Lately I have been thinking "I could buy that if I had the money". I could buy a new suit, some bedsheets, good food, socks and so on but havent bought any of it because I have $8 in my bank account (rectified next pay now that all my debts are settled). I have watched all the news about the tsunami, watched the medias (and indeed my own) strange fascination with live updates quantifying the numbers dead and areas hit and slowly, slowly the flotsam settled tonight where I saw rows and rows of white shrouds.

My heart wrenched and I thought about all the money I could have sent to the people who could have used it to survive instead instead of spending on crap like redken shampoo. While I was watching the news I also thought 'if I had the money I would leave the country right now and help those people clean up'. It disgusted me to watch Australians claiming they 'just had to get out' like it was a war zone. While I can't say I've ever been caught up in a raging tsunami and seen countless people die around me, I can say that without a doubt if that was me, and I had a couple of weeks left of my holiday in Phuket cut short, I would call my family, and tell the consulate I was staying for the remainder of my trip. Then I would get my arse down to that beach and start picking things up or helping to carry bodies. Or I would be in the hospital helping any way I could. My disgust is a personal thing however and I dont really think any less of those people. I dont know them. And they are traumatised. I'm realising things however. I'm rerealising that the world is so much bigger than me and my crazy problems.