Hi Folks,

Did you know that in 1868, when Ballarat, VIC, was in the grip of gold fever, there were 950 pubs for its 60,000 people? There was a drink popularly known as a 'blow-me-skull-off' which consisted of a combination of methylated spirits, cayenne pepper, opium and rum! (I wonder if they had a 'blow-me-skull-off-Lite' for folks that had to drive their mules home?)

I've opened this week's newsletter with one of my yet-to-be-legendary quotations as I've been reading through some of the sayings of Oscar Wilde and just remarked on what a strange thing it is to actually create little zen tid-bits like these:

'Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.' Oscar Wilde
'Work is the curse of the drinking classes.' Oscar Wilde
'My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.' Oscar Wilde

Especially this one:

'Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.' Oscar Wilde

I mean did Oscar actually sit down and go, 'I need to write a half dozen sayings today' - or did other people extract them from his writings?

Personally, I think he knew what he was doing - so I thought . . . hey, why don't we create some of our own?

Try it yourself and see what you come up with. I'll keep a notebook near my bed, too, and put some of the more coherent ones in next week's newsletter.

FAVOURITE LETTERS OF THE WEEK

Dear Joe Dolce,
Please delete me from our mailing list!!! A.K.

(Note: From 'our' mailing list? Funny! Who asked you to put yourself on it, fool? )

Hello Joe,
Apparently the peace symbol just turned 50:
"This forked symbol was designed for the Direct Action Committee Against Nuclear War (DAC) and was adopted as its badge by the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND) in Britain, and originally was used by the British nuclear disarmament movement. It was later generalized to become an international icon for the 1960s anti-war movement, and was also adopted by the counterculture of the time. It was designed and completed February 21, 1958 by Gerald Holtom, a professional designer and artist in Britain and released for the April 4, 1958 march planned by DAC from Trafalgar Square, London to the Atomic Weapons Research Establishment at Aldermaston in England." cheers, Steve Reinthal

Hey Joe,
While my breasts were squished between two plates at a routine breast X-ray today, you suddenly sang 'Whatsamattayou, eh?' from Fresh FM - 'Why you looka so sad!' I fell apart! Thank you. I'll never be able to hear that song in the same way ever again. Cheers, T.A.

(Note: T.A., Just when I think I've had the definitive review for 'Shaddap You Face,' (see next item) I get a better one! Thanks for keeping me abreast of potential new markets for my music. Music can be relaxing during these kinds of procedures. Once while having a testicular X-ray, on the radio, I heard 'I'm Looking Through You,' and 'You Keep Me Hanging On.')

FAVOURITE GRATUITOUS MENTIONS OF THE WEEK

" JOE DOLCE: Best musician ever! Although a talented performer who has been recording for more than 25 years, he is responsible for one of the greatest songs of all time 'Shaddap You Face'". Tubgirl's Revenge, Urban Dictionary
(Note: Yeah baby! I just got to meet Tubgirl!)

" Well the BRW list of Australia's 40 highest-earning entertainers is out. As I did not get any phone calls in the lead-up to the issue, I got the feeling that I was pretty well out of contention. On the full list my final position looks more like a telephone number than a ranking. I am sandwiched between a man who presents steak-knife advertorials in Darwin and Joe Dolce. Apparently the royalties from Shaddup You Face continue to roll in." Rob Sitch, BRW
(Note: Hey, wait a minute! How did the steak-knife guy get above me? That's bullshit.)

ROSALIE SORRELS

Rosalie Sorrels has been nominated for a Grammy for her recent album, 'My Last Go Round,' which has a live version of one of my early songs, 'My Hall Ain't in the Hall of Fame.' This is my second most covered song (after the song about the Face) and Rosalie was one of the first US artists to do it. Here's the original version she recorded on her album 'WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THE GIRL THAT WAS' back in the 70s: uTube

MORE OSCAR WILDE

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies. Oscar Wilde

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. Oscar Wilde

A true friend stabs you in the front. Oscar Wilde

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. Oscar Wilde

Dangers of Statin Drugs: What You Haven't Been Told About Popular Cholesterol-Lowering Medicines
By Sally Fallon and Mary G. Enig, PhD

Hypercholesterolemia is the health issue of the 21st century. It is actually an invented disease, a "problem" that emerged when health professionals learned how to measure cholesterol levels in the blood. High cholesterol exhibits no outward signs--unlike other conditions of the blood, such as diabetes or anemia, diseases that manifest telltale symptoms like thirst or weakness--hypercholesterolemia requires the services of a physician to detect its presence. Many people who feel perfectly healthy suffer from high cholesterol--in fact, feeling good is actually a symptom of high cholesterol!
Doctors who treat this new disease must first convince their patients that they are sick and need to take one or more expensive drugs for the rest of their lives, drugs that require regular checkups and blood tests. But such doctors do not work in a vacuum--their efforts to convert healthy people into patients are bolstered by the full weight of the US government, the media and the medical establishment, agencies that have worked in concert to disseminate the cholesterol dogma and convince the population that high cholesterol is the forerunner of heart disease and possibly other diseases as well.
Who suffers from hypercholesterolemia? Peruse the medical literature of 25 or 30 years ago and you'll get the following answer: any middle-aged man whose cholesterol is over 240 with other risk factors, such as smoking or overweight. After the Cholesterol Consensus Conference in 1984, the parameters changed; anyone (male or female) with cholesterol over 200 could receive the dreaded diagnosis and a prescription for pills. Recently that number has been moved down to 180. If you have had a heart attack, you get to take cholesterol-lowering medicines even if your cholesterol is already very low--after all, you have committed the sin of having a heart attack so your cholesterol must therefore be too high. The penance is a lifetime of cholesterol-lowering medications along with a boring lowfat diet. But why wait until you have a heart attack? Since we all labor under the stigma of original sin, we are all candidates for treatment. Current edicts stipulate cholesterol testing and treatment for young adults and even children. (article)
(thanks to Joe Creighton)

MORE MORE OSCAR WILDE

An excellent man; he has no enemies; and none of his friends like him. Oscar Wilde

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing. Oscar Wilde

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. Oscar Wilde

Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative. Oscar Wilde

Do you really think it is weakness that yields to temptation? I tell you that there are terrible temptations which it requires strength, strength and courage to yield to. Oscar Wilde

MUSIC

Herbert von Karajan Killed Classical Music - Hitler's Musical Poster Boy

Norman Lebrecht has had enough of the Karajan worship that seems to be pervading Europe on the occasion of the maestro's centenary. "Hitler's poster boy offered nothing to art while ruthlessly crushing creativity... If classical music itself is widely (if unfairly) considered to be elitist, staid and retrospective, we have Herbert von Karajan to thank for making it a safe, corporate entertainment at prohibitively priced festivals." (article)
(Thanks to Stefan Abeysekera)

Teaching Old Chickens New Roads

I. Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road (Lately)?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

KEVIN RUDD: I am so sorry that he had to cross the road, I apologise on behalf of all Australians.
(thanks to annie fiume)

(Here are some of my own humble contributions:)

II. Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road (Lately)?

BOB GELDOF: I don't like Roadkilldays.

BONO: It still hasn't found what it's crossing for.

STING: To master Tantric Yolka.

MADONNA: To adopt an African chicken.

ANGELINA JOLIE: I want to adopt some African chickens, too! (But it's sad chickens don't have lips.)

PAMELA ANDERSON: For some enhanced chicken breasts. (boom boom!)

And from the authority himself:

FOGHORN J. LEGHORN: I say, I say, to engage in the Drumstick Tango with Miss Prissy, to avoid the irritating whining of Little Egghead Jr, and to side-step that obnoxious curr, Henry Hawk. Fortunately, I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency. That's a joke... I say, that's a joke, son.

MORE MORE MORE! OSCAR WILDE

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. Oscar Wilde

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. Oscar Wilde

Everything popular is wrong. Oscar Wilde

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes. Oscar Wilde

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. Oscar Wilde

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde

SUICIDE AWARENESS

Artists from around the world, including your humble servant, Josephus the Utterer, have joined together to contribute inspiring quotes on this helpful suicide awareness info site. I'm in good company here with the Topp Twins, John Williamson, Billy Bragg and many others. Site

MORE MUSIC

Tubee or not Tuba. . . .

A child returned from his first music lesson on the tuba. "How did it go?" asked his father.
"Great," said the child. "I learned how to play a 'C'."
The next week the child took another lesson and his father asked about the lesson.
"Terrific," said the child. "I learned how to play a 'G'."
The following week the child did not come home from his lesson. The father was frantic when the child finally came home after 2:00 AM.
"Where in the hell have you been," screamed the father.
"I had a gig," answered the son.
(thanks to WaylandN)

ENCORE! OSCAR

I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect. Oscar Wilde

If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life. Oscar Wilde

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane. Oscar Wilde

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. Oscar Wilde

There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up. Oscar Wilde

There is always something ridiculous about the emotions of people whom one has ceased to love. Oscar Wilde

Why was I born with such contemporaries? Oscar Wilde

RECIPE

Stuffed Peppers

Last year, I was asked to be a guest chef on the Lifestyle Café television program and I made a Turkish Gozleme. I originally asked them if I could make Geed (Ox Penis: a Yemini favourite!) but they said their audience might be uncomfortable with that one. (Uncomfortable? I guess they don't have a big Yemini female ox demographic.)

On the program with me was Karen Martini, the food editor of Sunday Life Magazine. Karen is a beautiful and very creative chef. The dish Karen made on the show was the Martini family recipe for stuffed peppers. I managed to get a little taste of it after the show. My mate, Emilio, gave me a big bag of home grown long peppers last week so . . . .

Ingredients:
12 red or green long peppers or 6 red or green large peppers
2 onions fine diced brown onions
6 cloves of garlic fine diced
700 gm beef mince (For Yemini people, you can substitute minced ox penis if you have one hanging about.)
2 tsp dried chilli
2 and a half tsp of cinnamon
Half bunch of parsley roughly chopped
2 tsp dried mint
1 large egg
1 and a half cups of dried bread crumbs
100ml extra virgin oil
1 litre of tomato passata
1 tin of chopped Italian tomatoes
250 mls water
Salt and pepper
1 cup of frozen peas

Method:
Trim the tops off the peppers, and remove seeds, keeping the peppers whole. (I like to stuff them from the top)
Sweat the onion and garlic in a little oil for 2 minutes, add the spices and mint and season.
Add meat to the food processor, add onion, garlic, egg, bread crumbs and parsley and season again.
Over-fill the peppers with the mix and brown lightly in oven proof dish in the rest of the oil. Pour over the tomato and add the peas, and bake, covered, for 40 minutes in a 180°C oven.

Serve:
Serve with crusty bread. Also nice with couscous. Serves 4.
(Karen Martini Family Recipe)

THE FINAL HURRAH

"I'm Fucking Matt Damon"

Here's the latest uTube flavour-of-the-week song going around: uTube 1

And the answerback: uTube 2