Lauren's Story...
My name is Lauren. I am an alcoholic.
As a young girl, I remember feeling awkward, fearful and ugly inside. I was very shy and introverted. My connection with nature and love of animals gave me joy. I was told I was too sensitive.When I started drinking in my teenage years, it seemed like I bonded with family members and I wasn't shy any more! I was able to relax and I loved the warm glow I experienced after a few drinks. My father was a jazz musician. They were fun times... great music and lots of partying.
By the time I was 21 I was very sick. I was a daily drinker, even though I tried hard to drink only on weekends. Horrific hangovers and vomiting every day had become a normal part of live. I had many blackouts and found myself in frightening situations and wondered - "how did I get here?" At the age of 25 I was fired from my first job. I had been working there 9 years, had been given many chances and was encouraged to seek help. I celebrated my new found freedom with my "buddies" at the local pub, then moved from Adelaide to Alice Springs. My parents voiced their concerns. I ignored them. I had enjoyed playing tennis and cycling since my school days, which I needed to give up as I had no energy.
Bundaberg rum had been my favourite drink but I was happy to drink anything. Iloved the morning drinks... they stopped my hands from shaking and gave me courage to face the day. I had many good employment opportunities in Alice Springs. My drinking destroyed them all. Between the ages of 28 and 33 I was married and divorced twice, had 3 car accidents and broke my collarbone twice, and was fired from a few jobs. "No Worries" was my answer to everything, but I knew I was in trouble. I was drunk or off the planet from the night before, every time I drove. A few times I came out of a blackout behind the wheel, which terrified me. I was grateful when my car was repossessed.
In 1997 I attended my first AA meeting in Alice Springs. I was 36 years old, homeless, unemployable and had been in hospital after having alcoholic seizures. I didn't want to stop drinking but I didn't want to die. At this time I needed to drink 2 to 4 litres of cask wine per day, the warm glow wasn't happening any more and I was in a constant state of terror. I returned to Adelaide and went to a few meetings. Understandably the few friends I had left were fed up with my behaviour and watching me kill myself. By now I was a reclusive drunk, afraid to go out, as my behaviour had become violent and aggressive on several occasions. I was afraid I would hurt someone, so only went out to buy my casks of wine. The nightmare had gone to a deeper level... I still didn't want any help and I knew I was insane. I did eat now and then. I had nightmares about hanging myself.
God brought me to Perth and to AA at the age of 40 (life begins ). The Salvation Army provided me with a place to stay and lots of support. Love and encouragement are powerful. Even though I had not been ready to stop drinking up until then, I remembered the kindness and patience shown to me by the beautiful, real people I had met at AA meetings. My sobriety date os 15/10/2001.
Living sober is like being unchained and let out of a cage. I am willing to do the suggested things, as outlined in the Big Book. I attend at least 3 meetings per week. My sponsor and other friends show me that it is ok to be human! I am free to be Lauren and I love being sober one day at a time. Every day is an adventure and I am not as shy as I think I am! The guilt and shame of this disease has crippled me for many years. The Steps help me to sort it all out. I have forgiven myself for all past transgressions. One day at a time I am learning, with God's help to create a beautiful life, I do see today that my experience can be used to help others. I love my family and friends.
I write lots of letters and I have been amazed. Life is full of miracles, friends have contacted me as well as previous employers mostly expressing joy that I am sober, and some wanting to keep in touch!
This year my plan is to go to TAFE and ease into the workforce. I enjoy AA service and volunteer work. It is wonderful to be well enough to make a contribution. When I relax and allow things to happen in God's time life is much better. I still suffer bouts of depression, now and then, but they pass! Being able to pass on the encouragement, so freely given to me, is the joy of my life. I have found my purpose. I am a grateful, happy member of our beautiful fellowship.