JOE DOLCE NEWSLETTER
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Friday July 24th, 2009
Time Upon a Once . . .
"When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure;
when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home."
Thornton Wilder
Hi folks,
There will be a two week break in the newsletter for a little holiday. (Funerals don’t count as holidays. I actually worked harder during the funeral than I do at work!) I need a REAL fair dinkum holiday. Probably you do, too! You have my permission. Go.
Unfortunately, the Reaper is still busy. Terrorists in Jakarta kill nine. Madonna’s stage crushes two.
Chanelle Rae became the fourth Geelong Western Heights College student to commit suicide in the last six months!
(Here’s the story: http://au.news.yahoo.com/a/-/newshome/5740763.)
This week, actor Karl Malden died.
Last week, journalist and newscaster, Walter Cronkite.
Cronkite was old school news.
I just recently mentioned Walter in a new poem, J Effen K, down at the bottom of the page.
But don’t let a few deaths depress you ‘cause worldwide, on average, 4.5 million people die every month and 11 million babies are born, most of whom who didn’t get any press attention whatsoever. Births are still stronger in the polls outselling deaths two to one. World Population is currently at about 6,706,993,152. McDonald’s sell about a billion hamburgers a year which mean around 6 billion people are still burger-challenged. 2,971,142,092 toilets were flushed today. (That’s according to the World Toilet Organisation - WTO – I’m not making this up! There is also a World Toilet College and a World Toilet Summit.
http://www.worldometers.info/view/toilets/)
There are 1,138,693,583 overweight people in the world right now and 1,016,278,468 undernourished people which works out to about even, so share. (Remember, they say that if Mama Cass and Karen Carpenter had shared that sandwich, both would be alive today.)
Unfortunately, there are only 1,299,932,570,043 barrels of oil left, which gives us 15,475 days to the end of oil (if consumed at current rates) - that’s 42 years, folks.
But if that’s a sobering statistic, then consider that there are also 166 years to the end of gas and 416 years to the end of coal. Cold nights ahead, my friends. That’s enough to drive Peter Garrett to nuclear. On a more optimistic note, the Sun has about 5 billion years left, so perhaps solar might be a better investment than glowing in the dark.
For more World Statistics, in real time:
http://www.worldometers.info/
Of course, keep in mind that 98.2 % of statistics are made up on the spot.
Also, never forget this amazing piece of advice:
"Sometimes the more measurable drives out the most important." Rene Dubois
FAVOURITE LETTERS OF THE WEEK
Thanks to all of you who sent me emails of condolences on the death of my father – there were too many to publish and some were of a private nature. I have written emails to all those who took the time to express their feelings. I appreciate it very much.
Here is one, however, that I received just the other day that gave me a few insights about the clean-up process involved in settling a parent’s estate. It’s from my friend, Philip Mortlock. I emailed him with my observation that it felt like you were doing something tremendously naughty, going through your parents’ house and possessions, throwing out their clothes and many of things they kept and valued for so many years. Philip wrote back:
‘ My three sons are now wearing many of their grandfather’s clothes and other bits of their home are now intertwined with ours. Tables, cutlery, paintings, books . . . but, yes, it is still a strange feeling. I have the occasional dream where my parents have returned to their home to find it all changed. And they're not happy. I marvel at the sub conscious.’ pm
While I was cleaning up, I felt like my dad was going to walk in at any moment and kick the crap out of me for throwing out all his shoes!
THE ESPRESSO BOOK MACHINE
By Stephen Adams
Readers will be able to print out bound versions of rare books on demand and print out their own works in any quantity with a new machine being set up by Blackwell.
The Espresso Book Machine, as Blackwell has called it, will be able to access a digital archive of more than 400,000 publications. Rather than having to order a copy and wait weeks for it to arrive, the photocopier sized 'EBR' will print and bind books on the spot at Blackwell's branch in Charing Cross, London.
A Blackwell spokesman said: "At the press of a button, people can now access paperback copies of their favourite classics, psychological thrillers, contemporary 'whodunits' or previously hard to find books, whenever they want."
People who want their own works "professionally printed, bound and trimmed into perfectly packaged library-quality paperback books" will also be able to do so by bringing in a compact disc or flash drive containing their manuscript. Phill Jamieson, head of marketing, said: "The Espresso Book Machine will offer more choice to consumers and ultimately change the publishing and book retailing industry. "For book lovers it is able to bring rare works back into production and aspiring authors will be able to see their own work in print. By helping to eliminate unwanted returns, this will also help to reduce a book's carbon footprint."
http://www.ondemandbooks.com/hardware.htm
YouTube demo:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMFh5axDKWU
Maitland Gaol
Australia's Most Haunted Gaol
‘During the 154 years the maximum security gaol was in use, it housed murderers, rapists, serial killers, armed robbers, escape artists and petty criminals. A total of 16 executions took place there, the last in 1897, and countless murders and suicides have been recorded. The bodies of those executed were buried beneath the courtyard. Only 11 prisoners ever managed to escape the walls of Maitland Gaol, all of which were recaptured.
The gaol was home to many infamous inmates, criminals like serial killer Ivan Milat, convicted drug trafficker George Savvas, armed robber and escape artist Darcy Dugan, underworld identity Jack Chow Hayes and career criminal Edward James "Jockey" Smith. The Anita Cobby, Leigh Lee and Janine Balding murderers, Ebony Simpson's killer and David Eastman, who was responsible for shooting Assistant Commissioner Colin Winchester dead outside his ACT home in 1989, have also served time there. Notorious convicted murderer George Ward, just one of the many hanged within the gaol, met his fate on October 20, 1848 before a crowd of several hundred people.
In January 1998 the gaol was finally closed, deemed unsuitable to house inmates due to the poor conditions. Security was also a concern, as it did not meet community expectations. When you see just how close the gaol is to the civilian housing you'll understand.’
http://www.paranormalaustralia.com/hauntings/maitlandgaol.html
http://www.maitlandgaol.com.au
BUDDY RICH DRUM BATTLE WITH JERRY LEWIS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os2gXs5rVHM
What I’m Reading This Week
BY HEART – 101 Poems to Remember, edited by Ted Hughes (I know: boo hiss.). But this unique little anthology – none of his own work - is all about the art of memorizing poetry – some techniques on how to do it – and a selection of brilliant poems by Yeats, Donne, Plath and many others. Hughes was a much better editor than poet.
THE FATHER – by Sharon Olds.
A sequence of reflections, a daughter’s vision of her father’s illness and death. Beautifully written, but something strangely voyeuristic and distant about her ability to observe such minute details during such an emotionally cathartic and personal time. It’s almost like she had a video camera in her head on extreme close-up recording the entire dying process – instead of being there for her dad 100 percent totally in his last moments. I could be mistaken. But I find this book difficult to read for any length of time.
The following are dvds I brought back from the States:
What I’m Watching This Week
STAR TREK (2009) - directed by J.J. Abrams. Possibly the greatest prequel ever made. The beginnings of all the characters, uncannily cast, how they arrived as part of the crew of the Enterprise, brilliant special effects, the destruction of Vulcan, the death of Spock’s mother and the dynamic acting brought tears to my eyes several times. A film to own and watch again. What a trip! Eric Bana plays the menacing Romulan commander. Taking the grandkids to see this on the big screen.
HOUSE OF SADDAM - four part miniseries that charts the rise and fall of Saddam Hussein. A co-production between BBC Television and HBO films. Described as "the Sopranos with Scud missiles". Part soap, part reality. As in all good gangster dramas, it shows the family side in great detail. We watched all four episodes in one sitting.
RELIGULOUS - directed by Larry Charles, the director of Borat.. With Bill Maher. Bill Maher's take on the current state of world religion. Fascinating documentary which is a mix of Sacha Baron Cohen, John Saffron and Woody Allen. Maher, who is jewish, was raised in a family of four where three members were Catholic, but his mother stayed Jewish! (She never went to church.) Later, his father dropped out of the Catholic Church over the issue of contraception, which was considered a sin. Maher’s basic strategy in this doco is to neutralize the big Three: Islam, Christianity and Judaism, and while he makes an admirable attempt (‘”I practice the religion of I Don’t Know: I bring the element of Doubt in a world full of religious Certainty,”) he omits the importance of one essential and vital ingredient: Mystical Vision – the one thing that every artist understands instinctively, and the hidden Landmass under every visible Island of religious and mythological belief. ‘Without Vision, the People Perish.’
Perhaps that is also the most practical definition of the so-called End Times – simple lack of Vision.
OUTLANDER - directed by Howard McCain. With James Caviezel, Sophia Myles, Jack Huston. During the reign of the Vikings, Kainan, a man from a far-off world, crash lands on Earth, bringing with him an alien predator known as the Moorwen. Though both man and monster are seeking revenge for violence committed against them, Kainan leads the alliance to kill the Moorwen by fusing his advanced technology with the Viking's Iron Age weaponry.
MASTERS OF SCIENCE FICTION - narrated by Stephen Hawking. A 6-part twilight-zone-like series adapting science-fiction stories by well-known authors into 60 minute episodes, introduced by renowned physicist Stephen Hawking. Stories filmed included those of authors Robert Heinlein & Robert Sheckley, historical novelist Howard Fast and mystery novelist Walter Mosley.
KATH & KIM (US SERIES 1) - with Selma Blair & Molly Shannon. US version of the hit Australian comedy. I just wanted to see what they did to our Kath & Kim and I can confirm that they made a mess. Why? They failed to understand the type of Australian that Kath & Kim represent and pick the appropriate American counterpart. The Beverly Hillbillies comes closer to the mark than the Valley Girl type of girls they have chosen. There is no US equivalent of the Australian bogan but I think the caricature of the hillbilly is pretty close.
What I’m Listening to This Week
RUTHIE & THE WRANGLERS – ‘Americana Express’.
One of the pleasant surprises of having such a wide-ranging newsletter is that I keep running into exciting fellow artists that I didn’t even know were on my list! Ruthie Logsdon has been a longtime reader and she sent me this new album. I liked the title straight up. (Maybe their next one could be ‘By the Banks of America.’) Here are some excerpts from the excellent reviews her hot group has garnered in the States:
"... Ruthie Logsdon and the Wranglers play some of the best honky-tonk music you can find. Ruthie and her guitar-slinging, finger picking Wranglers perform honky-tonk country music the way Hank Williams (Sr.) his-own-self intended it!” Dirty Linen,
"Logsdon is one of the most engaging country singers on the road today." San Antonio Express News
http://www.ruthieandthewranglers.com/
Saved by The Pizza – The Secret Behind Jamie Neale's Survival?
Times Online
A feast of pizza on the night before he went hiking may have contributed to the miraculous survival of the British backpacker Jamie Neale, who returned to civilisation on Wednesday after wandering for 12 days in the Australian bush. The 19-year-old, whose father Richard Cass had given him up for dead, told his father yesterday that he had enjoyed a meal of several pizzas at his youth hostel in Katoomba, west of Sydney, before setting off into the Blue Mountains on July 3.
Paul Luckin, an Australian survival expert, said that the carbohydrate and calories from the pizza would have given Mr Neale the short-term benefit of an “extra burst of reserves”, enough to last him up to two days, although after that hunger would have set in.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article6715852.ece
(Note: A meal of several pizzas! Italians have always known this little survival trip. A big belly (on a ‘man of respect’) will give you up to two months of extra reserves in a tight situation. Of course, you can’ t walk that far without sitting down a lot and there is the added danger of getting stuck in crevasses. Here is my Ode to Pizza and a few others:
http://difficultwomen.tripod.com/pizzapizza/
Japanese Pizza Songs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Se9lySMlfRw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FBsDaB6Jxzw&feature=related
Signing Pizza Song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnfDVisAzjo
Truth After 42 Years: Beatles Banned From Israel For Fear of Influence on Youth
by Toni O'Loughlin
JERUSALEM - Forty-two years after Israel banned John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr from playing to the nation, the truth about its Beatlephobia has finally been revealed. Still reeling from the sight of Israeli teenagers swooning to the tunes of Cliff Richard in 1963, Israel's publicly appointed guardians of good taste and morality, the interdepartmental committee for authorising the importation of foreign artists, refused their entry.
Determined to prevent another outbreak of mass hysteria, the 13 member committee of politicians and civil servants whose job it was to assess the artistic merit of foreign acts resolved to be "vigilant". As a result, the 1964 request to bring to Israel, the Rhythm Beatles - as they were called in Hebrew - was roundly rejected in the committee's resolution 691, which reads: "Resolved: Not to allow the request for fear that the performances by the Beatles are liable to have a negative influence on the [country's] youth."
http://www.commondreams.org/headline/2008/09/22-5
FAVOURITE BYLINE OF THE WEEK
UK Student Jailed for Suicide Bomb Plot
Andrew Ibrahim, also known as Isa Ibrahim, was found guilty on Friday of plotting to blow himself up with intent to endanger life or cause serious injury in Bristol, southwest England.
(Note: Eh duh!)
~ FAMOUS DOLCES OF THE WORLD ~
Dr Lucia Dolce
Laurea MA (Venice); PhD (Leiden)
Lucia Dolce specialises in Japanese religions and thought, with a particular research interest in the religiosity of the medieval period, including millenarian ideas and prophetic writings, the esotericisation of religious practice, and kami-Buddhas associations. She is also interested in Chinese Buddhist thought and in popular religion in contemporary Japan.
Dolce, Lucia (2006) 'Reconsidering the Taxonomy of the Esoteric. Hermeneutical and Ritual Practices of the Lotus Sutra.' In: Scheid, B. and Teeuwen, M., (eds.), The Culture of Secrecy in Japanese Religion. Routledge.
http://www.rituals-2008.com/p_16.php
RECIPE
Jerk Ham
3kg leg of ham (pre-cooked with skin on)
Jerk seasoning:
5 cloves garlic, finely chopped
5 scotch bonnet peppers, deseeded, then chopped
4 red shallots, peeled and diced
1 bunch chives, chopped
1 tbsp caster sugar
12 sprigs fresh thyme
3 fresh bay leaves
2 tbsp each ground allspice,ground nutmeg, ground cloves
sea salt
125ml golden rum
125ml malt vinegar
Glaze:
3 tbsp marmalade
250ml orange juice
125ml golden rum
1. Carefully remove the skin, keeping the fat attached to the ham. With a sharp knife, score the ham by making diagonal cuts across the leg.
2. To make jerk seasoning, blend all the ingredients in a food processor until smooth. Rub the jerk seasoning all over the ham and scored fat. Cover in plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight or for 24 hours.
3. Preheat the oven to 180˚C/gas 4. Combine glaze ingredients in a bowl. Remove ham from the fridge, scrape off excess seasoning and bake for an hour. Remove from oven, brush with glaze, then continue cooking the ham for another 30–40 minutes, basting with glaze every 10 minutes until crisp, golden and sticky.
(thanks to Jamie Oliver)
J EFFEN K
Time upon a once
an ago time along
when America was so grand-
Stand free of the home-
Less and a brave land
and reporters exploded flashguns,
before schoolguns flashed,
when priests were lit with God,
and Superman said please
and politicians held little johnnies
and doctors killed disease,
a boy was a once
sat at a schooldesk gazing
and the principal’s voice,
like a loud god amazing
on the class intercom
could stop Chemistry.
When tvs looked like fishbowls
and mom ironed shirts,
sewed holes
and cooked dinners
and secretaries ran the switchboard poles
and dad shoveled snow in winters
before doctors were in newspapers
and priests touched little johnnies
there above the knees
and politicians talked to God
and reporters spread contagious disease,
a boy was a once
in a far land aways
ever happily after
catching a ball
once,
(before replays)
and journalists cried
when honesty died.
Before Marilyns were breathless -
gangsters were just Cagney
or Edward G
and Oswald was a flying owl
and Superman flew on TV,
before television was a fishbowl
and dad fucked the secretaries
(he had to work late, see?)
and mom stopped eating,
and snow buried memories,
a boy was a once,
fell asleep at a book,
flew out of the schoolroom,
hit the ground, bounced,
scraping a knee,
and up for better look,
got caught in a tree,
when doctors gave shots
for scrapes,
and measles and mumps,
and out of a window
Superman jumped
but could no longer fly,
before Clark Kent died,
before Elvis was shot,
Needles
played records,
before Sinatra got fat
and mom and dad fought
and sparrows sang flat
and journalists wrote
like birds
and men
like Walter Cronkite cried
when he heard
J Effen K had died.
~ Joe Dolce ~
THE FINAL HURRAH
Give me a Bb
It was the Fourth of July. The band was in their shirt sleeves and
getting ready to rise for the director.
The oboist was setting up his tuner and sounding the Bb. But it was
wrong, so he tried a new reed. As he put the reed into his mouth, he
accidentally inhaled it and began choking.
He gestured to the director, who waved back, pointing to his watch.
The disparate oboist threw his music stand to the ground and stomped it
to smithereens. The band director stormed over to give a lecture to what
he thought was an outburst from yet another temperamental oboist.
But he saw the poor guy was choking and turning purple. By now the
oboist was on the ground and pounding the floor of the gazebo. Some say
he even tried to shove the oboe down his throat to dislodge the reed.
This was never verified.
The band director grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911. The voice came
through the telephone and the director explained the situation. The 911
dispatcher reassured the director that help was on its way.
"Do you know what to do until we get there?" asked the dispatcher.
"Yes!" replied the band director. "We are going to use a muted trumpet".
(thanks to waylandn)
