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For so many of us, the Form of the Solemnisation of Marriage has a very unique significance. It is the form that is read out on our wedding day, and contains the questions to which we voiced –maybe with eagerness, maybe with trepidation– those loaded words, "I do". Since that day, though, we’ve learned in the hard school of life that life’s busyness has moved that Form more than an arm’s length from us.

Others, particularly the young, answer the urges God has created within them by searching for a potential marriage partner. But what should they seek in such a partner? What is marriage really all about? How can they prepare for marriage? As it turns out, the Form for the Solemnisation of Marriage gives golden answers to these questions and so many more.

Yet before we come to that Form itself, I want to spend some more time considering why a post-confession course on the Marriage Form is in place. Ought the church not to restrict its teaching to, say, the confessions of the church?

1. To combat secular influences on marriage

What makes the study and understanding of the Marriage Form the more necessary is the increasing secularisation of the times in which we live. Secularisation excludes God from all spheres of daily life. Our secular society, then, is characterised by placing a distance between God and man. Our society has turned its back on God and ignores Him, and acts as if God does not exist. Understandably, this trend does not leave the institution of marriage untouched. Excluding God from the affairs of this life includes severing the link between God and marriage. To sever this link is to deny that marriage is a divine ordinance; it is to deny that marriage originates with God.

If one says that God is real and that He ordained marriage, then it follows that God specifies what characterises marriage and what belongs to marriage. Conversely, if one says that God does not exist, then one of necessity must insist that God has no say about marriage. That is what is happening today. Marriage is divorced from God; man no longer lets marriage be determined by God. So marriage is simply seen as a contract between two people, with no input from God. That is why there is room in public thinking today for divorce. For God isn’t really there…, God’s Word is irrelevant…. Who, then, has the right to insist that marriage must be ‘till death do us part’? And who has the right to say that one can only marry one partner (monogamy) instead of two (bigamy) or more (polygamy)? And who has the right to say that marriage must between a male and a female? Without God in the picture what purpose do children serve in the marriage relationship? What of premarital relations? If God does not specify what characterises marriage, what then are the respective roles of husband and wife? Why not challenge and discard the notions of male headship / female submission in the marriage bond? Given that our society has chosen to ignore or deny the existence of God, it’s not at all surprising that the traditional understandings of marriage are challenged.

What is so disturbing, though, is that these same questions and alternatives are not just being asked and embraced by the unbelievers of society, but also by so many of those who claim to speak for the church of Jesus Christ. Recently the Archbishop of Perth, Peter Carnley, "who is regarded as a progressive because of his liberal views on homosexuality," was elected Primate of the Anglican Church of Australia. The Uniting Church of Australia allows homosexual partners.

This is the society in which we live. Not surprisingly, the thought patterns and behaviors of this society influence us. We see its influences within the Free Reformed Churches of Australia (FRCA): marriage break-ups, a decline in the sizes of our families, husbands not realising their place as the head of the family and wives not being willing to be the husband’s helpmeet, submitting to their husbands. It’s a sad fact, but true: we are touched by the society in which we live.

This makes it imperative for us to busy ourselves with the Lord and His Word, including His instruction concerning marriage. As children of God we need to be consistent, obeying God in all spheres of life.

2. It is the consistory’s responsibility to instruct the congregation about God’s ordinance of marriage

It is a given of Scripture that those who marry are to reflect in their marriage the relation between Christ and His church. It is equally a given of Scripture that the Lord (wishes to) entrust His covenant children into the care of two believing parents, united by holy wedlock. These parents, bond together by a common love for the Lord, are instructed to raise God’s little ones to His glory. The marriage bond, then, becomes the haven where the next generation is nurtured in the service of the Lord.

Office-bearers are instructed to tend the flock of God – including the children. Office-bearers, therefore, invariably have a responsibility relating to oversight over marriages. That is why the churches have agreed in the Church Order to the following decision in relation to marriage:

ARTICLE 67 - Marriage

"The consistory shall ensure that the members of the congregation marry only in the Lord, and that the ministers - as authorised by the consistory - solemnise only such marriages as are in accordance with the Word of God. The solemnisation of a marriage shall take place in a private ceremony, with the use of the adopted Form."

Given the task the churches have in relation to marriage, and given the increasing attacks placed by our secular society on Christian marriages, it is certainly fitting that the church give attention to marriage in its teaching ministry. A post-confession class on the Form is one way to do that.

3. The Marriage Form is the vehicle to Scripture’s instruction concerning marriage

There is no shortage of books available on the topic of marriage. Reading these can certainly be of benefit. Too many of these books, unfortunately, do not open Scripture and relate what IT teaches about marriage. Often a counsellor will put on paper his/her own thoughts, experiences and opinions. One can wrap a Christian veneer around the thoughts of the counsellor, but they remain the thoughts of a man. Human thoughts, though, is not the medicine required against the influences of secularisation on marriage. The Bible is THE manual for marriage. It is to the Bible that we must turn to learn what God stipulates concerning the various aspects of marriage. The Marriage Form serves as a vehicle for going back into Scripture to learn what the Lord teaches and commands about marriage.

In the course of the Middle Ages, the Roman Catholic Church saw fit to declare that marriage was a sacrament. It picked up this notion from Ephesians 5:32 where the apostle Paul, writing about marriage in the preceding verses states, "This is a great mystery...." In Greek, the language in which the New Testament was written, one also finds the word ‘mystery’ used here. However, in the Latin translation of the Bible, the word ‘mystery’ is here translated as ‘sacrament.’ The Roman Catholic Church used the Latin translation of the Bible, ‘The Vulgate,’ and hence found room in this text to declare the institution of marriage as a sacrament. As such, the Roman Catholic Church believes sacraments to be a means of grace – a means by which God confers grace to particular persons. Hence the Roman Catholic Church laid claim to every marriage ceremony for, being a sacrament, marriage required the involvement and blessing of the priest.

However, there were also who, for whatever reason, did not have their marriage solemnised by the church. The church responded that it was not solemnisation that made marriage a real marriage but rather its consummation (ie, sexual intercourse). The essence of a real marriage was ‘carnal knowledge,’ said the Roman Catholic Church. A logical extension of such reasoning was that all who had ‘carnal knowledge’ with another were in fact considered married – never mind the blessing of the church. So, in the centuries before the Great Reformation, there were numerous de facto relationships in Europe…. In that regard, there was abundant overlap with the patterns of our day.

Reformers as Luther and Calvin opposed the Roman Catholic notion of marriage being a sacrament, their argument being that God does not use the word ‘sacrament’ in relation to marriage in the original Greek translation. More importantly, nowhere does the Bible say that marriage is a means of grace. They also discarded the notion that ‘carnal knowledge’ is the equivalent of marriage. The reformers realised that they had to instruct the people in what God teaches in His Word concerning marriage: what marriage is, and who may marry.

The first Marriage Form was written in the 1560s. Notice: this is the same decade as when the Belgic Confession (1561) and the Heidelberg Catechism (1563) were written. During a time of persecution by a Roman Catholic government our fathers put their Reformed faith on paper in the Confessions. To be Reformed at that time meant a real threat of persecution for young couples too who, in confessing the Reformed faith, also embraced Reformed beliefs and practices in relation to marriage. Writing a Marriage Form in such circumstances shows the importance the fathers attached to a scriptural understanding of marriage. As it turns out, the Marriage Form we use today is essentially the same Form as compiled in the time of the Reformation.

At the time of the Reformation the Roman Catholic Church solemnised all marriages. However, the reformers taught that since marriage was not a sacrament instituted by the church, the government should be responsible for the solemnisation of marriages. The government of the Netherlands didn’t take this on board until 1809. The English government did recognise its responsibility in relation to solemnising marriages, but delegated this authority to the churches. The Australian government has continued this English practice, and therefore every church within the bond of the FRCA is allowed to nominate a person from its leadership to solemnise marriages. These persons may only officiate at weddings if they use the Marriage Form adopted by the FRCA, as it is printed in the Book of Praise. It is indeed reason for gratitude that the Lord gives governing authorities that allow the churches to be involved in the solemnisation of marriages and that our churches may use a Marriage Form based on the Bible.

Although each federation of churches in Australia will have their own marriage form, these all need to be approved by the governing authorities of our land to ensure that they meet the four criteria of marriage as adopted in the Marriage Act 1961. According to Australian law, "Marriage ... is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others, voluntarily entered into for life." The four criteria stipulated here are:

1. the union of a man and a woman
2. to the exclusion of all others
3. voluntarily entered into, and
4. for life.

It is a gift of God’s grace that the government, in allowing churches to be involved in marriages, gives space for Christians to act publicly in the name of the Lord. This is a gift we must treasure. At a marriage ceremony Christians may call upon God, publicly recognising that marriage is from Him and thanking Him for this great gift. What influence our marriage ceremonies actually do have on the (secular) public is of secondary importance. At the same time: each marriage ‘in the Lord’ is a marriage ‘in the Lord’. Fixed in our minds must be this: marriage does involve God and therefore it is imperative that a man and a woman marry in the name of the Lord.

The phrase "in the Name of the Lord" occurs three times in the Marriage Form. This little phrase is of great significance to the form for it stipulates what marriage is all about. It is a phrase which requires our special attention for it typifies the essence of the marriage ceremony and the essence of marriage. We find it in the Form in the following places:

Announcement (page 634)

"The consistory announces that ____________ and ____________ have indicated their intention to enter into the married state, according to the ordinance of God. They desire to begin this holy state in the Name of the Lord and to complete it to His glory."

Introduction (page 634f)

"____________ and ____________, since the consistory has duly made known to the congregation your desire to enter into the married state, and no lawful objection has been presented, we may now proceed to the solemnisation of your marriage in the Name of the Lord."

The Duties of Marriage (page 637)

... ____________ and ____________, you have now heard what the Lord requires of you and what He has promised you. May our gracious God give you the strength and the faithfulness to live together as husband and wife in this manner and may your help be in the Name of the Lord who made heaven and earth."

By using the phrase "in the Name of the Lord" the Marriage Form is using very biblical language. The phrase appears numerous times in the Bible. This is not surprising for being busy in the name of the Lord is common to all the activities of believers. The following texts are some examples of believers being busy in the name of the Lord in various aspects of life:

Genesis 4:26
"And as for Seth, to him also a son was born; and he named him Enosh. Then men began to call on the name of the LORD."

Here we read of God’s children engaging in an activity that characterises the life of the believer: prayer. This name is so important to God’s children that they call upon it.

Deuteronomy 21:5
"Then the priests, the sons of Levi, shall come near, for the LORD your God has chosen them to minister to Him and to bless in the name of the LORD;"

The priests in particular, and not the people at large, were assigned the special task of blessing in the name of the LORD. The people were the recipients of these blessings.

1 Samuel 17:45
"Then David said to the Philistine (Goliath), "You come to me with a sword, with a spear, and with a javelin. But I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied."

David, a godly man, dared to take up Goliath’s challenge for he found his strength in the name of the LORD.

Psalm 20:7
"Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God."

Being busy with the name of the LORD included trusting in His power and might to the exclusion of all else.

Psalm 118:10-12
"All nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I will destroy them. They surrounded me, yes, they surrounded me; but in the name of the LORD I will destroy them. They surrounded me like bees; they were quenched like a fire of thorns; for in the name of the LORD I will destroy them."

Again, a godly man busying himself with the LORD’s name in the pressures of his life.

The Bible reveals too that not all people busy themselves with the name of the Lord. In contrast to the above texts, the two texts below show how unbelievers have no use for the Lord’s name in their lives:

Psalm 79:6
"Pour out Your wrath on the nations that do not know You, and on the kingdoms that do not call on Your name."

1 Kings 18:24,26
"Then you call on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of the LORD; and the God who answers by fire, He is God." So all the people answered and said, "It is well spoken." ... So (Baal’s prophets) took the bull which was given them, and they prepared it, and called on the name of Baal...."

As the texts quoted above demonstrate, to be busy with the name of the Lord is part and parcel of the life of the Christian; it is an activity that characterises the life of the believer. And who is the Lord in whose name the Christian is busy? In the phrase "the name of the Lord" as we find it above, the word ‘Lord’ is written in capital letters, ‘LORD’, and so is a reference to the Old Testament name of God, Yahweh: the God of the covenant. Yahweh is the ‘I AM WHO I AM.’ That is, He is the I-am-who-I-say-I-am; I-do-what-I-say-I-will-do. This is the God who established His covenant of grace with sinners, claims them for Himself, and promises to supply the needs of His children. That is why in the New Testament the name ‘Lord’ is applied to our Saviour. Faithful to His covenant, God gave His Son to ransom His people to Himself. The victorious Christ epitomises what God’s relation with His children is really all about.

So, to busy oneself with the name of the Lord means to busy oneself with the God of the covenant - the God who is faithful. It means to do something concrete with the authority of this God in all spheres of life, marriage included. To do so is not in vain for God promises His blessing upon covenant obedience. David knew that being busy within the realm of God’s authority was worth far more than relying on the strength of an army of 10 000 men.

Why does the Marriage Form refer to the ‘Name of the Lord,’ and three times at that? It does so in recognition of the fact that in marriage too the Christian is acting in the Lord’s Name and so wilfully submitting to His will for marriage in all its aspects. Excluding marriage from the name of the Lord is to deny oneself of God’s blessing on marriage. Marrying ‘in the Name of the Lord’ means to reckon with God’s reputation, authority and work in marriage. Marriage is not divorced from God. Marriage is not the ‘brainchild’ of man; it is not a social contract. Rather, it very much comes from God. It is His gift to every man and woman that marry in His Name.

In a marriage ceremony two people - the bride and groom - wish to be united in marriage, to become one. When the Marriage Form speaks of them doing this "in the Name of the Lord," this is also an acknowledgment that there is a third party involved: the LORD Himself. The LORD is present in church when the bridal couple exchange their vows. The bride and groom each say "I do" in His presence and hence their vows are binding. Their vow of "I do" is a vow in the fullest sense of the word for God is a witness to it.

In a secular world, where there is a distance between God and man and so between God and marriage too, the church stands out as being so different for it recognises God’s hand in marriage. By acting ‘in the Name of the Lord’ at a wedding ceremony the church makes a public statement that marriage comes from God. It is in the church that proclaims and obeys God’s complete Word that one can learn what marriage is all about. It is at the marriage ceremony solemnised by the church that God’s blessing upon the couple can be asked for in the confidence of faith.

It is understandable then that the consistory makes the announcement of a couple’s intentions to get married. The elders, appointed by God as overseers of His flock, are responsible for the spiritual wellbeing of the flock and consequently of the couple intending to marry. Since each consistory is to ensure that members of the congregation marry only in the Lord the elders will involve themselves with the couple to ensure that they do indeed get married in His name.