Kerry's story....
My name is Kerry - I am an alcoholic - sober today through the Grace of God, the 12 Steps and the members of A.A. who encouraged and loved me into sobriety. What an attraction to me you were and still are!! Through you and the love I experienced at my first A.A. meeting, I am free. My life has got better and better, One Day at a Time. It wasn't always like that.
I started drinking to fit in and have fun at 18. It was like Clark Kent going into a phone box and coming out as Superman! I'd found the elixir of life, was colourful, witty, confident and then I threw up, was so dizzy I felt dreadful. An alkie from the start, but just loved that carefree sense of being at one with my fellows, fitting in and belonging and unafraid. I did it again and again, with ever increasing dire effects, kidding myself that the consequences were worth the fun, popularity, sense of comfort and ease I experienced with John Barleycorn. I had always been so shy, nervous and self-conscious and drink took all that away in the twinkling of an eye. I loved the feeling of power and freedom it gave me - I had found the secret of life.
This disease is progressive, I can vouch for that. I'm a beer drinker but, if I ran out I'll drink or guzzle anything or anyone's drink. I'm a deep thinker - complex - working it all out. I drink and I'm in Heaven - slowly but surely I entered Hell - a place of torment, frustration, lonliness and fear, blackouts, remorse and guilt that only another drink would fix. Then more of the same, neglecting my moral obligations, responsibilities and my children. I ended up in compromising situations, which brought more guilt and shame. I drove when I was drunk and had accidents, putting my children in danger.
I went to Court, lied, covered up and lived a double life, fearing I'd be found out. In the end I cared about nothing because I couldn't care - it hurt too much and the instant relief could not be found in alcohol. I had lost out - was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Afraid of living, afraid of dying, getting older and going nowhere, frustrated, lonely, rejected and isolated and full of self-loathing.
I was ripe for the picking when a doctor suggested A.A. Thank God for that man because I have not picked up a drink since my first meeting 23 years of days ago. Those sober magical moments comprise all facets of my new life (the second chance I took and hung on to) my journey into recovery, with all its seasons, experiences and adjustments and being so grateful for it all. Because here I am today, happy, joyous and free to carry this powerful message, to be of useful service, no more a burden on society or my family.
Through the actions of the 12 Steps I can love and receive love and, no matter what happens, I have learnt to trust life, thank God in all things and leave the outcome to Him who presides over us all. I have exercised faith, taken one step at a time and learnt the lessons I am given in this one long day of school that has taken me into the present here and now-eternity.
I have failed and succeded in sobriety - triumphed and overcome some defects and traversed the trials and tribulations to grow a character. I am a participant in life and through death have been renewed, regenerated and brought closer to the God of my understanding.
I have stayed, kept the fires of sobriety brightly burning so I won't regress and forget where I came from by listening to those wonderful newcomers who remind me, nor to get cocky or complacent and the old-timers who are my heroes, can stand, serene and balanced, by years of living this way of life.
The bonuses of sobriety are many. I was able to love and look after my dying mother, see my father 8 years in Al-Anon before his passing, be there for my daughter and sister when they reached out for help and found sobriety waiting. I have a friendship with my other daughter, so scared by my alcoholism. What more could I ask for? I have been given so much - for so little I did.
To those who may be confused - Keep Coming Back - in exchange for the bottle we are given the Keys to the Kingdom. I thank God for your lives.