Friday September 4th, 2009

If Lemons Give You Life . . .

"Develop your eccentricities while you are young.
That way, when you get old, people won't think you're going gaga."
  David Ogilvy

Hi folks,

Remember the T-1000 liquid Terminator in Terminator 2: Judgment Day, played by Robert Patrick? Well, I have become a fan of Patrick’s work after watching him through four series of The Unit. He’s a complex character actor and the real deal. Practically a hometown boy, too, having grown up near me, in Bay Village, a small suburb of Cleveland, Ohio. As a child, it seems he didn’t care much for acting - in third grade, he refused to wear the required green tights for Peter Pan.  But he was later a track and field and football athlete at Bowling Green State University and didn't seem to mind the tight jock straps and football pants.
   In a boating accident in 1984 on Lake Erie, he swam for three hours in order to save others still stranded on the accident site, while he nearly drowned in his attempt. After the accident, he moved from Ohio to Los Angeles. (Lake Erie will do that to you. When I was a kid, Lake Erie once caught on fire due to the amount of oil in the water. )
      Here are some tv shows and movies Patrick has appeared in that you may have seen -  but not seen him: Die Hard 2  - as O'Reilly, Fire in the Sky  - as Mike Rogers, Outer Limits: "Quality of Mercy “ - as Major John Skokes, Cop Land  - as Jack Duffy, The Sopranos - as David Scatino, X-Files - as John Doggett, Stargate Atlantis  - as Colonel Marshall Sumner, Elvis  - as Vernon Presley,  Walk the Line  - as Ray Cash (he played both Elvis AND Johnny Cash’s dads!),  Firewall  - as Gary Mitchell, Flags of Our Fathers - as Colonel Chandler Johnson, The Unit (Television series, 2006 - 2009) - as Colonel Tom Ryan, We Are Marshall  - as Head Coach Rick Tolley (uncredited), Bridge To Terabithia  - as Jack Aarons, recently,  the sci-fi send-up 50s tribute, Alien Trespass (2009), and of course, Terminator 2  - as T-1000. I’m told that he has an outrageous role in Demi Moore’s Striptease, which I have a copy of but I don’t remember him. (And I don’t know if I can bear to watch that one again.)

Outside of the film business, Robert Patrick is also the current president of Chapter 101 of the Boozefighters Motorcycle Club. The Boozefighters (BFMC) is one of the oldest American working-class motorcycle clubs, formed in California, in 1946 by veterans fresh out of World World II.  "Wino" Willie Forkner (d. 1997) is recognized by the club to be the founder. The BFMC were at the renowned Hollister Incident of July 4, 1947, which was immortalized by the movie The Wild One, starring Marlon Brando. Lee Marvin played the part of "Chino," which is said to have been based on Wino Willie. The Boozefighters have never been "one percenters" or an outlaw biker club. Their mottoes are, "The Original Wild Ones" and "A drinking club with a motorcycle problem."

The Hollister Riot occurred during the Gypsy Tour motorcycle rally in Hollister, California from July 4 to July 6, 1947, three months before I was born. The event was sensationalized by news reports of bikers "taking over the town" and staged photos of public rowdiness.
The rally, which was sponsored by the American Motorcyclist Association (AMA), was attended by approximately 4000 people. This was several times more than had been expected, and the small town of Hollister was overwhelmed by bikers who were forced to sleep on sidewalks and in parks.
About 50 people were arrested during the event, most for public intoxication, reckless driving, and disturbing the peace. Members of the Boozefighters Motorcycle Club, in particular, were reported to be fighting and racing in the streets. There were 60 reported injuries, of which 3 were serious.
The 1953 film The Wild One (starring Marlon Brando) was inspired by the event and based on an article run in Life magazine which included a staged picture of a drunk man resting on a motorcycle amidst a mass of beer bottles. Representatives of the AMA, seeking to deflect the negative press surrounding the rally, stated at a press conference that "the trouble was caused by the one per cent deviant that tarnishes the public image of both motorcycles and motorcyclists." This statement led to the term "one-percenter" to describe "outlaw" bikers. The AMA now says they have no record of such a statement to the press, and call this story apocryphal. (wikipedia)


Creating a battery from a lemon is a common project in many science text books.  Successfully creating one of these devices is not easy. Batteries consist of two different metals suspended in an acidic solution.  Copper and Zinc work well as the metals and the citric acid content of a lemon will provide the acidic solution.  Batteries like this will not be able to run a motor or energize most light bulbs.  It is possible to produce a dim glow from an LED. The picture shows a basic lemon battery, a lemon, copper penny and zinc coated nail.

Lemon Light 2008   

A light powered by a lemon battery.


Dear Joe,
That picture of you with the mower..... ahh, how well I know it.
It seems of late, my life has revolved around jerking and pulling the cords of reluctant small motors.
is it just a male thing?  You know - mowers, chainsaws, brush-cutters, lettuce drainers! - the past times of the not rich and never famous.
Huh...those Wankers! with impeccable electric rolled lawns and square trimmed hedges.
Look, I drain, I prime and I prep and I clean  - with all sorts of volatile fluids, rags and bits of wire - but all to no avail.
The clamoring dome of noise and the pale blue smoke cloud belongs to others - out there - in fields, yards beyond my reality.
But  - I am told there is a new product out there called 'Start yer Bastard!'  (Your blog is not like the ABC is it - Don't mention the whore with product naming)
I haven't come across it yet on the local auto centre shelves, but it sounds like the stuff for me. Just having the phrase legitimised in a commercial product would allow me to belong to a recondite group of aspiring homekeepers. Something my long enduring wife would appreciate.
With such a product at my side (in my left hand) I can return to the lounge room, to collapse on the sofa with a cool drink, catch up on the 'news'  on T.V. , confident that having emptied the product into the machine whilst chanting its brand-name with each whir of the returning cord ratchet - I've done my bit out in the garden. Additionally, letting the neighbours, who just know there is a house 'in there somewhere', hear my expressed desire for my decrepit, 'Cashies' house-revealing machine to start.
as started by, Yer bastard. Dom

Dom, I feel your pain.  We should form a ‘drinking club with a lawnmower problem.’)

Hi Joe
Thanks for your newsletter.
Here's one of those heart-warming stories where a writer (in this case, songwriter and musician Dave Carroll) is able to use his skill to get revenge on an uncaring company.
After months of frustration trying to get United Airlines to compensate him for damage done to his expensive guitar, Carroll gave up and took his case to the airwaves - or at least YouTube.  He wrote and filmed a song (quite catchy, actually) called “United Breaks Guitars” and put it up on the internet. His goal was to get a million views.  So far he has more than five million. Keep rocking, Stefano

(Note: Folks you may have seen this one before but it’s worth another look to remember that just because we are artists, we are NOT helpless.)



Joe -
While I was having lunch with R and friends today, we got to talking about Storm Large and her 8 mile wide vagina song and video.  We thought that you might really appreciate Storm, as we do.  She's a friend of R's, has played with her band a a couple of parties at his house.  She made it to #5 on a reality TV contest.  It was clear to us that she deserved #1, but the old rockers in charge would never let that happen. By the way, they told me that the song is "metaphorical".  
On a different note, I have been thinking about you and the loss of your father.  I am sorry for your loss.  I imagine that you had all kinds of different feelings around this event, having read the lyrics to your Father song.  I am sorry that I did not write sooner, but you have been in my thoughts.  I love the Old Photos. I'm going to send R that great video of you and Lin singing "River of Life". Be well. . . love,  Upsy Daisy

River of Life (Kath Tait) performed by Lin Van Hek & Joe Dolce

(Note: I suggested to Upsy Daisy that she also send R the link to ‘Crop Circles in My Marijuana.’ See next.)

Hey Joe! Where are you going...
Re: Crop circles...
Hope you do not get this particular "corn"  too  often.  Anyway,  very appreciative ; Crop Circles is being circulated nation-wide to important medical cannabis-ers. One of my before the year end goals is to send off a proper much longer set of words for ya... So good, short and sweet, seeing and hearing your music earlier 09! Best, R

Note:  R, if life gives you corn. . . make tamales, esse. Folks, true story:  back in the mid-70s, R & I were driving across country in the States from Philly to Boston. Suddenly, we saw flashing coloured lights in the rearview mirror. Shit. Highway patrol. R shoves a matchbox filled with hashish at me and says, ‘eat this, hurry up.’ Anyone ever tried eating a whole matchbox of hashish in less than a minute? Not recommended. I chewed and chewed – it felt like my mouth was filled with cotton and rubber.  Trying to get it down as quickly as possible. Finally, just as the cop was coming around to my window to have a look inside, I managed to swallow the sticky mass. Good thing, too, as he searched the whole car including the empty matchbox, looked at us kind of cross-eyed – and finally let us go. About a half hour later, the road suddenly became 7-D! I’m talking planetarium without the science teacher. Earth revolving around the sun under our wheels. Levitation where your feet never leave your ankles. ‘A smoking club with a gravitation problem.’ How R managed to drive the friggin’ car, I can’t say (he also ate a matchbox full  himself) – I was lucky I could even focus my eyes. So, anyway,  back to the present - I thought R would appreciate my youTube videoclip, ‘Crop Circles in My Marijuana,’ - kind of for old times sake. The song is getting some great feedback out there in youTube land so if you haven’t seen it yet:
Crop Circles in My Marijuana

Re: The Cove
Broome has had a 'cyber attack' and canned its annual shinju festival - gravestones were vandalised - sister city status broken - all because of the dolphin slaughter exposed by the movie THE COVE screened in Broome. POWER TO THE MOVIE MAKERS!! andre steyl

Hi Joe -
Smelling in Stereo
This comes courtesy of Robert Krampf's science education website.  I thought you might be able to come up with some suitably creative smells to test this further, while simultaneously making circles with your hand and foot perhaps? Cheers, Justine Stewart
Smelling in Stereo
Rice University. Denise Chen and Wen Zhou have been experimenting with the science of smell, and have made some very interesting discoveries.  To explore that, you will need:
 - two or more things with strong, distinctive smells
- your nose
 Don't use anything toxic or irritating.  For their study, Chen and Zhou used the smell of roses and the smell of a marker pen.  I decided to try the experiment with dill pickles and cinnamon ....
 The idea is to smell a different smell with each nostril.  Hold one smell very close to your right nostril, and the other smell very close to your left nostril.  Then inhale and pay close attention to what you smell.  
 What you should find is that one smell, either the pickles or the cinnamon, will be very strong.  After another sniff or two, the first smell will go away, and you will smell the other scent.  Keep sniffing, and the first smell will come back. Instead of smelling the two smells evenly mixed, they will alternate back and forth.  
 Why?  Chen and Zhou found that your sense of smell acts much like your sense of sight. Hold a book in front of your nose, so that your left eye sees things on the left side of the book, and your right eye sees things on the right side of the book.  Now your eyes are seeing different things in the room.  Notice that you can't focus your left eye on one object while focusing your right eye on another object.  
 If you try, you will find that your vision alternates, first on one eye and then on the other. Your brain jumps back and forth, paying attention to one and then the other.  
 The same thing happens with your nostrils.  If they are smelling different smells, your brain pays attention to one and then the other.  The only problem that I had was deciding which to eat first, pickles or cinnamon toast.

While I am not a big fan of pole dancing as an art form – in fact, I find it mostly boring and very un-erotic, I was impressed with the entrepreneurial spirit of this particular team:
(thanks to: Dai Woosnam, Grimsby, UK.)

Dai also included the following observation in his latest newsletter:

“ . . . I love words.  I fell head-over-heels in love with the English language when I was about 14.  And in the years since, she has not always a faithful lover: she often deserts me, just when I need her. And golly, I more than most, believe that English is a Rolls-Royce of a language that we all persist in driving in second gear all the time!
But, that said, I have reservations in someone always using recondite words when simpler synonyms would work just as effectively.. .”

Second gear! Shift that damn car!  Recalling Charles M. Schulz  who once wrote, "Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use."

And recondite words reminds me of a poem I wrote recently:


It’s said that Shakespeare
was so jejune with supplyment of language
that he was able to employ over 7,000 words -
more than betide the entire King James Bible -
only once and never again.

In propugnation, dear reader,
while abstaining from oppugnancy,
affined by poetic code to beetle on here,
and finding that there are leastwise
twenty-six consanguineous
and whirligig words of conspicuity,
incorpsed into these fracted verses alone,
bubukles of immoment
and incarnadine plantage,
rubious and irregulous,
mered cadent crants -

and although they briefly relume,
and congree momentarily -

on further reflection,
                             I conclude
 such germiness and reprobance,
that I, too, most likely,
will never use them again
          ~ Joe Dolce ~

Also, once again, thanks to good old Dai for the next bit.  I recommend emailing him and signing up for his free mailout, folks -  I’m a regular reader:

30 Rock - Therapy, Jack Style
Alec Baldwin character tour-de-force. I also found this link on the 3quarks site.   It amused me somewhat.   Billy Connolly and John Cleese both married women who have embraced this therapy mumbo-jumbo: I’d love to see their faces were they to see this!
(Dai Woosnam, Grimsby, UK)


What I’m Reading This Week
Stephen Edgar
. Poetry.  Living Colour and Man on the Moon are nice. See also Tammy's Lover and Edgar's website down below.

What I’m Watching This Week
State of Play –
BBC series, from which the movie with Russell Crowe is based. At first, I thought this was going to be another brilliant BBC adventure. I saw the remake with Russell Crowe doing his Dustin Hoffman impersonation and wasn’t that impressed. I was right into the BBC mini-series – and then for some reason, I lost interest and didn’t even finish it. I might have just been sleepy or the slow pacing but there still wasn’t enough to make me want to go back and watch the bits I missed. This entire story is take-it-or-leave-it as far as I’m concerned.

Second Skin – Second Skin takes an intimate, fascinating look at computer gamers whose lives have been transformed by the emerging, hugely popular genre of computer games like World of Warcraft, Second Skin and Everquest, which allow millions of users from around the world to simultaneously interact in virtual spaces. We meet couples who have fallen in love without meeting, disabled players whose lives have been given new purpose, those struggling with addition, Chinese gold-farming sweatshop workers, wealthy online entrepreneurs and legendary guild leaders - all living in a world that doesn't quite exist. Fascinating but ultimately depressing.



Josephine’s of Boca
Gourmet Italian Restaurant

Opera Night

5751 North Federal Highway
Boca Raton, FL
tel: 561 988-0668



Serves 4

1.5 kg chicken (or pieces)
4 garlic cloves, crushed
25 cardamon pods
3 cm (1 in) piece of ginger, peeled and grated
300 ml plain yogurt
1.5 teas freshly ground black pepper
zest of 1 lemon
2 tbles ghee or coconut oil
400 ml coconut milk
6 green chilies, pricked all over
2 tbles chopped fresh coriander (cilantro)
3 tbles lemon juice
fresh coriander leaves for garnish

Cut whole chicken into pieces, breasts in half, separate legs from thighs, trim wing tips (reserve back and wing tips for future chicken stock recipes). Leave skin on or off as you wish.
 Remove the seeds from the cardamom pods and crush to a fine powder in a mortar and pestle. Set aside. Grind the garlic and the ginger in the mortar and add about a quarter of the yogurt to make a paste. Add the cardamom, black pepper and lemon zest and mix thoroughly.
 Spread over the chicken pieces, cover and leave in the fridge for at least four hours and preferably overnight.
 Heat the ghee in a heavy pan (with a lid) and brown the chicken pieces over low heat. Add the remaining yogurt and coconut milk, bring to the boil, then add the whole chilies and the chopped coriander. Stir, cover and simmer over low heat for 30 -45 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. Season with salt to taste and add the lemon juice.  Serve with steamed rice.


Outside the window where his eyes are aimed,
Though dreams of Tammy leave them blind with love,
The bees go on as they were made to do,
Losing themselves in budding rose, foxglove.

Something, perhaps, in their mechanical hum,
Perfection of performance without thought,
Might have been food for his, but Tammy’s on
His mind just now, reducing it to nought.

He’s got the place refurbished, spick-and-span.
He’s bought a bedspread for the double bed.
He reads (again!) the postcard Tammy sent
Him and her words have whited out his head.

But at last the day arrives. At last he hears
A longed-for vehicle pull up outside
And rushes out with open arms and cheque
To take possession of his precious bride,

Who, in the bedroom, he unwraps and lifts
Out of her box — a woman made in heaven
(That’s what the label says, a Heaven Products’
Money-back guarantee you can believe in)

Computerized and robotized, oh Tammy,
Articulate for love’s work, Tammy makes
All the right noises of encouragement,
The amenable few movements that love takes.

A cunningly placed on-switch sets in train
The intermittent batting of her eyes,
Her gentle thrust, while pressure activates
Her vocalizing program and she sighs.

What did Garance say? C’est si simple, l’amour?
Yes, love is simple. Child of paradise,
He can’t believe that life offers so much,
And all for such a reasonable price.

Solution sweet. He’s even moved to whisper
Sweet nothings in her ear. His passion seeps
Between her plastic thighs, on which one arm
Lies like a dead weight, moveless, while he sleeps,

Having drifted — though he’s failed to switch her — off;
So as she stirs all night by his dreaming face
Her repertoire of moans says yes to air
And her blind eyes blink their thank-yous at blank space.

~ Stephen Edgar ~







Here is  an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland
2. FORM A  LOOSE GRIP.           
(thanks to Terry Dwyer)