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April 21st, 2006

Terriers and Bariffs

'If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow.'
George W. Bush, Rochester, NY, Jan 7, 2000


Inspired Shaddap You Face Competition Winner!!


Hi folks,

The National Folk Festival in Canberra was a great way to spend Easter. The weather was perfect. A couple of fantastic Difficult Women shows and we had a packed out venue for 'The Inspired Shaddap You Face Competition' which was won by the dynamic Canberra Celtic Pipes. (More down below.) I would like to thank all my friends and fellow artists for making it a memorable and alive event.

You will remember the hoopala I raised recently protesting the suggested use of Paul Kelly's song, 'Tonight Our Fire', for the Commonwealth Games theme song. Well, what goes around comes around. One of the three judges for the 'Golden Guy Fawkes Award' which is already sold out at the Melbourne Gaol next Monday night - is none other than Paul Kelly! I'm one of the musical contestants in that one so I guess I better be up on my game. ( Ha! Maybe I oughta do a seditious cover version of 'Tonight Our Fires'.)

I did get an Honourable Mention this week in the USA Billboard Magazine World Songwriting Contest for my song, 'Crazy Wind'. I wasn't going to mention it but this is the second time this year that a song that I've written specifically for a competition - and then totally forgot about - won some kind of prize forcing me to dig it out again and look at it in a different light.

David Bridie, Judy Small and Greg Fleet have come on board for the Unity for Peace Benefit Concert to help raise funds to bring Cindy Sheehan and other speakers over for the Unity For Peace Conference in May. The benefit is on Friday May 12th at Trades Hall in Melbourne. I've also been invited to sing, 'Gift (from One Iraqi Child)' to open the public meeting for the conference in the following week.

Favourite Reader Comments of the Week

I dunno how you got my name, but thanks for the email. Good stuff. jacko

(Note: Who's the man?)

Joe Dolce,

(Note: Who's the . . . . errrrr . . .)

Hi, Joe,
Have you seen this one? It is said to be the most popular [George W Bush] screensaver in the US. (Move Your mouse around.)
Keep up your great work. Cheers, Virginia

Joe -
You wrote:
"There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!"

'ello luv...'e said....(in a scouser accent)
I use the oil from the skin of my orange,
to quiet the squeak of my door-hinge!

I have three for purple:
hirple - a limp,
curple - someone's bottom, butt, ass... whichever term you prefer;
twerp'll - contraction of "twerp will"; "Twerp'll" is indisputable.

(I believe "hirple" hasn't been counted as a real word since the 1500's or 1600's, and "curple" must be some form of dialect because I cannot find it in most places.)
There's also "chilver" which rhymes with "silver", which is some type of animal... I think it's a young sheep or a goat or something, but it is definitely a real word

There are two words that rhyme with purple:
1. Hurple - to walk lamely, or with a limp
2. Curpel - A part of a horse's bridle (the bit that goes under the tail.

Hinge rhymes with orange in some dialects.
The problem is that there are at least three ways of pronouncing the word that is spelled ORANGE.
Some people say /o-rin-juh/.
Some people say /o-ran-juh/.
Some people say /o-run-juh/.
In the first pronunciation orange is a definite rhyme with hinge.
You say tomato, I say tomato. Halloran


Senate Hearings on Bush, Now
By Carl Bernstein

(Carl Berstein and Bob Woodward were the Washington Post journalists primarily responsible for breaking the Watergate scandal which led to the resignation of Richard Nixon.)

After Nixon's resignation, it was often said that the system had worked. Confronted by an aberrant president, the checks and balances on the executive by the legislative and judicial branches of government, and by a free press, had functioned as the founders had envisioned. The system has thus far failed during the presidency of George W. Bush - at incalculable cost in human lives, to the American political system, to undertaking an intelligent and effective war against terror, and to the standing of the United States in parts of the world where it previously had been held in the highest regard. There was understandable reluctance in the Congress to begin a serious investigation of the Nixon presidency. Then there came a time when it was unavoidable. That time in the Bush presidency has arrived." (article)

Recipe for Holy War: Add Two Nut Jobs and Stir
by Beth Quinn

All right. I'm now officially scared. Having just read Seymour Hersh's article about Bush's Iran plan, it appears that we no longer have a case of the good guys versus the bad guys. What we have here is the bad guy versus the bad guy - two madmen playing an international game of chicken, ratcheting up the rhetoric to appeal to their fundamentalist followers. There's no doubt that Iran's president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is mad in the head. In fact, it might help you remember his name if you pronounce it "Ah'm mad in ee head." He's got a uranium enrichment program going on so he can build nuclear power plants. But since he's crazy, there's a lot of worldwide concern that he's going to build a nuclear bomb while he's at it. The U.N. atomic watchdog agency, which paid him a little visit last week, says there's no evidence that he's working on weapons. Even so, the world is feeling a little squirmy about letting Ah'm Mad In Ee Head carry on with his nuclear program. Everyone keeps asking him to quit it, but he's dug in his heels.
So that's one madman on the loose.
The other one - our very own nut job in the White House - is licking his chops over what he perceives as a stubborn challenge from Iran's president.
In last week's New Yorker magazine, Hersh provided a detailed look at Bush's response to Ah'm Mad In Ee Head. According to Hersh's sources, Bush wants Ah'm Mad In Ee Head to defy U.N. demands to quit playing with uranium.
You know why? Because our own madman wants to trot out one of our own nukes and bomb Iran's madman out of business - along with a few hundred thousand other Iranians, of course. As one congressman told Hersh, "The most worrisome thing is that Bush has a messianic vision." Bush is waging a holy war. He's on a crusade. And so is Ah'm Mad In Ee Head. . . . . (article)




Attention Citizens! You stand hereby directed to prove your patriotism by printing out hundreds of the wartime morale posters below, and distributing them widely throughout your community!

Some titles available:
Fancy a Snort of Yank Bum?
Exterminate Liberal Vermin
Victory in Vietraq
Die Raghead Die
and many more . . . . site
(thanks to Justine Stewart)



"I'm honoured to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."
George W Bush, Washington, DC, May 25, 2004


Lock Him Away to Stop the Next War
Phillip Adams

WE cannot wait any longer for the impeachment of George W. Bush. Far more efficient to have Bush certified. There is no need for further debate on his mental state. The US President is bonkers. Having turned the White House into a madhouse, having taken more lunatic positions on more issues than any head of state since George III (are they, perchance, related?). GWB needs a long rest and a change of medication. And it shouldn't be too hard to guide him into a padded cell. Just tell him it's the presidential bomb shelter. . . .(article)

A Maniacal Messianic Prepares to Fulfill His Destiny
by Ted Rall

 "I have fulfilled my destiny," the president says manically. He has just entered the nuclear launch codes that will trigger World War III. Seconds later, he emerges from a bunker. The Secretary of State squeezes between two soldiers. "Mr. President!" he shouts. "We have a diplomatic solution!"

He smiles. "It's too late," he replies. "The missiles are flying. Alleluia. Alleluia."

The above scene, from David Cronenberg's 1983 adaptation of the horror novel "The Dead Zone," is a classic if slightly preposterous nightmare of a world destroyed by a demented demagogue. Now, incredibly, a lunatic out of a Stephen King movie has brought the United States to the brink of Armageddon.

Until I read Seymour Hersh's expose in The New Yorker and subsequent follow-up coverage by other journalists about the Bush Administration's plans to start a war against Iran, I had dismissed talk of George W. Bush's messianism as so much Beltway chatter. True, he hears voices, even claiming that God and Jesus Christ talk to him. "I believe God wants me to run for president," he told a friend in Texas. Eschewing mainstream religion, he routinely parrots the apocalyptic ravings of fringe Christianist cults: "And the light [America] has shone in the darkness [the enemies of America], and the darkness will not overcome it [America shall conquer its enemies]," he said during his fevered campaign for war against Iraq. He mimics Old Testament cadences: "God told me to strike at Al Qaeda and I struck them," Bush told the Palestinian prime minister in 2003, "and then he instructed me to strike at Saddam, which I did, and now I am determined to solve the problem in the Middle East." Nooor-mal. (article)


Fallout from Chernobyl Will Cause 100,000 Deaths, Says Greenpeace
by Andrew Osborn

 The fallout from Chernobyl, the world's worst nuclear accident, will be 10 times more deadly than previously thought and will cause almost 100,000 people to die from cancer in coming years, Greenpeace says.

Twenty years after Chernobyl's fourth reactor exploded, sending a radiation-lined cloud into the atmosphere, the green, anti-nuclear campaign group alleged that the human consequences of the disaster have been woefully and deliberately underestimated. (article)



1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
(thanks to al johns)



National Folk Festival
Canberra, ACT



Nine acts competed in THE INSPIRED SHADDAP YOU FACE CONTEST at Bill Arnett's Merry Muse venue at the National Folk Festival in Canberra for the first place 'Shaddap You Face Showbag', which included signed archival photographs, buttons and bumper stickers and other memorabilia from the 80s, a couple of limited edition rare CDs and a generous gift voucher from the festival. The venue was packed as the Canberra Celtic Pipes took home the guernsey. However, every one of the nine great acts had an amazing idea for their variation on my song and I can honestly say that it pretty much was a tie for second place amongst the others on the clap-o-meter. We managed to film the concert with three separate cameras and also made a stereo DAT recording of the audio. One day, down the track, I will assemble all this for either a DVD, or as part of a documentary on the 25th Anniversary of Shaddap. Meanwhile, here are a list of the artists and what they did. (Special thanks to Sue Barrett for taking the photos.)


Twice winner of the Lawson-Patterson Songwriting Award at Port Fairy, winner of the Roddy Reed Memorial Songwriting Award at Maldon and the Declan Affley Memorial Songwriting Award at the National Festival, Bruce assembled a crew of fellow musicians and cohorts, all sharing the first name Bruce, to storm the stage (and infiltrate the audience) as The Bruces. Great ice-breaker and perfect opening to the event. WEBSITE



An accomplished classical musician, and Phd in Botany, by profession, Peter was probably the bravest contestant, agreeing to perform a solo cello fantasia, sandwiched in between two very high energy groups, Bruce Watson and The Bruces, and the Canberra Celtic Pipes. But I think that extreme vulnerability worked for him as he managed to bring out some intriguing musical variations in that simple little tune that would have made Elgar smile. WEBSITE


Assured that probably three pipers would participate, there ended up being about twelve members on stage, including percussion, a friggin' field drum, and a stunning angel dancing the Highland Fling! I think they should release their version as a single. A joyful experience! WEBSITE


The reknowned country/folk singer-songwriter delivered a creative and personal interpretation (complete with his own unique accent - which, as he said, 'starts Italian, passes through French, but somehow ends up sounding Indian.') WEBSITE



Award-winning, Scottish-born songwriter and singer, Alex agreed to do this with only one day's notice and created a semi-improvised wonderfully personal Scottish dialectal account. WEBSITE


Commedia Academy's Giri Mazzella's and Sanjiva Margio's Sicilian mourning dresses and black spectacled mamas rule. (Peter Grayling was also part of this group, looking like the befuddled Wizard of Oz tin grandma with rouge on his nose.) Sanjiva told a remarkable true story of how when he first came over from Sicily, he was thrown in jail for stealing a sheep! 'Shaddap You Face' was played every morning over the intercom to wake the prisoners! Welcome to Australia, maaaaaaaate! WEBSITE


An accredited master of pygmy yodeling and uvular fluttering, Mal came up with a calypso beat box loop, stream of consciousness reggae rap version, with brilliant audience participation. WEBSITE


This legendary Australian bush band came up with a kinky cross-dressing variation that I think captured succinctly the long forgotten tradition of the Sardinian bacalla spit-roast. WEBSITE


An urban Greek blues band who created a virtual pop fusion of familiar tunes using the imagery from 'Shaddap.' (Example: The Beatles 'Get Back' - "Jo Jo was a man who thought he was Italian . . . ") all the while playing bouzouki, baglama, and oud. WEBSITE



1) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
2) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
3) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
4) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
(thanks to al johns)


The Men Who Have Sex With Dolls
Elisabet Alexandre, for Marie Claire

" . . . Doll lovers claim their unhealthy pursuit is not just about carnal pleasure. For Malcolm, a 48-year-old British IT specialist, his plastic companion is a silent soulmate - someone to love, trust and share his life with, knowing she'll never desert him. A grey-haired recluse living in south-west England, Malcolm has not had a successful relationship with a woman. 'I've never had any success with relationships, and it's badly affected my quality of life,' he admits. 'When I've tried to joke with a woman on a date, I've felt like people nearby are looking at me, embarrassed on my behalf.' Recently made redundant, Malcolm now spends his days writing a novel about airline pilots, his other passion in life. After a last attempt with a dating agency, Malcolm came across RealDolls online. 'I bought Rebecca a few months ago with the money left from my redundancy payment,' he recalls. 'In my imagination, she's 14 and earns pocket money by working in her school library. 'She's very important to me,' he continues. 'I feel affection for her which goes beyond sexual desire. . . .

'The behaviour of these men is very unhealthy,' says clinical psychologist Ron Bracey. 'They are motivated by the desire to avoid rejection. They also share a need for control, which is demonstrated by the pleasure they take in designing their ideal woman, then making all the moves and decisions in their "partner's" life. This control fixation is usually a reaction to a bad experience, where sex has been a source of humiliation. These dolls allow their owners to indulge in fantasies which would be criminal acts in the real world, such as under-age sex. The doll could either be an outlet for this desire or, worringly, make the man more likely to act it out in real life.' (article)


EFF Debate: "Email - Should the Sender Pay?"

SAN FRANCISCO - What is the future of email? Should anyone ever have to pay to send it? Or would payments undermine free speech on the Internet? These are just a few of the questions raised recently by AOL's controversial plans to adopt a "certified" email system. (article)



At age 4 success is . . .. not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
(thanks to al johns)



Lup Chong Rice

Here's another creative way to make rice - the texture is melt-in-your-mouth.

1 cup white rice
2 cups water
2 Chinese Lup Chong sausages

Soak the rice in the water for about half hour. Slice the sausages on the diagonal about an eighth inch thick. Place in a small pan over low heat, stirring until the sausage slices start to release some of their fat. The idea is to reduce the amount of fat in the sausage, (careful: without burning them!), also giving a nice flavour to the sausages. Pour off the excess fat and reserve the sausages.

Bring the water and rice to a boil, add the sausage slices, stir, cover, reduce the heat to the lowest setting and simmer for about 15 minutes. Turn off the heat and let the rice rest, covered, for another 10 minutes.


The Last Year

(after being diagnosed with terminal cancer)

This is the last year.
There will be no other,
but heartless nature
seemingly relents.
Never has a winter sun
spilled so much light,
never have so many flowers
dared such early bloom.
The air is brilliant, sharp.
Never have I taken
such long, long breaths.

~ Robert Friend ~
(Dancing With A Tiger)