Vampires Are Real
A Dark
Initiation
A True
Account of Attempted Demonic Possession
By John
McNair
Background
I
have waited nearly two years for the right time to tell this true story. That
time is now. What you are about to read is an account of a major dramatic
magickal incident in my life and definitely the most life-threatening one I
have ever experienced. It is a cautionary tale of how extreme foolhardiness and
ego-driven arrogance can land a spiritual student in trouble; in this case I
was the student.
In
a sense I guess I always knew this would happen to me ever since, as an
eighteen year old, I saw "The Exorcist". After seeing this
controversial movie I could not sleep for the next six months without having
the bedroom light on for fear of being "possessed" by that very
entity portrayed in the film. I also started wearing a crucifix (I was brought
up as a Christian) for protection. I did not like the fact that the Darkside, a
subject that I loved and was fascinated with, terrified me so much. I wanted to
master my fear. However, mastering fear was only to begin properly when I was
attacked by the demon.
The
names of some individuals in this account have been changed as I do not want
legal complications. At the time of this writing the host body for the demon is
very much alive and walking the streets of Perth and/or Fremantle in Western
Australia. Those reading this story who know "him" will effortlessly
realise who I am writing about as will those who read the interview he gave in
NPT #11. I am certain, however, very few would know his true nature.
In
the following tale the encounter with the vampire was, for me, part of a
required initiation. That I am still alive and reasonably sane after the event
is something that I attribute only to destiny (or karma). If you are someone
who is looking for this radical type of initiation do not attempt to make it happen unless
your intuition tells you emphatically that you will survive. There may be no second chance.
Before
I begin the story it is important to say that everything which now follows is
true. There is never anything to be gained spiritually from lying and if I
really wanted to couch spiritual truths in fabricated tales I would have
produced works of fiction like Dion Fortune did with books such as "Moon
Magic". In some ways the worst feature of this account is that it is true.
Prior
to the Attack
In
retrospect I think it all began in the weeks following a chaotic and powerful
invocation of Set which I performed as my wife and I sped towards Bunbury to
perform in a hotel (we are musicians) around January 1998. Upon our return I
was informed by a friend that a body was found floating in the water at Bunbury
when we were there. Alarm bells went off in my head as I realised that this was
significant. Soon after this I briefly invoked Set again and he appeared
astrally one evening when I was with friends. He did not want to leave but I
eventually banished him. That seemed to be the end of that as nothing untoward
happened for some weeks.
Then
in February 1998 I and my friend Steve put together our third shopping centre
psychic fair at Booragoon Shopping Centre. Staging these fairs was a novel and
increasingly lucrative idea that we came up with. The fairs were becoming
popular with the psychic readers and the public alike. Many readers wanted to
be involved as word spread that there was money to be made. One of those
readers was a person I had met briefly the previous year at a New Age healing
centre that he ran near Fremantle. He had recently changed his name to Mark. He
was Caucasian, formerly a Tibetan Buddhist monk and supposedly the adopted
child of Patricia Crowther, a leading figure of the modern Witchcraft revival
in England. He rang me "out of the blue" and said something like "Although
I don't know you very well I feel that I have a connection with you". At
that time I was still feeling the effects of an extremely powerful shaktipat (Kundalini
arousal) which I received from a female American yogi called Kalika (the whole
incident was reported in NPT #11 in an article titled "Did
I Meet the Real Goddess?"). I told him about this experience. Shortly
thereafter he agreed to be interviewed in issue #11 of NPT. I felt that some of
the things he said in that interview (such as him having met Aleister Crowley
and being the adopted child of Patricia Crowther) were farfetched although I
gave him the benefit of the doubt.
The
interview took place in a room at his new healing centre which was not far from
his previous one. This room was where he lived and apparently performed Reiki,
listened to Synchronicity tapes which he sold and kept some bottles of
supposedly magnetised water made by a company called "Yellow
Remember". After the interview he invited me to visit him again which I
did but I noticed during a subsequent visit that he was becoming a bit too
affectionate for my liking both in speech and in action (he kept wanting to hug
me). I am not homophobic but I knew that for much of his life he had been a
practising homosexual and he was not respecting my choice not to be approached
as a potential mate. I told him to back off and to keep the relationship a
basic and friendly one. He agreed he would.
Mark
told me that he was truly a female even though his body was male and that this
female had the capacity to be rather evil. I didn’t believe him. He said that
since he started living as a man rather than as a transgender, with the help
and guidance of his Tibetan monk mentor, his male side had become stronger. He
told me his own mentor was afraid of him. I found this repugnant and asked him
what sort of spiritual teacher is afraid of his own student? I also asked how
someone who is afraid of his own pupil could help him? There and then I
unfortunately made a snap judgement of the worth of Tibetan Buddhism from
hearing about the conduct of one of its adherents (Mark's mentor). Mark told me
the name of the entity which he said he truly was; it was Kalissandra an ancient Greek demon. I
analysed the name; it seemed a combination of Kali and Cassandra, two basically dark Goddesses. I
didn't like the fact that I knew this name because I now felt linked to this
entity.
During
this visit we meditated together and he said he was going to impregnate my aura
with a holy Tibetan symbol that he showed me. After the meditation he asked me
to drink a whole bottle of "Yellow Remember". I did so
unhesitatingly; it tasted just like water. He told me of his love for and
involvement with the Darkside, how he had trained in dark Wiccan and
Kabbalistic groups and of his knowledge of Vampire and Werewolf magick. He told
me of the power of the creator of the "Yellow Remember" magnetised
water bottles. Apparently this person was so powerful he could magickally
control people over the Internet. The more he talked about this person the more
upset I became until I said I would like to give this man a magickal blast he
would never forget because he sounded purely evil and manipulative. Mark
answered that the man was not evil but balanced…he was good and evil.
We talked further and I told him of my love of the Darkside and how most of my songs were directly
inspired by Lilith and dark Gods. He then asked for permission to visit me
sometime astrally at night in his true form which, he said, would surprise me.
I gave him permission and I said he obviously would visit in female form but
deep down I did not believe he had the ability to work astrally in this manner.
I was wrong.
Some
days later we agreed he would come to my house to pick up some printed
materials including (I think) a copy of his NPT interview. He came around as
Steve and I were building a pergola in my backyard. After his brief visit I took
him to the railway station so he could catch a train home. That night I awoke,
cold, sweating and frightened somewhere between 2AM and 4AM. Whilst asleep I
had seen him astrally sitting in a corner of my bedroom with huge wings beating
very slowly, looking at me intently. I knew he knew I was scared.
He
called me the next day. I told him I saw him earlier that day and described his
astral appearance. When I mentioned I saw wings he said "Oh yes, she has
wings". Not wanting to appear weak I told him I was not scared of him. He
said "That's good" but he must have known I was lying.
Mark
indicated that he wanted to do psychic readings at Booragoon as he needed money
for his healing centre. The fair was scheduled to start on 23rd
February and finish on the 28th. I talked to Steve about this and we
agreed that he could. However, on either Saturday or Sunday of the weekend
before the shopping centre fair (which generally ran from Monday to Saturday) I
was reading Cartouche cards at the Malaga Markets where Steve and I had a
stall. Steve was not there that day and I was talking to another reader about
this statue of a demon king which Mark had given me (along with a Werewolf T
shirt) during my last visit to his home. As I had the statue with me I produced
it to show the reader. She hated it. Just then another stallholder, a young
Cambodian man I think, came over and regarded the statue quizzically. He said
it reminded him of the evil he experienced as a boy and went on to describe
some horrific incidents of butchery that he witnessed in his place of birth. I
suddenly felt sick and knew something was very wrong. When I went home I rested
in the late afternoon. As I shut my eyes I saw a sickening yellow glow and an
image of Mark's face.
The
Week of the Attack
On
the following Monday morning the psychic fair took place at Booragoon. Mark was
reading Tarot cards. This was the week of the Dark of the Moon. I felt very
strange and uncomfortable. My mind wandered and I felt like something was in my
system. I hadn't been sleeping well. This feeling continued over the next 2
days and I knew it was connected to Mark. I had a few brief conversations with
him during the fair and I felt like he was "keeping me on a string".
Prior to each day Steve and I had a coffee with some of the readers. Mark
seemed to want to accompany me on these occasions. Steve noticed Mark was
trying to invade my personal space and warned me something was wrong. I ignored
the warning. One morning I told Mark I would like to see his female self. He said
"Be careful!" and I immediately knew I had said something I would
regret. Then suddenly on the last day of the Dark of the Moon the demon struck.
I
don't remember which day it was; the information could be found in a lunar
calendar. I know it was towards the end of the week. I felt and saw two black
claws sink into my spine in the lumbar region and they dug into my kidneys but
especially the adrenal glands (which sit on top of the kidneys). I almost fell
over with the excruciating pain. I experienced fear and panic coursing through
me and incredible stress. I told Steve. I sprinted to the men's toilet to be
alone to try and shake off whatever was in my psychic body. However, upon
arriving there I psychically saw and felt a dark green/black winged entity attached
to my back by claws. It started beating its wings and each time it did this it
threw my body off balance and tore at my spine. I thought if it tried it could
lift me up and fly off with me. I had never experienced such terror in my life.
I walked back to the psychic fair display and told one of the readers about it.
He was an aura photographer called Tony who participated in many of our fairs.
He was thought to be eccentric as he worked with "star energies". To
my surprise he understood completely what was happening and helped me
immediately by psychically removing one of the claws. This relieved the pain
slightly. I could feel that my aura had been blown apart and I was totally
poisoned within. Tony gave me further advice and support throughout the early
part of the attack and to this day I am eternally grateful for his help. I
don't know if I would have survived if not for his aid.
Meanwhile
I could see Mark reading cards for customers. Nothing seemed out of the
ordinary but I avoided him. By this time I was obssessed with the entity. This
was to continue solidly for the next six months but it took a full eighteen
months for the attack to be over.
Later
that day on my way home I was barely able to drive as my mind was filled with
images of the entity, Mark and despair. Upon arrival at home I told my wife
what happened. She was present when the entity again attacked me that night in
our bedroom as I sat on our bed, watching me shouting and flailing, unable to
see my predicament let alone help me. The entity clumsily tried to force its
way into my body repeatedly and for the first time I saw a weakness; it could
not take me over completely. I felt its wet and slimy body against mine and
smelled its putrid stench. I thought I could feel Mark directing its actions.
Later, as I looked towards my bedroom window I saw the demon rearing up before
me, shining with its own light, screaming silently and I realised it was primal
evil, pure and unidirectional. Now it looked like a live stone statue. I saw
clearly how it was attached to the Lilith archetype and felt its awesome power
throw me psychically against invisible walls. This was the true entity in all its ancient infernal
glory.
The
next day I returned to the psychic fair and noticed a gift of sweets (ie candy)
on my card reading table. It was from Mark. I did not touch the gift because I
knew it was a further link to him and his entity. He frequently sought me out
that day, intimidating me with stares and he must have realised that he had his
victim scared. I picked up the Horus card from my Cartouche deck and placed it
on my chest as he came around again to talk to me. He said "Is that card
significant for you?' I said "Yes", knowing it was the only defence I
could muster in my condition. He presented another "gift" on my table
the next day. Tony told me to remove all his gifts if possible without touching
them. He also collected the reader's rent money from Mark for me in order to
psychically discharge it as it was "loaded" with Lilith energy.
Another reader saw me clairvoyantly that day and said that my aura was
"shot to pieces". I suddenly realised it must have all started when I
drank the bottle of "Yellow Remember" water. I told Steve that I
thought Mark had probably mixed his own semen with the solution in a demonic
sex magick ritual. If so I had greatly underestimated the power of a
brilliantly deceptive and adept black magician.
Subsequent
Experiences
During
this early phase of the attack those closest to me were my wife, Steve, Tony
and a male cousin. My wife and male cousin believed that I believed what was happening to me was
real but because they were not psychic they had no proof. The only proof they
saw was a constant state of panic and obssession. I could talk about nothing
but the demon because it filled my mind. Every conversation I had with them
which was unrelated to the attack I would suddenly change so that we were again
discussing the entity. This thought kept occurring to me: "First there is
obssession then there is possession". It constantly repeated itself over
and over. For the next six months my nights and days were filled with thoughts
of dread. The two main thoughts were of hopelessness and despair. There was a
growing conviction that I was going to lose this fight; that I should give up
and accept death because that was the only outcome possible. I thought of
suicide frequently. I could feel my life energy draining through the region
where the demon was attached, near the second chakra (which regulates the water
element in the subtle body). Somewhere in my mind, however, lay some
rationality but not much. I could tell from the images which filled my mind
that Mark was working with a Lilith egregore which had been cleverly
constructed. These images were of women with raven-black hair, red-painted
fingernails, red lipstick, dark clothing and blood. The phrase "Abandon ye
all hope", heard in many Vampire movies, came chillingly to my mind. I
could not bear to listen to any talk of darkness or listen to my own music. I
even cancelled a gig at the Seaview Tavern because I felt I could not hear my
songs of the Darkside. For the first time in my life I really went to Hell. It
was a place of utter hopelessness. I felt I was going to end up in a
psychiatric institution surrounded by people who didn't know nor care about the
reality of demons but only about medicating crazies. Unfortunately I felt that
the attacking entity was not constructed but an independent creature in its own
right yet it seemed to be meshed with something like an artificial elemental.
A
few months later I became really angry. I was sick of the entity feeding on my
fear and being attached to my spine like the poisonous parasite that it was and
sick of seeing its dark wings astrally. I decided to destroy it forever. I initially
didn't know how I would do this as I tried everything I could to remove it
without success. I soon came up with a ritual which involved decapitating the
entity and I performed it on the astral level only. Unfortunately a couple of
days later a grey cat with a red collar and bell appeared mysteriously in our
backyard. I was still upset with what was happening to me so I chased it out of
the garden. It ran behind a guinea pig's cage so I prodded it with a broom
handle, even more upset now because it wouldn't go. I think it ran up the wall
near the pergola and jumped onto an inverted broom that my wife was holding. It
cowered there. I grabbed it and threw it over the fence into the frontyard. I
then got into my car as I had to go somewhere and checked under the car to make
sure the cat wasn't there. I couldn't see it. I started the motor and slowly
reversed when I felt a thump and heard a cat screaming. I jumped out of the car
and saw the cat threshing around with a broken back. I was horrified and pathetically
tried to take it to the veterinary clinic but as I approached it it mercifully
died. I was upset for days. I couldn't believe I had done this to an animal. I
asked around the neighbourhood if anyone knew the cat but no one did and I
ended up burying it in our frontyard.
Later
I visited a Wiccan friend and I told her about the entity and what I did to it.
She said the cat was paying off the karma I incurred when I performed the death
ritual on the demon and in this way I was being spared, karmically speaking.
She also knew about the entity being attached to me and offered to slice it
away astrally. I said she could if she wanted but that it was going to go
eventually anyway. However, after visiting her I noticed the next day that for
the first time since the attack I could no longer feel or see the demon behind
me.
I
decided my best option was to kill the demon by draining it of all its life
force, by absorption of its evil energy because although I knew the best way to
do that was to "love it to death" I couldn't release my fear enough
to do it. I thought "Ancient or not, you're not too ancient to be
destroyed you bastard". I almost totally absorbed the entity's energy with
its associated images and feelings. Over the next few months, the visions of
demons subsided. I remember one particular image of a greenish demon changing
into an angel. I then realised finally that a demon is an angel. It is the universal Shakti in
its negative form. I also realised that this image was showing me that my dark
self was changing into my light self. I enjoyed knowing that I was truly an
"evil" being and a "good" being at the same time. I felt
more complete. I still could not find it in myself to be grateful to Mark for
showing me the true Darkside because his intention was not to help me
spiritually but to finish me off. However, perhaps in spite of himself he has
helped me to a new level of self-awareness.
All
rituals have an effect. Sometimes this is an unfortunate fact and the ritual I performed
on the entity seems to have had severe repercussions for its host. On the few
occasions I and my friends have seen Mark his physical condition has shown
signs of extreme deterioration. He smells psychically speaking and appears to
be "rotting away" physically. He too had a lesson to learn and he is
learning it.
Aftermath
I
don't know if the vampire is dead. I do know that I will never be the same
again after its attempted possession and that I am much stronger for having
encountered it and for having absorbed its force. Conversely it will
never be the same after the encounter. I remember sitting in a chair at
Booragoon Shopping Centre in the first two days after the vampire sunk its
claws into me. I had my eyes closed and I saw countless hordes of entities
flying towards a huge sun-like light. A phrase immediately came to mind:
"They go towards the light". I then remembered something Mark once
said to me about the demon and her "friends". He said they too must
learn that they are evolving towards the light. The vampire's essence is now in
me and I have a healthier relationship with the Darkside than I ever had
before. Even as recently as six months ago I experienced extremely powerful
sexual urges linked with images of blood-drinking and intercourse with Lilith.
The blood tatsed like the sweetest fortifying wine I had ever tasted which now
strikes me as strange as blood is an emetic. I have worked with Lilith a few
times since the event and there have been no problems. I often feel that the
closest anyone should come to being a vampire is to "Goth-up" a bit
and enjoy indentifying with the archetype in this manner. The vampire is one of
the most raw and beautiful primal forces in existence and a true meeting with
one must not
result in one's death or insanity.
After
much consideration and talk with fellow magicians I feel Mark's psyche has
become wedded to a vampire. There are moments when he seems to be a normal
person but always in the background of his consciousness is the entity. Perhaps
what started out as a way of working with dark power has ended with him being
almost totally possessd and I feel sorry for him.
In
January of 1999 my wife and I went to Tamworth in New South Wales which is the
home of Australian Country music. We stayed in a house with two friends of ours
(also musicians) and their babysitter, a girl called Julia. After talking we
found out Julia was English and on hoilday in Australia. She was into Tibetan
meditation, Hinduism, the Goddess and many other New Age activities. I gave her
a Cartouche card reading and there were a lot of "mental" cards in
the spreads such as "Thoth". It happened that she had a Reiki
initiation in India which went wrong. It opened her up to an entity which she
called a male demon. She ended up in a psychiatric institution in England where
she stayed for six months. When I told her about my experience with the vampire
she totally understood. She told me she fought off her demon mentally and by
not taking her medication (although appearing to). She knew that if she took
her medication she would have "gone under" and would have become
fully possessed. Trusting the Goddess to clean up the problem was the method
she used to survive her battle. Her friend helped her to finally get released
from the hospital. I felt somehow reassured that I was not the only person I
knew to suffer a demonic attack.
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I
will answer email from individuals who have genuine enquiries about the above
article. I will not
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of ANY religious persuasion
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