CHERIE'S STORY

My name is Cherie' and I AM an alcoholic. Thanks for allowing me to provide the mini speaker share today. A very special day indeed.

I grew up in what today is called a dysfunctional family. They didn't know that word then. Between kindergarten and 10th grade we moved many times, and I attended nine different schools. In 8th grade I attended two, and in 9th grade, again two. It wasn't easy moving so much, making friends and then leaving them behind, always with the promise to write, yet after a short time the letters always stopped. I sometimes wonder about some of my old "friends", many may be members of AA, who knows.

My Grandmother was the one that really raised myself, my two sisters and one brother. I am the oldest. Mom worked to support us and Grandma was there when we came home after school. Mom had quite a few husbands, and the first one I recall wasn't until I was nine years old. The day we met him I will never forget. We were watching my favorite movie of all time, "The Wizard of Oz" and mom brought him home to meet us. He promptly turned off the TV. Boy, was I MAD. And I never let him forget it either. To this day he will tell you how mad I was. <lol> And its still my favorite movie of all time.

Mom's marrying him did not stop our moving around. We lived in many areas of the Detroit area, Effingham and Chicago, llinois were the only two out of State places. We lived in Effingham 3 whole months, August 1973 to November and in Chicago for exactly one year, Nov. 12, 1973 to Nov 12, 1974.

That husband,'J', was an alcoholic. He didn't drink much at home, Mom would not allow it, yet he would come home quite drunk, quite often. When I was 15, I met the man I thought was my Knight in Shining Armour. He was 18 and in the Army. When he came home on leave to take care of his mother who had broke her leg, I ran away and stayed with him. One day 'J' and Grandma came to the door looking for me. My boyfriend answered the door covered with hickeys. A cross on his chest, a necklace around his neck and more. They asked if he had seen me and he said "no". So they left.

A few days later I went home, because he had to go back to Texas to his base. I told my mother that when he got there he was sending me a bus ticket and I was leaving and going to live with him and marry him as soon as I could. It ended up he didn't get his check, so I asked Mom to please loan me the money for the ticket, which she did and he later paid her back. She took me to the Greyhound Bus station and cried as the bus pulled away. On my 16th birthday Mom got the paperwork that would allow me to be married one month and four days after I turned 16.

My young husband was an alcoholic. At that time I didn't drink much, I was too busy taking care of him. We fought, he beat me, I left, I went back, a pattern I was to repeat over and over again for many years. We divorced right around my 18th birthday and then, my drinking career really took off full blast.

I got a good job one month before I turned 19, driving a city bus, great pay and I thought, a great way to meet men. My next husband was a man I met on that bus, a parolee, ex heroin addict and oh he made me feel good. That marriage lasted two months, when I found out he was using heroin again with a woman he worked with. Alcohol was OK, heroin and other drugs that you shoot into your veins was not OK, to me.

I continued this pattern with men for many years. Each man I met and had fun with, drinking fun, lived with, married, etc, were all alcoholics. Most of them beat me, one even held me prisoner for a day while drunk, until I escaped and came back to Michigan. ( I had been living in Orlando, Florida). I still ended up being with him again after that, it was "love" after all and he said he was "sorry".

My current husband, who I am divorcing, is not an alcoholic, although he has problems with another "drug". He never beat me, yet he should have, I put him through alot of hell with my alcoholism. More on him later.

When I say I AM an alcoholic, I stress that part due to its taking me so many, many years to finally admit it. I went to my first AA meeting in 1980, at 20 years of age. (OK, I see you all adding years to figure out how old I am <lol>). I went to that meeting because my best friends neighbor thought that I may have a problem with alcohol. And indeed he was correct. During the next few years I was in and out of rehab 3 times, never achieving more than a week or two sobriety after being released. Rehab was fun. I met men there. I met men everywhere actually and dated, lived with and married quite a few.

Once in rehab they let us have the afternoon to go out by ourselves. One of those men and I went out on his motorcycle. We went to a bar. No we didn't drink, but we did take mescaline, we were alcoholics, not drug addicts, after all. We went back to rehab that evening still higher than a kite. Yet not one of the nurses or staff paid any notice when we sat up all night in the lounge watching TV and laughing. When asked why we weren't in bed sleeping, we just said we weren't tired.

During one of my geographical changes in Orlando, FL I actually achieved 5 months of sobriety. I met a man that was in the program with one year sobriety. Yet I wasn't happy, so I left Florida again and returned to Michigan only to have him follow me home. He talked me into going back with him to Florida. On the way there, somewhere in Georgia, we decided we were going to have a "few beers". By the time we got back to Orlando, we wanted to smoke pot, found someone that had some, smoked some, and went to a bar, a bar that had a revolving bar in the middle of it. I soon started drinking rum and cokes.

At one point, just after I had been served a drink, I was asked to leave the bar. I decided I was not leaving the drink I had just payed for behind. So I took it with me to the door where there stood a police officer. He told me I could not take my drink with me, I said, "OK well here" as I held out my arm to hand it to him and instead it slipped out of my hand and ended up all over the cop's shirt. Oh my, that scared me. I ran. I looked for another exit, couldn't find one and ended up in the back of the police car in
handcuffs. The next day, not remembering what all had really happened that night, I found bruises and bumps all over my body, then found out that I was being charged with Battery on a Police Officer. Usually first time offenders were released on their own recognize, however, apparently I had argued with them the night before and they decided I was better off in jail. My boyfriend also was arrested that night on the same charge. Because he came to the jail to try to get me out, he got arrested for drunk and disorderly and then hit the nurse when being examined. He ended up with a broken arm for that one. I did a total of 93 days in jail, and when released went... where else?? to the bar.

So my pattern continued. If a man I was with complained about my drinking, I soon got rid of him. Who needed a party pooper, right? Lots of men out there that wouldn't complain, right? I was in and out of AA's revolving doors, many many times. In 1998 I totally gave up on AA, I said it "did not work".

In January 2001, I was a chat host in talkcity.com, where I had to do a Topical Chat about something I knew about. Hmmmm, What did I know about? Ahhh alcoholism, so that's what I did the chat on. Another chat host, who attended my chat, somehow could tell thru the computer that I just might have a problem myself. He asked me if I had ever gone to AA and I told him," yes, but it does not work." He then told me about an online email AA meeting, AAustralia, and suggested I join the group, which I did.

I met many wonderful people in that group. They taught me more about AA then I had ever learned in a face to face meeting. I drank while reading emails drank while writing emails, ( I didnt think they could tell till I got sober and went back and read my emails and found I "type slur") and never once thought they could possibly "know". The members of that group taught me what steps one, two, three and four were really all about.

The night of my last drunk, I only drank about 6 beers. It was enough though.And I will never forget my last drunk. "V", the one I said "more about later", decided we should go to the bar one beautiful spring afternoon. I had recently promised to "not drink in the house", so after the bar, when of course I had not had nearly enough to drink, I stopped at a party store and bought a 12 pack. When he questioned me about my promise my reply was "I'm not going to drink in the house, I'm going to drink on the
deck". I had no sooner opened the 12 pack, pulled out a beer when he came out, grabbed the 12 pack from me and threw it into the canal. I then hit him up side his face with the full unopened beer in my hand, which a neighbor saw and I soon found myself sitting in a jail cell.

Well, now what? I was arrested for beating up a man who was twice my size. How could they possibly do that? When transferred to the county jail, I realized, I can't go on like this. I went to the toilet area, which had a small wall separating it from the rest of the cell, got down on my knees and for the first time in my life I FULLY admitted to God that I AM an alcoholic. I took the first three steps next to that toilet. The next day, by God's grace,not my will, I was released with no charges pending.

The next day I went back to my computer, to my friend, "R", who is no longer with us. Sadly I never got the chance to meet him face to face and thank him for saving my life. Anyway, he asked me if I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I cried, "OH YES". He told me to get out my Big Book and start reading it. And then I really got involved in the online group.

Yet those members in that group kept telling me I HAD to go to face to face meetings. I kept saying, "they don't work", and they still urged me to go, told me "they will work now, you are ready". So on my 30 days of sobriety, I went to one, just to get a 30 day chip. I went back for a 60 day chip, and soon started attending on a daily basis, made it my home group,cleaned up after meetings, and at 5 months sober became treasurer of the group.

My first sponsor and I had problems getting together to work the steps. Every time we were supposed to meet, she called and cancelled, kid, husband,etc problems. Hmm, now what? I'm told I need a sponsor. Where will I find one?

One day, a new member joined the AAustralia group. The welcome email said, "Please welcome our newest member, "M" from Michigan". WHAT?? Michigan, my State?? I wrote and asked where she lived and found out she was only about 15 minutes away from me. I soon asked her to be my sponsor, before we even met face to face.

She is still my sponsor, she has taught me probably more than she even realizes. We help each other, too. Its a two way street. She teaches me about this wonderful program, and I help her with program things, along with computer and other things. She taught me the value of service work and we have done much at the Area and State level. Currently we are chair and co chair of next years March Roundup. I also recently became GSR of my Home Group and love the area level of service. We are not just sponsor and sponsee, we are real true friends. Thank you "M", I love you so much.

My first day sober was 5 years ago, exactly today. I have now been sober and working this wonderful program of AA for 5 YEARS. Wow how amazing. I could not have done it without all of you. I learned that AA does work, IF WE WORK IT.

Is life perfect now? By no means. But it sure is a heck of a lot better. I no longer have blackouts, I no longer lose my car, I no longer sit in mud puddles and have fits. 2 1/2 years ago, I finally got my dream job, working as secretary in a counseling office. I am surrounded by recovery and by those that relapse on a daily basis. I truly believe God put me in this job for a reason.

During my first year of sobriety, I got my Realtor's license. I work part time now with my realtor mother, and kind of like it, although not a whole lot. I am proud that I accomplished this, my first time in school since I was 15 years old.

In the Fall I will begin college for the first time in my life. I am going after a Bachelors degree so I can counsel others in recovery. Me, who never even finished high school, (I do have a GED). I'm not scared, yet. And actually I doubt it will be scary, it will just be another new adventure in sobriety. And my Higher Power, God, will be with me each step of the way, as he is each day on this wonderful journey called Sobriety.

Thanks for letting me share and thank you all for being here each day. I have a face to face home group, along with this group, my online home group. Without all of you, my sobriety would not be possible. May we all keep trudging the road of Happy Destiny together, One Day At A Time. ( My car license plate is ODAAT5).
Hugs
Cherie'
Grateful Member of AA
date of sobriety 26th April 2001

(note: names of other people removed).

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