Girl From a North West Country Town
I am an alcoholic and I haven't had a drink for 19 months. I came into the doors of AA completely beaten and not wanting to be around. Our AA group had 3 main members (when I came) and they were all guys. I hated Karratha and the only praying I ever did, was to pray a bomb would go off and wipe the place off the face of the earth! That would fix things... And to think this is the place I get sober. I have a Higher Power with a sense of humour! I am glad I got sober here as I would've been one of the people hiding in the background and never sharing. In such a small group there is no hiding.
I guess my story isn't remarkable, I was shy, had a shit childhood and grog was the magic medicine for me. It was great to begin with and then it turned on me. I couldn't guarantee my behaviour, I went places I didn't want to go and did things I didn't want to do. I have done the jail and nut house thing... of course that had nothing to do with alcohol, it was someone elses fault!! <lol>
But that's all behind me, one day at a time, anyway. I have been really lucky. The need for alcohol left me the day I walked into AA and I have had no serious cravings since. The thing I am most glad of is having a Higher Power in my life, of my own understanding. One who is forgiving and loving. I am grateful to have a program for life.. one that claims spiritual progress and not perfection. Thank goodness because I am only human and I have beaten myself up enough over the years but I keep in this program because it's alright if I'm not 100% all the time. I can go a bit haywire and then get back on track, if I put the program into my life.
I made a hasty decision very early in sobriety...(about 5 minutes sober) no, 4 months - I started doing my enrolled nursing. Gee, that was sooo hard but I realised that it was a journey for me, some days I would literally go to our meeting and just cry, I was so filled with fear, geez, I was still insane. Through the support of our group I have hung in there and I have only got a few weeks to go before I am qualified. I can hardly believe it. It will be the biggest thing I have ever achieved in my life and I know I could not have done it without AA.
I have done 'prac' in Graylands (the 'nut' house) and I was amazed. I am one drink away from being a lot of those people in there. I have never said so many "there for the grace of God go I's" as I did in the three weeks I spent there. Last week I saw the miracle of a baby coming into the world. How special is that? I am the luckiest alcoholic in the world!
I want to really get cracking in my recovery when I have finished, I want to do *Step 4 properly, get to some Round-ups** and have a stronger recovery. I try to do a bit of service within the fellowship of AA. The other members are right - it feels good to do something for someone else. I don't like to spend too much time with my own head - it can tell me some real crap and the best way to not be there is to be doing something for someone else. I am also learning to take care of myself and have boundries, if I don't want resentments. I guess it is all a part of getting to know ourselves and when I was drinking, I had no idea of who I was. I was what I thought whoever I was with, wanted or expected me to be.
Today, I don't want or need a drink. I have people who genuinely care and love me, as I do them. I have better relationships with my children and I am blessed!
* 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
** Round-ups are Country AA gatherings, usually whole weekends.Penny | Tony | Dermot | Rob F | Pat | Shekhar | Russ | Traveller | Frank | Andrew | Barry | Ian | Jan | Chris | Lynda | Gordon | Jane | Kathy | Jo | Cherie | 20 Questions |
Jack | Bernard | Jane | Tina | Paul | Agnes | Lauren | Kerry | Charlie | Karratha girl | Pauline | Delores | Kiwi Jane | Richard | Julia | Rob A | Anne | Just another alkie