Hi folks,
I want to thank everyone who sent, and continues to send, ideas for the 25th Anniversary Celebration plans for 'Shaddap You Face,' in 2005. Keep them e-cards and e-letters comin'.
Favourite Reader Comments of the Week
Hey Joe,
Enjoyed your newsletter. You are a modern day Khalil Gibran.
Carol H.
(Note: Allah be with you, my child. May the Left Ear of Your Enemy Drop Off and Fall into His Right Pocket, and May the Camel Never Breathe Directly into Your Face.)
Hi Joe.
Happy Birthday!! - and a resounding 'auguri' - congratulations
for your unforgettable hit 'Shaddap You Face'
- The irony, Joe, of the Aussie (and US) Idol
shows is that we forget who wins about a week after the show comes
to an end. In fact, the most memorable performers end up being
the wacky William Hungs (I think that's how it's spelt - sorry)
- In final analysis - at least they don't proclaim to have
talent - whereas the other 'wanna be's' take themselves far too
seriously as they parrot and live out their parent's failed dreams.
Can you imagine Joe what it would have been like to have attended
the Young Talent Time School for years - attended every
talent quest under the sun - just so that the poor bedraggled
child/teenager be moulded into a non-entity by that f*ckwit Ian
"Dicko" - Who the hell is he anyway?? - pretending
to play music no one will remember - now back to when your song
was played day in day out on the airwaves - I'm sure that many
of us can remember what life in Australia was like 25 odd years
ago. The song brings back many warm and wonderful memories. I
remember how only very ethnic people dared eat garlic thereafter
venturing into public places. How times have changed. I remember
when my dad planted tomatoes and just about everything else in
the back yard, and I was embarrased to bring Australian friends
home for fear of being told that I had a farm in my back yard.
Times have certainly changed. I remember when children in
school grounds chased me all over the yard for a piece of my mum's
pizza and home made spicy salami sangos. I think back to
when baked beans and not spag bol was Australia's favourite dish.
I remember when a Latte had no froth on top - only Cappuccinos
were made with a head. And Joe, I also remember how your
song helped give my dad an identity, something that he could relate
to. Finally somebody saw the humour in him and did not merely
judge his clamouring strong ethnic prose. Thanks Joe.
Go the Democrats in the US and Go Labour here in OZ! Victor V.
Hi Joe,
Loved the last one.......Free Range Singer-Songwriter stuff....so
true. Like a lot of this manufactured crap these days begs the
question, what is the product, the video clip, the song or
the hype behind the performer??? I'm a muso from the 70's and
I see some bands getting around with guitarists that can't even
play a bar chord, let alone a diminished or an augmented and the
like. It REALLY makes me angry. And that Idol stuff...it's so
bloody transparent yet people still watch it. I just don't get
it Cheers Jim T
G'day Joe,
"... i..e. Australian Idol Karoke chooks ..." We spoke
briefly down at Jamberoo - I was the chunky bloke schizophrenically
oscillating between a Nikon - and a button accordion for various
Bush Music Club spots. Switching to yet another of my hats (publications
/ technical editing), can I point out that the accepted spelling
is "karaoke"? I wouldn't know if the correct spelling
is actually used by the people of whom you write ... I presume
that you refer to some sort of television program - that I have
carefully avoided. Bob B.
Joe,
I rarely disagree with you but in this case I feel I must come
to Guy Sebastian's rescue. For all Idol's faults, it did unearth
in Sebastian a very talented musician who DOES write and
perform his own material. It may not be your taste in music, but
that should not lessen his credibility or talent. Annie F.
(Note: Well Annie, stop fiuming! (boom
boom) I like Guy Sebastian. I merely dislike Australian
Idol - the beast itself, and the sense of hyped reality it creates.
An interesting statistic emerged this week. Sebastian's new song
went straight into the Australian pop charts at No 1, selling
14,000 copies in the first week. The single he released right
after he won Idol, however, went to No 1, selling 140,000 copies
in the first week! (In other words, the promotional power of the
show itself had a ten-fold effect on the sales figures in the
immediate weeks following. Now if that isn't force-feeding the
goose to get the fois gras, I don't know what is!) If my theory
is correct, we should see similar figures, or thereabouts, after
this year's Idol is selected.
And I'm sure many of the Idol kids can write their own material
- therefore, why isn't songwriting considered part of the
audition process and why aren't they encouraged (or even
required) to perform their own original material on the show-
or play an instrument? Performing, playing instruments, singing
well and writing songs are all separate arts and they all come
together in the great musical artist. (This is another example
of the fragmentation of today's music: the wonderful renaissance-style
multi-talented singer-songwriter-musician-performer that was so
common in the 70s, is a vanishing species in commercial music
today.)
There are different Frequencies of art, in any case: those which
can be perceived by a contemporary commercial audience - and those
which cannot. It's important, for an artist's sanity, to be able
to know the difference, especially in one's own work. Here is
an excerpt from a novella, about Johann Sebastian Bach:
" 'Do you recall that night we all went to Zimmerman's? The
night of the first performance of Phoebus and Pan?' he
asked. "It had been in 1731, Gottlieb, and I had just celebrated
my thirtieth birthday. Sebastian (Bach) was conducting
a group of musicians from the Collegium Musica in a performance
of one of the secular works he had composed outside of his church
duties."
Gorner recalled that the libretto to Phoebus and Pan had
been written by Picander based on the Metamorphoses XI
of Ovid, and the Greek myth. The cantata begins with the winds,
gradually retreating into stillness. Then the two competitors
enter. Pan, master of the pipes, boasts of the power of his merry
songs to charm people to dance. Apollo (Phoebus) counters with
a grave and solemn aria to his beloved on the lyre. To this, Pan
replies by deriding his companion's weighty tunes. The arbiter
of the dispute, the Lydian mountain God, Tmolus, decrees Apollo
the winner, but King Midas, to the contrary, has voted for Pan.
For his stupidity, King Midas is then bestowed with the punishment
of having to wear asses' ears. Pan's flute represented music of
an agreeable nature, of commerce, and of the Leipzig world of
business, easily understood by anyone. The music of Apollo represented
the beauty of melody with the grandeur and depth of learning,
fit for the gods. Both types of music are justified, but must
always be opposed to one another. However, where art is truly
cherished, the music of Apollo, that of depth and beauty, will
always emerge as more important. Bach knew that his music was
the music of Phoebus, whereas the pipes of Pan echoed in the popular
opera composers and nearly all the rest of the musical world of
that period." 'Bequeathed', Joe
Dolce, 1996.
-------------------------
SOME LIGHT RELIEF FROM STEPHEN WRIGHT:
I have a map of the United States, actual size.
It says "Scale: 1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer
folding it.
--------------------------
Air Force Looks at New Microwave Weapon
by James Hannah
DAYTON, Ohio -
The Air Force expects planes will be able to fire non-lethal microwave
rays at enemy ground troops with the help of a new superconducting
generator system developed at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base
after about 25 years of research.
(article)
-----------------------------
LEST WE FORGET . . . . TO VOTE 'You Stupid $*&$#%'
" Judith Allen, longtime Arizonan and lifelong Republican, who served for 11 years as a clerk in Maricopa County's court system, says she was inspired to work for John Kerry because she got tired of yelling at Bush on TV."
JOKE
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed. It could not only dispense drinks flawlessly, but also, like any good bartender, engage in appropriate conversation.
So a man enters the bar, orders a drink, the
robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, then asks him,
"What's your IQ?" The man replies, "150."
And the robot proceeds to make conversation about quantum physics,
string theory, atomic chemistry, and metaphysics. The customer
is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool."
But he decides to test the robot. He walks out of the bar, turns
around, and comes back in for another drink. Again, the robot
serves him the drink and asks him, "What's your IQ?"
The man responds, "80." And immediately the robot starts
talking, but now about football, baseball, cheerleaders, and so
on. Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give
the robot one more test. He goes back in, the robot serves him
and asks, "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "40."
And the robot says, "So, you gonna vote for Bush again?"
(boom boom!)
(thanks to John E. Jacobs)
------------------------------
During his tour of the Apache Nation
last week President Bush unveiled his plan to improve the lives
of Native Americans. In response the elders took the opportunity
to officially tell Mr. Bush his Apache name: Walking
Eagle: a bird so full of shit it can't fly.
(thanks to Margret RoadKnight)
EAGLE ROCK AT THE DEBATES
"There's 100,000 troops trained: police, guard, special units, border patrol. There's going to be 125,000 trained by the end of this year." President George W. Bush, Presidential Debate, September 30th, 2004
. . . TROOP, POLICE TRAINING IN IRAQ
Documents show that of the nearly 90,000 currently in the police force, only 8,169 have had the full eight-week academy training. Another 46,176 are listed as "untrained," and it will be July 2006 before the administration reaches its new goal of a 135,000-strong, fully trained police force.
Six Army battalions have had "initial training," while 57 National Guard battalions, 896 soldiers in each, are still being recruited or "awaiting equipment." Just eight Guard battalions have reached "initial (operating) capability," and the Pentagon acknowledged the Guard's performance has been "uneven."
Training has yet to begin for the 4,800-man civil intervention force, which will help counter a deadly insurgency. And none of the 18,000 border enforcement guards have received any centralised training to date, despite earlier claims they had, according to Democrats on the U.S. House of Representatives Appropriations Committee.
They estimated that 22,700 Iraqi personnel
have received enough basic training to make them "minimally
effective at their tasks," in contrast to the 100,000 figure
cited by Bush. . . "
(article)
(thanks to Maireid Sullivan)
SAD BUT TRUE AMERICAN HUMOUR
Two families moved from Pakistan to America. When they arrived, the two fathers made a bet - in a year's time, whichever family had become more American would win.
A year later they meet again. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I just had Mcdonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud.
How about you?"
The second man replied, "F*ck
you, towel head."
(thanks to Frank Dolce)
-------------------------------
U.S. Can Eliminate Oil Use in a Few Decades
Winning the Oil Endgame Shows Businesses How to Mobilize and Profit
Winning the Oil Endgame shows that by 2015, the United States can save more
oil than it gets from the Persian Gulf; by 2025, use less oil
than in 1970; by 2040, import no oil; and by 2050, use no oil
at all.
(article)
DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN...?
All the girls had ugly gym uniforms?
It took five minutes for the TV warm up?
Nearly everyone's Mum was at home when the kids got home
from school?
Nobody owned a purebred dog?
You'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny?
Your Mum wore stockings that came in two pieces?
All your male teachers wore ties and female teachers had theirhair
done every day and wore high heels?
You got your windscreen cleaned, oil checked, and petrol pumped,
without asking, all for free, every time?
It was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner
at a real restaurant with your parents?
When a FB Holden was everyone's dream car?
No one ever asked where the car keys were because they were always
in the car, in the ignition, and the doors were never locked?
Stuff from the shop came without safety caps and hermetic seals.
When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared
to the fate that awaited you when you got home?
Send this on to someone who can still remember Nancy Drew, Laurel
and Hardy, The Famous Five, Secret Seven, Biggles, the Lone Ranger,
Phantom, Roy and Dale and Trigger.
And remember that the perfect age is somewhere between old enough
to know better and too young to care. (thanks
to Jim Testa)
-------------------------
LAWS STILL ON THE BOOKS IN AUSTRALIA
CRIMES ACT 1958
SECT 9A
Treason
9A. Treason
(1) A person who- (b) kills the Consort, of the Sovereign;
shall be guilty of an indictable offence, called treason, and
liable to- (g) level 1 imprisonment (life)
SECT 21A
Stalking
21A. Stalking
(2) A person (the offender) stalks another person (the victim)
if the offender engages in a course of conduct which includes
any of the following- (b) contacting the victim or any other person
by text message, e-mail or other electronic communication or by
any other means whatsoever; Penalty: Level 5 imprisonment (10
years maximum).
SECT 44
Incest
44. Incest
(3) A person who is aged 18 or older must not take part
in an act of sexual penetration with a person whom he or she knows
to be his or her step-father or step-mother. Penalty: Level
2 imprisonment (25 years maximum).
Source
SECT 67A
67A. Definitions
"child pornography" means a film, photograph, publication
or computer game that describes or depicts a person who is, or
looks like, a minor engaging in sexual activity or depicted
in an indecent sexual manner or context.
Source
Australasian Legal Information Institute
State Republican Party Says Michael Moore Illegally Offered Underwear in Exchange for Voting
The Michigan Republican Party is asking four
county prosecutors to file charges against filmmaker Michael Moore,
charging that he illegally offered underwear, noodles and snacks
to college students in exchange for their promise to vote.
(article)
Today the Michigan Republican Party filed a
request for an Issuance of Criminal Complaint against Hollywood
filmmaker Michael Moore for his illegal attempts to influence
the November election in Michigan. Mr. Moore's offers to clean
a dorm room, provide a year's supply of Tostitos, provide a clean
package of underwear or a package of Ramen noodles all are included
in the definition of term `Valuable consideration' under Section
931.
(article)
(Note: Michael ought to check out the recipe I published
in the Oct 18, 2003, newsletter, Agnello Brasato Con Vino Bianco
e Biancheria Intima di Bruce Willis.) (recipe)
--------------
TRUE FACTS
Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.
A giraffe can clean its ears with its 21-inch tongue.
A man named Charles Osborne had the hiccups for 69 years.
In England, in the 1880's, "Pants" was considered a dirty word.
Slugs have 4 noses.
Hot water is heavier than cold water.
-------------------------------------
RECIPES
This recipe came from a desire to make a tomato sauce for pasta that wasn't red. I had seen tiny yellow grape tomatoes around and thought it would be worth a shot. It takes some time to peel the little critters, but the result is sublime, tasting just like a rich red tomato sauce - but doesn't look like one!
Ingredients:
3 ponnets of yellow grape tomatoes
one yellow onion, finely chopped
1 small piece of guanciale, pancetta, or bacon in coarse chunks
clove of garlic, minced
butter and olive oil
1/2 cup white chardonnay
1 tble sugar
salt & pepper to taste
Put the yellow grape tomatoes in some boiling
water for a few minutes until the skins loosen. Remove from heat
and drain. Refresh in cold water and remove the skins with your
fingers. Set aside the pulp. In a saucepan, melt the equal parts
butter and olive oil, and fry the meat until it releases its flavours
into the oil. Remove the meat (toss aside or eat it while you're
finishing!) and saute the onions until transparent. Add the garlic
and cook for about a minute. Add the wine and cook for a few minutes
until the alcohol burns off. Add the yellow tomatoes, sugar, salt
and pepper and cook for about half hour. (Mash the tomatoes or
put through a food processor, or strain, to get an evenly textured
sauce - or else just serve the sauce as is, unstrained.)
Serve over a yellow-themed pasta such as pumpkin or sweet potato
fettucini or gnocchi, with grated parmesean cheese, and parsley,
if desired. A side serve of yellow capsicums or peppers, that
have had the skin burned off over a flame, and tossed with a little
olive oil and garlic also would work. Think yellow. A glass of
chardonnay. Yellow roses in a vase.
There was one lone kaffir lime on my little tree in the back garden and I was trying to think of something creative to do with it.
Ingredients:
1 dozen freshly shelled oysters
1 Italian pork sausage
1 kaffir lime, (or finely shredded kaffir lime leaf)
Worchester sauce
freshly ground parsely
Freshly ground black pepper
Take the sausage meat out of the casing and fry gently until cooked, separating with a fork. Lay each of the oysters in a tray and place a little of the cooked sausage meat over the top and sprinkle some Worchester sauce on each one. Place under the grille until ready. Serve with a wedge of kaffir lime (or some finely shredded leaf over the top), a splash of Worchester sauce and a sprinkle of black pepper and parsley.
