Jane's story......
My family emigrated from England when I was 10 years old. I had a little trouble adapting to my new environment, plenty of teasing from the other kids about my accent, etc., but basically managed to settle in and get on with life until I picked up that first fatal drink. There is no alcoholism in my direct family and we are still a happy and loving group.
I had huge ambitions to become a nurse and was doing well at school - a bit of a loner, never quite fitting in completely, but generally doing ok - until I picked up that first fatal drink at about age 16...."that" drink was a cheap bottle of bubbling champagne at a Rock concert at the Sydney Opera House. I vomited, blacked out and passed out - but LOVED IT. That was the moment my life changed and I can remember it so clearly. After that my school work began to suffer. I changed as a person and my sole goal in life was chasing the next drink. I went from being a good student to becoming a poor student. I just passed my Higher School Certificate and then went on to do nursing.
I chose a training hospital in the middle of Sydney with plenty of access to pubs and night clubs and the good life. Again, I just scraped through - getting into heaps of trouble along the way due to my drinking. I began the geographicals; moving 1 hour north of Sydney when a 3 year relationship broke down. He went to Europe and fell in love with someone else. I used this as an excuse to drink more - POOR ME! I lived alone and soon realised that there was no one around to check on me when I was drinking. So I began taking the morning drink. I was still only in my early 20's at that stage.
Another 3 year relationship lead me back to Sydney - leaving half way through my Midwifery course. On reflection, I never finished anything whilst I was drinking! That relationship was another disaster and I was getting sicker. I always managed to hide my drinking very well. - to this day, my mother, in particular, has some trouble accepting my disease because it didn't manifest itself very obviously - I was clever and deceitful and the alcohol was cunning. Around that time I was also diagnosed with an over active thyroid gland. This caused my hands to shake (amongst other symptoms) and I thought that this was the cause of my shakes, not the booze, and proceeded to drink even more!!!
I eventually went overseas for nearly 2 years. I travelled around Europe and then ended up working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean for 10 months - all the time getting into trouble with alcohol. There are some stories to tell about this time of my life, believe me! I came back to Australia in October 1992 for my sister's wedding. We are very close and in my mad way I felt deserted by her - the beginning of the end. I had my thyroid removed in January 1993. I could not get a job and was miserable. I was staying with my parents and was drinking HEAPS, but the effort of hiding it all was getting to be too much. Each day I said I wouldn't drink but each day I did. I finally picked up the phone and called the drug and alcohol line, but they were unable to help at the time. (I can't remember why. I was drunk and it was enough to send me over the edge.)
I ran away in my car, filled it up with cheap booze, found an underground carpark, and hid in the back seat of the car drinking for 12 days. I remember nothing of this time, but when I came to my wallet was gone, there was no more alcohol, and I had finally had enough. I said my first conscious positive prayer (up until then I had been asking God to let me die because I couldn't stand what was happening to me) and - to cut a long story short - I ended up in a private detox 3 days later. My last drink was on 20 February 1993. My first sober day was 21 February 1993 and this I count as my sobriety birthday.
They (the detox) introduced me to the wonderful fellowship of AA and I identified with it from my first meeting. I did a meeting a day for my first 18 months and then felt comfortable enough to branch out into the "big" world. I had found work a short time after getting sober, and was enjoying it. I was even starting to be given more responsibility and more promotions the more sober I became - life was so incredibly different - WONDERFUL ! I gave up smoking and caffeine when I was 16 months sober - using the programme, and not regretting it for a moment. Since getting sober many wonderful things have happened to me. I completed a 3 year Management diploma (part-time) in 1997 with Distinction - see, I can finish something!!! - Sober, I can do ANYTHING!!! I returned to clinical nursing in 1997 (finally able to give something of me back to others) and after a year or so was offered a short term contract in Queensland. I accepted, thinking that a change would be good for a few months. The trouble is I fell in love with the place and decided to stay. I work full time and have completed numerous courses of study relating to my work.
I bought a new computer when I moved up here and I also bought a house of my own last September which was really exciting. There are not as many meetings up here as there were in Sydney, but there is one a day within the immediate vicinity, although shift work limits me slightly. This is one of the reasons I wanted to join an online AA group; so I could get a little bit more AA. It is always wonderful to come home, turn on the computer, and find messages from fellow alcoholics - I love it!
My family are all still in Sydney. My sister and I are close, she has 2 children, my nearly 4 yr old nephew who is the light of my life and a 1 1/2 year old niece. They all came to visit me here in November which was nice. I'm a 'control freak' and find it easier to leave my sister to bring up her own children the way she wants, not the way I want!!! - (only another alcoholic can understand that one!) My Nana is 98 (an amazing lady), and my Mum and Dad are great, just moved into a new home last week. I love them all very much, talk to them often on the phone, and enjoy my holidays with them (I try to go to Sydney every 3-4 months). But I don't live in their pockets and they don't live in mine now. I am sober, independent, and free to live my life without anyone's approval other than that of my God.
One day at a time I have stayed sober for nearly 7 years. I have met some incredible people and most of the time I am happy and content - what a difference to how I felt as a practising alcoholic! I believe it is a miracle and I am incredibly grateful for my sobriety. I have a beautiful kitten (probably a cat now) called Chelsea who is about 6 months old. I adore her and she gives me unconditional love - how lucky am I to be responsible enough to own a pet.
Take it easy. Love Jane.
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