Kiwi Jane's story...
I'm an alcoholic and my name is Jane. I got sober in Alcoholics Anonymous on November 29th 1986 and I want to share with you my story.
My family background is middle-class so I never went without as a child yet, for some reason, I always felt I didn't belong. Looking back I can see I had the personality of an alcoholic before I picked up my first drink when I was 13 years old. I was a very nervous, anxious, self-conscious and over-sensitive child and alcohol was the solution to my personality problem. But when I drank I felt as good as the next person, in fact better! I switched from feeling inferior and became grandiose and egotistical. Instead of being shy and retiring I became loud and aggressive. I was Dr Jekyl one minute and Mr Hyde the next. I didn't know that I suffered from a disease called alcoholism and that there was a way out of this dilemma.
The illness progressed as I got older and I started seeing doctors and psychiatrists for my drinking problem. It was suggested I control my drinking but for the alcoholic, control is not possible. Once I had one drink I could never stop, until I was either unconscious or the police had picked me up and locked me up for the night. I started ending up in detoxes and psychiatric hospitals, and frequented many rehabilitation programmes. Nothing was working and I continued to drink.
Finally one day I was left alone to face my problem. Many people had tried to help me - friends, family and professionals, but all to no avail. As long as I had people to listen to me talk about my problem (with no desire to do anything about it) I stayed sick. Eventually all these well-meaning people had had enough of me and I was faced with a decision to make. I could stop drinking and go to A.A. or I could continue on and either die or end up insane, locked up in some mental institution for the rest of my life. I had been a patient in the "wet-brain" ward of a psychiatric hospital, where I had been sent to dry out, so I knew the end result should I continue to drink to the bitter end.
I chose sobriety and A.A. and have been living a completely different life the last 13 years, a life I didn't even know existed. The obsession to drink was completely removed and I was shown in A.A. how to live again, without the need for alcohol. I started to grow up and take responsibility for my life. I became unemployable as a drunk but sober I found doors opening up for me. I got a job with a newspaper and worked there for 5 years. I've travelled all over Australia and in other countries and always get to an A.A. meeting wherever I am.
My life is based on spiritual principles today and for this once-atheist, that is a huge turnaround. I try to carry the message of recovery to other alcoholics and hope that they too can experience the sober life. I don't have to worry about going to hell later, I've already been there and heaven is right here and now.