JULIA'S story
I'm Julia. By the Grace of God and the fellowship of AA, I'm sober today.
I started drinking regularly at the ripe old age of 12. I drank because I thought drinking helped me be who I was not... though I was (still am sometimes) quite shy, I was gregarious when I drank. Though I was fat and ugly, I didn't feel fat and ugly when I drank. Though I was a misfit, I didn't notice when I was drunk. Though I felt I was worthless, I forgot that feeling when alcohol wrapped its soothing grip around me.
I spent the next 11 years hanging out in the bottom of a bottle. Drank away an inheritance. Drank away several good paying jobs (never been fired... I quit each of those jobs because they interfered with my drinking). Drank away any meager self-esteem I once held. I drank away everything I sought not to lose. And then I drank away the anger and pain and guilt. I drank to commiserate. I drank to celebrate. I drank... to drink and be drunk. I came into AA just shy of my 24th birthday. Almost half my life (at the time) was a blur to me. I looked around me one morning... coming to on my bedroom floor, covered in vomit, reeking to high heaven, and wanting this so-called life of mine to end.
I'm a coward. I couldn't just kill myself... probably why I pursued that slow motion suicide of drinking for so many years. I did something which made no sense to me then... I propped myself onto my knees and said "Dear God, please please PLEASE let this end." I was thinking death. My Creator, apparently, had other plans for me.
I started a new job that day... still sick and hungover from the night before. I came to find that, of 32 employees at my new job, 27 were recovering and in A.A. The rest?... They were N.A. WOW! Coincidence? I THINK NOT! One of the salesmen came past my desk and laid down a xerographed page... from the 24 hours a day book... I read it and reread it. I stopped him next time he passed. "What's this?"... he said "The key to freedom, one day at a time, if you want it..."
I went to my first meeting that night. Someone suggested I make 90 meetings in my first 90 days. (Are you all NUTS? I thought) At the end of 90 days, I counted the number of meetings up and found I'd attended more than 100! Someone suggested I collect phone numbers and develop strong recovering contacts. Though I was willing to pick up the phone, I didn't have to... My phone rang every night with offers of rides to meetings etc.
I found a friend who became my "sponsor for life -- by default". It's been quite a few 24 hours for me. Sure, my life still has its ups and downs. I've lost important people in my life to this disease. I've blessed to be able to spend time with my dear Nana, sober, before she passed.
I was injured at work in 1992 and have been unable to work since. I am now a published author, something that would not have happened were I not sober! Life on life's terms, my friends. Sometimes nurturing, sometimes painful... but always worth experiencing sober!!!!
By The Grace Of God and with the help of my recovering friends, I handle life and enjoy it without booze today.
Julia ... Sober since 13 February 1984... one day at a time.
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