Dirty epic.

No I dont have a saucy tale for you right now, its the name of the Underworld song I'm listening to right now. I like it, very introspective. Reminds me of something but I'm not sure what. I'm needing music badly lately. Probably because I'm desperately needing meaning. I sure as hell dont get it at work.

It's strange you know. I got what I wanted. I finished my degree and got a job. But now I want more. I have to be hungry again. But its so fucking easy to just let it all slip away and fall into old routines. I'm doing that brilliantly too. I have three things I need to do at night. Study, sew, or finish this fucking website. I'm doing none. The conference ripped apart all my motivation. I feel like a zombie but I dont want to be one. I feel like the conference seriously killed something inside me, I'm not sure what. Maybe it made me care about my workplace at the expense of my dreams. But the dreams are still there, stuck under a big thick layer of ice. I dont know whats happened. I need to be inspired again.

Enough of that, I've had a shitty day at work, I broke a computer and left my keys at home. But even then I'd normally be all over the place about it, but I just dont care. What is going on! Even medicine seems like a far flung dream when just two weeks ago I was throwing myself into it. I'm going to my brothers on Thursday night though so that might help. I need to feel in control of things, and right now I feel like work is in control of me. I dont know how to break it.