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Having stated Jesus’ high regard for marriage, the Marriage Form goes on to relate what Jesus taught concerning marriage: "He teaches us that marriage is an institution of God and should not be broken, when He says, What therefore God has joined together, let no man put asunder." Here the Form quotes from Matthew 19:6.

Our society has cultivated a mindset that divorce comes as easily as marriage. An average of one in three marriages these days results in divorce. Sadly enough, the church does not remain unaffected by what happens around her. Not only do we see more marriage breakdowns but also that an increasing number of young people get married with the idea that marriage comes complete with an escape door. As attractive and ‘normal’ as that might sound to the ‘throw-away-mentality’ of our day, when even marriage has become a disposable commodity, it is not a scriptural notion. Scripture teaches that the Lord has not built within the institution of marriage an escape hatch one of the marriage partners may use when the pressure within marriage gets too great. This is a reality parents need to bear in mind and impress upon their children as they contemplate marriage.

What evidence is there in Scripture that the Lord has not built an escape door out of marriage? In what follows I ask attention first for the conduct and example of God in the Old Testament, and then move on to what Scripture says about human divorce. We look finally at the development of marriage/divorce theology in the history of the church.

Foundational to an understanding of what Scripture teaches concerning the permanence of marriage (and implicitly, concerning divorce) is knowledge of who the God of Scripture is and how our God lives in a covenant or ‘marriage’ bond with His people. If we are to be true image-bearers of God in marriage (which is also a covenant relationship), reflecting what He is like, then we are to look to Him as our example. A brief look at how God stuck by Israel despite her sins is instructive.

Holy God, the Almighty Creator of Heaven and earth, came to earth one day and focussed His attention on the man Abraham. To this man almighty God said, "Get out of your country, from your family and from your father’s house, to a land that I will show you. I will make you a great nation; I will bless you and make your name great; and you shall be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and I will curse him who curses you; and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed" (Genesis 12:1,2). Here is a thought to make one pause. Holy, sovereign Creator established a relation with a sinful man! And see: Abram responded by packing his bags and travelling to the land God showed him. Abram’s response to the command of such a God was obedience.

But see: on account of a famine Abram (and Sarai his wife) diverted to Egypt. What kind of a man did Abram show himself to be in that situation? Scripture tells us: "And it came to pass, when he was close to entering Egypt, that he said to Sarai his wife, ‘Indeed I know that you are a woman of beautiful countenance. Therefore it will happen, when the Egyptians see you, that they will kill me, but they will let you live. Please say you are my sister, that it may be well with me for your sake, and that I may live because of you’" (Genesis 12:11-13). Such language is simply not the language of faith, or of trust in God. In fact, to claim that his wife was his sister was simply a lie. And lying is of the devil, the father of lies (cf John 8:44). Holy God would have been most just to respond by rejecting Abram. But note well: this is not how God reacted! Instead, we read how God later came in a vision to Abram saying, "I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward" (Genesis 15:1). What this says of God? This: He started out in a relationship with Abram and carried on with it despite Abram’s weaknesses and sins.

Similarly, God promised Abram that He would make Abram the father of many children (Genesis 15). Abram, though, didn’t entrust the fulfillment of the promise to almighty God and so took matters into his own hand; he fathered a child through Hagar (Genesis 16). Again, note that God did not respond by giving up on Abram, refusing to deal with such a sinner any longer. Instead we read how God made a covenant with Abram. To this sinner, a liar and an adulterer, God said, "... I will make My covenant between Me and you..." (Genesis 17:1,2). What this says of God? He is faithful: "His covenant stands from age to age unbroken; He is our God, in truth and faith enshrined" (Psalm 12:4, Book of Praise). This is God: He keeps His promises. When God said to Abram, "You are mine," then in spite of all of Abram’s sinful ‘gymnastics,’ God never reneged on His word. Abram remained His!

Or take that swindler Jacob for example. He deceived his father Isaac in order to obtain the blessing. As a result he had to flee from home in order to escape the vengeful wrath of his brother Esau. Yet, on his way, God came to him in a dream saying, "I am the LORD God of Abraham your father and the God of Isaac; the land on which you lie I will give to you and your descendants. ... Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land; for I will not leave you until I have done what I have spoken to you" (Genesis 28:13-15). That is God! He promises Jacob, sinner that he is, to keep him and to be with him always – despite Jacob’s depravity and sinfulness.

As God was with Abram and Jacob, so He was with their descendants, Israel in Egypt. Though their service of God in Egypt could be described as apostate, serving other gods, God appeared to Moses in the burning bush to tell of His plan of deliverance for Israel saying, "I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt, and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters, for I know their sorrows. So I have come down to deliver them..." (Exodus 3:7). This is God: He’s given His word, He said, "Israel is mine" and so He kept that word, stayed with this people.

Faithful to His word, God did deliver the Israelites from their slavery to the Egyptians and congregated them at the foot of Mt Sinai. There He said to them, "I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage..." (Exodus 20:2). By identifying Himself with Israel as "your God", the Lord at Mt Sinai as it were married the people of Israel. That is why the prophet Jeremiah could later describe God’s relation with Israel in terms of marriage. Jeremiah quotes God as saying to Israel, "I am married to you..." (Jeremiah 3:14). And again, when God describes the covenant He made with Israel at Mt Sinai He says that "they broke [this covenant], though I was a husband to them, says the Lord" (Jeremiah 31:22).

It’s this reality of God’s marriage with Israel at Mt Sinia that gives God’s seventh commandment to Israel its punch. When God tells His people in their marriage not to "commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14), His own conduct in relation to Israel forms the ultimate paradigm for the people to follow. As He, despite the weaknesses and sins of Abraham and Jacob and Israel, nevertheless remained faithful to His ‘bride’, so God’s people are to remain faithful to the spouse. That means simply that one remains "one flesh" with the spouse alone.

As it is, though, God’s bride did not at all remain faithful to her Husband. Repeatedly the Old Testament uses the word harlotry to describe Israel’s behavior towards God. Time and again Israel committed adultery by giving herself to foreign gods – though God had married her. Through spiritual harlotry Israel broke the marriage between herself and God. The following two Scripture texts illustrate how God warned Israel against playing the harlot with other gods:

Leviticus 20:5

"And if the people of the land should in any way hide their eyes from the man, when he gives some of his descendants to Molech, and they do not kill him, then I will set My face against that man and against his family; and I will cut him off from his people, and all who prostitute themselves with him to commit harlotry with Molech."

Here we find the first Old Testament reference to spiritual harlotry. We are to know that the Lord gave the book of Leviticus to Israel while they were still gathered at Mt Sinai, directly after the Lord established His covenant with Israel, "married" this people. God, then, immediately warned Israel against looming threats to their marriage. They would, for example, be confronted when they moved on to Canaan with the god of the Ammonites, Molech. For the sake of safe-guarding their marriage with their covenant God, the Lord warned Israel that if anyone sacrifices any of his children to Molech, they will call God’s righteous wrath upon themselves: He will cut them off.

Numbers15:37-40

"Again the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, ‘Speak to the children of Israel: Tell them to make tassels on the corners of their garments throughout their generations, and to put a blue thread in the tassels of the corners. And you shall leave the tassel, that you may look upon it and remember all the commandments of the LORD and do them, and that you may not follow the harlotry to which your own heart and your own eyes are inclined, that you may remember and do all My commandments, and be holy for your God.’"

Here is a command from God to Israel concerning preventive measures against the sin of marital unfaithfulness to their covenant God. Like the marriage ring on our fingers today, the tassels on Israel’s garments would remind God’s people that they belonged to God and that they were to love and obey Him only.

However, the people of Israel did not heed the instruction of their covenant God to be faithful to Him alone. The following Scripture texts record instances where the Israelites actually did commit harlotry:

Numbers 25:1,2

"Now Israel remained in Acacia Grove, and the people began to commit harlotry with the women of Moab. They invited the people to the sacrifices of their gods, and the people ate and bowed down to their gods. So Israel was joined to Baal of Peor, and the anger of the LORD was aroused against Israel."

Israel, God’s partner by covenant, was partying with the gods of the Moabites, playing the harlot. In so doing, Israel broke the marriage bond between her and God. Understandably, this conduct aroused the jealous anger of a spurned Husband.

Judges 2:17

"… they played the harlot with other gods, and bowed down to them….."

As long as Joshua and all the elders lived who had witnessed God’s great deeds for Israel, God’s spouse was faithful to God and served Him (see verse 7). But after these spiritual leaders had all died, Israel became an unfaithful spouse. Instead of remaining loyal to the Husband who provided a land flowing with milk and honey, they forsook Him and gave themselves to the worship of Baal and the Ashteroths.

Further examples abound of instances where the bride of almighty God shunned her Husband in favor of worshipping idols. Time and again God terms such conduct "harlotry".

How, we wonder, did the Lord respond to the spiritual adultery characterizing His bride’s conduct? The prophecy of Hosea gives us some indication.

The Lord instructed the prophet Hosea to marry a prostitute: "When the LORD began to speak by Hosea, the LORD said to Hosea: ‘Go, take yourself a wife of harlotry and children of harlotry...’" (Hosea 1:2). When reading this, one cannot help wonder why Hosea had to do such a revolting thing. The Lord’s answer immediately follows: "for the land has committed great harlotry by departing from the LORD" (verse 2). Hosea had to be a living display of what the people themselves were doing, ie, committing spiritual adultery against their covenant God, their Husband. So Hosea married a whore, "Gomer the daughter of Diblaim," and had children by her.

The Lord Himself decided on the names the children were to receive. Hosea was to name the oldest, a son, Jezreel meaning ‘God scatters.’ The second child, a daughter, was to be called Lo-Ruhamah meaning ‘not loved.’ The third child, another son, had to be named Lo-Ammi, a name consisting of the three Hebrew words: ‘Lo’ (= not), ‘am’ (= people), and ‘mi’ (= my/I). So, when father Hosea called out to his third son, people would have heard "Not my people!" Imagine the looks on people’s faces when they heard a name like that! No doubt they would have asked amongst themselves "why on earth such a name?" Yes, why? It was a name containing prophecy directed at them.

In the name of Hosea’s third child God warned Israel how He would disown them on account of their unfaithfulness in their marriage-by-covenant to Him. By their adultery they had renounced their privilege of being God’s people. However, to be rid of His covenant people, to permanently sever the relationship, was not at all God’s motive. Just as Hosea was commanded to continue loving Gomer and to take her back to himself when she was unfaithful to him, so God was unrelenting in His love for His people. His relentless love sought Israel’s well being and hence her repentance and her return to Him.

That God regarded His marriage with Israel as a permanent relationship is obvious from what we read in Hosea 2:16. If it required divorce to make Israel repent, ie, to be sent into exile, then God would resort to that, but, with the sole aim of winning His bride back to Himself. Not only does Hosea prophesy of judgment and ‘divorce’ but also of repentance and the subsequent restoration of the marriage. When prophesying about God’s mercy after a period of wrath, Hosea must say, "And it shall be, in that day," says the LORD, "that you will call Me ‘My Husband,’ and no longer call Me ‘My Master.’ God’s use of the word ‘master’ here is a play on words: one of the two Hebrew words for ‘husband’ is ‘Baal’ meaning ‘master.’ Hosea’s prophecy continues:

"For I will take from her mouth the names of the Baals, and they shall be remembered by their name no more. In that day I will make a covenant for them with the beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, and with the creeping things of the ground. Bow and sword of battle I will shatter from the earth, to make them lie down safely. I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the LORD … I will say to those who were not my people, "You are my people!" And they shall say, "You are my God!" (Hosea 2:17-23).

Israel was committing harlotry with the Baals; she had become a whore, despicable in God’s sight. Yet, in spite of all her harlotry and being driven to calling her "Not My people" (Lo-Ammi) God’s final word to His bride is, "My people" (Ammi). Here is God’s faithfulness; He does not send His people ultimately away, in the fullest sense of the word. No, even in the face of His bride’s faithlessness, God maintains His marriage with Israel. Even calling them "Not My people" was intended to save the marriage, not to terminate it.

Jeremiah prophesied a number of years after Hosea. Note how in chapter 2:20 Jeremiah picks up on the same theme as Hosea: "For of old I have broken your yoke and burst your bonds; and you said, ‘I will not transgress,’ when on every high hill and under every green tree you lay down, playing the harlot." Jeremiah describes Israel’s conduct over the decades and centuries in terms of harlotry. Jeremiah is most graphic on the subject:

"How can you say, "I am not polluted, I have not gone after the Baals?" See your way in the valley; know what you have done: you are a swift dromedary breaking loose in her ways, a wild donkey used to the wilderness, that sniffs at the wind in her desire; in her time of mating, who can turn her away? All those who seek her will not weary themselves; in her month they will find her. Withhold your foot from being unshod, and your throat from thirst. But you said, "There is no hope. No! For I have loved aliens, and after them I will go" (Jeremiah 2:23-25).

Jeremiah must portray Judah’s behavior as that of a wild donkey on heat. There is no way that she can contain her lust for the heathen gods!

In that context God raises the topic of divorce. Jeremiah 3:1: "They say, ‘If a man divorces his wife, and she goes from him and becomes another man’s, may he return to her again?’ Would not that land be greatly polluted? But you have played the harlot with many lovers; yet return to Me," says the LORD." The quote within this quote ("If a man divorces his wife…") is a reference to the Lord’s instruction in Deuteronomy 24. In that passage the Lord had told Israel that if a man divorces his wife and she marries again, and if the second husband dies or divorces her also, then the first husband may not take her back (verses 1-4). So the answer to the question in Jeremiah’s quote had to be negative; the man who divorced his wife may not, after his ex-wife married another man, woo her to himself again.

Despite that prohibition, though, God insists that Israel –though she has played the harlot with many lovers- must "return to Me." Why does God insist? Why does the Lord not feel free to desert Israel and seek another covenant partner? The answer lies in God’s faithfulness to His promise. Israel and God were bound together by covenant, forever (Genesis 17:7). But Israel broke her side of the covenant: "Lift up your eyes to the desolate heights and see: Where have you not lain with men? By the road you have sat for them like an Arabian in the wilderness; and you have polluted the land with your harlotries and your wickedness" (Jeremiah 3:2). Israel committed adultery. Yet God does not sever His bond with Israel; despite her dedication over the years to foreign gods, the Lord –faithful that He is- keeps calling out to His faithless bride: "return to Me."

In fact, in the days of Jeremiah the ten northern tribes had already gone into exile with the Assyrians. The fact that the Lord sent Israel into exile amounted to putting her away and giving her a certificate of divorce (Jeremiah 3:8). Yet the Lord did not consider Himself free of the northern tribes; despite the "certificate of divorce" that God had given, He calls Israel to repentance. He tells Jeremiah to "go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say: ‘Return, backsliding Israel,’ says the LORD; ‘I will not cause My anger to fall on you. For I am merciful,’ says the LORD; ‘I will not remain angry forever.... Return, O backsliding children,’ says the LORD; ‘for I am married to you. I will take you, one from a city and two from a family, and I will bring you to Zion" (verses 12,14).

How remarkable! Though Israel had committed adultery and God had divorced her, God does not say to her, "Now it is all over between you and Me; that is the end of our relationship!" On the contrary, God calls her back: "Return…, for I am married to you!" Since divorce does not put a final end to His marriage God’s pose remains one of calling His bride to repent and return, for God considers Israel still to be His wife! Here is faithfulness to marriage vows that knows no end. In fact, even the exile itself (=divorce) was intended to call God’s people back to her lawful Husband.

In light of God’s example in His marriage with Israel, what room is left for impatience between husband and wife? Surely, the example God showed leaves no room for the child of God to think that God has created marriage with an escape door by which one can become absolutely free of the spouse. Instead, God intends human marriage to be permanent, "until death us do part". And even if a marriage between a man and a woman should come to divorce, the purpose of the divorce ought to remain this: to call the other back.

It is for adulterous people that God gave up His Son to death. That was no small thing for the Father to do. He rejected His only Son so that He could accept back His beloved who had turned her back on Him. It was with a view to Christ’s atoning work that God did not abandon His covenant partner forever. Rather, He preserved a repentant remnant from which their Savior could be born. Christ’s death made it possible for God’s love to hold out and forgive His bride’s adulterous inclinations and sins when only wrath and banishment were deserved.

Jesus, the Savior, revealed Himself to sinners as both Lamb and Bridegroom. In the New Testament we read how Christ took up the same motif of marriage to portray the relationship between Himself and His church. He was the sacrificial Lamb, by whose blood the sins of the bride were atoned for. His blood was the high price He, the Bridegroom, paid so that He might receive from the Father the church, His spotless bride. The following Scripture texts are examples of the marriage motif being used in the New Testament to explain the relationship between God and His people:

Matthew 9:14,15

"Then the disciples of John came to (Jesus), saying, ‘Why do we and the Pharisees fast often, but Your disciples do not fast?’ And Jesus said to them, ‘Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast.’"

Here Jesus describes Himself as the bridegroom. Of necessity, then, there must be a bride.

2 Corinthians 11:2

"For I am jealous for you with godly jealousy. For I have betrothed you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ."

In his appeal to the church at Corinth to be faithful and blameless in service to Christ, Paul presents Christ as the husband and the church as the "chaste virgin". Here is the imagery of marriage in the relation between Christ and His church.

Ephesians 5:25-27

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish."

Christ presents His love for His church as the model for the love that a husband ought to have for his wife. Underlying this instruction is again the imagery of marriage in the relation between Christ and His church.

Revelation 19:6-9

"And I heard, as it were, the voice of a great multitude, as the sound of many waters and as the sound of mighty thunderings, saying, ‘Alleluia! For the Lord God Omnipotent reigns! Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and His wife has made herself ready.’ And to her it was granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. Then he said to me, ‘Write: "Blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb!"’

Christ, the Lamb, is the bridegroom and the Church is His bride. Christ’s return on the clouds of heaven will be celebrated with no less than a marriage banquet.

Revelation 21:2,9

"Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.... Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, ‘Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.’"

It is this marriage motif describing the relation between Christ and His church that lies behind the loaded term James uses. He sees sin amongst "the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad" (James 1:1) and so calls his readers "adulterers and adulteresses" (James 4:3). They can be "adulterers and adulteresses" only because of their marriage bond with their Lord and Savior.

Since the theme of marriage endures in the New Testament in describing the relation between Christ and His church, the example of Christ’s faithfulness to His bride remains the paradigm for the Christian couple. The principle of Genesis 2 remains valid today also; God did not incorporate within the marriage institution an escape hatch through which one or the other partner may free himself absolutely of the other.

This becomes clear when we consider what the Scriptures actually say in relation to divorce.

It needs to be noted straightaway that the Lord’s Word nowhere commands divorce. The most one can say is that the Lord leaves room for divorce.

In Deuteronomy 24:1-4 we read:

"When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the LORD, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance."

Note carefully how this one sentence is put together. What is the command of these four verses? The command is not to give a bill of divorce. Nor is the command to marry someone else after divorce. The command is contained in verse 4: "then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled." Whilst the verses 1-3 describe the circumstances, verse 4 contains the command, namely, that a husband cannot take back the wife he divorced – if she in the meantime has been married to another man.

The Pharisees once asked Jesus, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?" (Matthew 19:3). This question was borne out of a dispute between two rabbis, Shammai and Hillel, over what were to be regarded as lawful reasons for divorce. In His reply, Jesus appealed to Genesis 1:27 and Genesis 2:24: "And (Jesus) answered and said to them, ‘Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh?"’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (Matthew 19:4-6). Jesus’ closing words summarized the principle of the beginning: God did not build an escape hatch into the institution of marriage.

In reply, the Pharisees responded with a further question: "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?" To this question Jesus replied, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:7,8). Notice the difference in words. In reference to Moses the Pharisees use the word "command", while Jesus uses the word "permit". The point is that Moses never commanded divorce; he instead regulated what was to happen in a specific circumstance after divorce had occurred. To that degree it can be said that he permitted divorce. And he permitted divorce, Jesus insists, only "because of the hardness of your hearts." That is, the people of Israel insisted on divorcing. But this is not how God ordained it in the beginning.

The one lawful ground Jesus gave for divorce is adultery: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery" (Matthew 19:9). Note: even in the case of adultery, Jesus gives no command to divorce. He does nothing more than permit it.

In Matthew 5:31,32 Jesus said, "Furthermore it has been said, "Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce." But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery." With these words Jesus attacked the false perception that divorce was permissible for whatever reason. Jesus insists that divorcing causes the spouse to commit adultery, and that is wrong. In Jesus’ day there was no such thing as ‘social security’ as we know it. The social circumstances at the time drove a woman left on her own to find another man as quickly as possible. A woman divorced for reasons other than adultery was as good as pushed into adultery for the sake of survival.

Mark 10:2-12 is a parallel passage to Matthew 19:3-9. Here the crux of Jesus’ answer to the question of the Pharisees: "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" is: "Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate" (verse 9). God instituted marriage, and so His authority has the final say on the matter. God’s intent for marriage from the very beginning was that man and woman became one flesh: "... from the beginning of the creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two but one flesh" (verses 6-8). Implied here is a permanent unity; God placed no exit door in the institution of marriage! Therefore, said Christ, let not man separate by divorce what God has made one through marriage. Moses did not command divorce, but, as the Pharisees themselves said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her" (verse 3).

The disciples who witnessed the discussion between Jesus and the Pharisees on the matter of divorce reserved their questions on the matter for when they were alone with their Master. In Mark 10:10 we read, "In the house (Jesus’) disciples also asked Him again about the same matter." So Christ elaborated further saying, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery" (verses 11,12). Similar can be read in Luke 16:18: "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery." As explained earlier, the sin of adultery is the only legitimate ground for divorce given in Scripture. In Mark 10:11,12 and Luke 16:18 however Jesus warns against becoming guilty of the sin of adultery as a result of divorce, be it by divorcing one’s spouse and marrying another, or by marrying one who is divorced.

Let Mark 10:9 be the starting point, or the ‘spectacles’ with which we approach all texts in Scripture that deal with the various aspects of the issue of divorce: "... what God has joined together, let not man separate." It must be fixed in our minds that when God created marriage He did not create it with an escape route. Because of the brokenness of sin there is an escape route, but we may not open that door. What it requires for that door to be opened is no less than the sin of adultery by one’s spouse. The other person, then, opens the door. Only then will God permit divorce. It is wrong, therefore, to marry with the mindset: "we’re getting married and we’ll see how long it lasts!" Scripture makes clear that marriage is for life.

A Scripture passage people sometimes use as an argument to justify that there is an escape hatch to marriage is 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. In the verses 10 and 11 Paul first appeals to the authority of Christ. His point of departure is what the Lord Himself taught concerning marriage: "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife." Christ affirmed marriage to be a permanent unity between a man and woman as instituted by God in the beginning. In short, no divorce, for no man may divide what God has united.

Paul then goes on to instruct the Corinthians how they are to apply this principle of marriage in their particular circumstances. Corinth was a pagan city in which some people had responded to the call of the gospel with faith and repentance. In some families only the one spouse was converted. Understandably, this put tensions on the marriage, for the believing partner was no longer the person he used to be; his conversion changed him. What, now, were those believers to do when their spouses wished to walk out on the marriage? Paul’s advice was this:

"But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?" (I Corinthians 7:12-16).

Paul made clear to his readers that the Lord Jesus, during His time on earth, had given no command specific to the Corinthian situation. The advice Paul gives is what he understood to be God’s will in light of Jesus’ general instruction plus what God had revealed in Old Testament Scripture concerning marriage. Therefore he prefaced his advice with the Lord’s principle for marriage: honor your marriage vows and hence do not divorce. Then Paul went on to say that if your unbelieving spouse was willing to live with you, leave it that way; do not divorce. But if the unbelieving spouse wished to leave the Christian spouse, let him go; after all, all you gain by attempting to force him to stay is friction – and "God has called us to peace" (verse 15). Note the absence of any suggestion of Paul to divorce the unbelieving spouse! All he recommended was to let them go if they so insisted: "... a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases," is not bound to keep the marriage physically together.

Does that mean that the divorced person no longer has an obligation to the ex-spouse? Granted, legally a divorce may terminate a marriage in the sense that no responsibilities remain to the previous spouse. But the indications of Scripture are that the divorced person retains obligations towards the ex-spouse. God established the bond of marriage for life. God’s example was to call even His divorced people to repentance. The unity of marriage may be broken by a divorce, but the need to pray for the ex-spouse’s repentance (and conversion) remains. In short, a moral obligation continues to bind the divorced person to his previous spouse.

We have examined what God teaches us in Scripture concerning the permanence of marriage. The principle of Scripture is that husband and wife are to cleave to one another for as many years as God gives them life; God has built into marriage no escape hatch. Only the God who joined a couple in marriage can dissolve the bond of marriage, and He does so by death.

This is the principle understood by the early churches and upheld for many centuries. With rare exception, the church fathers of the early years of church history upheld the principle that marriage was for life, and hence there was no room for divorce. Despite more liberal practices in the world around them, the early Christian church upheld God’s ordinance.

During the thirteenth century, the Roman Catholic Church made marriage a sacrament. In so doing, the church also made divorce effectively impossible even in situations of adultery. During the fifteenth century there arose a man by the name of Desiderius Erasmus, a Dutch Humanist. Within the context of his time, he believed that though people are sinful they must be respected as rational, emotional beings who are capable of working things out in their own minds and hearts and coming to sound conclusions. With regards to marriage therefore, he claimed that because it would be too hard on people in a bad marriage to have to remain married, allowance ought to be made for divorce. Further, the person who has opted out of a bad marriage should be permitted to marry again. Erasmus claimed that he too could support his arguments on the basis of what is written in Matthew and Mark.

The way in which Erasmus reasoned about marriage, ie, from the perspective of people’s human and pastoral needs, became the way that some reformers also worked with marriage. Luther believed that divorce was wrong except in cases where there was adultery, desertion, or a withholding of conjugal rights. More reformers came up with a list of reasons that made divorce lawful. Though Calvin mentioned that adultery was the one legitimate ground for divorce, he in fact also came up with multiple reasons why one could divorce. At the time of the Reformation the whole matter was discussed at length. All frivolous grounds were discarded and just two were kept. These two reasons found their way into Article 24 of the Westminster Confession:

WESTMINSTER CONFESSION, Article 24

V. Adultery or fornication committed after a contract, being detected before marriage, giveth just occasion to the innocent party to dissolve that contract. In the case of adultery after marriage, it is lawful for the innocent party to sue out a divorce and, after the divorce, to marry another, as if the offending party were dead.

VI. Although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage: yet, nothing but adultery, or such wilful desertion as can no way be remedied by the Church, or civil magistrate, is cause sufficient of dissolving the bond of marriage wherein, a public and orderly course of proceeding is to be observed; and the persons concerned in it not left to their own wills, and discretion, in their own case.

The Westminster Confession permits two grounds for divorce: adultery and willful desertion, the latter being based, incorrectly, on 1 Corinthians 7:15. In Matthew and Mark we do read of divorce being permissible, but only on the grounds of adultery; adultery is the only ground Scripture gives. The Westminster Confession then goes a step further and confesses that it is lawful for the innocent party to remarry.

We can be thankful that such statements do not appear in our Confessions. In fact, there is no unanimous view or practice regarding the whole matter of divorce and remarriage in the history of our churches. This calls, firstly, for continual, prayerful study of what it is that God teaches in His Word in relation to marriage. Secondly, it calls for the due desire and humility to translate this into obedient action. The crucial point we do well to remember is that how we feel about things is not of primary importance – despite Erasmus’ example.

Scripture teaches that God created marriage for life and so He did not create it with an ‘exit.’ Jesus came to earth to repair all that had been broken by the fall into sin. That included the broken institution of marriage. The blood of Christ washes away all sins of marriage and His redeeming work alone makes the restoration of marriage possible. He poured out His Holy Spirit Who gives the necessary grace for husband and wife to live together in unity: the husband doing what he can to lead his wife and the wife doing what she can to be the helpmeet for her husband. The Holy Spirit gives daily renewal, enabling both the husband and the wife, each day anew, to seek the other’s best interests – despite each other’s sins and shortcomings.

Is there an escape hatch in marriage? Did God create marriage with a door in and a door out? No! "For the LORD God of Israel says that He hates divorce..." (Malachi 2:16). The only door out is death. Divorce tears apart what belongs together. Even if a marriage comes to the point of divorce, the aim is to bring back together what belongs together. God calls us to keep intact that unity which He created in the beginning between husband and wife. Let each of us in our own place and marriage pray for this unity and work at it.

Whilst the society we live in makes divorce so easy, let us never look to divorce as the way out of marital strife. Divorce, a man-made solution, and hence a sinful solution, cannot solve the effects of sin as experienced in marriage. God’s solution to the brokenness of this life, in all its facets, marriage included, is the cross of Christ. On the cross Christ demonstrated, to the fullest extent, the forgiveness and self-denial that alone can keep any marriage intact.