Argh I just wrote a big long post and lost it, thanks blogger. Actually I woke up to find my page GONE and republished a test post then tried to edit that into my blog and when I pressed publish it told me that post didn't exist and wiped what I'd written. Sure enough it didn't exist when I went back to dashboard - wtf?

So here I go again. I feel much better today, thanks to serp getting me to eat something last night. The drug has appetite suppressant properties apparently but if you don't eat you'll feel shit for days. My heart is still a bit racy but that's all. I've almost stopped punishing myself too and I swear, I dont know what I'd do without serp in these situations. He got me through which much love and reassurance and is why I think he's great!

Lucky for me too that Live 8 was on again last night. I wanted to watch it at Sashas housewarming but everyone wanted to watch the cricket instead. It made me realise how increibly selfish my recent depression was. I am stressed and complaining about the little I have to do for free money ffs! I have money and food and warmth while little kids are dying from diarrhea! That did ease the stress although I did a lot of crying at what I saw.
The cynicism of journalists and the masses struck me too before Live 8. So many people were going around saying it would do nothing, mean nothing, the focus should be elsewhere and this was a waste of time. Giving awareness about the situation to 2 BILLION people is not a waste of time. Yes it's hard to drag them from their nice safe suburban fortresses and tired, safe lives into caring about something so distant but it was done. No one should underestimate the power of blanket media coverage. Generation X may have dropped the ball in their rejection of consumerism after their market was finally cracked and they joined the dark side so spectacularly, but just because they lost it doesn't mean everyone did. 2 billion people saw the cleverly produced slogans designed to stick in your mind, Geldof did the impossible too, he made it seem achievable, because it is. Poverty should not be something we are used to for crying out loud!! It's not something we should say "yes but that's the way world is, life's unfair", washing our hands of responsibility because we are too lazy to leave our nice consumer lives and do something about it.
It's horrifying too, that so many people could be so cynical towards an event that had an inherently good purpose. It wasn't done right, it wasn't perfect enough they argued. The money could be better spent elsewhere. But at the end of the day, 2 billion people now know that there is a solvable problem. For people to doubt an event where so many people were contributing is just stupid! But it shows us really how stupid people can be. They will doubt anything, good or bad. Why should they believe in it? It doesn't give them anything. They dont want to care about poverty because they're not starving. Disgusting.

It's strengthened my resolve to do medicine too. If Bob Geldof can put together something that huge on a global scale, in the face of all those doubts, and naysaying, then I can do medicine in the face of doubt as well. Really, it wont matter once I get there. So many people say stupid shit like "yes but have you considered...?" or, "I don't think you understand the reality of..." when confronted with a GOOD thing and it's idiocy. To see so many people say it about Live 8, and for the event to be pulled of so well is so heartening to me. Everyone wants you to stop and consider 'reality'. Only it's their reality. It's their exposure to what they know which is often extremely narrow. I've never said those things to anyone. If someone has a goal they're willing to work toward then I'll cheer them on. If they want it, then they'll work through all those 'realities' as they arise. You cannot only consider the potential bad without equally weighing the good. People forget about the latter.
After seeing all that footage too, I want to do medicine more than anything. It reminded me of why I wanted to ever do it in the first place.
Diarrhea for gods sake.