Gordon's story...

G'day All, Gordon here, alcoholic to the 'enth degree....commonly known as "11step Gordon" in these parts.*s* I thought I'd share a little of my recovery due to this amazing fellowship, guided by my Loving Higher Power whom I call God, and you wonderful people. I believe I have been born an alcoholic from the very first day I breathed air on this planet.......I had all the potential from day one........As a kid I struggled with an immense overwhelming fear, had no communication skills, couldn't measure up to my ideals, always felt inadequate amongst my peers and set limits on myself. There are many more things I haven't mentioned but I guess you get the gist of what I'm getting at....introverted with a burgeoning, inferior complex which described me to a tee, in a nutshell.

When booze came into my life I thought it was the miracle potion that was going to transform me....the magic potion as to speak.*s* I pick up my first un-chaperoned drink in 1962 at the age of 14years and 9 months to be exact.....I was on a ship called the "SS IRON MONARCH", a steel and iron ore vessel trading out of Australia. I had joined the ship some two weeks beforehand as a "wet behind the ears" deck boy and we had just arrived at the first Port ( Newcastle ) outside of my home (Port Adelaide) and I went ashore with the guys I crewed with. I stood in the front bar at such a young age with these fellas and before long I was in my first "black out" and hadn't a clue where in the hell I was. That night was lost forever in my mind, other than I woke up in the back of a car with two guys..........one was driving, the other was in the back seat with me going through my pockets. I remember I took offence to that and the next minute the guy was laying into me. I had no chance but I do recall vomitting over him.......this aggravated the situation even more so he then opened the door while the car was travelling down the road and I was pushed out resulting in some very nasty cuts and bruises.

You'd think after that episode that I would never touch another drop of alcohol but sadly it was just the beginning. This was the initiation of my boozing career which was to continue for the next ensuing 15 years. I stayed at sea for 12 years and, as most people know that worked in that vocation, alcoholics are plentiful and, in my opinion, I believe the statistics are extremely high......I hazard to take a guess but, lets say, about 85 to 90%.....give or take a few.*s*

Anyway, I drank on and everything got worse.....I was married in 1966 and put my wife through absolute hell.....11 long years of it. Along came the hospitals, violence, police, gaols, numerous lockups, embarrassment.........you name it, I did it............all due to the demon booze. I just didn't know any different, all I knew was alcohol made me feel better, if only for a little while.........the craving was destroying me.........little by little...bit by bit. If you said I was an alcoholic in those days I would have refuted you with utter fury......it was perfectly natural for a man to go for *a few beers* ( my way of thinking at the time ). Take note....just a few beers I said.*s* Who was I fooling, I never could have a few beers, what a laugh...........everytime I drank, it was for pure oblivion, a wipe out. I was like a plane spiralling out of control, downward at a rate of knots ready to slam into the ground.....thats the way I can best describe it. So damned hooked by the disease of alcoholism...no way out of it.......full of denial heading for the big bang, and I had no way of knowing it. My visions of an alcoholic back then was the guy who camped out ( in back alleys, riverbanks or anywhere he crashed ), drank cheap plonk or metho and wore his blankets on his back......not me, definately *not me!!!* I had a wife, four kids, a house I could crawl back in where I could suffer it out and I didn't drink metho....further more, I wasn't a street derelict....so not possible for me to be an alkie. How sadly mis-informed I was.....my wife was so stupid, she kept the door opened for me...........I could go back anytime I wanted and get myself right. But eventually it all had to come to an end......my alcoholism caught up with me and I came to a full stop........thoroughly whipped and beaten.

Thinking back now I can trace it to late 1976..........I was locked up in the local Port Adelaide cells, my second residence.*s*......and I remember one night when I was laying there, before I opened my eyes I knew where I was. I could hear the "Big Semi's" wheelin' round the famous "Black Diamond"corner......also the urinals running and my drunken buddies running amuck within. I said as I said so often, to myself...."What in the hell am I stuck in this rotten, filthy place again for".......this was happening with so much frequency ......I had had enough, but how could I break the cycle? Well, this is where I think my "Higher Power" came to the fore.......looking back in His wisdom, I can see He set up a meeting for me with a friend from the past. This is how it happened.......

I called in at a detox center to pick up a mate and when I rang the door bell this guy answered......I peered at him through a drunken haze and couldn't believe my eyes........an old mate, was standing there, clean shaven, tidy and with neat clothes on. The last time I laid eyes on him he was living under two sheets of corrugated iron.....totally derelict and drinking metho and whatever. I said...."Hell, whats happened to you?".....he remarked, "I have stopped drinking and going to AA"......plus he was detoxing to begin his new life. This didn't mean that much to me at the time but through the state of mind I was in I knew he looked good.....I'd have to be thick not to see that. After that encounter, I drank on for the next few months til Easter 1977..........and little did I know this was to be the drink that would get me into AA....as I see it now, * my last drink.*

It started with one helluva weekend and wiped out something bad...... I had been fighting again which was the norm for me....... when I was sober I wouldn't say boo to a goose but when I took a drink I was bad news......... it didn't matter who it was with, and usually my family was always the first to bear the brunt of my drunken tantrums. Anyway, trying to cut a very long story short.....I laid up in bed for a few days and slowly I came good. I said to my wife that I might go to an AA meeting that my buddy from the past had told me about......but I said I'd go with him to see what it does for him...not what it could do for me.... my pride stopped me saying that. So once I had made that statement my wife got in touch with this guy and immediately he came down. He asked, "Do you want to go to a meeting tonight?"......... this was on a monday evening and I said, "No, not now but I'll go to the one on Sunday, the one at the detox center where you go." Well, for the first time in my life,..... I had made an important statement....... I couldn't back down from it but it was a few days hence, anything could happen and plus it made me feel good.*s* Of course I was procrastinating, I'm the worlds best at that. But guess what?... as we know, time marches on.......Sunday night duly arrived.*s*.........made a statement I did, a big one at that.....and being a so called big man, I had to front up.*s*

When I entered AA I had 13 warrants pending for my arrest, two outstanding bankruptcies running concurrent and heaps of people after my blood. I thought, lets see what AA could do in that respect. I arrived at my first AA meeting shaking like a leaf, cold feet and ready to run at the slightest bit of pressure. I wasn't sure what to expect, maybe they drink in moderation I thought, I didn't know. Anyway, I walked through those *proverbial doors* and was greeted as I have never been greeted before...... at least these people weren't sucking up to me, they were'nt after a buck..... they were genuinely asking after my welfare. I could see these people had something going for them...... a lady by the handle "Just Judy"....came up and made a big fuss of me. She was a big blonde haired woman with a voice you could hear two blocks away...... and that was when she was only whispering.*s* Her husband was a little Scotch guy called Joey Green..... with a broad accent matching Judy in everyway, especially volume. I can mention their names now as both are long passed on in sobriety..... they left great examples for me to follow.

I always remember Jude saying, "Can you pick me up for a meeting tomorrow night?" In the years to come, I knew why she said that, she was just trying to get me to another meeting.... not to get her to a meeting. And no way was I to realize at the time that I'd be picking her up for meeting for next 18 and a half years...... unbelievable.*s* Boy, how I wish that lady was still around today.... such a beautiful person with more honesty than any other AA member I have known.... so sincere and didn't bat an eyelid telling her booze testimony....... pure 5th step stuff straight from the heart.... and what's more..... up there on the floor. She struck me with her God given humility. Yep!!!!.... what a lady.... special qualities for sure.*s*

How can I beat that?...... look at me, I fall far short of that....... but she didn't... she was really something. That was the beginning for me........ up unto this day I haven't needed a drink, one day at a time.  You guys have lovingly paved the way for me. You have given me everything I need...... love, caring, sharing, your time........ My loving God as I understand Him.... so much, what do I need? ........ nothing, absolutely nothing. It took me four years to emerge from the bankruptcies...... I worked things out with the law in regards to my indiscretions ( 8 debt warrants and 5 criminal warrants).  The oldtimers said front up and make amends....this I did and, one day at a time, I waded through..... even with it being so overcoming.... I got through.*s*

Just being with you does it for me, the meetings.....the fellowship as a whole.......the amazing power of it all overwhelms me. I can't figure it out, and I don't want to.....but I know I love it with the greatest passion any mortal could ever muster. This Fellowship has given me life..... lifted me out of the gutter, faced me in a positive direction and said, your choice buddy..... go for it. Today, all I have to do is *don't pick up*... go to meetings regularly and pass the message on whenever the opportunity surfaces. This doesn't mean that I have to be a "Billy Graham" preaching.........but simply, whenever a situation arises I am responsible. I find that not difficult at all .....easy in fact..... been doing it for nigh on 23 years, thank God......... I am so grateful.

Other amazing things came along from that day onwards when I walked in. One instance was I had a very profound Spiritual Awakening in 1981, at my dying father in laws bedside ...... a touch from God is all I can put it down to.  I can't explain it to this day but I know it wasn't imagination .... and thus began my assurance that God is there for all who ask out for Him.*s* In the past I always believed I was like a high profile Chess board piece, a king, a knight or maybe a rook ........ but I was to be disappointed ........ all I was was a lowly pawn... today I'm happy with that, a link man if you may think ....... a simple messenger within the confines of this wonderful program. *s* At last, the puzzle of my life is solved, I don't need to run around this planet wondering why I am here........ I know now and more importantly I know why. Passing it on......that's it, that'll do me, I can cope with that.

In conclusion, it all boils down to acceptance......"Serenity is proportional to Acceptance"....... I can grasp that with gratitude...and know that it leads to that ever elusive, inner peace...something I have searched for from birth.  So there my dear friends...........you have saved my life and for that I will be eternally grateful. In closing I thank each and everyone of you....you saved this once wretched soul and I salute you.

PS.......before I finish, the 11 step is the key to my ongoing success in th beautiful program.....whenever I have trouble anywhere in the steps all I need to do is fall back on the 11 step and I find the answers.

Lots of love from OZ 11 step Gordon
"The 11th step is the key to living your life spiritually."
Dos..11th of April 1977

 

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