JOE DOLCE NEWSLETTER
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Friday June 26th, 2009
"What is success?
It is a toy balloon among children armed with pins."
Gene Fowler
Hi folks,
This week is Lin and my 29th Anniversary and as I have mentioned before, as there is no Hall of Fame or Sidewalk of Stars for people who stay together creatively for the long haul, I think it is important to celebrate these kind of REAL achievements, not just the BS that the media think is important. So, to paraphrase Walt Whitman: I Celebrate Ourselves!
I ’ve sold my first poem to a major Australian poetry periodical so that is another cause for celebration this week. I will give more details closer to the date and I will now be publishing my first book of poems early in 2010. Writing and reading serious stand-alone poetry - and understanding the difference between poetry and songlyrics - is part of what I consider essential in narrowing the gap and pushing the boundaries forward of the contemporary singer-songwriter-composer.
Many of you might be familiar with uTorrent, a file-sharing platform, which has earned the reputation as the most used BitTorrent client and the second most popular P2P application. BitTorrent, Inc. claims that there are at least 28 million unique users using µTorrent per month. The Pirate Bay is a Swedish website that indexes and tracks BitTorrent (.torrent) files. The Prate Bay has been involved in a number of lawsuits, both as the plaintiff and as the defendant. On April 17, 2009 Peter Sunde, Fredrik Neij, Gottfrid Svartholm and Carl Lundström were found guilty of assistance to copyright infringement and sentenced to one year in prison and payment of a fine of 3,620,000 USD, after a trial of nine days. The defendants have appealed against the verdict and the judge was accused of bias. Despite the trial the website has been unaffected. Have a read through some of the outrageous replies they make to various threats delivered against them by the major media companies. Here’s an excerpt from one of their replies to a cease and desist order from Dreamworks:
“ To Dreamworks -
As you may or may not be aware, Sweden is not a state in the United States of America.
Sweden is a country in northern Europe.
Unless you figured it out by now, US law does not apply here.
For your information, no Swedish law is being violated.
It is the opinion of us and our lawyers that you are ....... morons, and that you should please go sodomize yourself with retractable batons.”
http://thepiratebay.org/legal
FAVOURITE LETTERS OF THE WEEK
Hi Joe,
Glad to see that you enjoyed Firefly, was it the movie, or the series, as you need to see the series (avail on DVD) before you see the movie. can arrange if you're missing either. Enjoy your newsletter, though like many others, don't know how I got on your mail list mwh cares, keep them coming.
BUT KEEP UP THE "FINAL HURRAH" SECTION it's a treat. Rick Saur
(Note: Rick, the series is the masterpiece but the movie is nice too – kind of like the Star Trek films compared to the incomparable classic series.)
Buon Giorno Joe
I remembered you occasionally feature bizarre spam headings and I had to share this one:
‘Her beaver needs more times a night vertebrati on categorical degrading soundminded’
I never thought we'd get stream of consciousness viagra....now I can mix it with William S Burroughs and die happy.
Yours in gleeful silliness, Neilzebub
(Note: I wonder if that definition of soundmind would stand up in a Will? Perhaps my lawyer friend, singer-songwriter, Judy Small has a legal opinion on this she’d like to share?)
Hey Joe,
About the Sun as a Red Giant.....we may not be living here on Earth anyway. It could be a figment of our collected imagination. (-;
Regards, Judith McNeil
Joe,
Re: The Spirit Room
i was literally in the act of writing the word "spirit" on a 60th birthday card to a friend when your newsletter came! neat, but a little bit scary too!! xo joan besen
Greetings from WA Joe!
How is it going with the Swine Flu over there in Victoria??The sun is so hot here I'm Bacon- the beach was beaut except for the sunburn - the doctor didn't want to make any rasher promises so he told me to put on some oinkment, anyway its cured itself. A serious warning! If you get an email from the Health Department telling you not to eat tinned pork, ignore it. It’s spam. well what did you expect from an old Ham?? best regards, Giri
(Note: Giri, I’m sure I don’t have to remind you but the pig (or swine) is a genus of even-toed ungulates within the family Suidae, so count your toes before pointing the hoof at others. Compared to other artiodactyles, a pig’s head is relatively long and free of warts which is why they look good in Groucho Marx glasses. Pigs have a full set of 44 teeth and may eat their own young if they become severely stressed, similar to many agents in the entertainment industry. Pigs do not have functional sweat glands which is one reason why they are no fun in the sauna and various species include the Bearded Pig, Oliver's Warty Pig , The Pygmy Hog and the black Creole Pig of Haiti, of which the most famous example is Porky ‘Papa Doc’ Pig. Saint Anthony is the patron saint of swineherds so remember to avoid sharing a bong with people named Tony and, of course, Circe.)
“Balloon: Thing to take meteroric observations and commit suicide with.” Mark Twain
Doctors on the Stimulus Bill
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.
Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while Pediatricians said, 'Oh, Grow up!'
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.
Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter."
Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the folks in Washington.
(thanks to Stevanne)
What I’m Reading This Week
The Selected Poems of Emily Dickinson.
The Leaves of Grass, by Walt Whitman.
What I’m Watching This Week
24 –Season 1 – with Kiefer Sutherland. Rewatching this first groundbreaking series after a seven year break, I am reminded how ahead of its time it was. Firstly, it is in realtime – all action happens within 24 hours – one hour of real time (actually about 45 minutes with commercial breaks!) and secondly, it projects the first black senator-soon-to-be-president, David Palmer. The plot centers around an attempt to assassinate the black senator before he can become president- and how the tragedy of that kind of thing would tear America apart. Sound close to home? This was seven years ago.
The next four POETRY DVDS are all obtained via mail-order from the US on Amazon.com:
The Belle of Amherst – Director: Charles Dubin. Julie Harris as Emily Dickinson in this reprise of the award-winning play. One of the most staggering dramatizations of an artist I have ever seen. Harris brings Dickinson to life laughing, crying, yelling – wow! An emotion-filled wonderland of language. You will never read her poems the same way after you hear them like this.
Walt Whitman – written and directed by Mark Zwonitzer. Tracks Whitman's experience as a provocative young writer and editor in mid-19th-century New York City, a visitor dazzled by New Orleans, a volunteer who helped injured soldiers during the Civil War and an infirm older man who amended Leaves of Grass in the years leading up to his death at 72 in 1892. Over time, the work grew from 12 poems in 95 pages to more than 300 poems in 400 pages. Although Leaves of Grass is now considered a great work, it was reviled by many critics after Whitman self-published (Take note!) - in 1855.
Ie. -
“ We had hoped that the small reception accorded to his first performance had deterred Mr. WHITMAN from fresh trespasses in the realms of literature. Several years had passed away, his worse than worthless book had been forgotten, and we hoped that this Apollo of the Brooklyn marshes had returned to his native mud. But we grieve to say he revived last week, and although somewhat changed, changed very little for the better. We do not find so much that is offensive, but we do find a vast amount of irreclaimable drivel and inexplicable nonsense.
The Cincinnati Daily Commercial 1859.
http://www.whitmanarchive.org/criticism/reviews/a_child/anc.00177.html
Folks, the ultimate revenge on a bad review- and narrow-minded reviewer. This loudmouthed seemingly educated and know-it-all critic will live in assholeness for all eternity attached like a parasite to Whitman’s vision. Whitman sold only about two dozen copies of Leaves of Grass, and many people took issue with his rejection of traditional rhyme and meter and his celebration of the sensuality of the human body. Even one of his supporters, Ralph Waldo Emerson, tried to get Whitman to cut some of the more erotic material. Today, Whitman is recognized as one of the first true voices in American poetry and over a million copies of Leaves of Grass are in print. Great documentary!
The United States of Poetry – Relative unknowns sit right alongside big guns like Leonard Cohen, Robert Creeley, Amiri Baraka, and Joseph Brodsky on this disc. The works run from sexy murmurs to social commentary, from found poetry snatches to outright comic rants, such as Matt Cook's hilarious "James Joyce," wherein Cook moans, "James Joyce is stupid. I'd rather throw dead batteries at cows than read him."
Poetry in Motion – More than 20 contemporary North American poets recite, sing, and perform their work. Several also comment. Early in the film, Charles Bukowski talks about the energy of poets and of a poem. These poets are energetic performers, and their poems are meant to be heard. These poets are the children of Walt Whitman and of Charles Olson, incantatory and oratorical, radical, sometimes incorporating contemporary political imagery. Black Mountain poets, the Beats, minimalists like John Cage, the wordless Four Horsemen, Tom Waits, and others capture aspects of poets as troubadours
e.e. cummings – An American Original – Edward Estlin Cummings, a poet, playwright, prose writer, and painter, lived a bohemian life in Greenwich Village, New York, for over forty years. Cummings gained notoriety for his various innovative artistic devices, in which the meaning of a poem was often encrypted in the mechanics of writing itself. Typography, punctuation, grammar, syntax, and diction were among the devices this revolutionary poet employed to express himself in an unique way, as he celebrated life and love and individual freedom. The film is set in Greenwich Village, with readings from his work.
in Just-
spring when the world is mud-
luscious the little
lame balloonman
whistles far and wee
and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies and it's
spring
when the world is puddle-wonderful
the queer
old balloonman whistles
far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing
from hop-scotch and jump-rope and
it's
spring
and
the
goat-footed
balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee
~ e.e. cummings ~
What I’m Listening to This Week
The ABS – UK pop band from the 80s that did one of the hottest cover versions of ‘Shaddap You Face’ so far. I’ve contacted the band in the UK and am attempting to locate some archival material to put their version up on YouTube – that’s how much I like it! -
https://shop.karussell.de/detailanz/produktanzeige.rt?prid=559704
“Hands, do what you're bid;
Bring the balloon of the mind
That bellies and drags in the wind
Into its narrow shed.”
William Butler Yeats
Pensioners Torture Financial Adviser
Timesonline
A financial adviser has barely escaped with his life after being beaten and held hostage for four days by a gang of old-age pensioners.
American James Amburn was beaten until his ribs broke, burnt with cigarettes and hit with a Zimmer frame by the gang of five pensioners furious that he'd lost their £2 million ($4.1 million) savings.
Living in Germany, Mr Amburn was ambushed as he left a cafe and driven in the boot of an Audi to a house, where he was dumped in a cellar.
"I was jumped from the rear and struck," he told UK tabloid The Sun.
"Then they bound me like a mummy with masking tape. It took them quite a while because they ran out of breath."
In four days, the pensioners fed him just two bowls of soup, burned him with cigarettes and threatened to kill him "again and again", angry that he had invested their money in a failed Florida property scheme.
He escaped once but was recaptured and beaten until his ribs broke.
Mr Amburn was eventually rescued after convincing his captors to let him fax a Swiss bank in an attempt to get their money.
He left a note for police at the bottom of the fax and armed cops stormed the house in Bavaria on Saturday.
The "Furious Five" as they have been dubbed, face 15-year sentences for hostage-taking and torture.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article6565206.ece
'Husband-Beating' on the Rise
AAP
It's been revealed that women are becoming more violent towards their partners.
Figures from the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics show the number of women charged with domestic violence-related assault has increased dramatically.
The figures show 2,336 women faced court on charges of domestic violence in 2007, mainly for bashing their husbands, compared with just 818 in 1999.
News Ltd says men's groups say they're happy that police are finally taking men seriously, but it's still hard for husbands to admit they've been attacked by their wives.
Research shows women tend to use guns, knives, boiling liquids and irons to attack their partners.
The increase in violence, which is often fuelled by alcohol, has sparked calls for refuges for men.
Assistant Commissioner Mark Murdoch says there's no definitive explanation for the increasing number of women being prosecuted for domestic violence offences.
‘I couldn't pronounce Arnold Schwarzenegger,
so I called him Balloon Belly.’
Joe Gold, Founder of Gold's Gym
~ FAMOUS DOLCES OF THE WORLD ~
JOE DOLCE 12
Myspace Doppelgänger
Joe Dolce 12 has 97 friends and 18,000 hits on his site. But it’s not me!
I don’t know who this person is but whomever it is, it’s better than having a secretary.
More like a clone.
Joe Dolce 12 sends birthday greetings to people on my behalf, puts their messages up -
actually does Joe Dolce better than I do.
Here are some of the grateful responses Joe Dolce 12 elicits:
‘Thanks for the add. You will always be a legend Joe!!!
Deb in Oz
‘I used to work as a milkman in South West Wales (UK) and the guy
I worked for used to sing "Shaddap You Face" whilst driving round.
Joe you are a legend who made delivering milk an enjoyable job.’
taffi
‘Thanks for the comment joe!!! thats so cool that You said happy bday!’
Lay Low [CC]
http://www.myspace.com/joedolce12
“We introduce a balloon of half a liter volume (about a pint) in the stomach
and inflate it so it takes up space and helps slow down the eating.
This causes a sense of fullness, and the patient is helped to lose weight.”
Dr. Nicola Basso
RECIPE
MOULDED CUSTARD OF BACCALA WITH MUSHROOMS LOMBARDY-STYLE
700 gr baccala
700 gr potatoes
25 gr di dry mushrooms
130 gr of butter
4 egg yolks
60 gr flour
600 ml milk
1 carrot, finely diced
1 onion, finely diced
1 stalk of celery, finely diced
3 tbles grated parmesan cheese
salt
Cook baccala for 30 minutes in hot water. Drain.
Break into flakes, removing all bones and skin.
In another pot, boil the potatoes for 30 minutes.
When they are ready, peel and pass through a potato grater.
In a separate pan, melt 40 gr of butter and make a sofrito of celery, onions and carrots. Fold into the potatoes with the parmesan cheese. Warm over low heat, add egg yolks and stir.
Soak the dried mushrooms in warm water, drain and reserve water. Chop mushrooms roughly. Melt 80 gr butter in saucepan and add the mushrooms. Cook for a few minutes.
Add the flour and the warm milk to make a béchamel sauce.
When ready, add the flaked baccala.
Layer in a casserole dish with the potato mixture.
Bake in a 190 oven for 40 minutes.
XXIII
You've seen balloons set, haven't you?
So stately they ascend
It is as swans discarded you
For duties diamond.
Their liquid feet go softly out
Upon a sea of blond;
They spurn the air as 't were too mean
For creatures so renowned.
Their ribbons just beyond the eye,
They struggle some for breath,
And yet the crowd applauds below;
They would not encore death.
The gilded creature strains and spins,
Trips frantic in a tree,
Tears open her imperial veins
And tumbles in the sea.
The crowd retire with an oath
The dust in streets goes down,
And clerks in counting-rooms observe,
''T was only a balloon.'
~ Emily Dickinson ~
THE FINAL HURRAH
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a Great Gift for the Wife
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects
of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to
safety....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I
loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I
was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and
pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the
face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I
sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)
while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try
this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought
about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it.
She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife
to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would
work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and
tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause
muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two
itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What
happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.. .?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from
such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give
myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my
naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD ... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ... WHAT A TERROR
MACHINE!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had
never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace,
obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all
over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of
caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a
violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
IT HURT LIKE FIRE!!!
A minute or so later (I can' t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that
point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed
the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally
was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face
felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88
lbs . I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my
sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my privates and I'm
offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.S. My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and
now regularly threatens me with it!
(thanks to Rick Saur)
