WOW where do I begin... that is the question??? I was the 5th child of 12 children, born in 1940. Dad was away in  the war, so my childhood, was free of alcohol for the first 5 years. When he returned, then reality hit.  Fear became part of my life. Until I was 17 self  pity was my big escape from life, and then I could leave home!

I ran reckless through my life of  addictions... I was addicted to people, places and things! Alcohol came later on with a" Big Bang," I thought  I was in control of my life (lie).    "Ha   Dee Ha  Ha" I did try drinking from 21 years of age.  I would say, I was an off/on binge drinker for  years. Then in 1965 when I was 25,  after trying many religions, I found a philosophy and I loved it. It was The Twelve Steps.  So started my desire to be responsible for my life!  No longer could I blame people,  places, thing's ... BUT I was to  YET develop  my substance  abuse!!   I had four of them in the end!

So for  15 years  I kept crossing paths with these 12 steps... I would visit  my  front  bar people, (then would go  in to dry out places!!!) and say "wow" I do so Love those 12 steps... forgetting that I had used them to start  my journey  back to me at 25.   I was now 35 !    The grace of life and my abusing of my self brought me to the point  I cried out "Help  Me!!"  I found a magazine that was writing about an abuse problem I had spent hundreds of   dollars  trying  to fix. There was NO  program here  of that  abuse! At that moment in time, I found some pen and phone  pals that I still have today. Months went by and my drinking became  frightening. I had liver and high blood pressure problems! I tried all I could... acupuncture, Birrel-yuk-beer,  Claytons/ tonic,  lots of  pure  vanilla essence, (until  the lady in shop said you must cook a lot  ? " " ha, ha, ha ") plus a Swedish bitters and loads of mouth wash, all containing, yes you guessed it,  alcohol !!

Then, thanks  that POWER  greater than ME , during one of  my huge anti-social parties where I could use all of  my substance addictions, including Isolation...  (stay busy in the kitchen so you and you would never ever know the  frightened, sad, mad  Jan I was.) People loved my parties. Thanks to my Higher Power, it was through someone from my parties gossiping (thank  God for this gossip) as then I had the courage to pick up the phone and go to my first A.A. meeting in 1980. 

Wow! I fell in love with A.A. and I became an A.A evangelist. I sent out books to family members. I tried to get my husband sober! Where was JAN in all this?  Then, after a few weeks, Chris  from the U.S.A. arrived and brought  the original program I desired.  That got started in our homes and  then in other venues and it is still there !! Dear Chris left us holding  the bag....! (but that's another Program). A.A had set me free and, of course, I over did  my freedom (art, speech therapy,  sculpting) and I slipped  out of A.A. to find out this Disease is  progressive, and terrifyingly so.  Thank goodness I found out fast and I came back. I've stuck around 24 sober years, one day at a time. (It could have been 27 years)  but abstinent  from Alcohol as long as I am, I'm still enjoying (and hating) this thing called  life  that wants me to be  Mature today. Humble today, Patient today, Satisfied with my  fantastic lot  today, Accepting me, warts and all today... I might not  be  as perfect  as I would love to be.... But I am as perfect as I accept surrender from the  bondage  of my past!!  As we say, I will not  regret the past I shall learn  from it  daily!!!

Love to All
and especially to A.A. Members  who are  helping  me
to keep the desire to stay sober 
Hugs JAN

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