Rockafeller Skank.

I may as well listen to this Fatboy Slim album on my hd. On Friday night I went over to my Mums for dinner, she went to Bali on Saturday so I wanted to see her before she left. I played with the dog and talked to my brothers Chinese girlfriend Lily. I have this old looking Chinese painting hanging up at home in the lounge area, and Lily told me all about it. There's a bit of script on there, and she explained that the painting was done in 1952 (a huge surprise, my aunt brought it back from China for me with no explanation), for someone importants birthday. It was done by a group of artists and she told me that the surname on there was very uncommon and came from the last Empire in China before the revolution. It was so nice to have some history for it! I havent taken particularly good care of it, assuming it was a tourist gift but it's interesting to point out my ex best snob friend noticed it and said it was probably very old and worth money. Naturally I didn't listen to her because 99% of everything she said was bullshit. The painting itself is in good condition, there is one or two water spots but it's not like I'm planning on selling it. Lily said I should take it to China and have it restored because I'd be hard pressed to find anyone here. She is a lovely girl and I forgive her for converting my brother to an Evangelist (possibly one of the weirder things that has happened in my family).

At the suggestion of people on the ausmedstudent forums, I recalculated my GPA including all my exemptions as PASSES as a worst case scenario. UGH. No university has told me they will do this but I need to be prepared. So my lovely 6.25 became 5.36. That immediately knocked me out of the running for some - including USyd which would be one of my preferences should I survive the exam. Fortunately UQ has a minimum requirement of 4.5 but their exam requirements are higher. I spent most of Saturday feeling depressed and like a failure but I swear 90% of it is tiredness. When I get home, I can't just start studying. I need to get changed, and then cook dinner, and make lunch for tomorrow, have a shower and make sure everything is ready for tomorrow. It eats up the time I need to be studying. serp pointed out that I need to very carefully plan my time to fix this up and he's right. Worst case is that I'm not ready in time, best is that I am. If I'm not I will know why but I want to take the best shot in the time I have. So today I will sit down and plan what I will eat, wear and do for the next week. It feels a little silly but it's worth it. I dont want to spend my whole life in a desk job!!

Anyway last night serp and I went for dinner on Lygon St, and after walking around in amazement at the high prices, finally found a slightly out of the way place with good pasta and frightening house wine. It was a lovely dinner and we ate outside under the heaters and talked about everything. Afterwards we went to the Faithless and Way Out West concert. Music was good, people weren't. The place was packed with bogans in disguise (bogans who watch reality tv and dress trendy and are good little aspirational Howardites but who still behave like bogans) and Vodafone arena would have to be one of the most soulless venues to hold an act like Faithless. There were a few people smoking despite the no smoking signs, I spotted three girls from my year at MLC (more than I have seen in the last 5 years), who also spotted me although funnily enough they seemed more offput by it than me. It used to be the other way around. It could be because I dont give a shit anymore. I danced a lot, as I tend to do at these things, one group of girls turned around and watched me dance then turned back around and started dancing manically...I felt like shooting them. What has happened to independent thought? Melbourne has become so bad. People dont wear what they wear because they've thought of it for themselves, but because people on the TV and in magazines do. They voted for Howard because thats what everyone else was doing. Seriously, I blame reality television. It has taught people that it's okay to copy how others do it. There were quite a few people on pills there too and it was just weird. They didn't seem to know what to do with themselves. It was really funny when Faithless had a go at Blair and Bush and the lies - half the place threw their arms up and shouted in agreement, the other half was embarassed and noticeably silent. YES, WE ALL KNOW WHO YOU VOTED FOR AND YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED AND LEFT OUT.

I hope they felt really stupid. Anyway afterward they brought the lights up (only midnight, GOD), and there was only one exit. Too many bogans, MLC girls and people on pills made me very edgy and wanting to get out. I didn't want to be associated with these cocknockers. There was an afterparty at Room which I might have liked if it wasn't Room and populated with the same clone wannabes. The thing with clones these days, is that they're not even cool or popular. They are all in competition with the world and each other. Everyone seems very divided and pitted against each other in mass society today. They're sure a lot easier to control that way.
This morning I went to the vic market with serp and did my shopping and was once again impressed by how much my food didn't cost. He ate bratwurst, I ate borek and I bought melons and blueberries as treats for myself. I will choose blueberries over any junk food you can throw at me, however junk food is cheaper :(

So I feel a little better about things. Still messed up but as not as bad. The conference really hit me and I'm not sure how. My workmate agreed, and we were both really unhappy and down about things the whole of last week. I have a lot of work ahead of me - but life is work. No I dont have the resources at my disposal that my classmates in high school did and no doubt still do. But I'm in a better position than I was then at least. And to do this without those resources and time would be saying a lot for myself. Yeah I have to pay all my bills and rent and not buy anything or eat out. Yes I have to make my lunch and wash my clothes and clean my house and study and exercise and also work full time to support this quiet living but if I can do all that and still get where I want, I'm going to be much, much better at whatever I do than any private school kid with a silver spoon up their arse. Yeah, I've got something to prove.