Jane McG.'s story...
I'm Jane McG. a very grateful, recovering alcoholic. That is the way I have started my "story" for many years now.
When I drank, I got in trouble. Most of the difficulties I experienced were brought on by my drinking. (Although, I was very fortunate in that the police were only just starting to notice me, when I got to AA.... in fact a cop that "knew" I had a problem...and recognized my car, stopped me expecting to give me a ticket...and found that I was as sober as a judge...with a couple of months without a drink. HA! fooled him!)
I got to AA by the back door...you know, Al-Anon. The fellow that I was seeing really had a problem...and I talked him into AA. I was not too sure about myself...but went to Al-Anon long enough for the honesty to develop in me...and after several months, I was at last able to get the list of *20 Questions and the pencil (with a GOOD eraser) together in the same room at the same time. It was then that I (VERY lightly) marked 13 yeses on the sheet...and promptly erased them. I was horrified! In case you are not familiar with that particular publication...it states that anyone answering yes to 1 question probably does not have a problem, anyone answering yes to 2 questions MAY have a problem, AND ANYONE answering 3 or more CERTAINLY does have a problem. First test I ever passed with such flying colors. I then put all my effort into AA rather than Al-Anon, and SLOWLY, miracles began to happen.
Just three days after erasing those horrible yeses...I realized that I really could answer Yes to three more questions. I really could have found myself with 16 yeses! DOUBLE YIKES!!! My self deception was still trying to work.
In my early days in the program I was certain I was different from the rest of you. I had somehow managed to maintain controlled drinking for a few months prior to getting into AA. Surely that made me unique. (Luckily that was not a case of terminal uniqueness) Eventually, I came to the realization that I was no different from anyone else in this program. The fact that I managed to get off the elevator before it got all the way to the lowest level didn't make me one bit different from the guy that found that lowest level. I learned to identify with the speakers in AA, to look for the similarities in our feelings. I had always been the proverbial square peg trying to fit into the round hole my entire life. I came to AA and it fit just fine.
Sponsors (yes that is plural...I had a "step" sponsor and a "daily life" sponsor), working the steps, and lots of meetings were the things that taught me how to work this program. And...NO, I did not follow all the instructions... But I did learn that when I would push to do things MY way, more often than not, it would blow up in my face. I did learn after several years, to follow directions, at least most of them. I also learned to "Let go and Let GOD," most of the time.
We often talk of the "rough" times we have in getting, and maintaining sobriety. It is my personal belief that if we did not have to work so darn hard at getting, and maintaining sobriety, we would probably just blow it off after a week or so. My sobriety is worth so much, mostly because it was so hard won. If it was easy, I think I would have treated AA as if it were a revolving door.
I have lost loved ones, I have divorced, I have gotten married again, had grandchildren...in short I have lived life on life's terms since the very early days of my recovery, and not had to pick up a drink. THANK YOU GOD! Thank you AA! and Thanks to each and every member of AA. It is because of you that I have the strength to remain sober. It is in sharing this program, that I grow. It is through others who have gone before me that I learn today (no more banging my head against a stone wall...at least not much). It is this program that has given me my life.
I was a problem person before I ever picked up a drink. Adding alcohol to me was the symptom I needed to get to this program. I am VERY grateful for that particular symptom. Today, rather than problems, I have opportunities for growth. (some days I would rather pass on those opportunities.) There is nothing that I have to face today that can't be dealt with by using the program (steps), my Higher Power, and you, the people in AA.
I have learned to love myself. That is the greatest gift that I could possibly be given. And that was not the only gift...I have a wonderful relationship with my son...and grandsons (I even get to baby-sit when I can be across the country). I have a summer job that is working into a year round job...still part-time, and a winter job that can't be beat (ski instructor), a good and faithful husband of 25 years, and wonderful friends (in the program). Who could ask for anything more???
love and hugs,
Jane McG
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