Heh. Interesting - it sure does explain my Dad! The woman he left for was dumb as shit and loved to keep house! Hurray!

It's my last day of holidays today and while I feel a bit apprehensive about returning to work, it's nothing like the sickness and dread I was feeling while working in the last 3 months. This two week break was much needed, and while I still feel like I'm thinking through fog, I do have a bit of clarity. Work had ground me down so much that I almost believed I didn't want to do medicine and could work my way up into more money and be happy. Until I realised that money isn't truly what I want. serps Dad once told serp not to become a doctor if he wanted money but to become a businessman because he'd make more. And it's true, some of the people I've met earn ridiculous amounts for doing very little.

Also, am I misjudging the difficulty of the GAMSAT? To me it doesn't seem insurmountable. It seems quite doable given enough study (hah), but from the way people online talk about it, it is some kind of vicious hell. Am I going to become one of those people who J told me about who've taken it six times and still havent got anywhere? Do they just sit it every year and not study? I'll admit the odds of me doing it this year and doing well are not brilliant, mainly because 2004 was all about dealing with finishing uni etc etc etc and I've never met anyone who deals with change well - but that doesn't upset me at all. If I dont go well, it's a big opportunity to learn about the mechanics of the process. By the time I finished Tafe I knew the university entry systems so well I could recite them because I spent that much time (two years) studying them. Doing well on the GAMSAT and getting an offer in the space of 6 months is not far fetched, but I am patient. I found a part time job offer too that I will apply for. 3 days a week - $43k (pro rata but still), winner! It would be nice if I got it and there'll be more I'm sure.

So, here I am, 2005, devoid of resolution for once - other than that I will take each day as it comes and do the things I want to do, one step at a time. I have a degree, I have a good job at a higher than average graduate salary and can pay my bills. Forget for the moment I hate what I do and want to do something different - according to serps Barefoot Investor book, the number of people in the world living on less than $2 a day is 5 billion so I should really fucking stop complaining. Proportional to those people, I have been given life on a platter. So I dont have a traditional education, nuclear parents and money behind me. Neither do those 5 billion people. Less 150,000. The tsunami only strengthened my resolve. I watched in jealousy as those doctors flew to Aceh, I read about the first year med student holidaying in Phuket and winding up identifying bodies in the morgue for people and all I could think was, I wish that was me. I have the stomach and the heart for it so now it's time to prove I can do it.

2005, I am here to prove myself.