks

"Hit dum haerent descendit"


Collection of "Limericks of the Week", written at Wembley Public Golf Course on Saturday afternoons while consuming Guinness and Chips after nine arduous holes of golf.


GCGC Videos. Marvel at our high-quality swings as we each drive off the first tee.


2014 Limericks

Chris Walsh 20/12/14

Chris achieved the golfer's dream today - a hole in one (on the 12th hole of the Tuart course). Unfortunately his joy was tempered because his average on the other eight holes was a triple bogey.

Chris teed off with purpose and grace

His ball traveled low and with pace

His heartbeat went up

'Cos it rolled in the cup

To score a magnificent ace

 

Despite this magnificent hit

The rest of his round was just shit

Having played his great shot

He should have been hot

But didn't get better one bit

176

David Pannell 22/11/14

We had a three-club challenge. Dave tried putting with a hybrid, to give him more club flexibility. It backfired hugely, with Dave four putting on three consecutive holes.

Dave chose his three clubs with no putter

His putting, of course, hit the gutter

That strategy's shit

He won't repeat it

If he does, it'll mean he's a nutter

175
Matthew Mitchell 8/11/14

Matthew started brilliantly, but then ...

Mat's drive on the 5th was way loose

The ball would complain of abuse

So his score he'd not sully

He pulled out a mully

But anyway wracked up a moose

174
GCGC 25/10/14

Last week we got caught in a huge storm. Had to abandon the round after 5 holes after lightening struck frighteningly close to where we were playing followed by incredibly heavy hail. Click on the picture to see a larger version.

In summer the blazing sun grilled us

But last week a mighty storm chilled us

The hail stones did bite

The fairways turned white

And lightening it very near killed us

173
Tony Harding 24/08/14

Tony needed a mulligan on the first. The result was identical to his first attempt.

Our Tony stands silent to think

And hooks the ball into the drink

His mully's no neater

It's just a repeater

It does and identical sink

172
Geoff Weir (The Captain) 9/08/14

We never forget the Director's skill at wildlife control, highlighted by the death of a duck back in 2009. Now the Captain has taken in hand the control of coots. He didn't quite hit one, but it was very close, and the coot was highly put out.

The noise of the birds doesn't suit

They distract us by quack or by hoot

The killer of duck

Of late had no luck

So the Captain's now going for coot.

171
Dave Pannell 15/06/14

It poured. The greens became waterlogged, and some actually had puddles. Limerick from Tony Harding.

Today it was really quite wet

And David got really upset

His putt hit the puddle

And gave him a double

An outcome he'd like to forget

David Pannell, GCGC170
Malcolm Moore 03/05/14

Malcolm's tee shot on a par 4 hole reached the green, but ...

A marvellous shot Malcolm stole

When driving the green was his goal

He finished pin high

But wanted to cry

'Cos the green was the previous hole

... it had bounced off a tree and gone backwards.

169
Chris Walsh 08/02/14

An auspicious eighth hole for Chris

His golf ranged from quite good to dirty

Emotions from happy to shirty

But all that aside

Chris finished with pride

By scoring his first ever birdy

168
St John Kenny 25/01/14

St John sometimes takes a leaf out of Tony's book, putting from well off the green. But this time he over-did it, and regretted it. 

No risk St John wanted to take

You'd think that a lot was at stake

He felt like a nut

When his 80 yard putt

Diverted left into the lake

167

Limericks from other years: 2009 2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017

Let us pray for better golf next week.

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Limericks composed by David Pannell unless otherwise indicated.

Copyright David J. Pannell, 2009-2015
Last revised: March 12, 2017.