LYNDA'S STORY
My name is Lynda and I’m an alcoholic.
Alcohol became my constant companion in my early 30's when I was going from one crisis to another and not seeing alcohol as the problem. But it wasn’t long before alcohol was taking a bigger and bigger part of my life and was to eventually consume me. It got me into such a lot of trouble. I was such a nice girl when I was sober, but drunk I was a totally different person. A personality change took place in me whenever I drank - it was like I had two lives.
When I had my second car accident, and ended up in Royal Perth Hospital with a broken ankle and two huge black eyes because I hit my head on the steering wheel, I still didn’t equate my crises to drinking. Instead I stopped driving and walked home drunk. I have three children who are adult now and how we all survived still never ceases to amaze me. I had little consideration for them and my eldest daughter became surrogate mother to the younger two. What a debt I left her with. Subsequently she left home at an early age to try and get a life of her own.
I was to marry again, this time to another alcoholic: I was trying to replace one man with another, one home with another, one job with another, friends, personal growth, religion - anything rather than accepting me and my drinking problems , not wanting my life but more not wanting the losses. I was becoming increasingly sick, emotionally dependent on my family and feeling very hopeless on the inside. I was tired of this life that I was living. Initially drinking took away my depression for awhile but in the end it added to it, it got me into trouble, it took away my responsibilities and my dignity and gave me one hell-of-a hangover.
I came into AA with some pushing and shoving, which was to change my life but not then and there. When I first got sober I was so angry mostly at myself and I have had some struggle along the way with myself not wanting to admit or accept alcoholism and trying to change the fact myself, not trusting God and certainly not wanting to identify in meetings which was very painful. However, it was because of the pain that I kept coming back. I had much help from other older (as in sobriety) women and am very grateful for the help - not at the time, but I am now. I see things differently now looking back I can see that I have come a long way from that place of darkness that I lived in for so long.
Reaching out for genuine help is a big step for any alcoholic and it was so for me. But I had a moment of truth, I believe a gift from God where I saw myself in my entirety, where I called out to God ‘my Father’ as I call him, to please help me to stop drinking and change and I rang my sponsor (who has the patience of Job) and said I was ready to be willing to work on the steps and I haven’t looked back since then ‘one day at a time’ and it is only one day - what a blessing that is I have been brought back from the gates of death, 22 months ago that was where I was heading. I had to chose Life or death so I chose Life. I never trusted anyone before I worked those steps with my sponsor, we had a trust between us that I had never experienced before and I believe that is when a change took place in my life. I will never forget her, she will remain in my heart forever. That is what AA and God have given me and I have reached a place of being content because of that experience.
I am truly blessed that I kept coming back all these years and I am grateful and really happy to be sober. I am making a living amends to my children and myself and learning what real love is. To be honest and faithful to God and to give back what has been so freely given to me. I still have a long way to go but I’m enjoying the journey now and feel so peaceful even when things are tough, they are not as bad as the boozing days and trying to make things happen.