Helen's story ...
I come from an English/Irish family. My parents came to Australia when mum was 7 months pregnant with me. I am the youngest of 6. Both mum's parents were alcoholic from what I understand (she will never admit that, but they both died of alcohol related causes). I didn't know them. I always felt different as a kid, but thought it was because I wore glasses. I was very shy and introverted and only had one friend at school. I never attempted sports or anything really, always gave up before I ever tried.
I picked up my first drink at 12. I was attracted to alcohol for no other reason than being alcoholic. It changed my life too. I went thru my teens, wanting to go to pubs and clubs and meet that special someone, who would change my life. At age 20 I had a good dose of alcohol poisoning (after trying to beat my brother in port skulling competitions) and was sick for 3 days, having to have injections etc, to stop the nausea. I swore off alcohol at this point. My mum and sister found me passed out in the bathroom drapped over the bath with the shower running, and put me to bed - I don't remember any of it!
At age 21 I went into the Air Force at mum's prompting. I always believed that by living Interstate that somehow it would change my life. I hated it. Pined for home and everything familiar. I tried to resign but had signed a 3 year contract. I was drinking pretty well daily at this point. I failed my 1st exam and was shell shocked. Eventually, I got thru my training and found myself in Richmond NSW, about 1 1/2 hours west of Sydney. In and out of relationships, always looking for the "right" man. Drinking all the while. I worked in an Air Force Hospital in admin. The services have an alcohol rehabilitation program called AREP, and part of my job was to admit patients. I used to go to work hung over, stinking of stale alcohol and dishevelled. I was recommended for AREP at that time, but nothing happened.
I was posted to Canberra after 15 months, and into a new position. I was doing very well in my career, but alcohol was taking its toll. I was engaged at the time and eventually this man and my best friend ended up together and today are married. It gave me all the more reason to play the victim role, as I was totally incapable of bringing anything home and ever seeing my part. I found myself in another relationship and at first he was willing to drink with me, but didn't take long for him to stop in the hope that I would too. It didn't work of course. I found myself pregnant and was able to stop drinking and smoking. 2 weeks after my son was born, I was wanting to celebrate his birth with a drink, and so I was of again. My son's father was coming home from work to find me drunk and totally incapable of looking after our baby. This, of course caused a lot of problems. I had such high expectations of this baby changing my life and making things right for me.
I had started questioning my own sanity at this time too and was told it was post natal depression. Eventually I went back to work, but still pining to be home in Adelaide. I put in for a compassionate transfer based on emotional abuse (he had long since stopped talking to me when I was drinking and for days and weeks afterward). That just made me drink more, because I couldn't cope. Set up a vicious circle. 2 days before I left Canberra, I knew nothing would change by coming back to Adelaide, but came anyway in hope. That was October 92. Things continued to go down hill. My sons father had to return to Canberra, to his own job and after being on the wagon for 6 weeks (in another attempt to save the relationship - I was terrified of him leaving me), I picked up another drink.
My worst day possible actually turned out to be my best yet. That was my last drink,on 14th February 1993. In and out of blackout, I rang the base for help and 2 days later found myself back in Sydney at AREP. I had my introduction to AA there. 7 years down the track, I am no longer with my son's father, although we talk often and have Joshua's welfare at heart. I am no longer in the RAAF, but have a part-time job, have bought a house, and spend my time redecorating it. I have some wonderful relationships in AA. Josh has been bought up in the fellowship too. He is a wonderful, happy go lucky little boy, very confident and has never seen his mother drunk!
I have so much to be grateful for, and try to remember that, but sometimes get into the poor me's and what I don't have. I come back quicker now days thankfully. It's a miracle I didn't drink in AA in the beginning, I did everything possible to set myself up, unconsciously of course. I was terrified of drinking because after a few months, knew that I could find myself with a drink in my hand before I even knew what I was doing. On one other occasion, I had myself convinced that I needed to have a bust in AA because the people I was (and still am) attracted to had mostly busted in AA. I told myself that in order for AA to work for me, I too, had to drink. Amazingly, I didn't, got on the phone to my sponsor instead. It took me several months to even admit to myself that I had never believed in God, despite being brought up in a Catholic family and attending church every week. I had always prayed, but thru fear rather than faith.
Basically, I like my life and me now, still muddle my way thru a lot but thru the grace of God am learning. AA has given me more than I could ever have possibly imagined. I could go on all day, about how grateful I am. Anyway, this is a quick version of my story and what AA and God and the people of AA have done for me.
Love,
Helen, Adelaide, SA