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July 17, 2004

Begone, Thou Beslubbering Beef-Witted Bum-Baily


"Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
Plato (427-347 B.C.)

Hi folks,

Anyone else out there been plagued with the bizarre kind-of flu symptoms and coughing fits that I and just about every other person I run into has been going through? If so, you're not alone. So what's going on? There's few articles this week asking the same question.

The late night American talk show hosts have been really getting stuck into Dubya lately (that's a good sign - as Rodney Dangerfield used to say, 'He ain't gettin' no respect') - so I've peppered some of their funny comments throughout.


" This week, both John Kerry and Wesley Clark are making campaign
appearances with the guys who saved their lives in Vietnam. Meanwhile, President Bush is campaigning with a guy that once took a math test for him."
Conan O'Brien

" . . . Ozzy Osbourne . . . just had surgery for injuries sustained in an accident. No wonder . . .(he) . . was taking 42 different physician-prescribed drugs at the time of the accident. His daily intake of chemicals included antidepressants, antipsychotics, opiates, tranquilizers and amphetamines. Drugs like Valium, Adderall, Dexedrine and Mysoline got Ozzy through the day. The drugs were prescribed by a physician. While we tend to believe that only celebrities like Ozzy or Rush Limbaugh wind up being "over-served" by their high-dollar doctors, consider that with fewer than ten minutes to spend on each patient, many, if not most physicians simply prescribe something just to move on.

" Take the flu vaccine. You're being encouraged by your doctor, the media and the federal government through all points "sky is falling" flu news bulletins to get a flu shot- a chemical mash including formaldehyde, aluminum and mercury cultivated on chicken embryos. The animal by-products in vaccines carry the risk of viral contamination. Vaccine companies cannot guarantee the purity of animal cells used in vaccine culture.

" Dr. Sherri Tenpenny cites research done by an immunogeneticist named Hugh Fudenburgh who's been studying the flu vaccines and reports that if someone has five consecutive flu shots his or her chances of getting Alzheimer's disease is ten times higher. '
(Thanks to Mary Starrett, from NewsWithViews.com.)


Critics ask why flu shot doesn't match strain
Mercury in vaccine found to be 250 times higher than recommended
By Kelly Patricia O'Meara

Early in the 20th century an influenza known as the "Spanish Flu" claimed the lives of an estimated 20 million to 40 million people worldwide. It has been called the pandemic of 1918-1919, one of the most devastating in recorded history, claiming more lives than the "Great War" of 1914-1918, and even topping the death toll of the Black Death, or bubonic plague, that swept from far China in the 1330s across the face of Europe well into 1352. (article)

- But if you really want to 'reach' for some innovative understanding about the flu, try this one:

by Jim Redden

You're sick. Your nose is stuffy, your body aches, you're sweaty, and you don't have enough energy to get out of bed. It's not the flu - it's a conspiracy. At least, that's what Dr. Len Horowitz says. Over the past 10 years, Horowitz has become America's most controversial medical authority. A university-trained medical researcher, Horowitz, 48, charges that elements of the United States government are conspiring with major pharmaceutical companies to make large segments of the population sick. More than that, he charges that these same conspirators created the AIDS epidemic to kill Blacks, Hispanics and gays. And if that's not enough, Horowitz argues that Adolph Hitler created the New World Order to fulfill his twisted dream of world domination. Horowitz has made these claims in a series of books, videos, public appearances and radio talk shows. Today, Horowitz is best known as one of the most vocal opponents of government-mandated vaccines. He believes that vaccine manufacturers have purposely contaminated their products with a wide range of exotic viruses, including funguses developed by the United States military. He believes contaminated vaccines were intentionally used to create the AIDS epidemic.

Despite his wild claims, Horowitz has a serious academic background. After he received a doctorate in dentistry from Tufts University, he was awarded a fellowship to do behavioral research at the University of Rochester. Horowitz later earned a Master of Public Health degree in behavioral science from Harvard University and a Masters degree in health education from Beacon College. He has also served on the faculties of Tufts University, Harvard University, and Leslie College's Institute for the Arts and Human Development. His published research reports have appeared in a diverse array of scientific, professional, and lay periodicals ranging from "American Health" and "Wellness Management" magazines to the "Journal of Patient Education and Counseling," the "Journal of AIDS Patient Care" and the "British Dental Journal."(more)


"President Bush has unveiled his first campaign commercial, highlighting all
of his accomplishments in office. That's why it's a 15-second spot.¨Jay Leno

" As you know President Bush gave his State of the Union Address,
interrupted 70 times by applause and 45 times by really big words." Jay Leno

Favourite Reader Comments

Dear Joe
Thanks again for your newsletter. Some recent Spanish graffiti, during the recent election:
'Aznar is Bush's Lewinsky'. All the best,
Darryl E.

Hi Joe
 Loved the one about Juan and Ahmal. Also the "My God Loves Your God" sticker.  Would make a great t-shirt . . . Kind regards,
Justine S.

Dear Joe,
Enjoy your newsletter . . . I enjoy the odd bit of Bush-bashing...........Cheers,
Eric B.

(Note: Hey, then this particular newsletter is dedicated to you, Eric.)


(And finally, the following comment was sent to me by my Aunt Mary!)

Dear Joe,
I am a senior citizen.  During the Clinton Administration I had an extremely good and well paying job.  I took numerous vacations and had several vacation homes.

Since President Bush took office, I have watched my entire life change for the worse. I lost my job. I lost my two sons in that terrible Iraqi War. I lost my homes. I lost my health insurance. As a matter of fact, I lost virtually everything and became homeless.  Adding insult to injury, when the authorities found me living like an animal, instead of helping me, they arrested me.

I will do anything to insure President Bush's defeat in the next election.

I will do anything that Senator Kerry wants to insure that a Democrat ia back in the White House come next year.  Bush has to go.

I just thought you and your friends would like to know how one senior citizen views the Bush Administration.  Thank you for taking the time to read my letter.

Saddam Hussein

(Note: Bastardi! Tricked again! But this also quirkily enough illustrates what I call 'Tenm Laida' (gaelic for 'Illumination by Song,' one of the Three Illuminations. The Celtic druids would go into Jim Morrison-like trances and be able to access creative information that was unavailable to the average person.) It's also like a thunderbolt of insight that comes unexpectedly while you are going along a path you think you know so well. It's the musical equivilant of a good movie thriller, with the unexpected twist. Have a look at another example of this at the bottom of the page, a great song lyric, called 'September 11th', written by a friend of mine.)



Read the Amazon.com reviews for Dubya's favorite literary work, My Pet Goat, by Siegfried Engelmann and Elaine C. Bruner.

This is your chance to WRITE YOUR OWN REVIEW before Amazon yanks the entire thread! Here're a few samples:

this is a gud book, July 14, 2004
Reviewer: Nero (A pig farm somewhere in Texas)
I wuz reeding it wen new Yorck burned. I like goats. I don't like libruls, they use big words I don't unnerstand. Gotta go clear some brush now.

Bestest book I ever reads, July 14, 2004
Reviewer: dupree63 (VENICE, CA USA) I have to say that this is the bestest book I have ever reads. The only other book I reads was the bible, but I did not really like the fornication parts. But, the parts where Jesus kicked some muslim ass was great! Anyway, even though this book has some big words like "determined" and "attack", I was still so engrossed that I just had to finish...even though the country was being attacked on it's own soil and people were jumping out of buildings and over 3000 american citizens died.

The picshures are nice too. If my daily briefings had picshures, or better yet, pop-ups, I might actually read those too!

I liked coloring "My Pet Goat"!, July 14, 2004
Reviewer: Shrubbleyou Bush (Crawford, Texas) I could not figger out the words to read so I just colored the pages. Goats are nice. I always blamed the goat eating my homework when I went to collage. It always worked cause Dad gave lots and lots of money to the collage, ha ha!

This book taught me a lot!, July 14, 2004
Reviewer: A reader (Crawford, TX) There were five words in it I didn't know before I began. The story about the pet goat was the best. There some parts I didn't understand and had to think about very hard until my head hurt. You won't believe this, but when the book gets to the part when the goat becomes a hero, someone said something in my ear about World Trade and I didn't get it. I was wondering how a goat gets to be a hero and a flying hero like me gets grounded for no reason like,nothing you know and thinking about those guys flying planes in New York for us. And a goat gets to be a hero? But anyhow it made me think, the first time in my life anything did that for me; it's what a book should do, so I give it five stars and wish I could give it six.

(thanks to Maireid)


Hello, God? It's Me, Dubya. Lord? Bush here. I'm confused. Why won't you crush Kerry and smite the heathens? Hello?
By Mark Morford

Are you there, God? It's me, George W. Come in, Almighty. Do you read me? It's about 8:00 pm and it's just after my last bubble bath of the day and here I am again, kneeling here in the Oval Office all by myself in my most favoritest PJs, the funny ones with the little M-1 tanks and baseball players all over them. I gots some problems, Lord. Look, I've done everything you asked. I've been good. Haven't I? I take the message to the people, don't I? I spout that evangelical born-again crap in pisswater Podunk conservative churches across this burned-out fear-drunk nation like I was emceeing a freakin' rodeo in Crawford. And they eat it up, Lord. They eat that stuff up. Hell, I even believe a lot of that fire-breathin' Second Comin' evildoer-hatin' stuff myself. And looky here! Look how much dough I induce those evangelical suckers to cough up into the coffers of the GOP (that's God's Own Party -- just for you, Lord!). Doesn't that cut me a little slack fer when I skip over the part where Jesus says "Blessed are the peacemakers?" Or when he says to turn the other cheek? Or love thy enemies? Or when the Bible says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control"? Or any of that other pointless pacifist hippie junk? (ARTICLE)


"Kerry is well on his way to reaching his magic number of 2,162. That's
the total number of delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. See,
for President Bush it's different. His magic number is only 5. That's the
number of Supreme Court judges needed to win.¨
Jay Leno

"President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get
the new jobs in the 21st century. Some of the skills they're going to need
are Spanish, Chinese, and Korean, because that's where the jobs went."
Jay Leno

Kerry: Beauty and the Beast

" . . .John Kerry has been compared this election season to "The Addams Family's heavy-browed Lurch (by both former New York Times executive editor Howell Raines and by CNBC's talk show host/comic Dennis Miller). The Weekly Standard's Matt Labash sees in Kerry's mug a "long-faced Easter Island mask," while The New Yorker's Philip Gourevitch observes "a long, angular face [that] has something of the abstraction of a tribal mask." Kerry reminds Knight Ridder's Dick Polman of "those long-faced walking trees in 'Lord of the Rings,'" while the Chicago Tribune sees a "droopy, hound-dog look." Kerry, it seems, was repeatedly whacked by an Ugly Stick sometime between 2000 and 2004. (Not exactly a ringing endorsement for Botox, if you -- like the Tribune and other news outlets -- entertain that sort of scuttlebutt). . ." (MORE)


"There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House
wall and was arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into
The White House unlawfully since President Bush.¨
David Letterman

" President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the
moon, he wants to launch people to Mars. You know what this means. He's
drinking again."
David Letterman

More Moore

I was tuning into Fox News, The O'Reilly Factor, the other day where a very frustrated and red-faced Bill O'Reilly called Michael Moore a coward for not coming on his show again. (although he already has appeared once before.) This is the same O'Reilly who walked OUT of Fahrenheit 9/11 a third of the way through! Didn't even have the courtesy to listen to Moore's acclaimed argument all the way through. So why should Michael give him any more free publicity? The slogan of 'The O'Reilly Factor', is 'The Spin Stops Here,' but in reality should be called 'The Spin STARTS here' according to the following article:

My First (and Last) Time With Bill O'Reilly
by David Cole

"It started innocuously enough. On Monday, June 21, a producer from Fox News's The O'Reilly Factor called to ask me to appear as a guest that evening to comment on a front-page story in the New York Times claiming that the Bush Administration had overstated the value of intelligence gained at Guantánamo and the dangers posed by the men detained there. I'm generally not a fan of shout-television, and I had declined several prior invitations to appear on O'Reilly's show, but this time I said yes. Little did I know it would not only be my first time, but also my last. " (FULL ARTICLE)

(thanks to John Jacobs.)


"OutFoxed": How Rupert Murdoch Is Destroying American Journalism
By Don Hazen

(A review of Robert Greenwald's new documentary investigating the Fox News Channel.)

" . . Greenwald took a unique approach to making his documentary. He put together a team of media volunteers enlisted via MoveOn.org who monitored Fox News 24 hours a day for months, and reviewed every show to demonstrate its model for spreading the same propaganda comprehensively throughout the network's programming. A special "behind the scenes" portion of the "OutFoxed" DVD highlights their work. Relying on the work of his tracking team, Greenwald's documentary provides the viewer with a primer on propaganda techniques, documenting how the underlying goal of creating fear and uncertainty in the minds of viewers is achieved by use of language and repetition. . ." (ARTICLE)


" The White House is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million
new jobs will be created in the U.S. this year. They say they were off,
by roughly 2.6 million jobs.¨
Jay Leno

Ray Bradbury, as you know, is also angry at Michael Moore's jerry-rigging the title of his film from his well-known and brilliant novel, Fahrenheit 451. But, Bradbury, who calls himself 'apolitical', whatever that means, (befuddled? Still-afraid-of-50s-blacklist phobic?) probably ought to ask himself why he isn't writing at the STANDARD he used to and cease with the trashing of others who are in their prime. In an interview with the Swedish paper, Dagens Nyheter, Bradbury reportedly predicted a dim forecast for "Fahrenheit 9/11" at the box office. "Who cares? Nobody will see (Moore's) movie," Bradbury told the paper. "It is almost dead already. Never mind, nobody cares." Sure Ray. Shaddap . . . and go put another tattoo on that Illustrated Man's backside. So how about getting back into WRITING? (You remember that? You could start by meditating a little on that word 'apolitical.')

There's a Right Wing organisation that has set up a website dedicating to debunking all the points in Fahrenheit 9/11. It's called 'Move America Forward'. Here is it's site:

In reply, here is a site for the Michael Moore's Notes + Sources for Fahrenheit 9/11:

Personally, with all this badmouthing banter, I think we need a more elevated level of put-down then what we are getting in the mainstream media, so to that end, I furnish the following:

Shakespearian Insult Kit

Next time that you are at a loss for a good insult, use this handy table to construct a Shakespearean insult. Combine one word from each of the three columns below, and preface it with the word "Thou":

| artless | base-court | apple-john |
| bawdy | bat-fowling | baggage |
| beslubbering | beef-witted | barnacle |
| bootless | beetle-headed | bladder |
| churlish | boil-brained | boar-pig |
| cockered | clapper-clawed | bugbear |
| clouted | clay-brained | bum-bailey |
| craven | common-kissing | canker-blossom |
| currish | crook-pated | clack-dish |
| dankish | dismal-dreaming| clotpole |
| dissembling | dizzy-eyed | coxcomb |
| droning | doghearted | codpiece |
| errant | dread-bolted | death-token |
| fawning | earth-vexing | dewberry |
| fobbing | elf-skinned | flap-dragon |
| froward | fat-kidneyed | flax-wench |
| frothy | fen-sucked | flirt-gill |
| gleeking | flap-mouthed | foot-licker |
| goatish | fly-bitten | fustilarian |
| gorbellied | folly-fallen | giglet |
| impertinent | fool-born | gudgeon |
| infectious | full-gorged | haggard |
| jarring | guts-griping | harpy |
| loggerheaded | half-faced | hedge-pig |
| lumpish | hasty-witted | horn-beast |
| mammering | hedge-born | hugger-mugger |
| mangled | hell-hated | joithead |
| mewling | idle-headed | lewdster |
| paunchy | ill-breeding | lout |
| pribbling | ill-nurtured | maggot-pie |
| puking | knotty-pated | malt-worm |
| puny | milk-livered | mammet |
| qualling | motley-minded | measle |
| rank | onion-eyed | minnow |
| reeky | plume-plucked | miscreant |
| roguish | pottle-deep | moldwarp |
| ruttish | pox-marked | mumble-news |
| saucy | reeling-ripe | nut-hook |
| spleeny | rough-hewn | pigeon-egg |
| spongy | rude-growing | pignut |
| surly | rump-fed | puttock |
| tottering | shard-borne | pumpion |
| unmuzzled | sheep-biting | ratsbane |
| vain | spur-galled | scut |
| venomed | swag-bellied | skainsmate |
| villainous | tardy-gaited | strumpet |
| warped | tickle-brained | varlet |
| wayward | toad-spotted | vassal |
| weedy | unchin-snouted | whey-face |
| yeasty | weather-bitten | wagtail |

" President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in
San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make
The decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then
He prefers judges.¨
Jay Leno

Unravel This!
(The Concept of 'Revolutionary Power')
By Terry Dyke

It's certainly no secret that the radical right was on the rise for years before it finally found its way into the White House. Those who are dismayed to watch what's happening now also tend to find it baffling: "How do they think they can get away with that - what can they possibly be thinking?" But there is some welcome clarification to be found in Paul Krugman's new book, The Great Unraveling. It seems that we experience a disconnect when trying to view these actions simply as new tactics in a familiar political game. What's actually happening, Krugman argues, is a "political sea change," a fundamental transformation of the game itself. Krugman shares some insight he gained from Henry Kissinger's doctoral thesis, a treatise on Europe in the aftermath of the French Revolution and Napoleon. "[T]he first three pages of Kissinger's book sent chills down my spine because they seem all too relevant to current events," Krugman writes. The book examines problems that a stable political system has when faced with a "revolutionary power," one that does not accept the legitimacy of the present system. (article)


" There was an embarrassing moment in the White House earlier today. They
were looking around searching for George Bush's military records. They
actually found some old Al Gore ballots.¨ David Letterman

"Plans are being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has
to resign for health reasons. It1s not easy for President Bush. He can't
just name a replacement. He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas
and power companies." Jay Leno

Some Good Pick-up Lines for all you Single People

You sure have a great looking tooth.

You're so fine, you make me want to go out and get a job.

Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille nametag.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

(For vegetarasaurians)

Tofu Mole

concentrated mole paste, or fresh
1 cup silky tofu, cut into 1/2 inch square pieces
vegetable oil
vegetable stock
peanuts, broken up
sesame seeds
half red chile, sliced finely

Follow the recipe for 'Hey Joe Mexican Mole' in the Recipe Index (leaving out the meat ingredients) or else buy the mole ready-made. There are some excellent commerical ones out there. If you're lucky to live near a Mexican grocery, you might be able to get something by a Mexican grandma. If not, try Dona Maria brand. That'll do fine. Toast the peanuts and the red chile in a dry pan until peanuts start to go brown. Turn into a mortar and pestle and pound finely. Place in an airtight jar and set aside. Toast the sesame seeds in the same pan and place in another airtight jar and set aside. Place some mole paste in a medium saucepan and add enough stock to bring it to the consistancy of thin cream. Right before serving, add the silky tofu and heat briefly until warm.
Serve on steamed rice with the crushed peanuts and chilli sprinkled around the plate, and the sesame seeds sprinkled over the top. Fresh coriander is nice on the side if you like.


His orders came through on September 11th at dawn.
The planes would attack their targets according to plan.
Some would aim for the centres of commerce,
Some would strike at the military's heart,
But to him fell the mission's most lofty task.

The President himself, the ultimate symbol of power,
Was his target, Oh, they would make this great nation cower.
This regime of infidels who'd strayed from the truth,
Their arrogant leader elected by fools,
The so-called 'democracy' that broke all the unwritten rules.

His team was well-chosen, these brave faithful men would not flinch,
Though their task was so daunting, the stakes high so too the risks,
But they were trained well, equipped and paid by powerful friends far away,
With right on their side, they prayed they would triumph that day.

Every detail in place his task now to follow the plan.
His fate and that of his men was in his own hands.
With steely resolve they boarded the plane,
As they city approached he flew low and aimed,
And prayed to his god that his aim would be true.

The attack succeeded by evening the president lay dead.
His palace destroyed and these are the last words he said,
As he spoke to his people on the radio,
He said: 'I'll defend our democracy with my own life,'
He could have fled but he chose to stand firm when the bomber arrived.

So Salvadore Allende of Chile was murdered that day,
And the junta then slaughtered thousands who stood in their way,
And the US was there behind the scenes,
When democracy died, and terror unleashed,
On September 11th 1973,
On September 11th 1973.

~ music & lyrics by: Keith Mckenny- Bruce Watson ~

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