Click Here to return to our Home Page
Click Here to return to the index for Notes on the Form for the Solemnisation of Marriage

The Marriage Form concludes its summary of what Scripture teaches concerning the "Institution of Marriage" with these words:

"As the Lord forbids immorality, ‘each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband’, so that our bodies may be preserved as temples of the Holy Spirit and we may glorify God in our bodies."

Here the Form includes a quotation from 1 Corinthians 7:2.

After all the positive things that the Form has stated concerning the institution of marriage this quotation presents us with somewhat of a dilemma. When God united man and woman in marriage He declared that "they shall become one flesh." Sexual desires and sexual relations between husband and wife were also very much a part of God’s solution to man’s aloneness and concerning this too God said, "it was very good." This begs the question why Paul prefaced the phrase: "let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband" with the words: "because of sexual immorality"? One reads this sentence with a feeling of disillusionment, for it seems to hold marriage in rather low esteem. One almost concludes from it that the purpose of marriage is not to address aloneness so much as to prevent immorality. How can one accept this as the purpose for marriage when God instituted marriage in a sinless world? Further, if addressing man’s immorality is the only purpose for marriage, why then did Christ honor marriage by choosing it to be the focus of His first miracle? This Scripture text seems, at face value, to negate the high esteem for marriage as promoted in Genesis 2 and John 2.

The questions continue. What does real life demonstrate? Is marriage really the cure for immorality? Does immorality no longer pose a threat to people once they are married? Does experience not teach that immoral acts occur also by the married, yes, even within marriage itself?

In order to appreciate why Paul wrote what he did in 1 Corinthians 7:2, and why this text has been quoted in the Marriage Form, we need some understanding of the wider context of this text. We first need to know Paul’s scriptural understanding of ‘sexual immorality.’ Further, we cannot fully understand and apply Paul’s exhortations pertaining to sexual immorality here unless we know something of his readers’ cultural background.

The Bible is no stranger to the sin of ‘sexual immorality’ and it addresses such sin in no uncertain terms. When the apostle Paul wrote about sexual immorality he did not write about a sin that had arisen in, or was typical of, New Testament times. From the very moment man fell into sin "every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually" (Genesis 6:5). Through his fall all man’s intentions and thoughts, also pertaining to matters sexual, became as evil and depraved as they did in relation to any other area of life. Since man’s depravity was total from the outset, all that he as unregenerate sinner was capable of was to express his depravity through his thoughts, words and deeds. By means of His Law God would have man know the sins by which he expresses his depravity and how he is to abstain from all such expression.

‘Sexual immorality’ is a comprehensive term for various sexual transgressions. Scripture is our only reliable source to teach us what constitutes sexual sin. When Paul used the term ‘sexual immorality’ in 1 Corinthians 7:2, he meant all sexual activity which God Himself calls immoral. Paul gives some indication of what the Lord considers immoral by his inspired words of the previous chapter. In 1 Corinthians 6:9 Paul mentions five transgressions that belong to the category of the immoral. He writes: "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites … will inherit the kingdom of God."

Fornication is any form of illegitimate or unchaste sexual activity. It includes all kinds of sexual relations between unmarried persons, as well as sexual relations between a married person and anyone other than one’s spouse.

Idolatry involves the notion of serving idols. Yet given the sexual nuance in the other members of Paul’s list, we shall need to think here not idol worship in general, but rather of idol worship bound up with sexual activity. Much of Greek religion was erotic; the priests and priestesses of the temples sought to move the gods to give their blessings by giving themselves to sexual intercourse with those who would bring sacrifices in the temples. As a result, the temples of the idols were hothouses for immorality of all sorts.

Adultery commonly describes sexual intercourse between a married person and anyone other than one’s spouse.

Homosexuality describes sexual attraction and/or activity between people of the same sex. (Female homosexuality is commonly referred to as lesbianism.) The term Paul uses here actually describes catamites, men and boys who allow themselves to be used homosexually.

Sodomy translates the Greek word for the active participant of homosexual activity.

That terms as fornication, idolatry, adultery, homosexuality and sodomy describe conduct that God condemns is evident from God’s instruction to Israel at Mount Sinai. In His seventh commandment ("You shall not commit adultery"), God forbade sins as Paul later describes. Israel stood on the threshold of entering Canaan, a country and a culture that was thoroughly saturated by every variety of immorality. Just how immoral the Canaanites were (and so what temptations lay before God’s covenant people) is evident from a chapter as Leviticus 18. Consider the words of verse 3: "According to the doings of the land of Egypt, where you dwelt, you shall not do; and according to the doings of the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you, you shall not do; nor shall you walk in their ordinances."

What were these practices? In Leviticus 18 God presented Israel with a whole list of things they were prohibited from doing, on penalty of death (Leviticus 20:10ff). God forbade these evils simply because these were the sins common among the Egyptians and the Canaanites; these were the sins Israel noticed in the ungodly society around them. What these sins were? In Leviticus 18:6 one reads: "None of you shall approach anyone who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the LORD." Following on from this one finds a whole list of "near of kin" whose nakedness may not be uncovered (verses 7-18). Yet that is what the Canaanites and the Egyptians were doing. They had no qualms about stripping their own sisters, aunts and cousins and doing as they desired with them. The list also includes sins of child sacrifice, homosexuality and bestiality (verses 21-23). And all of this is tied together in verse 24: "Do not defile yourselves with any of these things; for by all these the nations are defiled, which I am casting out before you." Now, this is the instruction of the Scriptures Paul worked with when he referred to sexual immorality in 1 Corinthians 7:2. We do well therefore to examine in more detail what Scripture says concerning these sins.

To teach His people just what He expected of them, and what was good and beneficial for them, the Lord gave the instructions of Leviticus 18. These forbade that one uncover the nakedness of anyone near of kin. In the New International Version of the Bible the words "uncover the nakedness of" are translated as "sexual relations" as if the point of the chapter is that one may not have intercourse with the particular persons mentioned in the list. Certainly, it will be true that the Lord forbade sexual relations with these persons who were near of kin. However, the point of the chapter lies elsewhere. When the Lord forbade His people to "uncover the nakedness" of sister, mother, aunt, sister-in-law and daughter-in-law, etc, He meant precisely that: their nakedness was not to be uncovered. And lest we think that only men are told not to uncover the nakedness of particular women (and not the other way round) be assured that what is good for the goose is good for the gander also! If the men of Israel were not to uncover the nakedness of their sisters, mothers and aunts then the women of Israel were not to uncover the nakedness of their brothers, fathers and uncles either. Nor, for that matter, was one to uncover one’s own nakedness for the sake of another.

To understand properly the instruction of the list we need to know that family structures in the days of Leviticus were different from what we know them to be today. For us a family includes two generations, ie parents and their children. More, once the children marry they move out to set up their own home. However, in the days when the command of Leviticus 18 was given, the married sons did not move out; daughters moved out to join their husband’s family, but sons brought their wives into the family. Think of Rebekkah leaving her father’s home to move into Isaac’s tent. So a family unit could contain some four generations of men with their wives and children. Parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, daughters-in-law, sisters-in-law: all of them together formed one large, extended family.

Furthermore, we are to know that contact between different families was not as frequent then as it is today. Whereas today family members are separated from each other and are away from the home for a large portion of the day (with father at work and the children at school), the family in Israel stayed together for most of the day, working the land together. Each family was, to a large extent, a self-sustaining unit with its own farm, and consequently there was little need to go out. So it was that the people one associated with on a daily basis were largely one’s own family members, including aunts, cousins and sisters-in-law, etc. It does not require a great deal of imagination to realize that interaction with the same people day in, day out, breeds its own problems.

Within that setting God gave His instruction of Leviticus 18:6-18: you may not uncover the nakedness of any of the men or women you associate with day by day. The Lord is emphatic: He tolerates no incestuous relations. Read through the list: every possible woman in such a broad family receives a mention. Sex, in other words, was not to receive a high profile in the minds of the people of Israel. The urges to see the body of a sister, cousin or niece might be so great, and the drive to explore what sexuality was all about might be so strong, but the Lord specifically said that uncovering the nakedness of any of the women in your proximity was out. What prompts a person to ‘look under the clothes’ of another? Before the deed comes the desire. And the desire translates into the deed when you allow your mind to think on, to stew on matters of sex. God had set His people free from slavery to the Egyptians so that they might be free. God did not want His people to be subjected again to any form of slavery – including being enslaved to sex, to letlting sex be a big thing on one’s mind. Such slavery leads to sexual immorality, including incestuous relationships. God would have His people spared of the punishment of His curse on such sin.

"And you shall not let any of your descendants pass through the fire to Molech, nor shall you profane the name of your God: I am the LORD" (Leviticus 18:21).

Molech was one of the gods of the Ammonites and worship of this god included the detestable practice of child sacrifice. God classed it as a defilement of His sanctuary and a profanity of His Name when His own covenant children were sacrificed to foreign gods – mere figments of the human mind and whose worship often involved sexually immoral practices. God’s penalty for committing this sin was clearly death:

"... Whoever of the children of Israel, or of the strangers who dwell in Israel, who gives any of his descendants to Molech, he shall surely be put to death. The people of the land shall stone him with stones. I will set My face against that man, and will cut him off from his people, because he has given some of his descendants to Molech, to defile My sanctuary and profane My holy name. And if the people of the land should in any way hide their eyes from the man, when he gives some of his descendants to Molech, and they do not kill him, then I will set My face against that man and against his family; and I will cut him off from his people, and all who prostitute themselves with him to commit harlotry with Molech" (Leviticus 20:2,3).

We live in an environment in which people have come to think of homosexuality as something that is acceptable. Even articles published in Christian journals propagate the viewpoint that one cannot help one’s sexual ‘leanings.’ It is argued that people’s sexual preferences are determined by their genetic make-up. What is the child of God to think of such reasoning? Is it true that I cannot help my sexual ‘leanings’ any more than I can help the color of my eyes? What does the Lord want me to believe with regard to homosexuality? Has God created homosexual tendencies in people?

In Leviticus 18:22 God is categorical in His judgment of homosexuality: "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman. It is an abomination." The word ‘abomination’ is a loaded word in Scripture, reserved for describing God’s evaluation of all deeds that are grossly evil in His eyes. One reads similar instruction in Leviticus 20:13: "If a man lies with a male as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them." Notice how the Lord makes no concessions here. No reasons or circumstances will allow God to condone homosexuality.

Some Christians argue that in Leviticus 18 and 20 God is only condemning homosexuality when practiced by heterosexuals. According to them God does not condemn sexual activity between two people who both have homosexual ‘leanings’ and are deeply in love. But that is not what God says in these two Scripture passages. God says unequivocally that if any two people of the same sex have intercourse, they commit an abomination and they shall surely die. God is categorical in His abhorrence and condemnation of homosexuality, regardless of ‘leanings,’ and regardless of mutual feelings of love and affection between the two people concerned.

In the New Testament God speaks of this sin in an equally condemning manner. In Romans 1:22-25 we read how people have given themselves to idol worship instead of worshipping God, their Creator, and says:

"For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due" (Romans 1:26,27).

Does God in these verses give man room to believe that homosexuality is acceptable if that is what your sexual inclination is and you are in love with someone with a similar sexual inclination? No! God speaks of His curse upon such people; He gives them up to foul passions. Let us then not adopt attitudes towards homosexuality that agree with, and give free reign to, our feelings and preferences, for our hearts, sinful by nature, choose against God and all that is pure and holy. Homosexuality is not a genetic predisposition but rather a sinful predisposition, borne out of man’s total depravity.

Let it be clear in our minds that God speaks of homosexuality within the framework of His curse exclusively. To engage in homosexual practices is God’s curse on sin and He curses all participation and indulgence in such immoral sexual activity with further curses:

"And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them" (Romans 1:28-32).

In 1 Timothy 1:8-10 too, the apostle Paul leaves no room for condoning homosexuality. In these verses he promotes God’s law as being beneficial for all sinners, and included in his list of examples are the sexually immoral:

"But we know that the law is good if one uses it lawfully, knowing this: that the law is not made for a righteous person, but for the lawless and insubordinate, for the ungodly and for sinners, for the unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers, for fornicators, for sodomites, for kidnappers, for liars, for perjurers...."

In the epistle of Jude God states in no uncertain terms how much He detests the sexual immorality of Sodom, ie homosexuality, sodomy. Writes Jude, concerning the pending judgment of God on all sexual immorality:

"And the angels who did not keep their proper domain, but left their own abode, He has reserved in everlasting chains under darkness for the judgment of the great day; as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire" (Jude 6,7).

On God’s judgment day there will be no acceptable excuse for the sin of homosexuality. God has made clear in His Word that man and woman –not two men or two women– shall be one flesh. To engage in homosexual sin is to invoke God’s curse and judgment both in this life and the life to come.

Is it possible to overcome one’s homosexual ‘leanings’? In 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Paul reminded the Corinthian Christians that no "fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites ... will inherit the kingdom of God." But Paul did not leave it at that. He added: "And such were some of you...." Note well Paul’s usage of the past tense. He does so for very good reason. The Corinthians were used to all kinds of sexual activity. More, of those who had converted to Christianity, some had previously given themselves to homosexual activity ("such were some of you"). But that is now history. They used to be homosexuals but now they are no longer so. How come? Since they could not change their genetic make-up, what then did they do about their homosexual ‘leanings’? How did they overcome homosexuality? They were able to give it away by the grace of God for, as Paul went on to write: "But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God" (verse 11).

Therein lies the gospel message for all who struggle with the sin of homosexuality: it can be overcome thanks to Christ’s work of redemption and the Spirit’s work of sanctification.

"For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men, teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and glorious appearing of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us from every lawless deed and purify for Himself His own special people, zealous for every good deed" (Titus 2:11-14).

Having washed us clean of all filthiness in Christ’s blood, God empowers us by His Holy Spirit to deny all ungodly lusts so that we are able to overcome all immoral sexual activity, including homosexuality. Though it may demand much self-control and prayerful struggle, God assures us that in Him we can do it.

"Nor shall you mate with any animal, to defile yourself with it. Nor shall any woman stand before an animal to mate with it. It is perversion" (Leviticus 18:23). Note the abhorrent manner in which God speaks of this sin: "it is perversion."

When God brought all the animals to Adam on the sixth day of creation so that he might name them, Adam felt his aloneness. He saw that for him there was no helper comparable to him. Adam could not find a suitable helper amongst the animals for they, unlike him, were not made in the image of God. Therefore God created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs and gave her to him in marriage.

From that followed God’s ordinance that "they", ie man and woman (not man and animal or woman and animal), "shall become one flesh" (Genesis 2). There lies the boundary God has set for human sexual relations. For a man or a woman to become one flesh with an animal is to overstep God’s boundaries and engage in abnormal sexual activity. The penalty for such sin in Israel was death: "If a man mates with an animal, he shall surely be put to death, and you shall kill the animal. If a woman approaches any animal and mates with it, you shall kill the woman and the animal. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood is upon them" (Leviticus 20:15,16).

Unchastity (ie unlawful or immoral sexual intercourse) was very common around Israel. Since unchastity was accursed by God, His covenant people were to give unchastity no profile; they were not to see any nakedness. We for our part are to know that the same instruction applies to us. Consider what the apostle Paul wrote to the Ephesians:

"... fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God" (Ephesians 5:3-5).

What makes one a covetous person? It is the desire to have what is not yours. In relation to sexual gratification, it is to desire another’s body in order to satisfy one’s own lusts and passions. The covetous person is an idolater, writes Paul. Making sex the focus of one’s thoughts and actions is to become obsessed with sex; it is to make an idol of it. How does filthiness, foolish talking, and coarse jesting enter one’s conversation? It is the result of thinking on such things. If such things did not occupy one’s mind one would not speak of them. The Lord does not want His people to be enslaved for He had made them a people who are set free. Therefore it is not money, or the body, or sex that are to be on our minds but, rather, the giving of thanks for having been freed from the slavery to sin and death. As Paul writes in Ephesians 5:18-20: "... be filled with the Spirit ... giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." Christ gave Himself up to death for the sake of our freedom. THAT is to be on our mind. To focus on anything else is idolatry.

What attitude toward sex does the Lord requires of us? Read what Paul wrote to the Thessalonians:

"... this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;" (1 Thessalonians 4:3,4).

To "possess (one’s) own vessel" is a reference to possessing one’s sexual organs and here we are exhorted to do so in sanctification and honor. In other words, we are to exercise control, dominion, over our sexual organs and sex drive rather than being obsessed with gratifying our lusts and giving in to our passions. God’s instruction to the Israelites in Leviticus 18 is also God’s instruction to us in the New Testament. How are we to treat others? In the same manner as the men of Israel were to treat the women in their broad families, namely, with respect and purity. As Paul wrote to Timothy: "Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, the younger as sisters, with all purity" (1 Timothy 5:1,2).

Behold here the will of our caring Father concerning the way in which He would have us interact with other people. What we see in our society –workers following a girl with cat-calls and whistles as they drive by, men in the office dropping seductive words on the secretary and touching in private places, fathers commenting on the developing bodies of their daughters and following them around the room with their eyes- is to have no place amongst the people of God. Unchastity is not good for anyone. God has sovereignly placed a connection between unchastity and curse, and so we are to "detest [unchastity] from the heart and live chaste and disciplined lives, both within and outside of holy marriage" (Lord’s Day 41.108). In His care for us Father has told us that unchastity is not good for us. So we do well to accept His loving instruction willingly and, whether we are young or old, to relate to each other "with all purity."

The Greek city of Corinth, to which the Lord sent Paul to proclaim the gospel of ‘Christ crucified’, was a city of excesses; it was the San Francisco of Paul’s day. Corinth was an important commercial center with a very cosmopolitan flavor to it. It was well populated, wealthy, boastful of its intellectual talent but morally bankrupt. Corinth was a city obsessed with sex. Such was the city’s reputation that people spoke of ‘Corinthianizing’ or ‘to live like a Corinthian,’ meaning thereby to engage in sexual immorality. The Corinthians amongst whom Paul labored were a community of people who knew no boundaries to sexual activities – be they heterosexual or homosexual.

The Lord God blessed Paul’s mission work in Corinth so that some people came to faith. Some of these converts were married, others not. Sometimes both marriage partners converted to Christianity, sometimes just the one. This brought with it its own dilemmas. Should the one who came to faith walk out on the unbelieving spouse? After all, their marriage had not been a marriage in the Lord and was it then correct for the converted spouse to remain yoked to an unbeliever? This is the question that Paul addressed in a passage as I Corinthians 7:10ff.

Further, Corinthians knew of a philosophic distinction between body and soul. What one did with the body, they reasoned, was not as important as what one did with regard to the soul. Amongst some converts this line of thought led to the conclusion that since redemption through Christ and sanctification through the Spirit affected the soul only, one was free to do as one pleased with one’s body, irrespective of marriage vows. Indulging one’s sexual appetite in whatever manner and place one chose was fine, the argument ran, for sexual activity only affects one physically, not spiritually. Such were the lines of thought circulating within the young church at Corinth.

After having instituted a church at Corinth Paul had moved on to Ephesus. However, Paul got to hear of what problems and questions plagued these new converts as they adapted to the Christian way of life. The Corinthians themselves wrote Paul a letter asking him for advice on several issues. In view of the prevalent concerns, and fully aware of the Corinthian way of thinking, Paul saw need to write to this church. This also prompted him to write what he did in 1 Corinthians 7:2. However, what Paul wrote there can only be properly understood in the context of what he had written earlier in chapters 5 and 6.

In chapter 5:1 Paul wrote: "It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles - that a man has his father’s wife!" In Leviticus 18:8 God had condemned such behavior as sin: "The nakedness of your father’s wife you shall not uncover; it is your father’s nakedness." Paul’s reaction to this sin, and its tolerance in the church, is categorical. He instructs the Corinthians to do no less than to "... deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh.... Put away from yourselves the evil person" (5:4,13). Paul allows no such sexual license amongst Christians. The Corinthian Christians prided themselves in a newfound "Christian freedom" in which they considered themselves free to do as they pleased "for Christ has set us free." The Corinthians failed to see that freedom in Christ was the Christian’s empowerment to flee from sin in every area of life. Though they lived in the midst of corrupt and sexually obsessed Corinth, Paul insists in his letter that the Corinthian church strive for the purity Christ calls them to.

"All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any" (1 Corinthians 6:12).

In light of the emphasis on sex in Corinthian society, this is a loaded statement on Paul’s part. A prominent feature in Corinth was the large temple to Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sexual love and beauty. Her companion god was Eros, the god of love. Temple prostitution played no minor role in the worship of these gods. In other words, the Corinthians worshipped and glorified sex, elevating it to the status of a deity. (Though none of our cities honor sex with any fancy temples, society at large worships sex no less today than the Corinthians of Paul’s day.) But Paul is adamant that he is not going to serve any other god than God the Creator, and hence he will not serve, or "come under the power of," the god and goddess of sex either.

Sex, like food and the body, is a created thing, and hence not worthy of worship.

"Foods for the stomach and the stomach for foods, but God will destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for sexual immorality but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. And God both raised up the Lord and will also raise us up by His power" (1 Corinthians 6:13,14).

Paul instructs the Christians at Corinth in what the gospel of Christ is all about. The purpose of Christ’s work on the cross was to redeem, set free, a people enslaved to sin and Satan. As Christ died, so God’s people died to sin. As Christ was raised from death, so God’s people were raised from sin –death- to a new life.

True Christians are sanctified people in whom the Holy Spirit has made His home so that they may live in holiness. Paul puts this question to the Corinthians: "Shall you, temples of the Holy Spirit, set apart to God, bring your bodies to a brothel and indulge your lusts for lust’s sake?" Writes Paul:

"Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a prostitute? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a prostitute is one body with her? For "The two," he says, "shall become one flesh." But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s" (1 Corinthians 6:15-20).

The Corinthian Christians were giving their bodies to the goddess of sex. Paul exhorts them, "Don’t do it!" The apostle wishes to impress upon these children of God that they belong with body and soul to Christ and hence they are not to give their bodies or souls to immorality.

Having said that, the apostle goes on to say in chapter 7:1: "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman." (One understands, I trust, that this verse cuts two ways: it is equally good for the woman not to touch a man.) The things of which the Corinthians had written to Paul God has not included in Scripture. We can deduce from the context, however, that they asked Paul some questions concerning sexual relations. The question might have been: "Is it good for a man not to touch a woman?" This question may well have been asked by Christian converts who, in over-reaction to their city’s sexual excesses, turned to ascetic practices, including celibacy or abstinence altogether from sexual relations in marriage.

The text quoted here is open to misinterpretation. At face value Paul appears to argue that it is better to refrain from marriage and even seems to have a negative attitude to sex. But, based on what Paul writes elsewhere in his letters, that cannot be so. Though Paul recommends the unmarried state (cf 1 Corinthians 7:7,8,32-35), he also holds marriage in high esteem (cf Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Timothy 3:2). With regard to sex Paul would have his readers know that sexual relations are an important part of marriage and that in this respect husband and wife have mutual obligations towards each other (cf 1 Corinthians 7:2-5).

We do well to remember that Paul wrote this letter to people who lived in a culture that made a big thing of sex. (For that reason his message is so relevant to us too.) Paul does not condemn sex, but nor does he say that sex is JUST IT – the best you can get. Paul’s attitude towards sex is sober. He wants his readers to realize that there are higher values in life; there are more important things in life than sex. Saying that ‘it is good’ to not engage in sex is not the equivalent of saying one may not engage in sex. Paul is simply saying that sex is not everything.

If we want to understand Paul’s true meaning we need to be mindful of the cultural ‘baggage’ with which we read and analyze his advice. Our culture, like that of the Corinthians, is sex-driven. Sex is viewed as a ‘right’ – like eating and drinking. If one is hungry, who may deny him food; if one is thirsty, who may forbid him from drinking; if one has a sexual urge…. With that mindset, it is no wonder that teenagers are not encouraged to abstain from sex, but are taught ‘safe sex.’ Our society serves the goddess of sex no less than first century Corinthian society.

BUT … is such an emphasis on sex scriptural? Is such an emphasis on sex necessary? Is it sex that gives the person a sense of well-being and makes the person feel alive, so much so that one cannot live without it? Does sex make a marriage?

It is a fact that God has made man male and female. In the Bible one can find ample passages that speak of sex as a beautiful thing. But the Bible would also have us know that there is much more to life than sex. If this life is to be lived in preparation for the life to come, then Jesus’ instruction about the New Jerusalem is instructive. For He teaches that on the new earth there will be no marriage and hence no sex. The Sadducees (who denied the existence of life after death), put this question to Jesus:

"Teacher, Moses wrote to us that if a man’s brother dies, having a wife, and he dies without children, his brother should take his wife and raise up offspring for his brother. Now there were seven brothers. And the first took a wife, and died without children. And the second took her as wife, and he died childless. Then the third took her, and in like manner the seven also; and they left no children, and died. Last of all the woman died also. Therefore, in the resurrection, whose wife does she become: For all seven had her as wife" (Luke 20:28-33).

Jesus’ reply to them was this:

"The sons of this age marry and are given in marriage. But those who are counted worthy to attain that age, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage; nor can they die any more, for they are equal to the angels and are sons of God, being sons of the resurrection" (Luke 20:34-36).

The Christian’s focus in this life is the reality and perspective of the life to come. So we are not living in a closed environment today, but (as it were) in the waiting room of our Lord’s kingdom, awaiting the glorious benefits and consequences of Christ’s return. It is in the context of these future expectations that we are to keep sex in its proper perspective. Therefore Paul could write: "it is good for a man not to touch a woman." Paul urged his readers to lift their eyes off the ‘here and now’ and to fix their eyes on the Lord who comes again. In this life God gives His people many gifts to enjoy, including the gift of marriage and sex, but in view of our future perspective, life without sex is okay too.

Paul went on to say in 1 Corinthians 7:2: "Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband." It is this particular verse which the Marriage Form picks up. Note well that Paul’s point here is not that the unmarried should get married lest they fall into immorality. (Paul did not address the unmarried until verse 8.) Here Paul addressed the married people for he wrote:

let each man have his own wife: not multiple wives (ie no mistress or prostitute in addition to one’s wife);

let each man have his own wife; (not, let each man go get a wife for himself). Here the word ‘have’ means to ‘have sexual intercourse with.’

When Paul wrote ‘sexual immorality,’ then he would have been mindful of the sexual transgressions listed in Leviticus 18 and the sexual sins of which he wrote in chapters 5 and 6 of this letter. In other words, all these sexual transgressions are real temptations to every married couple also and hence each married man is to have his own wife and each married woman is to have her own husband.

Having said that each man and woman are to ‘have’ their own wife and husband respectively, Paul then elaborated on how they are to do this, that is, what obligations husbands and wives have towards each other with regard to sexual intercourse:

"Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her (‘conjugal rights’ RSV) and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

Marriage and sexual intercourse belong together, as God ordained it from the beginning. Sexual relations are good, and important to a marriage, but husband and wife are to ensure that they take place within marriage as God has instituted it, and with a mindset agreeable to God’s purpose for sex - lest they become guilty of sexual immorality. So, Paul’s exhortation in 1 Corinthians 7:2 is not: you better get married in order to stop yourself from falling into sexual immorality. Instead, Paul’s instruction is for husbands and wives to have sexual relations only with their respective spouses, and then not out of lust to satisfy one’s own appetite (or deny your partner access to yourself in order to get your way), but rather out of the awareness that one’s body is for the spouse’s enjoyment. Without such self-denial for the benefit of the other, sexual relations in marriage can become immorality again.

Consistent with that Paul also advises the Christians in Corinth that conversion to Christianity after marriage does not require the believer to leave the marriage (cf 1 Corinthians 7:10-16). If the unbelieving spouse is willing to stay in the marriage, then Paul’s advice to the believing partner is to remain faithful to the spouse. In that situation too let there be sexual activity – "render to each other the affection due (to each other)" lest you be tempted and fall into sin. God has given you the spouse and therefore you may enjoy what He gives. Remain faithful to one’s spouse and do not seek sexual relations with someone else; ‘have’ your own husband or wife.

Why bring up so many issues pertaining to sexual immorality in relation to marriage? Is there something negative or unholy about sex? God "created man in His own image ... male and female He created them." At the end of the sixth day of creation, after He had united the first man and woman in marriage and declared that "they shall become one flesh," God saw that "indeed it was very good" (Genesis 1,2). No, there is nothing negative about sex, for God Himself speaks very positively about it. Why then does the Marriage Form include a sentence that reads, "As the Lord forbids immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband, so that our bodies may be preserved as temples of the Holy Spirit and we may glorify God in our bodies"?

In so doing the Form is acknowledging that the fall into sin has warped sex terribly. This resulted in man’s lusts and passions and the bitter fruits of man’s indulgence of these. Reference to this Scripture text in the Marriage Form is a humble admission that we are and remain sinful people and hence immoral activity lies close to the heart of each of us, also the married. God is emphatic that He tolerates no sexual immorality, not within marriage either. Therefore the Form would have both the bride and the groom know that in marriage too they are called to glorify God in their bodies. Husband and wife are to preserve their bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit, also when they engage in sexual activity.

But God does not leave husband and wife to protect their marriage against sexual immorality in their own strength. God gave up His Son to death in order to deliver our bodies and souls from all forms of slavery to sin – including slavery to sex. He also poured out His Holy Spirit so that He might live within us and thereby help us to conform to His will in all things, sexual relations included. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality" (1 Thessalonians 4:3). By the strength of God’s Spirit we can, also in marriage, use our sexual urges in an honorable fashion.

When sexual relations are enjoyed within the boundaries God has set for them in marriage, then marriage can attest to what God says in Hebrews 13:4: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled...."

Paul’s instruction in 1 Corinthians 7:2, that each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband, is an echo of what Solomon instructed the youth of Israel in his day. Do not seek sexual fulfillment outside of your marriage, exhorted Solomon, nor share what belongs exclusively to you and your spouse with a third party.

"Drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. Should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be only your own, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; and always be enraptured with her love" (Proverbs 5:15-19).

Here one detects not a single hint of negativity about sexual relations in marriage. Rather, it is a word picture of the blessedness, joy, satisfaction and intense delight that husband and wife may experience when they engage in sexual intercourse within the boundaries God has set for it. Then alone is ‘becoming one flesh’ experienced as something good.

In the book of Proverbs one also reads countless warnings of Solomon against the seductive powers and temptations of the adulteress woman. To indulge one’s passions with a prostitute may relieve sexual urges, but it will be no more than an act of copulation, void of love, deprived of God’s blessing and deserving of His punishment. To do things God’s way is the only and best way, also in matters sexual. Wait for, and drink from, the fountains of your own marriage, for that alone will truly answer and satisfy the sexual desires God has given.

God would have His children know that the gifts of love and sexual desire between a man and a woman are indeed God-given gifts. Read the Song of Solomon which the Holy Spirit put to paper and included in His Word. Though this book has, over the years, been understood to be an allegory of the relationship between Christ (the bridegroom) and the church (His bride), or between God and Israel, that is not the point of this Bible book. Rather, it is a book made up of a series of love songs or poems in celebration of the love shared between a man and a woman. The poems describe the courtship of two young people in love as they anticipate marriage. One reads of mutual adoration of each other’s physical appearance, the intense longings to express and receive physical affection, the tensions and uncertainties brought on by separation, and the joy and contentment of being together. By means of this book God would have us know that although sin has warped and damaged so much when it comes to love and sex, the Spirit has graciously healed much. That makes it possible for children of God to receive and enjoy love and lovemaking as good gifts of God to be enjoyed in marriage.