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Friday March 6th, 2009

Talk After the Beep

"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the
established authorities are wrong."

Hi folks,

One of the most frustrating things is arguing with someone – someone who possesses superior debating skills than you do -   about something YOU care about, when you know the other person doesn’t really give a flying fuck about what they’re arguing about. (Make sense?) Because a trained debater – like a skilled lawyer – can defend and arouse sympathy for a position that they neither agree with nor even believe in. Keep this in mind the next time you are trying to express yourself to one of these oratorical troglodytes.

“ The major goal of the study of debate as a method or art is to develop one's ability to play from either position with equal ease. To inexperienced debaters, some propositions appear easier to defend or to destroy; to experienced debaters, any proposition can be defended or destroyed after the same amount of preparation time, usually quite short. Lawyers argue forcefully on behalf of their client, even if the facts appear against them. However one large misconception about debate is that it is all about argument; it is not.”  wikipedia

So, if it’s not about argument, then what is it about? Winning. Power. A person who can speak passionately – and convincingly -  about something that they don’t believe in, in the world of trade, is also commonly known as a conman. A Maori muso friend of mine, after listening to me whinge about someone who ripped me off, said: ‘There’s only one way to deal with a conman, Joe: physical violence.’  

Now, folks, I don’t subscribe to that philosophy. But I have never forgotten the simple street wisdom of it. Sometimes it’s better to just smile when encountering one of these knuckleheads. Make a joke.  Or, if you have enough life, you could learn the great Art of Debating – an endeavor as complex as any martial art.  Then you can always sound wise and right. Even if you are dead wrong.

Here’s a link to one of many online helpguides to assist you in learning to debate:

"Bene' disserere est finis logices"
(the end of logic is to dispute well)

Following on the heels on Leonard Cohen’s (who, by the way, was also once president of the McGill University Debating Union) successful touring model, Van Morrison is now doing a world tour based around his first album, Astral Weeks. Let’s call it the As We Remember Him tour. Of course, it will draw old fans in droves because this particular record – much like the main body of Cohen’s greatest writing -  came during the Golden Age of Folk Rock, when most of us were falling in love and discovering music and poetry itself for the first time.

But Van Morrison is not the same artist today who wrote and recorded that great album way back then. So buyer beware.  Judging by before and after pictures,  Van and Elvis frequented the same late night diners.  But definitely go to the concert, if you can afford it. Go for the nostalgia. Go to see an old friend.  Even go to see a hard working performer (which is NOT the same as a great writer.) But if you want the real Astral Weeks, and to be young again, go listen to the album.

I guess we can expect Joni Mitchel to do a Blue tour now, and, let me see . . .  what were the other seminal albums from the early 70s (and who else is still alive? Every band has lost somebody.) . . . Roger McGuinn doing a Mr Tambourine Man tour, the Who doing a My Generation tour, the Animals doing a House of the Rising Sun tour,  The Beach Boys Little Deuce Coup tour, The Kinks, You Really Got Me tour, Simon and Garfunkle, Book Ends tour, Sly and the Family Stone,  Stand tour, the Band,  Music from Big Pink tour, the Velvet Underground,  Banana album tour - not to mention  The Zombies,  The Hollies, Dave Clark Five, Chad and Jeremy, Gerry and the Pacemakers, Freddie and the Dreamers,  Herman's Hermits,  Manfred Mann, Peter and Gordon, The Searchers, The Swinging Blue Jeans, The Tremeloes, The Troggs  etc etc.

Van Morrison on Astral Weeks: Why I Had to Go Back to My Soul Classic
Last November, 40 years after its release, Van Morrison performed his classic album Astral Weeks at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles. In April he will bring the same show to the UK. Ahead of the LA dates - now released as a live album - he talked to Scott Foundas about the reasons behind a decision that has delighted thousands of fans.

Question for the Universe: I wonder if Bach, Beethoven or Homer did these kind of nostalgia tours to make money (‘Ludwig, come on! Play the Moonlight Sonata!’) – or if, instead, they continued, eyes focused, to grow and improve their skill in quantum leaps way beyond the abilities of any contemporary audience to follow or even understand them?

Life Imitates Art

Leave God a Message at His Dutch Answering Service
AMSTERDAM (Reuters Life!) - God is taking calls.
Dutch artist Johan van der Dong has set up a local telephone number in the Netherlands, where he urges people to leave messages for God on his answering machine.
Van der Dong said he set up the number to give people an opportunity to take pause and contemplate life.
"Like praying, leaving a voicemail message is a way to organize your thoughts," he said. "It's a perfect combination for some contemplation."
Callers dialing 06-4424-4901 (or +316-4424-4901 if calling from outside the Netherlands) from March 7 will hear.
"Hi, you are speaking to God. I'm not in right now so leave a message after the beep."
(Reporting by Elke Bun, editing by Paul Casciato)

(Note:  What a great name for an artist: Van der Dong! What goes around comes around - eight years ago, I wrote a song called ‘God is Dead, Marx is Dead (and I’m Not Feeling Too Good Myself)’.

The second verse goes:

‘The last time I went to confession,
The priest was nowhere to be seen.
I heard a voice, behind the curtain, say, ‘Talk after the beep,’
Coming from an answering machine.

God is dead, Marx is dead,
And I’m not feeling that good myself.’

"A famous writer who wants to continue writing has to be constantly defending himself against fame."
Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Guantanamo Bay  - Live-in-Concert

Many of you may recall, some issues ago, the little story about my writing a parody of the classic Cuban song, Guantanamera, (which means ‘Girl from Guantanamo Bay’.)  I wanted to record this protest song-parody on my last album, but the Cuban publishers wouldn’t grant me permission. Among many reasons given to me - one that particularly stood out  - was this one: apparently once a song has been ‘tainted’ with a political message, it lessens its potential for future advertising.  (Hmmm . . . I can’t recall reading that theory anywhere in Marx or Lenin.)
    Anyway, here’s a live performance I did of  ‘Guantanamo Bay’ that was taped at last month’s Melbourne Pen Writer’s Benefit in St Kilda.
It appeared on Channel 31, The Shtick , Episode 15.13, Segment 2, introduced by Henry Greener. (Warren Wills does the introduction at the concert. The song comes in at about 3:00 into the program.)

(The Shtick -

“To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.”
A. Bronson Alcott, father of Louisa May Alcott


Hi Joe,
Re: Red Ants Tics and Midges
And thanks again for the entertainment.  Which I guess is what you've been doing for years, just a written extension to the stage.  And thanks for the kind words about my poems.  I'm at home for the week in my little music room in Frankston and can smell smoke this morning as I write.  Fingers crossed that today, which is s'posed to hit 38 deg (C) with strong winds and thunderstorms doesn't bring the devastation of a couple weeks ago. I have a song on Youtube now with a couple to follow.  just punch in the name if you'd like to see what I used to do on stage.  Keep on choogling along...  Billy

Re: Red Ants Tics and Midges
I disagree with this statement (below) completely:

 "Maturity includes the recognition that no one
    is going to see anything in us that we don't see in ourselves.
    Stop waiting for a producer.  Produce yourself." Marianne Williamson

Sometimes our friends see what is in our blind spots, even when we are "mature" adults.
(Same is true for our enemies) BH

(Note: Dear BH, I understand your point of view and the way you are interpreting the quote.  Our friends and loved ones are capable of sometimes seeing both the positive and negative things we overlook. However, I ask you to look at the context that the statement was made in - and see specifically what is being pointed out, ie. ‘looking for a producer to see something in you.’ Of course, our friends can tell us when we have bad breath or when we look good in a pair of pants. But this comment is addressed specifically to the people who are looking for the ‘big daddy or mommy’ manager or record company executive to ‘make it happen’ for them. In the specific context, it is dead accurate and encourages one just get on with it and to do it yourself!)

Dear Joe -
Re: Red Ants Tics and Midges & Shaddapa Your Vienna
Makes you wonder how those red ants survive, don't it? I'm glad there aren't a family waiting to pounce on me every time I emerge to breed. As it were.
 Anyway, I thought maybe you should forget about world events for a while and concentrate on a Ure / Dolce Peace Process. Here is Midge Ure's actual email address (from his website)....yes, I do have too much time on my hands....actually, no, I have a stack of things to do, I just am great at procrastinating....:
 Now what about you run a competition amongst your readers to come up with the most eloquent email to convince the Midgester that it is time he and you got together in the name of forgiving, forgetting, and musicality. I mean, clearly he has no idea of your prodigious talents and thinks you are merely Mr Shaddappa (cue Mr Ure gritting his teeth). And who knows, perhaps Midge has many musical gems to offer that have hitherto been hidden from those of us groaning under the weight of Vienna. (Actually I kind of liked Vienna, but don't hold that against me. And another confession: I did go out with a guy once whose last name was Ure, and all my friends insisted on calling him Mr Urine. Perhaps Midge has suffered from a similar problem and therefore prefers to go with his insectical nickname.)
(Also I found out that John Lennon (who'd just been assassinated) kept Vienna out of the No. 1 spot for quite a number of weeks. But you don't hear anyone slagging HIM off, do you!?!!)
To get you started, ten things you may not have known about Midge Ure (and associates)....yes, alright, I am way too good at procrastinating:
1. He once played in a punk band with Glen Matlock of the Sex Pistols
2. He also played and co/wrote with Phil Lynott for the Thin Lizzy album Black Rose
3. He holds not one, not two, not three, but FOUR honorary university doctorates for his contributions to musical and humanitarian achievements.
4. He is still good friends with first wife Annabel Giles, (who became a model for Max Factor after being expelled from school at 16)
5. He loves to cook and progressed to the final of Celebrity Masterchef 2007, but lost out to Nadia Sawalha (UK television actor and presenter and sister of Julia Sawalha, who played Saffron in Absolutely Fabulous).
6. His song "If I Was" has been adopted as the "anthem" of Latvian pro-independence protesters.
7. His mother still calls him Jim (his real name = "Midge" is actually "Mij", ie Jim backwards.
8. At the Live 8 concert in Murrayfield, Scotland, he played Vienna with comedian/actor Eddie Izzard on piano.
9. The house band were playing "Food Glorious Food" at the moment he went up on stage to receive his OBE.
10. He has a sense of humour, saying that Ultravox's final album U-Vox "should have been called "U-bend".
Now come on, you have things in common and surely you can create a Dolce / Ure Peace Summit. The world needs it!!! Best of luck,  Justine Stewart

Justine, ok –  in the interests of World Peace, I’ll try.  Henceforth, I will include Vienna in any future list of my top ten favourite singles:

1. Joe Dolce - Shaddap You Face
2. Joe Dolce - Son Of Shaddap You Face
3. Joe Dolce - Bride Of Shaddap You Face
4. Joe Dolce - Shaddap You Face Vs Godzilla
5. Joe Dolce - Highway To Shaddap You Face
6. Joe Dolce - The Pub With No Shaddap You Face
7. Joe Dolce - Sadie The Shaddap You Face Lady
8. Joe Dolce - Six Days In A Leaky Shaddap You Face
9. Joe Dolce - Tie Me Shaddap You Face Down, Sport
10. Ultravox - Vienna  

Favorite Mentions of  Shaddap You Face  This Week

‘My father would sing this to me when I would ask, "are we there yet........are we there yet.......are we there yet?!"’ BestWifeEvar

‘.. ǝɔɐɟ ɹnoʎ dn ɐʇʇnɥs˙˙ noʎ ɥʇıʍ ɹǝʇʇɐɯ ɐ sʇɐɥʍ’   knutervalve64
(Note: Figure out how he did THAT, folks!  . . . . . . . Answer at bottom of Newsletter.)


The Breast Cancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on 'donating a mammogram' for free (pink window in the middle).
This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising...
Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know.
(thanks to Sara and Blaise Van Hecke)

"The know-nothings are, unfortunately, seldom the do-nothings."  
Mignon McLaughlin

An Oscar for Activism
by Ralph Nader
As the 2009 Academy Awards swept their way into history, the glitz and the massive global audiences show that across cultures fictional stories, mythologies and money go hand in hand.
As the nominees for the awards were briefly showcased for their artistic imagination in one category after another, it occurred to me that the saying “truth is stranger than fiction” has another meaning. Many people would rather see fiction than the real thing.
What if, permit a flight of fancy, there were the equivalent of the “Academy Awards” for the civic heroism that goes on every day here and abroad. The powerless valiant ones who challenge the powerful and corrupt in ways that throughout history have broken new ground for more justice, economic well-being, health, safety and freedom. They are mostly unsung. They are often marginalized or maligned. (article)

"Ultimately, literature is nothing but carpentry.
With both you are working with reality, a material just as hard as wood."
Gabriel Garcia Marquez




Join three of Australia’s most unique singers and writers in The Barn, of Montsalvat, to present a concert celebrating the International Week of Women and to raise funds for the local Bushfire Appeal. Australian folk music icon, JUDY SMALL, is one of the most influential singer-songwriters ever to come out of Australia. Her memorable songs have been covered by folk music luminaries like Ronnie Gilbert, Eric Bogle and The Corries. ARIA award winner, KAVISHA MAZZELLA, singing in English and Italian, brings her traditional and original, contemporary music inspired by her rich multicultural heritage.
"Her voice flows like tears of joy and sorrow, there’s a saltiness and warmth of sensuality here that sings the great bitter sweet song of life." Colum Sands BBC Radio Ulster UK
LIN VAN HEK & DifficultWomen have performed internationally, and at every major folk festival in Australia.
' DifficultWomen is in turn funny, poignant, and angry. It dazzles with brilliant intensity created by the power of Van Hek's acting and the luminosity of the writing. " The Press Christchurch New Zealand

Montsalvat ,7 Hillcrest Ave. Eltham  SUN  MAR 15TH 2009
3:00 pm, Tickets $20/$25, ph Montsalvat bookings; 9439-7712
Media: Joe 0419 103 484

What I’m Watching This Week
Screamers 2 –The Hunting,  
the sequel to the original movie, based on the short story by Philip K Dick.

Goya’s Ghosts, directed by Milos Forman. With Javier Bardem, Natalie Portman & Stellan Skarsgard.

The Perfect Storm, directed by Wolfgang Peterson, from the book by Sebastian Junger. With George Clooney. True story of the Andrea Gail, a sword fishing boat lost with all hands, in 1991, off the coast of Glousester, Mass. It was caught in a combination of two weather fronts and a hurricane, a rare configuration of natural forces, from which the title is taken.

Let the Right One In, directed by Tomas Alfredson, based on the 2004 vampire fiction novel by Swedish writer John Ajvide Lindqvist, the story centers on the relationship between a 12-year-old boy,  Oskar, and a 200-year-old vampire child, Eli.  An English language remake, to be directed by Matt Reeves, is scheduled for release in 2010. (I’m not  holding my breath on that one.) My verdict? Masterpiece. Hands down the best vampire movie since Bela Lugosi. Up there with Nosferatu and Shadow of the Vampire. All the ones in between, including ‘Interview with a Vampire’, ‘True Blood’ and ‘Twilight’ are all fine light entertainment - but this one has something else altogether. Depth. Unforgettably tender.  

Marcianitos Verdes
(little green martians)

My YouTube video, 'Crop Circles in My Marijuana', is featured on a Spanish language UFO site!

'Crop Circles in My Marijuana', is also appears in The Legalise Cannabis Alliance UK Forum

"Ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have."
James Baldwin

Down Economy Boosts Military
Enlistment figures spike
by Bryan Bender
WASHINGTON - The faltering US economy is fueling a dramatic turnaround in military recruiting, with new statistics showing that the Army is experiencing the highest rate of new enlistments in six years.
The Army exceeded its goals each month from October through January - the first quarter of the new fiscal year - for both the active-duty Army and the Army Reserve, according to figures compiled by the US Army Recruiting Command.
Officials said it is the first time since the first quarter of fiscal year 2003, before the start of the Iraq War, that the Army has started out its recruiting year on such a high note.

Charlie Brown Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.
Don't actually answer the questions.  Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do?

The point is , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers.
They are the best in their fields.
But the applause dies..
Awards tarnish.
Achievements are forgotten.
Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


The lesson:
The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..
the most money...or the most awards.
They simply are the ones who care the most.

Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life, like I did.

'Don't worry about the world coming to an end
today. It's already tomorrow in Australia !'

''Be Yourself.  Everyone Else Is Taken!'
(thanks to Bill Lempke)


Peel a banana from the bottom and you won't have to pick the little 'stringy things' off of it. That's how the primates do it.
Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.  If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.
Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.
Broken Glass: Use a wet cotton ball or Q-tip to pick up the small shards of glass you can't see easily.
 No More Mosquitoes: Place a dryer sheet in your pocket.  It will keep the mosquitoes away.
 Flexible vacuum: To get something out of a heat register or under the fridge add an empty paper towel roll or empty gift wrap roll to your vacuum.  It can be bent or flattened to get in narrow openings.
 Reducing Static Cling: Pin a small safety pin to the seam of your slip and you will not have a clingy skirt or dress. Same thing works with slacks that cling when wearing panty hose. Place pin in seam of slacks and static is gone.
Measuring Cups: Before you pour sticky substances into a measuring cup, fill with hot water. Dump out the hot water, but don't dry cup.  Next, add your ingredient, such as peanut butter, and watch how easily it comes right out.
 Foggy Windshield? -  Hate foggy windshields? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove box of your car ... When the windows fog, rub with the eraser! Works better than a cloth!
 Reopening envelope: If you seal an envelope and then realize you forgot to include something inside, just place your sealed envelope in the freezer for an hour or two.  Viola!  It unseals easily.
 Conditioner:  Use your hair conditioner to shave your legs. It's cheaper than shaving cream and leaves your legs really smooth. It's also a great way to use up the conditioner you bought but didn't like when you tried it in your hair.

 Goodbye Fruit Flies: To get rid of pesky fruit flies, take a small glass, fill it 1/2' with Apple Cider Vinegar and 2 drops of dish washing liquid; mix well. You will find those flies drawn to the cup and gone forever!
 Get Rid of Ants: Put small piles of cornmeal where you see ants. They eat it, take it 'home,' can't digest it so it kills them. It may take a week or so, especially if it rains, but it works  and you don't have the worry about pets or small children being harmed!
(thanks to Michael Leone)

Tales from the Everyday Twilight Zone We All Live In

* The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez Oil spill in Alaska was $80,000.00. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer
whale ate them both.

* A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his walkman.
(thanks to Michael Leone)

Rushdie Slams 'Ridiculous' Slumdog
British-Indian author Salman Rushdie has attacked the plot of multiple Oscar-winning film Slumdog Millionaire.
Rushdie wrote in Britain's Guardian newspaper that the central feature of the film - that a boy from the Mumbai slums manages to succeed on the Indian version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire - "beggars belief".
"This is a patently ridiculous conceit, the kind of fantasy writing that gives fantasy writing a bad name," the author of The Satanic Verses said in the article published at the weekend.

(Note:  I hear that President Patil, of India, has just issued a fatwa against Rushdie. )



The Imperial Hotel and Restaurant
Chestertown, Maryland

Review and Service Complaint:
‘ My Finance and I gave all our guest that were invited to our wedding the phone number to the Imperial Hotel for accommodations. They booked the rooms for late June 2006 for roughly 150.00 a night with a minimum of two nights ($300.00).
After many of the guests had their accommodations set with confirmation letters in hand, they sent a letter stating the rooms would increase by at least 10 percent or roughly ($30.00) for the standard rooms, $50.00 for the suites.
When I called to see if the prices had increased for the previous week or the following week, they had not. They just increased the pricing for the weekend in order to gouge our guests. Needless to say, we pulled all our guests out of the Hotel and booked them somewhere else. I will say that the Hotel is beautiful and I regret that we will not be staying there, but I feel my guests and I were taken advantage of, and that is a business practice that is unexceptable.’

Management Response:
‘ It was distressing to me to read the review regarding poor business practice. I'd like to make it known to the public that the Imperial Hotel has been under new management since July 2006. We have upgraded the restaurant with a new chef, Tom Pizzica, who hails from a famous restaurant in San Francisco and is making his mark in Chestertown. Our restaurant and hotel manager, Joe Dolce, previously managed the famous Simon Pearce restaurant in West Chester, Pa. A new bar has been added to the dining room along with ongoing renovations to the rooms and dining areas. New lunch hours along with a famous Sunday brunch are among the list of improvements. It is our goal to make guests feel welcomed and pampered. PLEASE DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS POOR REVIEWS AND COME BACK TO THE IMPERIAL HOTEL.’

(Note: It’s good to known that another quality Joe Dolce has got the situation firmly in hand and got this place back on track. We salute you here at the Joe Dolce Institute.)


Sautéed Apple Tart

6 apples
60g unsalted butter
50g sugar
half teas cinammon,
4 cloves
teas vanilla essence
half lemon, juiced & zested
1 star anise
sweet short crust pastry- pasta frollo

Make short crust pastry in advance. Cool.

Peel and cut apples into medium slices. Melt butter. Add cinnamon, cloves, vanilla essence, lemon juice, zest and star anise. Sauté until until golden. Add sugar and cook until caramelized but still firm. Set aside to cool. Remove cloves and star anise.

almond filling:
80 g unsalted butter
60 g sugar
120 g almond meal
2 eggs

Cream butter, sugar and almond meal. Add eggs and continue mixing until absorbed and mixture is pale and light.

Pour almond meal mixture into tart pan almost to the top leaving room for the apples to expand it slightly. Layer the apples evenly across the top of the tart.
Bake at 180C for 50 minutes.
(thanks to Loretta Satori)

A Fragment of Seneca’s Troas Translated

After Death nothing is, and nothing, Death,
The utmost Limit of a gaspe of Breath.
Let the Ambitious Zealot, lay aside
His hopes of Heav’n, (whose faith is but his Pride)
Let Slavish Soules lay by their feare;
Nor be concern’d which way, nor where,
After this Life they shall be hurl’d;
Dead, wee become the Lumber of the World,
And to that Masse of matter shall be swept,
Where things destroy’d, with things unborne, are kept.
Devouring tyme, swallows us whole.
Impartiall Death, confounds, Body and Soule.
For Hell, and the foule Fiend that Rules
Gods everlasting fiery Jayles
(Devis’d by Rogues, dreaded by Fooles),
With his grim, griezly Dogg, that keepes the Doore,
Are senselesse Storyes, idle Tales,
Dreames, Whimseys, and noe more.
(after the Latin of Seneca)

Newsletter Archive  and  Recipe Index



One day while he was at the track playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt, Mick noticed a priest who stepped out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.
 Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.
Before the next race, as the horses began lining up, Mick watched with interest the old priest step onto the track. Sure enough, as the 5th race horses came to the starting gate the priest made a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses.
Mick made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse.  Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race.
Mick collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest would bless for the 6th race. The    priest again blessed a horse.
Mick bet big on it, and it won. Mick was elated. As the races continued the priest kept blessing long shot horses, and each one ended up coming in  first.
Bye and bye, Mick was pulling in some serious money. By the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.
True to his pattern, the priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. Mick also observed the priest blessing the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag.
Mick knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.  He then watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. Mick, in a state of shock, made his way down to the track area where the priest was.
Confronting the old priest he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a Kentucky mile.    Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings - all of it!'.
The priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'
(thanks to Maireid Sullivan)

ɹoʇɐɹəuəƃ ʇxəʇ uʍop əpısdn