Home, CV, Press, Recordings, Newsletter Archive, Recipes, Contact

Friday September 12th, 2008

Stones at the Window

In every work of genius, we recognize our own rejected thoughts;
they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.
Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this.
They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility,
then most when the cry of voices is on the other side.
Else tomorrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense
precisely what we have thought and felt all the time,
and we shall be forced to take with shame our opinion from another.

Hi folks,

I’ve noticed that Republican bashing has started up again as we approach the US Presidential Election. You know, I don’t really feel much like getting stuck into McCain and Palin the way I did with George W Bush. For some reason, this time, I feel like the negative approach is a waste of time. It could either be that Barack Obama feels like a REAL candidate and orator, at last, with something fresh and original to bring to the party (not like John Kerry, whom I always felt looked like a poor VHS dub of a JFK who didn’t get enough shagging) - or else I don’t detest McCain the way I do Bush.  Even though I know that a McCain-Palin presidency will perpetuate the Republican sickness that has pervaded US policy for the past eight years. And there is certainly plenty there to not admire about McCain: for instance the little known story of his first wife, Carol:

But this election, I’d rather celebrate Obama, than waste too much negative energy on more Republican b-grade actors.

Time to focus on the Positive. Time to get well.

Speaking of getting well: why is so easy for people to see cumbersomeness of the Religious Juggernauts (say for instance the Catholic Church), yet have such a hard time seeing its Siamese Twin doppelganger, the Medical Industry and Big Pharmaceutical? These things originally were one and the same thing. In tribal society, these things were one and the same PERSON. The two cojoined Twins have a historical function, of course.  And both are, for the most part, unnecessary for someone who can think and act for themselves. A relationship with spirit and community can be conducted personally and authentically without need for an donut-cutter organized structure. And so can a relationship with health and healing. You just have to look for it, find other like-minded folk, and then educate yourself somewhat.

Here is another useful perspective. Think of these Voodoo Organizations like Big Volcanoes. You’ve got your Dogma (the dried outside bit – the cone) and then you’ve got your Magma (the molten inside bit). The magma initially bursts out of the ground (a medical/religious idea breaks through the firmament.) It is exposed to air, cools and dries forming the cone, or Dogma. 10,000 feet high. Then when the Volcano thinks it has it made - it is venerated and worshipped and people are wearing little volcanos around their necks -  along come the new revolutionary medical/religious HOT magma. But it still has to STRUGGLE to get out, folks. That old Dogma keeps it tightly locked up. Finally, the new Magma huffs and puffs and bursts out of the old dried Dogma. Now the volcano is 15,000 feet high. But hey -  now all the volcano medallion sellers and everyone wearing the OLD volcano beads are slightly out of date. The fundamentalist volcano guys argue that the new magma isnt really the original volcano and the clever volcano guys immediately put the merchandising machinery into motion to make more accurate volcano bonbonniere. And so forth.

But here’s the kicker: the Magma and the Dogma are originally the SAME material. And the Magma can just easily burst out from beneath the tomato patch in your back garden, as out of that old senile dumb-ass volcano. So there you have it. In a volcano shell.

Save La Mama Big Benefit Bash!
Joe Dolce, Lin Van Hek, Judith Lucy, Rod Quantock, Michael Kieran Harvey, Gerry Connolly,
Jane Clifton & Paul Williamson, Nadine Garner, Steve Bastoni, Rachel Berger, Simon Palomares & George Kapiniaris,
Russell Fletcher, Brian Nankervis, Matt Hetherington, Annie Phelan, Kevin Harrington ... and more...

Monday September 15
The Athanaeum Theatre
188 Collins St.
All tickets: $55.00
Book now 9650 1500 or Ticketmaster 1300 136 166

FAVOURITE LETTERS OF THE WEEK (There’s few of them this week, folks, so pull up a chair!)

hi joe
i had no idea how old jonathan edwards really is.  he looks terrific for his age! i live in an area of town which is a well-known south asian retail neighbourhood.  lots of the sweets from india and pakistan have thin sheets of real precious metals in them.  they look very pretty and they taste good too.  everybody eats them.   i don't know if anyone's blood has turned a funny colour from eating them, though. Cheers, Joan Besen

(Note: Joan, Maybe that’s why in pictures of Krisna, he’s got the blue suntan.)

Hi Joe,
So, 72 females for every Muslim man, eh? I guess the treat for women who make it into that version of heaven is that they only have to spend 1.3
percent of their time with a man. Love to all,  Pierre

Great newsletter Joe,
I love having them pop up in my mailbox.  I admit, I don't always have a chance to read them, but even then it's like being waved at in the street by an old friend when the email turns up.  And when I do sit back and go through the whole thing, you always make me think and you always make me smile. cheers, John Thompson, cloudstreet

Keep it up Joe,
Loving YOU and all this stuff YOU are about, Leo Dale

Mr Dolce
 Thoroughly enjoying your newsletter.  Started receiving it after the Nannup Music Festival last year, where I too was performing.  Unfortunately missed your set(s) due to my own performing/family commitments, however glad to be receiving a little of your penned magic...  Wrote my first song 1979, (age 17), been doing it ever since.  I attach a link to my latest venture....  Hope there’s something there for you to enjoy.
Kindest regards, Gary Dobbin

Hi Joe,
RE: Car Picture in Last Newsletter
not only do I LOVE the picture of 'i' BUT I also LOVE the car 'i' is sitting on. hug, cinzia

RE:‘ . . . I‘m on Facebook, too. Except I have fifteen friends and 1,641,469 photo albums.. .
I bet after this you will have many more!!! Lol Pauline

: No, Pauline, I don’t think so. Mainly because I hardly ever visit my Facebook site -  and I usually don’t accept unsolicited friend requests unless they already are my friends or friends of friends. Of course, I’m always into meeting new people - but not just adding folks for the sake of numbers.  As far as friendship, less is more, in my (face) book.)

Guiseppe Cousino,
 I loved the thematics and the stunning photograph! The intertwining of social justice and especially of the ongoing Obama political saga made it a multimedia essay second to none, incorporating theology, eschatology, scatology, Bachanalia (brilliantly minus the ormulu) and Palintology (the study of the dead bones of US politics).You did another service for humanity. Here's a mathematical story by way of small recompense:
A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table: 'To My Dear Wife. You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you & I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight.' When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
'My Dear Husband. I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Marriot Hotel with Michael, one of my students. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that although it may appear that we are in the same situation, there is one mathematical difference:
'18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.'
Therefore, I will not be home until the day after tomorrow.'

Have another inspired week. Salmanus P. Thrushdie

G'day Joe,
RE: Healthy Thought of the Week
Got to take issue ever so slightly on this one. I agree entirely with the view that thoughts of after life, or praying your buns off for salvation - or a miracle cure - are daft at best. 
I'm with you all the way on the god botherers idea, but I have also witnessed it give a 'faith-filled'  person a very peaceful death instead of enduring a painful recovery or a prolonged and medically delayed death. Oddly enough, this person's contentment to let life go gave considerable comfort to those who loved her.
What disturbs me in this mention of 'WILL' is how it encourages the practice of people being told how to live their deaths.
Those struggling with terminal diseases get bombarded with helpful statements - so often from those not suffering a nasty terminal illness - suggesting that their lot is down to lack of commitment to getting well.
You know the sort of stuff - "if you really want to beat this thing you'll fight it", "think positive, don't give in to it" etc. 
People have even resorted to eating tofu and brown rice in an effort to beat terminal diseases (shudder)!   
Now you can't tell me they aren't committed to survival and getting well.
 I have a person in my orbit at present who is 'living' with ovarian cancer.
She is packing in as much as she can to whatever's left, but no amount of 'will' is going to keep her alive for very long.  It's the same as the "if you really want to get pregnant it will happen" bollocks. Clearly I was just joshing as I went through 12 years of messing about trying to have babies, numerous invasive surgical investigations, all sorts of noisome teas and tinctures,
 culminating in a few years of IVF. I guess I just don't quite have a handle on this 'will' business.
Making people so responsible for their failure to beat disease and physical limitations is a bit nut-housey too. 'Will' is also making the best of what is - or indeed about not to be. I would hate for someone in the clutches of some vicious and tenacious disease, to feel judged as feeble, uncommitted, not trying hard enough by your Healthy Thought of the Week
Cheers, Wendy

(Note: Wendy, thanks for writing and your personal thoughts. I sympathize with your attempts to be cordial to me -  when in fact you are extremely pissed off at medical nuts who tell you how to live. I get pissed off at them too. Please don't mix me up with those kind of single minded fruit loops.
I trust that I am trying to do something different here: share insights. I think this has always been the tone of my newsletter.
You state in the first sentence that you wish to take issue with me 'ever so slightly'. But by the final sentence, you say pretty much that my Healthy Thought of the Week is basically judging ' someone in the clutches of some vicious and tenacious disease . . . .  as feeble, uncommitted, not trying hard enough . . '

If that's slightly, I'd hate to experience you in severely mode.

There is a big difference between willpower -  which is someone one does oneself within oneself -  and telling someone else how to live their death (or life), which to me is closer to religious evangelizing. (ie I'm SAVED, and you can be too if you just do what I did!) One of the reasons that health professionals, whether they be GPs or alternative, can be so overbearing, is due to mixing up medicine with religion. See, it all used to all be one thing long ago. Shamans and witch doctors and the like. Some doctors still think that they are GOR (God's Official Representative) and you're not.

My philosophy about health is the same as my philosophy about religion. Live by EXAMPLE, not by evangelizing. Share-a the knowledge but-a no preach-a. The Gospel of the Rose:

' If I want to hand a rose to you, there is a definite movement.  
But if I want to transmit its scent, I do so without any movement.  
The rose transmits its own scent without a movement ...if we have spiritual truth, it will transmit itself ... even the blind who do not see the rose perceive its fragrance.  
That is the secret of the gospel of the rose.'

Now, I've read the article that you objected to over a couple more times to see where exactly I was telling others how to live their death, and I don’t see that I’m doing that.
Perhaps you are transferring or projecting your dislike of these kind of health doorknockers onto me. I was very specific on talking about what I perceive as a uniform death wish which is at the base of many belief systems (including mine). I was also very diligence at clarifying that recognizing this was only part of a solution. I said:
 'I think one of the reasons that healing a major disease can be so difficult is due, in part, and amongst other things, to a matter of Will.'

'In part' and 'amongst other things,' I think covers it, don't you?

Regarding disease and attitude: thinking positive, thinking you can beat it, and not giving in - are all good advice.  Just ask Ian Gawler who knows more about overcoming cancer than you and I put together. What's the alternative? Thinking negative, thinking cancer will beat you, and giving in? If you were on a desert island with me and I had to do some surgery on you with a rusty knife, would you prefer I told you,'well, this knife is rusty, we are all alone, I've never done this before, I'll do my best, but have faith and we'll get through this . . .' or  'Bitch, you gonna DIE.'

Also, it is not necessary to have cancer to be able to help others with it. Otherwise, most doctors, chemotherapists, radiologists and alternative healers would be disqualified.  Knowing people who have had cancer, and died, or, even more importantly, people who have overcome it, and blossomed, is essential and there are plenty of those kind of special teachers around to get first hand information from. But never forget, no matter who they are: it is still only one person's opinion; one person's experience. Everyone has to find their own unique healing path. There are no cookie-cutter cures for the serious illnesses.  In the 70s, I worked for a couple of years, 9-5,  as an attendant nurse in the geriatrics division of a Boston Mental Hospital.  I watched people that I had cared for daily die . .  Sometimes while I fed them. I also managed to encourage one angry old grizzler who hadn't walked in 20 years to get up on a walker and go for a stroll around the garden! (Mainly by making him laugh all the time. It took an entire year of messing with his head.)   I also worked for a year as a fulltime personal live-in nurse to a quadriplegic man in California.  All that is necessary to help others is to care about the person, have empathy with their predicament and to have . . .  Imagination. (See the Harvard address from JK Rowlings down further).

I'm very sorry to hear that someone you know has cancer. But you are not alone in this. The statistics are overwhelming and it is likely that every single person reading this newsletter knows someone personally who has had, has or will have cancer. One in every 8 women will get breast cancer. One in every ten people will die of cancer. Both my mother, and my partner's mother, passed away from cancer, and even one of my children is currently being challenged by it. I assure you that I am a serious enquiring student of self-healing and not interested in being a know-it-all preacher.

By the way, I had a look at your website and some of your songs. I like the lyric of 'Change.' Very nice piece of writing.  It captures something that I have felt often and I can see in the faces of my grandkids when they have to be uprooted from their friends, security and comfort zones:

So, in closing, take your medicine, like a good girl, and just say five Our Mothers and Ten Hail Fathers, and Be Ye Sicketh No More!
 The Reverend Billy Joseph, GOR,  pH 7.1, MD Quackery)

Warning: This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor.

Hi Joe,
RE: Colloidal Silver 
 The only time I get sick is when I fly cattle class internationally. Every time - a week after arrival, a rotten cold which lasts the length of the stay and comes home with me. Determined this is not going to happen next month, I have been researching silver makers on the net. I watched (bloody heavy going) Dr. Beck's video but will be one of the idiots who will pay for a professionally made machine - they're not expensive and they control the amount of colloids in the water. Please, please don't make it with tap water! There appears to be a lot of evidence that the silver particles build up in size by clinging to the impurities in the water which is not a good thing. The particles need to be tiny to be effective - and it's the big 'uns which are reputed to cause agyria. I wonder if the FDA are paying 'Papa Smurf' to scare people (does he really need that white beard?) He actually seems happy to be blue.
 "I Think About You" [the song] -
 I understand exactly where this guy is coming from. He is trying to verbalise his feelings toward his daughter knowing he could never tell her in a way she could possibly interpret at eight years of age - thank God - and he gets this. In his own consciousness he is cannot resist inwardly imploring her to avoid the danger, yet knowing it is impossible. I think you are right - "I think about her " removes the misunderstanding that he is trying to communicate his fears directly to the child, but obviously it is intensely personal. He knows there is no way he can protect her from the squillion horrors out there and is terrified by the possible outcomes, and frustrated by his impotence. One thing is for sure - this man is NOT a child molester.  I relate to Steve's apprehensions regarding the fragility of the child's innocence, so precious and fleeting. It's the price of love. The chilling lyric for me is "every time I hear people saying it's never gonna change" indicating a "ho hum, it sucks, but what can you do" acceptance which is completely unacceptable.  I believe Steve needs to take care where the song is delivered - it's not entertainment, but is a sharing - unfortunately only with people who already understand it. No point trying to raise the consciousness of beer swilling redneck dickheads. I think its purpose is to strike a vivid chord with people who share his fears and to reinforce how wrong it all is to those fighting against it - to inspire them, to stop them even considering giving up.TTFN, Robyn Jones

Well Robin, I take note of your observations about using tap water for colloidal silver. I think Dr. Beck did it in the video to show that it wont kill you if you do it occasionally that way. In case you are in a situation where the public water is REALLY bad, do it! The silver doesnt necessarily cling to the impurities in the water but also to the minerals. That’s why distilled water and reverse osmosis water is clear. However, these types of processed waters also have their drawbacks which is to de-mineralize the water and make it more acidic. So my compromise (being a Librarian) is to make the colloidal silver in either the distilled or reverse osmosis water - and use it sparingly (30 ml/day). While drinking mostly charcoal filtered water – and freshly squeezed vegetable juices - which give you the minerals you need, plus the alkaline balance.
Also, there's no need to spend a fortune to just make colloidal silver. Just get a 9 volt battery or an old 12 Volt dc phone or guitar pedal transformer and cut the end off and attach two alligator clips. And two PURE silver wires. This will cost you under $15 and do the job perfectly. I use Beck’s Silver Micro-pulser (electricity for the blood!) but I still use my OWN colloidal silver maker because I can run it off the mains power. Just use filtered, distilled or reverse osmosis water to keep the particle size down - 5-8 ppm (parts-per-million)  - and DONT BE A FANATIC or you will turn blue, like Harry Krisna!)

Warning: This information is not intended to replace the advice of a doctor.

Dear joe,
could you please tell me whether you are willing to perform your number one hit, i grew up on this hit and my brother is getting married in november, and it would be a total number one experience for my family. im not certain of where you may be so many  years later, and i understand wherever you may be, but if this  possibile it would be the most outstanding thing ever.!!! if  you could get back to me it would be so much appreciated ... Thank u so much, Natasha

(Note: I explained to Natasha that I havent been asked to be a wedding singer for 20 years but I was honoured that they thought of me. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I will be in the States during the wedding. But her brother might consider hiring stripper, Linda Naggs, for his bucks night. See further down below for details.)

Hi Joe,
Can you tell us a movie that you  may have appeared in the the 70's- 80's,
We are here at work, trying to remember. Please help. Cheers Michelle, Tasmania

(Note: There were quite a few guest spots in various films and tv shows in the 80s and 90s, including ‘The Four Minute Mile,’ but I have only been a featured lead actor once: 'Blowing Hot and Cold,' with Peter Adams (Cop Shop) and Elspeth Ballantine (Prisoners).
I also wrote the musical score.)

Hello my new friend!
How are you? I’m fine! My name is Lubov. To me of 27 years. I to live in Russia in small small town but to name Medvedevo! I send you a photo in this letter. I to think washing a photo will like you. I the free girl, I to not have children! I already more than 3 years the lonely girl!
I never to get acquainted on the Internet earlier. I to address in a site the Internet of acquaintances and there I to receive your address. I long time did not dare to write to you this letter. But here at last that I have decided to make it. If you as to search for serious relations and my description have interested you.  I with impatience shall wait yours the answer and your photos! Your new friend, Lubov!

Lubov, hello Russian lonely girl. I send Australian blessing: may left ear of stepmother fall off and drop into right pocket. To me of 60 years. If that your washing a photo, I am fearful of your unwashing one. (boom boom!) I live in small Australian town, Melbourne, many Russians, Jews and Lithuanians. I not free man. But imprisoned like whipped dog to elderly Italian wife with nose hair. I to address you with hope that you 27 years strong Russian girl can beat ugly wife in fair fight so I and you serious relation. I many children to run tractor business. If you invite this older man to come visit Lubov Russian yurt to live, I bring any tractor part you require as sex present. I with impatience and incontinence shall wait you the reply and DNA test. Josef.)

Hi Joe,
 Thought you'd find this interesting. I did anyway. This is an entry I saw yesterday Sept 4 2008, in the visitors book on Mt Lumley in Cairns. It's a bit of a hike to get there. I look forward to your missives/misshits. Regards, Steve

Congo Frees Jailed Goats
A minister in the Democratic Republic of the Congo has ordered the release of a dozen goats that were being held illegally in a Kinshasa prison cell. The deputy justice minister says he was on a routine visit to the prison when he found the goats crammed into a cell with their owners. The goats themselves were about to face charges of being sold illegally by the roadside. The justice minister says many police officers have gaps in their knowledge of the law.

What I’m Reading This Week
The Body in Action. Written by Sarah Key. Excellent book on back and joint care.
Jamie at Home. Written by Jamie Oliver. Recipes and tips from his recent love affair with gardening. (Father’s Day present!)
How Life Imitates Chess, by Grandmaster Gary Kasparov. Interweaving of chess strategy and politics from the controversial world champion.

What I’m Watching This Week
Spooks 6. About the MI5 secret service. One of the best and most consistent BBC series ever made.
Florida Recount, with Kevin Spacey. About the 2000 Florida political street fight fiasco that put Bush in the White House. A good film to watch as we approach another round.

What I’m Listening to This Week
The Du Monde Years, Martin Erdman was a visionary Australian recording engineer of the late 60s who started as a freelancer and then became Festival Records chief engineer. This is a limited edition 4 disc compilation of rare tracks from the many indie bands he produced back then. Fascinating collection of colourful musical ideas.

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination
JK Rowlings Harvard Commencement Speech

‘Imagination is not only the uniquely human capacity to envision that which is not,
and therefore the fount of all invention and innovation.
In its arguably most transformative and revelatory capacity,
 it is the power that enables us to empathise with humans
whose experiences we have never shared.’
(thanks to Michael Leone)

Crop Circles in My Marijuana
Here are some of the latest YouTube comments on one of my strangest little country songs!

- casizzi mother fuckin awesome
- Turquoiseheart OMG, this was SOOOO funny!!! Joe Dolce is A-OK in my book. Rock on, Joe!!!!!
- 1110010111000 Sorry, flame me if you wish, although it's nice to see Joe still in the business, as a pot head myself that song was pretty piss poor, excuse the poor grammer but i am well stoned, and about to open another beer and fill another bowl, and then chill to what's a matter you. Joe wish you well ;o)
- Pogoman987 Don't smoke so much pot and then you might think straight.
- ArdanC Don't be so anal then you might not be so widely despised
- Teh3volutionTake a fucking joke you dumb fuck
- MikeSpikeita joe dolce rules
- kingmezza i could smoke to this!!
- nudunbduvys fookers got a crop circle on his heid
- Pamzion I wanna smoke some pot with this guy. sweet song!


Why Do People Hang Sneakers from Power Lines?
By Barbara "shoe fly" Mikkelson

 Theories as to what these shoes signify abound, but, contrary to what one hears, there's no one right answer.  Who put the shoes there and why?
The list of explanations goes on.  Suggestions include:

1. It's the work of gangs marking the boundaries of their territory.
2. Bullies take them off defenceless kids, then sling them up out of reach as the ultimate taunt.
3. Gang members create an informal memorial at the spot where a friend lost his life.
4. Crack dealers festoon wires to advertise their presence in the neighborhood.
5. The shoes increase wire visibility for low-flying aircraft.
6. Overly puffed-up boys who have just lost their virginity or otherwise passed a sexual milestone look to signal the event to others.
7. Graduating seniors mark this transition in their lives by leaving something of themselves behind; namely, their shoes.
8. Kids do it just because it's fun. And besides, what else are you going to do with a worn-out pair of sneakers other than tie the laces together and toss them high?
In the Southwest exists a similar practice, that of placing old, worn boots upside down on fence posts by the side of a road. Driving along, one passes upturned boot after upturned boot. Some people tell us these boots are a way for a homeowner to indicate if he's gone to town for the day; on his way out, he stops where his driveway meets the road and adjusts the boot so its toe points outwards. When the toe is pointing towards the house, he's telling the world he's home. Others say it's just a boot-on-a-fencepost thing with no more rhyme or reason to it than there is to those sneakers hanging over telephone wires.
9. Members of the military have pointed to the practice of pitching an old pair of army boots over the wires when leaving a post as a possible origin for sneaker slinging. According to some, army boot pitching is a ritual performed upon completing basic training, according to others, the boots are tossed when a soldier leaves one post for another, and a final school of thought holds that boot pitching is properly done only when the service itself is being left. The boots are often painted yellow or orange prior to being festooned over a wire.


Singing her version of my song, ’My Home Ain’t in the Hall of Fame,’ from her 1973 album, ‘Whatever Happened to the Girl That Was?’

ABU NUWAS – known as “Father of Curls”, Islamic Gay Poet (750–810)

O the joy of sodomy!
So now be sodomites, you Arabs.
Turn not away from it--
therein is wondrous pleasure.
Take some coy lad with kiss-curls
twisting on his temple
and ride as he stands like some gazelle
standing to her mate.
A lad whom all can see girt with sword
and belt not like your whore who has
to go veiled.
Make for smooth-faced boys and do your
very best to mount them, for women are
the mounts of the devils.

(from 'Perfumed Garden' by Abu Nuwas)

(Note: Yikes! Abu is obviously not a feminist -  but I have to agree with him on one point:  ‘..women are the mounts of the devils!’ And thank God for that! Ho Ho Silver!)

Meanwhile, back in equestrian Melbourne . . . . . . .

Bucks' Party Stripper to Face Trial
September 9, 2008

A bucks' party stripper who allegedly raped the best man with a sex toy has been committed to stand trial. Linda Naggs, 39, is accused of sexually penetrating the man with the toy at a bucks' party on the Mornington Peninsula in September last year. The Melbourne Magistrates Court committal hearing had heard Naggs was riding the man like a horse before penetrating him with the toy even though he had told her "don't put it in", a witness said. A fight then broke out between them in which Naggs allegedly threw a punch and threatened to call her "bikie mates".
Magistrate Elizabeth Lambden on Tuesday said she was satisfied there was enough evidence to commit Naggs to trial. Naggs entered a plea of not guilty and was ordered to attend a directions hearing at the Victorian County Court next month. The magistrate asked the media not to publish the defendant's address.

(Note: They neglected to mention that the ‘toy’ was a three foot model Spitfire monoplane. But I might hire Linda for my 70th in a few years when she gets out of the slammer.  No planes though. Or slinkys, Leggo sets and talking Rambo dolls. And it would have to be biodegradable, environmentally friendly, and with no animals injured during the testing.)



Media Strategy, Brand Consulting,
Crisis Control, Content Development

You have the power to influence your reputation, shape your image and
communicate the promise of your brand. We’re here to help.
We're a creative, strategic team of highly regarded journalists and editors.
You won’t find our combination of experience anywhere else. JOE DOLCE
edited some of the nation's most influential pop culture, lifestyle and
entertainment magazines including Details and Star. Davidson Goldin ran
the day-to-day news at MSNBC, anchored New York City's most influential
political program and wrote extensively for The New York Times.

(Note: I met the infamous Joe Dolce, Mach II (I was the prototype - I'm older!) over coffee in New York some years ago. He said he had been waiting for me to contact him – that my song ‘Shaddap You Face’ was the only thing that had made his old mother laugh in years. He also suggested that if we were married, we could have the same monograms on our towels. Sounded like a practical idea to me. Joe's life partner, Jonathan Burnham, runs HarperCollins. Obviously, they use different towels.)

“ For years I defended the magazines' position. As editor in chief of Star, I needed new pictures every week to keep drawing readers in. Of course, we at Star rarely actually employed paparazzi. ("We're not commissioning them," was the line we used. "We just buy them on the open market.")But this is disingenuous. The magazines claim to love their stars, to care about their weight fluctuations, to worry over their love troubles. Well if they really care, isn’t it time to show some, er, love? Movies advertise "No animals were harmed in the making of this film." How many celebrity weeklies and tv shows can say the same about the stars they feature? Let's invite heads of photo agencies, the stars’ PR agents or the stars themselves, top magazine editors, TV execs and web producers to sit and talk (no paps outside, ok?). My agenda, if I were leading such a summit, would include establishing a code of conduct that: - allows photographers to do their jobs, but establishes some limits so that stars have some hassle-free down time. – requires magazines to buying photos that have been taken only by agencies that agree to these new guidelines. (And by self-policing, magazines can also gain some free mileage by showing their readers they really do care about their stars as much as they claim.)” Joe Dolce (Mach II)


Western Omelet

 This is a standard breakfast dish that I grew up with in the States but I have never seen it served in Australia.
Make the omelet in smaller portions for Western sandwiches.

2 tablespoons butter
6 large eggs
1/4 cup finely chopped green bell pepper (green capsicum)
1/3 cup finely chopped onion
3/4 cup milk
3/4 cup chopped cooked ham
3/4 teaspoon salt
dash pepper
ketchup (tomato sauce)

In skillet melt butter. Beat eggs and whisk in remaining ingredients. Pour mixture into hot skillet. Cook, stirring to cook evenly. Turn and cook other side. Serve while still somewhat moist and creamy. Cook in smaller batches for Western sandwiches. Serve Western sandwiches and Western omelet with ketchup or tomato sauce.
Serves 4 to 6.

Little Stones at My Window

Once in a while
joy throws little stones at my window
it wants to let me know that it's waiting for me
but today I'm calm
I'd almost say even-tempered
I'm going to keep anxiety locked up
and then lie flat on my back
which is an elegant and comfortable position
for receiving and believing news
who knows where I'll be next
or when my story will be taken into account
who knows what advice I still might come up with
and what easy way out I'll take not to follow it
don't worry, I won't gamble with an eviction
I won't tattoo remembering with forgetting
there are many things left to say and suppress
and many grapes left to fill our mouths
don't worry, I'm convinced
joy doesn't need to throw any more little stones
I'm coming
I'm coming.

~ Mario Benedetti ~
(Little Stones at My Window: Selected Poems, trans. by Charles Hatfield)

Newsletter Archive  and  Recipe Index


Variation on a Previous Theme

'Ciao, is this-a the police?'
'Yes it is. How can we help you?'
'I'm-a calling to report about-a my neighbour, Luigi. He's-a hiding the Cocaine inside-a his-a firewood!'
'Thank you very much for the call.'
The next day, police officers descend on Luigi's house in great numbers.
They search the house and then go out to the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of firewood but they find no cocaine.
They swear at Luigi and leave.
The phone rings at Luigi's house. 'Hey, Luigi, Did-a the cops-a come?'
'Did they chop up-a you firewood?'
'Happy-a Birth-aday, maaaaaaaaaate! Ba-da-bing!’
(thanks to Terry Dwyer)