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Friday February 6th, 2009

Big Time Monkey Privates

"To be big! To be powerful!  This is and has always been
    the longing of those who are little or feel they are little."
Alfred Adler

Hi folks,

My favourite current expression of utter dissatisfaction is: ‘Hey, that sucks big time monkey privates.’

So what am I dissatisfied about now?

Well, Israel’s latest airstrikes in the Gaza for one. A ‘disproportionate’ response, as Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said.  

A disproportionate response is shooting ten prisoners if one escapes. A disproportionate response is hanging a black man for looking at a white woman.  A disproportionate response is replying with US-made state-of-the-art tanks and aircraft – killing 200 - in reply to an outdated, inaccurate K-Mart rocket attack – killing 3.  Disproportion is taking more than your share. Prime Minister Ehud Olmert should know about disproportion. Last November 2008, in what has become known as the "Rishon Tours" affair,  Olmert spoke abroad on behalf of groups such as the Yad Vashem Holocaust memorial, the IDF, and charities for mentally disabled Israeli children.  Rishon Tours then allegedly billed each group for the same trip as if they alone were paying and placed the money in special bank account allegedly for Olmert's personal use. He is currently being indicted on criminal charges by the Israeli Attorney-General, Menahem Mazuz.

Sometimes, it seems that certain political leaders exhibit all the symptoms of the State equivalent of Battered Child Syndrome – those who have been abused so long that when they finally reach a position of power, they are compelled to perpetuate this abuse on others weaker than they.  George W Bush’s USA also behaved like this, if Oliver Stone’s new film, W, is to be believed.

One of my pro-Israeli readers attributes the Palestinian dilemma, in part, to it being a “youth bulge country where young men tend to eliminate each other or get killed in aggressive wars until a balance is reached between their ambitions and the number of acceptable positions available in their society.” (eg In Gaza, the average woman bears six babies.) But this argument has a xenophobic and disagreeable air to it – much like the one that said that Vietnamese had less regard for life than Americans.  I have included the article further down below, for your interest, although I think this position is too simplistic and overlooks the basic fundamental of territorial conflict:  ‘All war is the result of undefended wealth,’ as General Douglas MacArthur once put it.  (It always makes more sense to me if we ‘follow the money.’)  One might as well argue that caged chickens are psychotic because they lay too many eggs in their cages and peck each others feather out. The fault is with the farmer, not with the chickens.

‘Why couldn’t the chicken cross the Strip?
It couldn’t get past the checkpoint.’

I have been invited to sing my song,  ‘Yesh Od Zman (Omm el Hazina),’ at the upcoming benefit, HUMAN . . . RIGHT?  for Melbourne Writer’s Group, Pen, on February 16th, at St Kilda Town Hall.  The song is sung in Hebrew and English, with Arabic language poetry counterpoint.  The Melbourne PEN group focuses on writers in prison, reconciliation, women writers and international work especially in the Asia and Pacific region. It also campaigns on behalf of persecuted writers and lets them know they are not alone. Further details below.

JUDY SMALL, KAVISHA MAZZELLA and DIFFICULTWOMEN are planning a special concert at Montsalvat, in Eltham, VIC, in March, as part of the week long celebrations of International Women’s Day. More details on this show in coming weeks!


I don’t know how many of you are aficionados of fine hot sauces like I am but while tracking down some original and aged Louisiana Hot Sauce this week for BBQ Ribs I discovered a whole mess of interesting new ones:

Sarah Palin Hot Sauce, Blair's Sudden Death Sauce, Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce, Hog's Ass Garlic Habanero Sauce, Rectal Rocket Fuel Island Jerk Hot Sauce, Hemorrhoid Helper, Ass In The Tub Hot Sauce, Hot Bitch at the Beach - All Organic, Sphincter Shrinker Hot Sauce, The Sauce That Killed Kenny!, Bayou Butt Burner Hot Sauce, Flaming Coon Ass Hot Sauce, Pain is Good Batch #218 Hot Sauce, Weapons of Ass Destruction Hot Sauce, See Spot In Heat Hot Sauce, Lawyer's Breath Hot Sauce, Larry's Hot Pussy Juice Hot Sauce, Bull Snort Smokin' Tonsils Hot Sauce, She Got Your Balls Chipotle Hot Sauce, Area 51 The Hot Sauce that Doesn't Exist, Bayou Pecker Power Hot Sauce, Burn In Hell Osama!!! Pure Evil Hot Sauce, Weed Killer Hot Sauce,  You Lousy Bastard Hot Sauce, Dick Cheney’s Bird Shot Hot Suace and Hangin' Hussein Hot Sauce to mention a just few. For a more thorough list:


Re: USA 'Back in service'
"We, the United states of America, your supplier of quality ideals of liberty and democracy..."
Who do they think they are?? The USA where the no. 1 religion is blind nationalism followed by appalling ignorance.
Enjoy your newsletter, Eddie Cole

Justine's "Back in Service" got me thinking. It may suit the US to change
it's ways but whether it's for the right reasons or not I'm afraid the
wrongs meted out in this last decade and in many decades before it just
won't go away until every last victim forgives - which may take upwards of
100 years - 25 presidential terms, and enough time for plenty more deranged
super rich neo-cons to emerge. In a world where wealth is unevenly
apportioned, power will always be for sale - able to be snapped up like a
department store bargain whenever good men (and women) lose their diligence.
You don't have to be a political historian to recognise this. 8 years of
Dubya simply amplified the brutal and careless streak that too much of
everything brings out in us, but this "newly installed program" is not a
permanent fix, it may intelligently upgrade the old one but the old program
won't go away, it will only lie dormant for as long as our Obamas allow it
to. November 4 was indeed a great day. I just hope that America still
fuelled by a culture of rampant 'justifiable violence' is as brave as the
new President and does not succumb to the temptation of snuffing out another
good man before his destiny is done. Walter Stark

Just did a few shows here in the South Eastern United States (Georgia) with your fellow Australian, Geoff Achison. What a powerhouse!
Thanks for your humor and your straight ahead "Where the rubber meets the road" truths. Caroline Aiken

Re: In Good Poems, ed. by Garrison Keillor
I LOVE that book!!! xox
Thanks for such a great read...I love the review of the Wrestler and the memories of the cafe'! Xoxox wildflower

Good Morning,
I was watching your video of Memphis Minnie and Lower Jesus. OMG fabulous.
I was in tears. I remember us dancing to that music when we were kids. I love it.
Hey the lady in the video for Memphis Minnie looks like Meryl Streep. Could that be? Love, Kathy
Memphis Minnie Video:
Lower Jesus Video:

Hi Joe,
RE: Water and Peace in the Middle East
I was wondering if you were aware of the "Good water neighbors" project being run by Friends of the Earth Middle East. IThis encourages local communities on either side of Israel/and Israel/Gaza borders to cooperate in solvong local water quality issues such as sewerage runoff, etc. I recently attended a lecture by its founder Mr. Gidon Bromberg, adn Alumnus from my university, and found it a refreshing change and a lovely example of grass-roots peace activism. They offer internships and volunteering opportunities, and I was sorely tempted to sign up. Your readers might like to read about it. love, Penelope Swales

Ending the West's Proxy War Against Israel (“Youth Bulge Countries’)
Stop funding a Palestinian youth bulge, and the fighting will stop too.

As the world decries Israel's attempt to defend itself from the rocket attacks coming from Gaza, consider this: When Hamas routed Fatah in Gaza in 2007, it cost nearly 350 lives and 1,000 wounded. Fatah's surrender brought only a temporary stop to the type of violence and bloodshed that are commonly seen in lands where at least 30% of the male population is in the 15-to-29 age bracket.
In such "youth bulge" countries, young men tend to eliminate each other or get killed in aggressive wars until a balance is reached between their ambitions and the number of acceptable positions available in their society. In Arab nations such as Lebanon (150,000 dead in the civil war between 1975 and 1990) or Algeria (200,000 dead in the Islamists' war against their own people between 1999 and 2006), the slaughter abated only when the fertility rates in these countries fell from seven children per woman to fewer than two. The warring stopped because no more warriors were being born.
In Gaza, however, there has been no demographic disarmament. The average woman still bears six babies. For every 1,000 men aged 40-44, there are 4,300 boys aged 0-4 years. In the U.S. the latter figure is 1,000, and in the U.K. it's only 670.
(thanks to MELOSHINS)

Fellow writers, composers and late night activists! Here’s something for you:

Wake The Fuck Up Coffee

Extra Strong Coffee. Need To Be Alert? Working Late? Can't Afford to Fall Asleep at the Wheel? Here's Your Remedy! It'll Put A Stride in Your Step and some Lead in Your Pencil! Drip Grind. 16 oz.


Due to the much appreciated comments and completely unexpected reaction on YouTube  to my song, ‘Crop Circles in My Marijuana’, (well, mostly positive reviews except for the odd dickhead suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome from an Alien Anal Probe) I have decided to make this previously unreleased song available for direct download -  for only a dollar -  for anyone who wants to have a copy.  The song appears on my 'Freelovedays' CD as a bonus videoclip but has never been released as an audio track. If you are interested, go to the YouTube link below for details on how to order.

Rev John Queripel

Last year, Lin Van Hek and I had the opportunity to present DifficultWomen, at The Chapel By The Sea, in Bondi, NSW.  Strange venue I know for a women-centred show but the minister there,  Rev John Queripel, saw DifficultWomen perform at a folk festival some years before and had wanted to present it to his congregation and community.
   Since then I have been on Rev John’s weekly mailing list – his weekly ‘Sermon’ - and I have come to look forward to downloading and reading his insights every week. The Rev John Queripel is one of the most creative Christian thinkers and writers I have ever encountered. He has an incredibly down-to-earth way of interpreting, not only the message of Christ, but also the Old Testament, and even the Gnostic books. He is a true historical and religious scholar who sees this problematic material at a slight angle to everyone else. Here is an excerpt from this week’s sermon with a link to the complete text. If you like this kind of stuff, I suggest you email him and ask to be put on his weekly mailout. You can also catch him surfing out on the Bondi Beach. Catching a wave for the Lord. He keeps his Malibu surfboard right behind his desk.

Mark 1:21-28,  1 Corinthians 8:1-13
Epiphany 4 1st February 2009 Year B

By John Queripel

“You don’t have to be too involved in the church to know that there are some congregations which represent a constant problem. Within the Uniting Church a sociological study was even done of a case, un-named but well known in circles, where the congregation had burned off every minister sent to them over a period of 40 years. At the time of my ordination the synod in its wisdom sent one of the brightest students they had ever had to that town. He lasted 6 months before being lost to the ministry!
    For Paul the church that created those problems was that at Corinth. The two letters we have which he wrote to them are probably the combination of four. Those letters contain some of his sternest language and admonitions. The problem as Paul saw it as regards the Corinthian church was that they believed they were already caught up in a resurrected glorious state. No longer did they need to have any concern for worldly things. Instead they individually by acquisition of secret knowledge or gnosis had left all of those concerns behind. The soul freed from the body which had entrapped it in materialism sought escape to be with God. Their theology, shaped by Gnostic tendencies regarded the world in essence, because of its materiality, as being evil. Their concern was for spiritual experience and knowledge with no regard for those things of the world, regarded by them as intrinsically evil. A cursory knowledge of Christian doctrine alerts us to problems associated with such thinking, still prevalent in popular forms of Christianity. Its anti-materialism negates the goodness of creation as created by God, who even enters into it in material form in Jesus Christ. It also negates that which lies at the heart of the Christian ethic, the call to love in very down to earth real ways. Christian faith is always worldly!”  (full sermon)

If Obama were Pope
Professor Hans Kung,
Catholic theologian

"President Barack Obama has succeeded in a short time in leading the United States out of a mood of despondency and a back-up of reforms, presenting a credible vision of hope and introducing a strategic shift in the domestic and foreign policy of this great country.
    In the Catholic Church things are different. The mood is oppressive, the pile-up of reforms paralysing. After his almost four years in office many people see Pope Benedict XVI as another George W. Bush. It is no coincidence that the Pope celebrated his 81st birthday in the White House. Both Bush and Ratzinger are unteachable in matters of birth control and abortion, disinclined to implement any serious reforms, arrogant and without transparency in the way in which they exercise their office, restricting freedoms and human rights.
    Like Bush in his time Pope Benedict, too, is suffering from an increasing lack of trust. Many Catholics no longer expect anything of him... " (article)
(thanks to Michael Leone)


7:30pm ($50/$40)

International PEN, an organization dedicated to the welfare and freedoms of writers across the world who are subject to persecution and torture, together with internationally acclaimed, award winning virtuoso pianist, Australian born, WARREN WILLS are putting together an extraordinary event; ‘a musical celebration of peace across borders’. This is a unique concert that ties in with the campaign of International PEN centers in Australia who are involved in freeing Melbourne journalist, Harry Nicolaides, imprisoned in Thailand.

The president of the Melbourne Centre of International PEN, Arnold Zable, who has co-ordinated the PEN campaign, has pointed out that as far as International PEN are aware, this is the first time an Australian writer has been imprisoned overseas for the peaceful expression of his views. He has also highlighted ongoing campaigns on behalf of writers worldwide who are currently imprisoned, threatened, exiled and persecuted for the peaceful pursuit of their craft.

The evening is presented by WARREN WILLS, who has worked in projects over the past two years with the Royal Shakespeare Company, Margaret Atwood, Woody Allen, Hong Kong City Festival, and in the Middle East, Beirut and Cairo, as well as being a virtuoso in National Styles, particularly Jewish and Arabic. The current conflict in Gaza will be viewed from the perspective of finding common ground among all parties in the dispute, through the cultural ties that unite, rather
than divide. The starting point in any successful outcome of the dispute remains a mutual acknowledgement of our common humanity.

Warren’s performances are interspersed with readings by celebrated author Arnold Zable, and Iraqi actor, Majid Shokor, and a sneak-preview of the trailer 'On the Banks of the Tigris' a documentary film currently in production, in which Majid Shokor explores the suppressed history of Jewish, Islamic and Christian Iraqis who performed, composed and worked together in pre-Saddam Iraq.

HUMAN . . . RIGHT?  is a celebration and a fundraiser for international PEN, Melbourne, coordinated by singer Anthea Sidiropoulos in order to catch the winds of change, during this extraordinary time of recent inauguration of Barak Obama and Warren's brief trip to these shores.

Enquiries and other Bookings 0414603186
Media Enquiries: Anthea Sidiropoulos 0414 603186

When and How Was the Jewish People Invented?
Written by Tel Aviv University scholar, Shlomo Zand.

The book has produced intensive discussion about the origins of Israel both inside and outside academia and will be translated into English and published in the United States this year.

The following are some of the issues raised:
1. What would happen if the Jewish nation was a modern invention? What if the Palestinians who are oppressed by Israel were the true Israel of the Bible?
2. What if the Palestinian Arabs who have lived for decades under the heel of the modern Israeli state are in fact descended from the very same "children of Israel" described in the Old Testament?
3. What if most modern Israelis aren't descended from the ancient Israelites at all, but are actually a mix of Europeans, North Africans and others who didn't "return" to the scrap of land we now call Israel and establish a new state following the attempt to exterminate them during World War II, but came in and forcefully displaced people whose ancestors had lived there for millennia?
4. What if the entire tale of the Jewish Diaspora -- the story recounted at Passover tables by Jews around the world every year detailing the ancient Jews' exile from Judea, the years spent wandering through the desert, their escape from the Pharaoh's clutches -- is all wrong? (article)

What I’m Watching This Week

The Changling,
directed by Clint Eastwood. This film and the one following couldn’t be more different. The former is a magnificent art-directed 20s period piece. Beautiful looking and an awesome true story, based on the Wineville Chicken Coop Murders, a kidnapping and murder case that was uncovered in 1928.

Gran Torino, also directed by, and starring, Clint Eastwood. I liked this one too! Although a lot simpler in scope, and in some ways, almost a comedy.  Or rather a tragic-comedy. Clint’s grizzly war veteran character unleashes a barrage of never-ending racial slurs against his new Hmong neighbours – who basically just ignore him, respond with kindness and just laugh it off! Amazing. Talk about conflict resolution. Probably Clint had to keep this project simpler as he was also the featured lead actor.

W, directed by Oliver Stone. Talk about Battered Child Syndrome! George W was treated practically as a disabled child by his powerful family all during his growing up years. No wonder Dubya drank, couldn’t hold jobs and was a no-hoper for most of his life.  When fortune finally handed him the Big Stick, he jumped at the chance to swing it.

Girl, 4, Dies in Washing Machine Accident
A four-year-old Californian girl who climbed into a washing machine died after her 15-month-old brother turned it on by accident, sheriff's officials say.
Orange County sheriff's and coroner's investigators said the girl died from blunt force trauma after being thrown around inside the front-loading machine for around two minutes. Sheriff's spokesman Jim Amormino said the controls to the machine were around 51 centimetres off the ground, close enough for the boy to reach.
The girl was taken to Mission Hospital Regional Medical Centre following the incident on Monday, but died several hours later.

Experts Warn over Mouthwash Cancer Risk
Health experts have warned that mouthwashes containing alcohol can cause cancer and should be removed from supermarket shelves.
News Ltd says leading independent experts issued the warning after investigating the latest scientific evidence linking alcohol-containing mouthwashes to the deadly disease.
Their review, published in the Dental Journal of Australia, concludes there is now "sufficient evidence" that "alcohol-containing mouthwashes contribute to the increased risk of development of oral cancer".
The ethanol in mouthwash is thought to allow cancer-causing substances to permeate the lining of the mouth more easily and cause harm.
Acetaldehyde, a toxic by-product of alcohol that may accumulate in the oral cavity when swished around the mouth, is also believed to be carcinogenic.
Mouthwash is one of the fastest-growing grocery products in Australia, with the category now worth more than $75 million, according to latest Nielsen market research.
Lead review author Professor Michael McCullough, associate professor of oral medicine at the University of Melbourne , told News Ltd that alcohol-containing mouthwash should be reclassified as prescription-only and carry written health warnings.

International “Sing Wherever You Go Day”
Thursday 26 February 2009

Here’s a bit of harmless nonsense to liven up your month of February:
Thursday 26 February is International ‘Sing Wherever You Go’ Day – created to encourage people to sing wherever they go, and sing everything they say, for an entire day. Just like in the musicals, you have to sing as you walk down the street, sing when you buy your coffee/lunch/newspaper/bus ticket, sing in the shower, car, on the train, at work, on the bus, and to whomever you meet.
Think "International Talk Like a Pirate Day" but sing instead. (Of course, it means you can make up the tune if you want to- or just sing something you know.)

Spread the word and spread a song (or several).
Cheers, Bill Quinn

I Love To Singa


Dolce, of Aston Kutcher Fame

SUBJECT: Restaurant Complaint:

Dear Ashton Kutcher,
On Saturday, November 18th, in the year of our Lord and Savior: 2006, I dined at Dolce Enoteca, your Italian/American fusion/fission restaurant/bar. May the good Lord rest my digestive system.
I won’t complain about the moderately bad service. I have been to enough LA restaurants to know that what you people call a service industry is simply legalized aggressive begging by wannabe actors. So it’s OK that our water was refilled sparingly, bus service was non-existent and our second round of drinks shuffled to the table roughly 10 minutes after we finished our meals. I won’t complain about a 20 dollar crab cake appetizer that made up for its tiny size with completely average taste. Nor about the six or seven crab ravioli that couldn’t decide if they wanted to be hot or cold or just plain strong.
But when your bathroom(s) staged an uprising and released a torrent of excrement into the dining room entrance, this pious transsexual had had his/her fill. How is it possible that a mere toilet could spew forth a river of waste through an entire restaurant? Or was the toilet a mere agent and an overfed customer the principle? Indeed, the Tigris and Euphrates could never flood with such a return on the gallon. But whereas the former cradled civilization, your floor will now cradle E. Coli. And Cholera. And your competitor’s burritos.  So long. Farewell. Smell you laters. Love,  Helga

BeerMasonary. It is about banding together to explore and sample beer from around the world – sometimes a tricky thing when you are located on this part of the planet. It’s about getting to know and keeping up with Australia’s best and brightest brewers.
It’s about sharing and celebrating. It’s about learning to appreciate the effort, complexity and creativity that goes into brewing. And did we mention, having fun whilst doing so? BeerMasonary is simply the philosophical and somewhat cheeky pursuit of better beer. Our mission is to seek out and share amongst our devotees the true, deliriously tasty experience of exceptional beer. So, we welcome you. We sip alongside you on your beer enlightenment journey. We share in your pursuit of better beer and acknowledge that life is too short to drink bad beer.
The Golden Rules
As a BeerMason thou shalt:
Appreciate different styles, flavours, colours and textures and share your experience and knowledge with those around you.
Remember, someone, somewhere put their heart and soul into creating your beer and deserves your open minded consideration when you judge and enjoy it.
Take umbrage against the mindless consumption of uninteresting beer and reject imagery that demonises beer drinking as a lowly pursuit.
Refute that beer is the new wine or its poor relation. They are completely different, with their own extraordinary and historic meaning to mankind.



Teacup size pigs are in the news at the minute - apparently, a cross between a New Zealand kunekune pig and a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig.

While most folks are thinking about these little critters as pets, I see great potential in them for cooking. With the trend toward micro-serves in contemporary cuisine, so why not in Soul Food as as well? (Hey, I had a dish at Jacques Reymond last night that was very tasty - Licorice Sushi with Parmesan Foam, or something like that - but the presentation reminded me of what a slug looks like, gagging to death, when you sprinkle salt on it. Like a fish finger with a white afro.)

Anyway, here are a couple of suggestions in anticipation:

 Soul Food Micropigs in Gravy

2 pounds fresh micropigs, cleaned and washed
Water to cover
quarter cup white vinegar
1 onion, coarsely chopped
1 stalk celery, coarsely chopped
2 teaspoons salt
1 and a half teaspoons crushed red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
third cup all purpose flour

Remove the intestines and reserve for micropig chitlins. (See next recipe.)
Place micropigs in a 3 - 4 quart saucepan or pot. Add four cups water, the vinegar, onions, celery, salt, pepper and red chili flakes. Bring to a boil over medium heat. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook, covered, until the micropigs are tender, about 45 minutes. Occasionally skim off the foam that rises to the surface. (Save this for  Licorice Sushi, or for shaving.) Preheat oven to 350 F.  Remove the micropigs from the broth and place them in a shallow baking pan. Reserve the broth. Bake them, turning occasionally, until nicely browned on all sides, about 30 minutes. Remove and set aside. In a small bowl, stir in the flour and a half cup water until smooth. Stir the flour paste into the reserved cooking liquid. Heat to boiling over medium heat, stirring constantly. Add the micropigs to the gravy and simmer 10 - 15 minutes over low heat. Adjust seasonings to taste. Serve in a hotdog bun or on a satay stick.

Micropig Chitlins  
With a pair of tweezers, clean the micropig intestines and wash and thoroughly in several changes of water.
Remove all dark spots and fat.
Place micropig chitlins in small micropot.  
Add water to cover, 2 micro onions (chopped), 2 micro green peppers (chopped), some micro celery, salt, and red and black pepper.  Bring to a boil and simmer for about an hour or until tender. Drain the micropig chitlins and cool and cut into one-quarter inch pieces. Combine flour with salt and pepper and toss the micropig chitlins in the flour to coat on all sides. Use a magnifying glass if necessary. Heat some shortening or oil in a pan and fry the micropig chitlins until brown on all sides. Drain on a paper towel and serve hot. Great with a thimble full of cold microbeer.

I Follow Barefoot

I long for You so much
I follow barefoot Your frozen tracks
That are high in the mountains
That I know are years old.
I long for You so much
I have even begun to travel
Where I have never been before.
Hafiz, there is no one in this world
Who is not looking for God.
Everyone is trudging along
With as much dignity, courage
And style
As they possibly
~ Hafiz ~
(The Subject Tonight Is Love, versions of Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky)

Newsletter Archive  and  Recipe Index


The Day A. P. Niss asked for a Raise

I,  A. P. Niss, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labour.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off. (weak ends or pubic holidays?)
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

A. P. Niss

The Reply:
Dear A. P. Niss:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task..
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

V. Gina
(thanks to Cinzia Ambrosio)