The Guru is proudly supported by....
Lamer E-Mail
The moral of this page is simple.....
Dont piss-off Guru or send DUMB emails or make stupid statements about Guru on message boards and other public places and your text(s) *in full* will not appear here.
P.S. If you are listed here it means you are a brain-dead asshole.

10th January 2021
Just a little reminder people, if you try to fuck me you WILL be exposed.....

On Sun, Jan 10, 2021 at 10:30 AM Talnova [] wrote:
Hi Guru,
Thanks for all you have done for the Arcade Preservation.
I was curious how much you wanted for
Primal Rage Japan PCB and also Primal Rage 2
Also I was curious if you happen to have "Night Striker" By Taito?

Also how much would you want for "Prehistoric Island" By SNK


From: Guru
to Talnova []

They are not for sale. But since you asked I might let them go if you throw money at me....
Primal Rage USD1000
Primal Rage II USD50000
Prehistoric Isle USD500
Or make me an offer I can't refuse....

I don't have Night Striker.
The list of available items is on my website here....

On Sun, Jan 10, 2021 at 1:38 PM Talnova [] wrote:
Interesting prices
Just picked up a Primal Rage 2.3 Board on KLOV for $150
The KLOV Forums are probably going to laugh at those prices. Won't post it though because I have respect for you.

You might want to fix this - you have it listed on KLOV for $10,000 the Primal Rage 2, not $50,000!
You must not want to sell the games. Thanks for all the Hard Work in the Emulation scene though.
But yeah most the Rare games I have found were for under $500 USD believe it or not!
Prehistoric Island I found for $250 and fixing that board. Also you have people listing it on Ebay for $250.

I wish you Good Luck selling the Rest. But yeah those prices are a bit out of my price range and many collectors would laugh and post this on facebook or forums.
Again it sometimes helps to do research on PCB pricing otherwise people won't even bother buying from you or take it seriously.
Unless you can prove to me otherwise and tell me I am wrong. I don't think even Galloping Ghost Paid $50,000 for a full Primal Rage 2 Cabinet.
Could probably take the old primal rage PCB board I have and Burn the Primal Rage 2 roms to the Board.

The ArcadeDude

From: Guru
to Talnova []

Sincerely? Yeah right, sincerely my ass you piece of trash.
I dump and give away thousands of arcade games for free just so losers like you can play them in MAME for free and this is the way you thank me for all my years of hard work??? By trying to fuck me? And people wonder why I don't do much dumping now.... hmmm.

Burn PR2 ROMs to PR1 board? LOL! That's fucking hilarious! You obviously haven't got a clue LOL!
As for the other B.S. you typed, I knew you were just fishing for prices and had no intention of buying anything so I tripled the prices just to piss you off LOL! Fuck you asshole. There's no law on pricing. I can put any amount I want on any item I own. You can pay it or not pay it. I don't care either way. The PR2 is listed as not-for-sale. If you want it, you need to pay enough that I will let it go. This means you throw money at me until I say stop. Since you were just probing me and already knew the prices anyway and you are just being a fuckwit dickhead smart-ass loser and wasting my time, you are now permanently banned. Your email is now flagged and will be auto-filtered. If you reply your email will go directly to null and will be automatically deleted. Don't bother replying, I will not see it and there will be no further replies from me. Enjoy the rest of your petty, insignificant and myopic life.
Also, you need to rename yourself to TheArcadeSelf-FuckingDickHead because you just fucked yourself.

Oh and in case you are going to reply anyway with another retaliatory email, just a reminder, don't bother to reply, I will not see it. You are banned and any email from you will be auto-deleted.

Goodbye permanently.
Regards, Guru (retired self-funded at 47, in a region where covid doesn't exist and has not affected me at all).
P.S. I win


3rd May 2020
Well well, this is funny. Almost exactly 10 years after the last 'lamer' entry Mooglyguy rears his ugly head in a public place and makes an ass of himself again. You would think that after many years and many similar outbursts and getting banned on just about every forum out there that he would have learned something. But as the post below shows, nope! He learned nothing! Don't forget people, if you butt into a conversation that I am part of and make an ass of yourself I'm going to snapshot it and it will appear here.... Whoops! You didn't realize that? Oh, that's too bad LOL!
Next time keep your mouth shut and mind your own business A-S-S-H-O-L-E. I haven't had this much fun in years LOL!

Click the snapshot, then click again to see it full size, then enjoy the read and be amazed how these people cover up the real truth by deleting it, or at least *thinking* they deleted it LOL!
moogly the asshole
Oh and here's another from maybe a couple of years ago. I wasn't going to post this but since he learned nothing at that point either, fuck him LOL!
moogly the asshole

2nd May 2010
A PM from 'Layne'
> Of course you reply in public to other questions but when someone do a question about
> decap situation you avoid to reply. You're always the same, and it's better to avoid
> to add other comments....

look bud, I have no fucking control over what gets decapped and when.
All I did was send chips to be decapped.

If you want to hassle someone then email the official site and ask when
stuff is going to be done. Likely they will tell you when money is received for that purpose.
Otherwise either send money to help the decapping cause or shut the fuck up.


28th March 2010
'Akatsuki Bk Ausf Achse' was just dumped (kind-of)

#is it possible to get also a clean (none patched) dump of the game?
#Alex March 25th, 2010 at 08:50 | No sorry, ask mame guys for that
that's sad! to have a clean dump of the game is always better as to have a pre patched. what's your point of not releasing a clean dump?
Hideyuki (Tech Support/SOJ Divisonl) March 26th, 2010 at 13:53 | Well pre-patched wouldn't be much use!! If you was to use GURU method and dump the surface mount roms you'll find that the data is ENCRYPTED!! These carts use a small security PIC which decode the stream while passing the data. The security PIC ISN'T the same as GD-ROM PIC, and you'd need to get it decapped. But GURU can do that. And remember Alex isn't an authorised MAME(tm) dumper.
fightinggamefanatic March 26th, 2010 at 19:25 | @Hideyuki (Tech Support/SOJ Divisonl) dude please stop that stupid talk at least he gave us the game so what guru can redump thee game later.
Hideyuki (Tech Support/SOJ Divisonl) March 27th, 2010 at 10:10 | @fightinggamefanatic The post was mearly to state about the game dump, someone asked for a clean version, READ IT. I am as much Anti-Guru as the next Japanese guy.

Well well, Mr amusements-shop is back after some time off. I guess he was pissed that nobody noticed he'd quit the skene and decided to come back and release some pirated warez for the fighter-kiddies. Yup that's right, Mr amusements-shop is now a pirate. Why you ask.... Well, releasing the latest kiddie-warez-attracting dump of 'Akatsuki Bk Ausf Achse' which is a NAOMI ROM cart released by Sega in 2008. If it was dumped properly and supplied as ROM dumps using Sega part numbers and IC locations and the PIC DES key was also provided there would be no problem. However the 'release' is a single 128M file (dumped using the NAOMI-trojan method) and pre-patched (i.e. already decrypted) and no IC locations or DES PIC key was provided. Meaning that the guys buying stuff for MAME (not me, btw) will have to re-buy this one and re-dump it so it is archived the correct way. The existing hacked version is useless except for playing in Makaron. Basically it's a pirated release of one of the latest NAOMI games just so people can play it in an emulator instead of playing it in an arcade or buying it. That's called Warez. That's a pity, I'm sure Smitdogg and the Dumping Union would have liked to put that money towards something else that's totally undumped instead of wasting it on this trashy fighting game :-/
Oh and Hideyuki (Tech Support/SOJ Divisonl), you're a fucking MORON. The PIC DES key is used to decrypt the data. It's obviously the same kind since the supplied image was already decrypted by Deunan Knute who figured it out. Meaning the PIC DES key has been dumped, is known and was used to decrypt the data, dickhead. Re: being anti-Guru, again you're a MORON. You happily take my approx 50 NAOMI dumps and play them in Makaron but you're anti-Guru like the next Japanese guy? Well if that's the case you have no idea about the next Japanese guy because the next Japanese guy sent me most of those NAOMI carts to dump. MORON. Oh and BTW, I also dumped MANY carts using the NAOMI trojan method with the help of Deunan Knute so removing the ROMs is not required now. MORON.

Sent to (it's a good idea NOT to ask for technical details about arcade games there because it's totally unrelated to MAME....

> []
> Sent: Tuesday, November 24, 2009 6:23 PM
> Subject: DDR Outputs and Pinouts
> Sorry if i'm disturbing you with important things, not my intention, but
> ssince you know some valuable information regarding the 573 arcitecture,
> would you mind sharing some info? See, what i need to know is:
> how do you input data into the system? (JAMMA or..?)
> Where does the output for the lamps come from?
> What pinouts for I/O and Power connectors do you have?
> I really need to know before i buy this system and comepletely confuse
> myself trying to get it work.. Sorry if i'm bugging you... i'm slightly
> impateint and need the info ASAP.
> James.

Oh Oh! You're in a hurry for this info? YES SIR!!! We'll get right on it. SIR!
We searched our MAME sources and we have no specific info about lamps, power or pinouts for that hardware, sorry. Goodbye.
We can, of course, answer your question if we googled the game for the game manual and/or posted the question on an arcade related forum then waited for someone to answer it then forwarded you the answer but we're not going to do that. Who do we look like, your local free arcade repair service? For fucks sake buddy get your lazy ass moving and research it yourself and/or post a question on the MAMEWorld Forum and/or an arcade related forum like yerlazymotherfuckerslacker

From the MAMEWorld Forums News Board.....
> From: Alex
> how you call get my virtua fighter 4 redump and put it on mame with others credits ?
> this is an insult, anyways i am not going to disturb you all anymore

And RB (one of our skilled MAMEDev members) replies....
See, it's funny that you claim that. When Guru redumped VF4 for me (again, we knew it was bad before it was released in MAME so the redump was done before you posted yours) he also included a picture of the cartridge with the 3 ROMs removed on the grounds that he thought you'd try and claim it wasn't his redump. (He redumped them the "old fashioned way" in an EPROM reader). I told him he was being silly and you were a cool guy, but I guess I get to use that picture now and make you look stupid. Well, more stupid.

Hahahahhaahrrharrhhh!!!! That just made my day!
You're owned, asshole!!! That'll teach you to hoard stuff and then beg for sympathy from the users. This proves you're an asshole. Oh, and thanks for not disturbing us anymore, hopefully you'll crawl back under the stone you were under before and we can all move on.

From some lamers blog at the end of August '09....

From: I have clown shoes
Hey Alex,
I too an an Aussie, I work on dumps for MAME but frustrated after much crap from 'guru'. Please dont treat all aussies as if we
were 'guru'. that 'guru' asshole shames all Aussies. One day I hope 'guru' and I can meet in person, and we can sort this out the old
fashioned way. You reading this, 'Guru'?

Those are pretty big words for an eastern stater. I know you worked on nothing MAME related, you never 'worked' a day in your life. I can tell by your poor grammar that you're a LOSER. You are clearly a spineless dog. I doubt you have the courage to face anyone and you have no idea who I am or what I'm capable of. But well, bring it on, cockhead. I need a victim to test out my latest Japanese Katana sword and I recently got my 3rd dan in Karate also. Thanks for volunteering to be a sack of shit I can work-out on. No, no, hold on. I'd like to try the scene in 'Kill Bill' where Gogo Yubari slices that weedy little nerd from his nuts to his head in one go. Yeah, that'd be fun. You fit the description exactly, weedy little nerd with a 2" dick. That goes for 90% of the cockheads on that stupid blog including King-ROM-Wanking-and-Hoarding-Project himself. Dumb arse retarded cockheads that never did anything important in their entire life. Period. Your only purpose is to be sliced open with a Japanese Katana sword then sold as dog meat. Well, I might keep the nuts. I'm partial to fettuccine carbonara with chicken and sauteed nuts. MMMMmmmm!

From: I have clown shoes
I am with you 100%. Guru is an asshole. Dont tolerate his shit, and stick to your guns. Just because this arse dumps a few roms, doesnt give him an exclusive license to dump, and how about all the bad dumps that mame has had over the years? How many of these are due to his incompetence? I dont believe he is even all that technically good, after all, any knuckle dragger can operate an eprom reader, it doesnt need any guru skills. Besides, who gives themselves the nick 'guru' except an arrogant arse? Still, we can return his insults with interest, since he will NEVER leave the dumping community, despite his threats and ranting. Reason: He makes TOO MUCH MONEY off of it. I believe that is his only real reason for dumping. Donations. Easy money to con the gullible out of. So if you are reading this, arse, I DARE you to leave/stop dumping. You never will.

If you read my FAQ you will see where 'Guru' comes from. I never called myself that originally, others did. But don't worry no one will call you anything except an asshole. Asshole.
Any bad dumps in MAME are definitely not from incompetence, they are usually from mis-identification of unmarked ROMs and there are very few from me because I have been doing this for 10+ years now and I know most of the commonly found devices. It can still happen occasionally be we usually fix it once we figure out what is going on, given TIME. You would know that if you had any brains. Sadly you only have dog shit in your skull. If you suddenly go all white from the neck up and are thinking of seeing your local doctor, don't bother. He will only ask you to drink a bottle of dog shit to fill you up, you were just running a bit low because you opened your mouth and some of it came out. So there, I saved you a doctors fee. You should thank me.
To the other retards posting there (and those thinking of it)... no, I'm not going to quit because you dare me. Isn't that getting a bit old now? Can't you come up with something interesting? How about you dare me to plug in a undumped expensive board into high voltage and blow it up. That would be more exciting for sure! In any case I have the satisfaction of knowing that every ingrate that posted negative comments on that blog will never amount to anything and will be squashed into the ground like a common ant. Then the rain will wash the remains away and you won't exist except in the gutter with the other trash. Maybe it's already happened. So why would I want to quit because a worthless piece of trash like you told me to? Nope. Nada. Listen here dipshit, you're barking up the wrong tree getting me to fall for that old one. I'm much too cunning for that trick so go look elsewhere for an easier target.
To answer the other trash postings, while any knuckle dragger like you might be able to operate an eprom programmer, I have no doubt whatsoever that you would not be able to identify the mostly unknown ROMs that populate thousands of PCBs. Experience and knowledge is something you will never possess, asshole.
As for making money, gee, you've just shown your true colors by saying that. Meaning you are a complete brain-dead moron. No hang-on. Make that an incomplete brain-dead moron. Now I know for a 100% fact that you know nothing about nothing. I have sold many items sometimes directly and sometimes via a few people (most currently I've been shipping many items to Smitdogg) and those funds are used to buy more items. How do you think all of this stuff has been bought? With tens of thousands of donations? Not likely, dickhead. We are always lacking funds because donations just don't buy everything. We generate funds partly from donations but a lot of it comes from re-selling the items we have that are worth selling. Earlier this year I posted out something like 30+ NAOMI GDROMs to Smitdogg (and I paid the postage myself) which generated around US$2500 in ebay sales which Smitdogg used to buy more stuff. So you are totally wrong and yet another spineless loser. But thanks for the entertaining remarks. If it wasn't for total losers like you this page would be blank. So thanks!
16th Nov. 2009: A small update on 'money making'. I've heard facts from two different devs that our friendly ROM Wanking Project leader is making a considerable amount of money by hacking NAOMI / Triforce / Chihiro games for Chinese bootleggers. So if you're SO concerned about people making money off MAME / emulation, you should look in your own backyard first, asshole.

From: Alex
You know guys, he even called stupid to tmbinc (the guy who hacked the xbox360, created drivers for run linux on it and is developing a set of free libraries to code for it) I dont really know anyone that could think he is more skilled than tmbinc is, hey but he is mr 'guru'.

Oh you know exactly what I said to tmbinc? How is that? YOU KNOW NOTHING about what I said. I certainly never said he was stupid. I had a very nice discussion with him but only once and it was probably at least a year ago and if I recall correctly it was related to his Triforce hacking.

From the same lamers blog 8th September '09....

From: Alex
I also decided to give it a try to Club Kart And guess what... Yeah soo much BAD on this one also. Is it so hard to check what you dump? well maybe not if you think that you are the center of the world and you can never be wrong. Unfortunally i dont have this cart to fix this shit. One advice to MAME guys, please check mr gurus dumps before submit those to mame, cause he has no clue about what he is doing, he just thinks everything he does is magic and he cant be wrong. I just checked those two, but i am sure others may be wrong.
You really amaze me. You would redump this cart to fix my dump? Why not just cooperate and dump stuff we don't have and let us solve our own issues. You really should make more constructive use of your free time instead of just trying to make me look bad. It's just not possible since I am 3000+ dumps in front of you. Get to this same point and then we can talk as equals. Until then you are just some wannabe warez kiddie. Anway, back to the subject, I am working with RB and we are 12 hours apart due to the time zone. due to the sheer amount of stuff that needs to be processed, I merely dump and send. RB then checks and tells me if something needs to be redumped. If MAME comes out in the meantime and those dumps are included it's just TOUGH. Given time we'll fix our own shit, THANKYOU.

From the same lamers blog 10th September '09....

From: MrSporty
The only thing Guru needs to learn is humility. Sometimes i wonder at the amount of good information lost or withheld due to his ill placed condescension.

Hahah, so funny. You're just sore because we (i.e. MAMEDev) spoiled your little NAOMI PIC money making scheme with that other asshole Andy 'SEGA hoarder' Geezer. Hoarding the NAOMI PIC dump info (that you had decapped by Chinese pirates) just hurt you. You could have been credited for breaking NAOMI protection wide open but instead that's my credit and no one will remember you for anything, except for being a hoarding asshole. Hahahaha! My Decapping Project is going strong so don't worry, many more exciting things will happen, and no one will remember you for those either!

From the same lamers blog 12th September '09....

From: Alex
First thing is that i get tired to see how some MAME dumpers got huge donations without release anything, so i thought that my presence would put some pressure on those individuals. Maybe you all dont know or notice how much i was the catalyst of the actual naomi dumping status, or how many of the gdrom dumps came from me.

Really? Without releasing anything? What do you call 10 years+ of Guru-dumping and 3000+ games added to MAME? A fucking mirage???? hahah, so funny again!! Catalyst of the actual NAOMI dumping?? I was dumping NAOMI games LONG before you came along. I just got banked up with too much work and no free time, since I was working a 12-hour shift. NAOMI emulation wasn't really happening anyway so there was no point at that stage. However some NAOMI emulation work in progress was posted and then ElSemi worked out how to read the protection PICs so I dumped a few more games. Then I noticed you dumped a couple of GDROMs so I decided to move on the stuff I had so it wouldn't be wasted. How do you think the donators would feel if I bought a load of stuff from Japan and then some other asshole (in case you didn't realise that means YOU asshole) dumped and released it? The donators would be pretty pissed off. So I headed that off completely by dumping everything I had here. If that pissed you off then so be it. You didn't exactly dump that much anyway, just a few games that mostly will never work in MAME (Triforce satellite games etc). Not exactly exciting stuff! You should cooperate with MAMEDEV and dump stuff WE DON'T HAVE, not stuff we already have that's waiting to be dumped. DICK!
And dump it AND release it, hoarder. Saying you're on 56k dialup isn't an excuse. I dumped many many games in the early days that were well over 100M each. A NAOMI GDROM or cart dump isn't much bigger than that when zipped/archived. Haven't you heard of RAR'ing a file into multiple pieces then uploading? You're clearly not that dedicated. In any case, all donations since the beginning of '09 have been going directly to Smitdogg, who is running the Dumping Union. Those guys cooperate (try it one day!) and some of that stuff ends up here to be dumped. But mostly I don't have much to do with buying stuff now, since about January '09. I have enough stuff here already that needs to be processed without adding MORE stuff. I'm actually much happier that someone else is chasing stuff now, it was very time consuming and tiring, as well as expensive! Let some others do some work for a change.

Some time ago i got 20 euros donation from some German guy and i said thanks on my blog (sorry dude, i cant remember your name :) ) You know that mr 'guru' posted a coment telling : 'enjoy it cause you will not get more'.
I never posted any comment on your blog after the first 2 or 3 about your site ads not working and about my NAOMI Status page NOT being a 'credit' list since I knew you were too dumb to understand anyway. So I just moved on. Any post after you banned the entire COUNTRY was not from me but from some asshole attempting to make me look bad.

From the same lamers blog 12th September '09....

From: Daveanon
I'm sure the money Guru spent on programmers could have been used better.. I think he said he spent $5000 on one of them? We could have stuck Alex on a plane with a suitcase containing a eprom programmer and a bunch of adaptors and had a couple PCB shops in Akihabara dumped instead. There's no need to blow money on professional grade equipment (with all sorts of write quality testing functionality that dumping will never ever need) when stuff a 100th of the price will work equally well. There again it's up to those that donate to guru to decide if their money is going to be well spent. I'm sure 20 euros donated to Alex results in a lot more interesting stuff happening than 20 euros to guru.

hahaha, pretty funny ASSHOLE (from Japan). It's true that for that money you could have stuck ANYONE on a plane with an EPROM programmer. It's not rocket science. But el-cheapo EPROM programmers like the Willem Programmer that other asshole has have a limited number of supported chips and those just don't cut the mustard here. Not good enough. Professional equipment in conjunction with Guru's 10+ years knowledge allows me to do a professional job much faster than hand wiring SOP44's like that other idiot did. Do you know how long it would take to hand wire surface mounted ROMs from 40+ NAOMI carts then dump each one individually. More time than it takes a fly to crawl through a barrel of treacle. Or about as much time as it would take a hooker to suck a black man's dick white (actually I heard you had a couple of ribs removed so you could probably suck your own dick). Hmmm, anyway, back to the subject... Instead I removed the ROMs and dumped each cart in just 15 minutes. As far as I know, no one can dump NAOMI carts with such effeciency. In any case you clearly are quite stupid because you would not be able to enter any PCB shop and be allowed to just dump everything. Words just can't express how stupid your statement is. Oh, yes there is one, it's called 'myopia'. It means 'lack of intellectual foresight'. Hmm, yes, I like how it sums you up in one word. Do you know why that EPROM Programmer was bought? NO YOU DON'T. And do you know who bought it? NO YOU DON'T. You're just some smart arse wanker who thinks he can make me look bad by blabbing about a load of shit on some other asshole's blog. You have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA about this stuff. NO IDEA about arcade hardware and NO IDEA what is required to dump 3000+ PCBs. Well let me tell you asshole.. The entire amount came from ONE guy who is a professional developer for one of the big game companies who wanted to remain anonymous. The initial contact came via Phil Stroffolino since he knew that guy. I then discussed the requirements directly with the guy who then sent the money (not directly to me). He sent that money SPECIFICALLY for that item and it was purchased by RB and sent over some time after that (about a year IIRC while RB used it to dump some other Model 2 & Model 3 stuff). I then used it to do the work for which it was purchased. And for what it's worth, I bought all of the other equipment listed on my equipment page myself using my own money and probably spent more than $20k of my own money on PCBs that I dumped and gave away for free. So just FUCK OFF A-S-S-H-O-L-E because you know SWEET FUCK-ALL (that means 'nothing' you illiterate prick) about what really goes on here.

-----Original Message-----
From: []
Sent: Saturday, July 05, 2008 1:15 PM
Subject: information urgent

hi, my name is Luisa, i want work the mame emulator, i have questions,

1. Why no work all the rooms games?

2. do I need that they work most of games including those of neo geo,
xbox, and other, is it possible that they work?  

3.  How can I make them work?

if you can help i need a telephone for speak with you, i am from
Colombia i speak spanish, is very important.

thank you


Submitted via form from

We don't speak Spanish. and we are NOT your local free MAME Help Line! MAME is for advanced users. Get a friend to help you or go play your XBox or whatever! Goodbye!
Hmmmm ,maybe I was a bit harsh. OK, call (800)-642-7676 and ask to speak to Bill.

----- Original Message -----
Subject: Killer Inctinct 1 and 2 not working since 116u2...
Sent: Wed Jul  4 01:08:24 2007
To: Guru

Mame Team:

Killer Instinct 1 and 2 are not working since version 116u2, keys like SERVICE, COIN and START are not working.

Hope this info help you.
Submitted via form from

WOW!!! Thanks for telling us, we would have never guessed it without your INVALUABLE HELP!!!
Hmmmm, looking up that domain reveals this guy is from Mexico..... so that's explains the dumbass statement....
The moral to this story is simple... do not try to appear intelligent by making comments about something you do not fully understand because it has the OPPOSITE EFFECT!!! GRRRR!!!

----- Original Message -----
Subject : Sheepboy
To: Guru
Sent: Sun, 10 Jun 2007 01:09:03 am

Sheepboy would like to join your team as it has been brought to my attention that you do jobs very very slowly, 11 years for some coding thing? Thats half my life, now I will require an annual salary of £75000 rising by £25000 for every project finished, I would also like you to fix my shoutbox free of charge, as it doesnt let us post plus signs, and it has this really annoying refresh thing where you're typing a long ass reply to someone and about to send it, it refreshes and you lose everything you wrote, its not fair because the amount of times I have said something really clever and not been allowed to post it and then forget it, is very annoying. And guru doesnt seem to give a rats ass about it, which im not too happy about, hey, your not our guru are you? So anyway, my services are required, im just waiting on your offer of the job, my name precedes me I know, dont think of me as a superior, just as a god. All the best sheepboy.  xxx
Submitted via form from

Sorry, we don't accept sheep or boys. Come back when you're a man and maybe we'll talk a deal.
P.S. You may want to try for a job in New Zealand, they like sheep over there. Bring some gum boots along for the job interview.

----- Original Message -----
Subject : my last email
To: Guru
Sent: Mon, 9 Apr 2007 08:23:16 am

Hello, It's me again. Don't worry, I'm not here to hassle you. I just wanted to say that I've been an ass and I sincerely apologise for that. Last week during Easter I was touched by the hand of God and it made me see things differently. I have become a born again Christian and I have seen the light. Again, I'm very sorry for my outbursts and I promise I will not bother you again.
Kindest Regards,
Chris Pukett
Submitted via form from

Well, there you go.... miracles can happen.

----- Original Message -----
Subject : money for the decapping process
To: Guru
Sent: Fri, 6 Apr 2007 09:55:02 am

Hey dipshit put this in your lamer emails
I am coming over to see you in a week or 2 so how about we meet somewhere and see who the real man is you gutless faggot and at least i put my real name and not hide like a little gay pillow biter behind a faggots name like yours and dont forget to edit this one aswell you little poofter So let me know by my email when and where to meet and we will see if you really do have a ball sack or not but by the sounds of it your mommy wont let you out after dark and bring your so called wife cause it sounds like she might need a real man after i have finished with you
Chris Pukett
Submitted via form from

I still don't know who you are, but you're definitely not rich and you didn't win the lottery. How can I tell? Well, you keep wasting time sending completely pointless threatening emails via the form. Anyone else would be just doing normal things that a rich millionaire would do. You're just one of those jobless little nerds with a two inch dick who sits in his pyjamas behind a PC all day and all night jerking off on really poor quality free porn. Everyone really enjoys your dumb emails though, so keep going. Oh and don't forget to change your email address again, so we will know you are trying to hide behind yet another spineless Hotmail account. Maybe you'll change it to one that gets through my spam filters? Oh wait. No, you're just a dumb little kid, so that will never happen.

----- Original Message -----
To: Guru
Sent: Thu, 15 Mar 2007 07:48:02 pm

I have just got back from holidays last week (yea i know i said i would be back before Xmas but we were having such a good time) And i see that you have been helping that wanker (censored) I told you not to help him but you ignored me so in return i am not going to donate any of my money that i won from lotto I would have donated a couple of thousands (maybe up to $5000) towards the decapping project and microscope and other things but now you are going to suffer So until you stop helping (censored) or he is dead or kicked out no money will EVER be put towards the team
Chris Pukett
Submitted via form from

I have no idea who you are, but yeah, well, you are definitely one sad brain-dead son-of-a-bitch. You can suck my hairy nutsack. Oh and Fuck You Too Buddy!

----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, October 01, 2006 3:01 AM
Subject: Error in Double Dragon, Please, help me...
> Hello, I´d like to comment that I love games of arcade very ancient,
> one of them marked my time. I have one xbox and in it I have all
> emulators, but my sadness is great because one of game that I like very much
> and that unhappyly occurs an error in it, it calls double dragon, the
> name of the rom is double dragon, it functions/turn round  very well in
> Mame-x it (version b6), which you had produced. All perfect, but has a
> thing that make me sad it is when finishes the game happens an error
> and the screen stay stop and I can´t see the end of the game. I searched
> about this and this error is called 63701. In the versions most current
> of Mame in the PC this already was corrected, but at last I wanted very
> much that is corrected in the version of mamex (b6) of xbox, therefore
> I am ordering this email, asking for this appeal, because only you that
> understand of the programming of it can repair this problem. And I know
> that you can this successful, arranges double dragon for me
> and ,if possible, you send me the version corrected for e-mail,
> without this error and that always that I finish the game, I can see the end,
> and whith that you can realize a dream of mine, this for you is very
> easy, not cost nothing, but for me will be a great joy. Sorry about the
> gramatically errors, because I am Brazilian and I translated what I
> wrote, but I hope that my message will be understood. Please, do it for me,
> because I love this game, and with this error I fell sad. How I said,
> this game on pc was corrected, but in xbox (Mamex b6) have this error in
> Double Dragon. I wait answers. I thank if you can help me.
>Submitted via form from

You may want to tell someone who gives a shit because I don't care either way! Can someone explain why so many stupid emails come from Brazil?

>running mame32fx it runs fine but don't play many of the games as you know for example Bloody Roar
>2. I have little experience with the whole thing and I would really appreciate if you can call me
>back on my phone 954 986-2671. Thank You
>Submitted via form from

I'll be very happy to phone you. Just point me to the part of the docs that says we offer free phone support.

Another Form Submission... Oh BOY!

> > ( on Thursday, October 13, 2005 at 20:33:38
> > comment: Hi how you doing,midway just released midway arcade treasures 3
> > for xbox it has the coin op version of sanfransisco rush the rock and
> > sanfransisco rush 2049,you might be able to look at the drivers on that
> > dvd of them 2 games to get the mame ones working properly because xbox is
> > pc based,midway managed to get them games working in proper speed on the
> > xbox witch is a pentium 3 based machine,so if you look at the drivers on
> > that dvd,you might figure out how to get the mame ones in proper speed
> > even on a pentium 3,the midway arcade treasures 3 also has hydro
> > thunder,mame hasnt got that game yet might be able to coppie the rom of
> > the dvd,im not sure who i should send this information to i was going to
> > send it to ville but im not sure if he is doing these games,please make
> > sure this information gets to the person who doing these games.   thanks

Another form submission.
OMG!!...... read below.....
----- Original Message ----- Sent: Tuesday, July 12, 2005 2:46 PM
Subject: MAME Contribuitions Suggestions

Below is the result of your feedback form.  It was submitted on Tuesday, July 12, 2005 at 02:46:08

Thank you for being reading this message. I belong to Brazil and user of the MAME and desire to help in the development of that project. I will send this message for the dev and for other responsible addresses for other versions different from the main and for that I believe that nor all of the suggestions and complaints (who am me to claim some thing and much less worthy of that) they won't be for almost all.  
This message was translated by a translating program and for that maybe can have translation mistakes.  
For the main program to MAME I want to give the following suggestions:  
- To each new version because of the number of new games and internal changes the program is every time enormous and delay a long time to carry. It is possible to use MAME him/it in you conspire with 64 MB RAM for who possesses old games like Pacman, but it delays a long time! In machines with 128 MB RAM and CPU Pentium 3 800 MHZ he is almost long 20 seconds to carry Pacman! Obvious that in old versions as to 0.55 that he/she opens in less than 5 seconds that doesn't happen. Logically it is because of the new games. Users that don't possess new games like CPS2 exist, Neo Geo and other. Just old games of the decade of 80 and they don't possess rights and they are not interested maybe in new games possessing in that way to less than 10 games. My suggestion is the following to separate the main program he/she MAME of the drivers of those games in files separate from EXE just leaving EXE with the necessary to execute the user's commands. For instance when an user wants to carry Pacman the program MAME will try to just carry the driver of Pacman and the necessary to execute only that game and later he will read the group of ROMs of him. Whenever it goes ferchar the game those necessary files they would be extinguished of the memory of the system helping in the versions based on MAME32 and it would help so much that he/she has little or a lot of RAM memory because that reduces the need to use the virtual memory and for who has a lot of memory the last files are in the cache of virtual disk (VCACHE) for future readings if necessary. The drivers could be inside separate in files in any directory of the main directory and advanced users could choose which drivers are of his/her interest and to turn off the ones that would not be necessary. That will help a lot of people and they will like a lot. That he/she buys more RAM memory who has conspire more sophisticated and it is not good to use old versions of the he/she MAME to solve that because he/she has! old games that you/they still are not emulated correctly. That will help in the time of carrregamento of the program. MAME32 0,55 consumes 20 MB approximately of RAM in comparison with the version 0,97 that consumes 80 MB RAM! Do they understand him/it what want to say? That I believe that it doesn't disturb anybody in that aspect and if you if they don't interest in that suggestion please I would like information of how to remove those drivers in another way.  
- The menu Refresh Rate that appears in the game that accelerates the number FPS is interesting (In the menu after the volume and CPU Overclock). I noticed that in new versions of the he/she MAME that command interferes in the speed of the voices and music of some games leaving faster than doesn't happen in previous versions as to 0,90. It would be good if that command increases the number of FPS without interfering in the speed of the voices in future versions of the he/she MAME. It would be excellent that and a lot of people would like. Please leave the keys CTRL and Alt working for the adjustment as always and don't change that as they did with the menu of sound volume that if it turned a problem for me and I believe that for many other users that I will speak later in that message.  
- The quality of the image of the he/she MAME changed a lot. In the versions 0,30 and 0,36 it is interesting to observe that it seems enough with Arcade and in the versions 0,55 even before to 0,60 it was darker. In the version 0,60 the colors changed. It is interesting to say that and it is as if when putting new games (logically content games exist badly even) the program has been different because of them. In the very old versions before to 0,36 because of the old games that you/they are of more infantile content and without badly that some now the program seems more beautiful. Interesting that not? Does he/she have like you to leave the quality of the image to be very similar with those versions without the use of a command to use effects and improvements of images that it demands more processing?  
- It is strange to observe that when using the command artwork too much the speed of the games dimuni. The game Popeye for instance without artwork it passes of the 200% of speed and with the linked artwork it doesn't get to arrive nor in the 100% in a Pentium 3 800 MHZ! Optimize that please because it is strange to see a static image consume so much processing and games that it is good to leave that linked option exist.  
The following suggestions maybe are for the versions based in MAME32.  
- Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 as Mame32 FX possess Overclock of 300% and they don't save the values that the user chose. It would be good to have that in those versions. Exists versions of the MAME32 that when giving the command reset is lost the adjustments of Overclock used in the use and it will be good to remove that command. If some user to use an overclock that some game is not possible initiate being that solves that manually putting back for 100% than in that way that loses what was adjusted.
- For the versions that possess Autofire it would be good to use the system Toggle autofire or buttons autofire together with the normal buttons without acceleration. For instance games of 2 buttons can be configured to use the 2 normal buttons with other 2 identical with autofire.  
- For the versions based on MAME32 users that use the paste Category exist that to the invéz of using the classification for alphabetical order could use for classification of the order in that you/they were created or for the user's movement. For instance the category platform could be put in first and later another that the user to choose without needing to put values númericos before the name.  
- In the versions based on MAME32 put a command to stop the search for new games if the user wants.  
- When the user wants to visualize the properties of a game he uses the command Properties where appear the characteristics of the game as the number of processors of CPU and sound. Please put the value of the amount memory of RAM and video that those games used in Arcades that it is interesting.   
- Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 possess the classification command "MODIFY 'THE" that makes the games with name as for instance The Combatribes are shown like "The Combatribes" or "Combatribes, The."  
- In the Menu Options Default Game Options it exists some suggestions: In guide Display where the command exists Frameskip a command it could be increased to limit the maximum number of automatic frameskip because if it puts in the automatic has games that of 3 Frameskips in less than second 1 changes for 11 frameskips. In guide Sound it is observed that it is in her that survives the volume of the game that is good to save and it ends up generating several files and even hundreds of them in the user's disk and my suggestion is to save that information with the file CFG of the game dimunindo the amount of unnecessary files. In guide Miscellaneous nor all of the versions possess the options of Skip disclaimer, Skip loves info and skip warnings that it helps plenty the users. Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 possess guide BIOS that is possible to configure which BIOS adapted separately for the games without having to configure the properties of each game and it will be good to have a middle of leaving selected which types of BIOS the user wants to use for the same types of games of referring BIOS.  
- Nor all of the versions based on MAME32 possess in GUI the command of visualizing PCB Info  
- In the versions of MAME32 in the menu View of GUI the command exists Grouped to visualize the games in a way similar to the way Details. Also put an option of being possible to leave the games with the command Grouped in visualization way List.  
- It would be good if it was possible for the user to put different colors in the names of the games that appear in GUI that the user considers more interesting in the same category. That is similar the colors different from the icons that games that work act and they don't work. For instance as he/she could appear in a same category games with a color and that that the user likes another color: Pacman (Color of the normal source that it was chosen in the menu Game List Font) and that that always plays as for instance Rygar (with a color different from the other games).  
- In the versions based on MAME32 put an option of changing the image of the therefore of the he/she MAME that he/she appears in the menu Help About for another that the user wants. The soon of the he/she MAME that he/she has an image behind the name MAME is the times stranger. One that is beautiful is the official image of MAME32.  
- They say that the version based in he/she MAME him/it called FASTMAME turns much faster than other for having some optimizations and codes solitary desnessários of the program. If possible they put those optimizations in their versions of MAME32 to help the users.  
- Does MAME32 open a game in the same process that is GUI now? If please they don't put that optimization to be more free memory for the system and to help users of old games. A version of called MAME32 exists NEOMAME32 that is based on MAME32 Plus with the necessary to just carry games of Neo Geo that an option exists to turn the program in the same process that GUI to save memory. For that vein the need to already ask that optimization exists and if it doesn't exist please they put.  
- I used ZETAMAME32 and that program opens as much GUI as the games in a good speed. Any optimization type to reduce the time of shipment of the program is excellent for the users.  
- On the use of the memory of the system he/she does MAME him/it verifies if file of available virtual memory exists for him or does it "trust" the amount of free RAM memory what the system has available? I use a compacting program of RAM very good and my PC is not slow because of him and he/she gives to observe that I open programs that consume the same as he/she MAME him/it and just MAME doesn't open him/it if I don't put a file of larger virtual memory for him. The stranger is that I see that it didn't record anything in the file of virtual memory and he should just have an amount of file of virtual memory allocated even without the use of that compacting program of RAM.  
- Some versions of MAME32 possess improvements in the image of the games who no chosen for the user as for instance ZetaMAME32 that gives to notice that the colors are different. I entered in the site of ZetaMAME32 in the part of Features says at a place "About ZetaMAME32... Base list of ZetaMAME32 source code AdvanceMAME: Image Enhancement. Does that have to do something with the colors be different? If it goes that the reason or don't always put an option if the user wants or not to use that optimization type in the colors.  
- An option exists of attributing buttons to activate and to disable codes Cheat. That is in the menu Game Cheats Add\Edit Cheat. Please put something that saves the chosen buttons for the user for not having that all moment that to carry the game again to attribute those buttons again and if possible together with the file CFG.  
- Using so much MAME him/it like MAME32 happens something very strange when carrying the game Phelios (Source Namcos2.c) in a system Pentium 3 800 MHZ with 128 MB RAM in Windows 98 IF with just Norton Antivirus 2002 and programs well small loaded like Powerstrip. After the game carries when putting credit the program is slow for almost 10 seconds with the music playing without musical continuation and finally he/she appears the ínicio. That happens again when in the game he/she appears plenty iamgens with details as for instance in the ínicio of this game where appear several dragons simultâneamente. In other words the game it is pausing as if he/she had lacking free RAM memory. That doesn't happen if it uses other similar games (Source Namcos2.c) as Rolling Thunder 2 and other more demanding like Marvel Super Heroes (Source CPS2.c). I discovered that reducing the size of the value of the cache of virtual disk (VCACHE) he works without giving those pauses and I eat consequence for having reduced the value the reading of HD increased too much. That with certainty is not because of processing demand for the system and when it happens those pauses is not happening reading in HD. I made that test without using any compacting program of RAM or something similar. Games that almost consume 200 MB of RAM it doesn't happen that problem and just in that case. That is not problem in the system Windows 98 IF. I hope if they discover the reason help the users.  
I have the following complaint:  
- The change of the sound menu when the game is carried where the user controls the volume of the channels of sound of the games was changed and he had some consequences that I believe to have vary people complaining in the whole world for cause of those reasons. The amount of volume continues in the values 0db without any change for the user. The value of the channels of volume of the processors changed of percentage for numeric value and the name of each channel comes writing if it is MONKEY or Stereo. That change didn't disturb and until it got better because now the sound can be higher than before. The problem comes now. The channels now were contained in MONKEY and Stereo causing a difficulty in regulating the volume in games with many channels and they also contained individually the channels of sound of each processor disturbing the tuning of voice channels and noise. Another bad fact was that pressing the key CRTL left together with the arrows in each channel increased the values of 1 in 1 and now of 2 in 2 and the user is not entitled of saving the amount of volume of those channels. See the examples below:  
Street Fighter 2 Champion Edition (before the change)  
YM2151 #0 CH1 (LT) VOLUME 35% (Music of the game)  
YM2151 #0 CH2 (RT) VOLUME 35% (Music of the game)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 0) VOLUME 30% (Sounds)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 1) VOLUME 30% (Sounds and voices)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 2) VOLUME 30% (Sounds and voices)  
MSM6295 #0 (VOICE 3) VOLUME 30% (Sounds of the blows)  
The user can leave the voices with a higher value than collapsed him and blows.  
Street Fighter 2 Champion Edition (after the change)  
MONO:YM2151 0,0 0,35 (Music)  
MONO:YM2151 0,1 0,35 (Music)  
MONO:OKI6295 0,30 (contained Sounds)  
Now the user more he/she cannot make that!  
Now the problem of you conspire with sound Stereo  
Rolling Thunder 2 (before the change)  
C140 LEFT (LT) VOLUME 45%  
C140 RIGHT (RT) VOLUME 45%  
YM2151 #0 CH1 (LT) VOLUME 100%  
YM2151 #0 CH2 (RT) VOLUME 100%  
Rolling Thunder 2 (after the change)  
LEFT:C140 0,0  
LEFT:YM2151 0,0  
RIGHT:C140 0,1  
RIGHT:YM2151 0,1  
I don't want to be seeking other examples in games with more channels than to example above because it will be enormous that message. One of them is Robocop and Trojan for instance and many other. Many games don't possess the amount of sound volume of the identical channels to the original sound in Arcade and an example of that is the game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and other example is Vigilant where the voice is much higher than the music.  
I am using him/it MAME from the version 0,55 and I never complained about something of the program that it still is not emulated or something of the same level and that problem of the tuning of the sound was the worst change that I already saw in that program. Please and for mercy desagrupem the channels and return to the that was before with separate channels and contained by processor and not for channel MONKEY or in Left and Right. If they want to leave with numeric value to the porcetagem invez it doesn't disturb. If that didn't interest to the main desenvolvedores of the program, I hope to know if hope exists of returning to the that was before and if somebody that can leave as it was. Not to turn to the that was before lost my interest in future versions of the he/she MAME. Please return to the that was before.  
Thank you very much for his/her attention and I await answer of that email.  
Thank you very much for MAME!

Guru says.... 'Halleluiah brother!'
Are you fricken crazy? I read the first line, after that, it became boring. DO NOT WRITE LONG WINDED EMAILS ABOUT NOTHING BECAUSE THAT JUST PISSES PEOPLE OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This was submitted to me via the contact form. This definitely qualifies for 'Bone Head Of The Year' (so far, anyway....)

Submitted by ( on Saturday, July 02, 2005 at 13:46:55
comment: I hope this will help you for some informations about model 1.2.3 boards,
for your emulation devlopment.

Oh yeah dude, REALLY USEFUL STUFF!!!
That arrowweb link really cracks me up! hahahahaa!!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Alex Mills" <>
Sent: Thursday, March 27, 2003 10:06 PM
Subject: A few comments.

> Dear 'The Guru',
> I came across your page of witty, and seemingly
> self-satisfying responses to e-mails

Self-satisfying? Yes, most certainly!

> whilst searching for a particular ROM file.
Good for you (but unfortunately there are no ROMs here).
> Before I say any more, I should point out that I'm
> aware of the irony of e-mailing you in this fashion,
> but hey, why can't I share the inflated sense of
> self-esteem?

You're aware, and you still chose to send it? You should make an appointment to see your local psychiatrist.
> I don't really have any profound points to make and

Yes, I can see that.

> I'm certainly not going to threaten your health or god
> forbid your e-mail account..

Whoops! Too late, you're blacklisted.

> I guess I'm just amused
> by the amount of time you've seemingly spent in firing
> eqally intelligent / productive insults back at people
> who may or may not have e-mailed you under the
> misapprehension of recieving a helpful / corrective
> reply.

This page is supposed to be amusing. Oh and it might help to use a spell checker next time you use big words....

> The irony is as such: 1. The time you have spent
> replying to the e-mails clearly outweighs the
> disregard you claim to have for the recipients,

The time replying to these is fully justified because I'm hopeful others will read this and thus not send equally stupid emails to me.

> and 2.
> Your 'rebuttal' (for lack of a better word) doesn't
> exactly have the intelliectual superiority that you
> seem to be striving for.

The "rebuttal" as you put it, is also worded to take into consideration the lack of mental stability and feeble brain of the animal/mineral/vegetable who sent the original email(s), since I'm also hopeful that they will read this and crawl back under their rock. I see you still didn't activate your spell checker :-(

> Yes, this is 5 minutes of MY life that I've wasted..

I can't doubt you there....

> But at least it was mildly satisfying.

Indeed, for me too.
We are all now 0.001% dumber from having read your generous words of wisdom.


7th January, 2003
The following is an unpaid community service announcement by Guru Dumping Services Pty. Ltd.

Hi. This is the qmail-send program at
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.

Sorry, no mailbox here by that name. (#5.1.1)

So DonP, please reply with a valid return email address and I can reply to your email.

Hmm, well as I expected, no reply. It's a real pity that he bothered to type that email to me, because he just wasted his time as well as mine. 


Some more lies from an ant called Vanguarde....
"I just want you and the community to know, since Guru has failed to
take action, I have. Guru is going to learn that is it not proper to
post a home address, home phone numbers, and Static IP's. The 6
month wait is just the start. And tell everyone not to bitch to me, I
asked for the communities help so Guru would remove the items from his
website, and nothing happened. Also, I sent an Email to Guru giving full
explination as to why it had to be removed, and all he sent back was a
'no'. Wrong answer. From now on, I am going to hunt down
everyone involved with the MAME project, and make their life a living
hell. Before I was just being playful, but now I am truly angry. Now you
are all going to see why over the next year why it's not correct to
assume everyone who is 'annoying' is a 'simple' Troll.
- Vanguarde "

I received no such email from you asking me to remove that info.
It's really dumb to take responsibility for everything that goes wrong. I guess you were responsible for the attacks of September 11th too? One day you will say you did something that you didn't really do, and someone will target you with a gun and blow your goddamn head off (I hope).
Thanks for further evidence that you are a spineless liar as well as an asshole that sucks dead dogs' dicks.


----- Original Message -----
Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2002 9:53 AM
Subject: Diet GoGo PAL chips

> Hi, this might be an unusual question for you, but I
> don't know who else could help. I recently purchased a
> Diet GoGo board. When it arrived, it had a problem. No
> sprites were displayed and some garbage was on the
> right hand of the screen. Everything else worked.
> Someone suggested to make sure the socketed chips were
> in the correct orientation.
> I'm new to dealing with arcade games and electronics
> so I figured let me try turning one of the chips
> around and see if it helps. Well, I know now that was
> a pretty stupid thing to do. The chip was a PAL and
> it's now dead.
> Is it possible to dump a PAL? If so, would you
> consider dumping the PAL's of Diet GoGo when you get
> to dumping the roms of the game?

Well, you certainly know what that PAL does now don't you.... as well as serving some function in the logic of the board, it's also a protection device and can't be copied, so you're out of luck, bro.
You probably noticed I didn't post the name/email details.... I guess he feels pretty bad already :-)
LOL!!! I don't class this as a "lamer email", but this is too funny to pass up. Let there be a lesson in this for everyone.... if you don't know what you are doing, don't mess with complicated electronics. The original fault was probably something simple, unfortunately, the board is only good for the bin, or maybe it will turn up on ebay as "untested". LOL!!


------ Original Message -----
From: Michael W. (
Sent: Sunday, November 03, 2002 5:19 AM
Subject: Give me ROM'z or I report you to the IDSA A.S.A.P.

> EliteHaX0rZ

Guru says....
Hmmm, well, I think we found the winner of the dumbest asshole on Earth, possibly even in the Solar System.
I'm really scared dude. LMFAO!
Go ahead do your worst. Oh, and f**k you too, bro.

You got yourself blacklisted too, mofo
btw, I also discovered you are Vanguarde on the messageboards.... my spies never sleep....

Profile for Vanguarde
Name: Michael
Hobbies: Astronomy, Timeology,Star Trek PC games, Computers, etc.. (Hint, I am a nerd)
Location: NYC, NY USA

Hmmm, well, I just learned that this idiot above just wanted to get onto my Lamer page because it's "cool". Erm, buddy, I hate to tell you, but if you appear here, it means you are really stupid and braindead.
Unfortunately for him, this is probably a little more information than he'd like to tell us....

Webb, Michael
34 Percival Place
PHONE: 718-227-7604

IP# (static)

ISP: RoadRunner
Administrative Contact, Technical Contact:
Road Runner  (NO789-ORG) abuse@RR.COM
Road Runner
13241 Woodland Park Rd
Herndon, VA 20171
Fax- 703-345-2518

Ok, now who wants to visit this dickhead with a group of beefy guys wielding baseball bats, and make mince meat of his ugly carcass for me, then blow his head off with a shotgun and castrate him? I guess it's gotta be worth a few rare PCB's as a reward.
P.S.  Send me his nutsack as proof :-)


12th August, 2002
Well, well, we have a smart arse in our midst.... I refer you to the latest post on the VG-Network site dated Monday August 12th.
You sure know how to piss me off don't you Damian. Well, you don't f**k with old Guru and just walk away. Lets see your emails shall we.....

Damian Moran wrote...
I have messaged Stroff and he has basically refused to share Ace Driver. This would be fine, except that Team viva nonno do NOT have the game. Another point is that the game must be shared, and thus far it has not been. I therefore ask for either you or one of the persons who has the game to upload it to my web server so that I can share with team viva nonno and eventually release to the community. Yes I know he has claimed
the game is available to them, the truth is they do not have it, and probably will never unless I send it to them.

You must be pretty stupid if you think that you are the only one who is capable of sending the dump to the Viva team. You didn't pay for it, you have no right to it.
AND Phil has already offered to give the Viva guys the dump, AND you know that because he posted that information on the VGN message boards. You also know that Phil is in contact with the Viva team directly because he told you via email several times. It's really quite sent a PM to Phil and told him I said it's ok for him to give you the dump. Of course, you are too stupid to realize that Phil is much smarter than that. He can see exactly what you are trying to do because Phil and I discussed this earlier. Then you email me and tell me some similar crap and set up an ftp site so I can upload it, even though I already told you I have absolutely no plans to upload it again via modem. At the same time, I know you have tried to go over my head and behind my back to obtain it by deceiving us, but your little plan was discovered. It's very obvious that you are just trying to gain attention and credit for something you have nothing to do with.

Lets see some more emails....

Damian Moran wrote...
Why in hell have you posted this hostile rant? I did not ask anyone on  #retrogamers to bother you, or anyone at all for that matter. If we are such such a small piss in the ocean why are you even bothering talking to me? I never pretended the project was anything special.I just want the games like eveyone does.

because you just cant seem to let things happen at their own pace. no one wants to be told you MUST add this game to an emulator and MUST have it working now, and MUST release the romz to us so we can play it. which is what you and your kiddie friends on #retrogames and vgn boards are saying. it's all over the place, and everyone has noticed.
let's see a little less crap around on the boards and IRC regarding the "them and us" mentality.
take the example on your site where you say....

Q: If I donate, how will it benefit me?
A: Our plan is to get any ROMs released directly to the donators first, it will then be left up to the donators how they wish to distribute their copies of the ROMs they receive.

the correct Answer is...
A: If you donate, you will be helping to purchase PCBs that can be dumped and you'll then be able to play the games in an emulator for no extra cost, once the emulation is completed.

I also refer you to the last 3 lines of this post.....

This is not good.

You and they need to cool it a bit.
Like all good things, they come to those who are patient and wait. you didn't pay for Mame or Viva, you are in no position to be demanding anything. when I say "you" I mean all those who are against devs. you will get nowhere by forcing the issues.
you need to work WITH us, not against us.

Well well, you try to make me look stupid by bad mouthing me on IRC and you get caught and it's posted to the general emulation board. Plus you have this mentality that you somehow deserve to be given everything on a silver platter. Hahaha!!

Let's see some more emails shall we....

Damian Moran wrote...
It is true, I would rather not ship the PCB to you as it will cost a lot more $'s. But I probably have no choice. I am just trying to be an economical as I can, there are no prejudices. Also you are right there is no RUSH for Ace Driver, but certain activities almost look like Rom hoarding when they are not released to the public.

The public didn't pay for Victory Lap. The public don't need Victory Lap until it's emulated.
It's not being hoarded, it's being protected from rom grabbers and those who like to claim credit for things they have not done, like YOU!
When it's emulated, the public WILL receive it, don't worry.

I should also mention that it's not THAT expensive to mail one PCB. It would only be $50 or even less if you send it with the cheapest method (surface etc.)
And "no prejudices"? Erm, dude, take a look at the post on the general emulation board where you were caught red handed bad-mouthing me. There are several similar posts on the VGN boards also (of course they have been removed now because they are a bunch of splineless assholes too).

Gee. I thought we had it all worked out dude. Then you go and do a stupid thing like post that two day old email to VGN. Needless to say, young Damian, you have now totally screwed yourself. I did warn you not to mess with me, and as a consequence, I withdraw my support for helping you TOTALLY.
You'd better trot off to see your bank manager now and get that loan to buy all that equipment you need to dump your sorry board. You have a lot of work ahead of you.
Oh, and you had better put on an extra pair of nappies (on top of the one's you have on already) because when you open up that metal box and see how complex it really is, you are going to wet yourself...Mmmwwwhahahahaha!!

OK, so if you've read all this, I'm sure you are now suitably educated and entertained. The solution is simple. Randy and I have already established a project to dump unemulated PCB's via "The Dumping Project"
It's really pointless to try to re-invent the wheel by sending funds to someone like Damian who has no idea how to dump a PCB and no equipment to dump it. He simply relies on others to do his work, and he takes the credit. The best course of action is to send the funds to someone who's at the cutting edge of this technology and can actually make things happen, rather than offering excuses and grabbing undeserved claim. Just take a look at the PCBs that are listed here on my site, and then look at Mame to see just what has been achieved in a short amount of time. This is no fluke. It's a team effort by a group of dedicated developers and dedicated donators.
I really hate to say it, but the funds that were donated to Damian Moran have probably been for nothing, since even if he does get hold of a PCB, he has no-one to dump it now. If you are planning to help out with donations, don't make the same mistake as those who were fooled by Damian. Send the funds to me and I'll make things happen. The proof is here, just take a look around my site....

Finally, I'd like to add that the above views are entirely mine.


----- Original Message -----
From: "Cody Masters" <>
Sent: Thursday, April 04, 2002, 8:55 PM
Subject: Its for you asshole
> You know Guru! you stupid shit! You are a fly to me!
> I use to kick heads in (like you)when i was your age....
> I read all that talk you have at
> Im telling you now if I ever find you! not only am i going to kick your
> head in.becouse thats what I will do *AND IM NOT JOKING*
> but make shore I will break YOUR FINGERS so you dont put stupid
> page up like you did.
> I will show you lamer...

Guru says...
Hmmm, you know, it doesn't matter where you go, there's always some sicko ready to offer his advice about life. Well, I'm not particularly interested in your point of view on that subject, but if you insist, my brothers & I personally welcome you to visit us. We will greatly enjoy pulling off your arms and legs and leaving you in the gutter. I'm sure you'll feel right at home there. Actually, I have a better idea, after we decapitate your carcass, we'll put you on the spit and roast you like a pig. Mmmmm. I can taste it now, my mouth is watering, I'll put out the welcome mat for you.
It's also a pity you are spineless and feel the need to hide behind a Hotmail email address. But don't worry, the spit can support spineless assholes too.
See you soon.

----- Original Message -----
From: Jonathan Wilson (
Sent: Saturday, June 02, 2001 1:32 PM
Subject: Re: Namco System2

I need info on Namco System 2 so I can fix it.
[Several hundred emails back and forth about unnecessary info wanted/needed, incomplete dumps needed, parts lists needed, chip info needed, ROMs needed, this and that needed etc, the list is too long to post here!]

Guru says...
Your requests are not needed according to the developer who was working on System2.

Who is this developer?
It would be better if we were both working on the driver together.
[more emails requesting more info about the hardware/custom chips, PAL's, socketed/unsocketed
chips etc]

Guru says...
The current developer is busy with other things at the moment and will get to System 2 eventually.
He told me he can handle the task and doesn't need anyone's help. AND I have no doubt he can fix it, given time.
But if you want to fix it now, go ahead.

Mabie if I wrote/fixed/whatever the driver he's currently looking into, he would get to system2 quicker
[yet *more* emails requesting info about the hardware/custom chips, PAL's, socketed/unsocketed chips etc]

Guru says...
ok, why don't you finish the drivers for all the DEVs, then we can get to Sega Model 1 & 2 quicker?
or the other 3000 unemulated games?
Hell, why don't we proclaim you to be the no.1 dev, and send you all our WIP drivers to fix?
Hey guys! (Aaron, Phil, Nicola and all other DEV's everywhere), email this guy, he can fix all your problems!

Plus, none of the inputs seem to work in fl3 for the current build of mame so they are either hooked up wrong or there is some other reason they dont work. Having the wiring diagram which you said you have would enable me to fix any problems with the hookup :)

Guru says...
Really, you can fix it with *just* the wiring diagram? WOW!
It's not *that* simple. Do you think that if it were a simple fix that someone wouldn't have fixed it? These guys are smart, *really* smart. There are over 2000 games supported in MAME, how do you think they got there, by pure luck? I believe the problem is protection related.

The other possibility is that the dump of the input program rom really is bad and thats why the inputs dont work... :)

Guru says...
Input ROM? There's no input ROM you freaking dumbass! You really have no idea do you.
Forget it bud. Stick to playing the games.

(Several other emails followed that were automatically deleted by my SPAM filter)


Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2001 10:55 AM
Subject: hey

> What the hell is your problem?You always make fun of people like you think
> they are stupid or sumtin, one of these days something will happen to you
> very bad, and we aint gonna care...RESPECT people...from all of the comments
> Iv'e seen you didn't respect not even one of them...

Well, what can I say..... yet *ANOTHER* AOL Dickhead.
There's are billions of people world-wide that don't care about me. So do I care?


Subject: HELP ME
> From:
> Date: Thursday, 14 December 2000 14:21




Well, first you stand in a hole. Then you fart while holding a lit match near your asshole, and hey presto! you're playing Pit Fighter !
Oh no, that's not correct. I was thinking of Pit Farter. That's a different game.....


Subject: raiden
> From: ?
> Date: Monday, 11 September 2000 10:45

I wanna play raiden dx
i have MAME, is that all i need?

NO! You need to flush your head in the toilet then jump in front of a Mack truck. That should be all you need.


Subject: hi
> From:
> Date: Wed, 5 Jul 2000 15:44:54 ED
ok i wrote an email to someone and then i went bak to read again a couple of days later and to my suprise i found this gay hyperlink to ur dorky pathetic cheap emulating site 4 retards who can't leave their house to buy their own games i really want 2 know how the hell this happened i want u write bak or else i will harass u with bad emails on a daily basis thanx 4 reading this and go fuck urself

with true hate,

You dumb F**K. you can't harass me, I've just added your AOL (Assholes Or Lamers) email address to my email filter, so it will just be deleted automatically. In fact, I've added ALL AOL accounts to the filter, so don't bother to reply.
It's a pity you left school so early, you really need to go back to school and learn correct grammar and spelling, but it probably won't do you any good since you're drunk, unemployed and laying in the gutter.


Subject: Congratulations
> From: brick (
> Date: Thursday, 4 March 1999 16:42
> You are motherfucker, where are the games?!?!?!
> You are lammers!!!
> You are fucking bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Hey (thick-as-a) BRICK! if you don't know what "AVALANCHE" is, you will soon....
Hope you enjoy the 100000 majordomo email subscription.
Happy downloading......hahahahahhaahhahaha !!!

Any more wise guys?


> Subject: romz
> From: Senzio (
> Date: Sun, 26 August 1999 11:08:07 -0600

You poor misguided (AOL) lamer. Your email will go straight to hell !
I hope you enjoy downloading my windows swap file. mwwhahahahahaha !


> Subject: pass
> From: Leo Balthur (
> Organization: Polish Trainer Collection
> Date: Mon, 31 Jan 2000 23:12:02 +0100
>Hello theguru,
>i was browsing your database and ai can't figure out how to download
>roms for mame ? please help
>sirencly leo !

This one is just too funny to pass up not posting it.
I can't figure out how you manage to get out of bed each morning?
You started off well but after the first line, it all went downhill.
Can't you read? You don't get ROMs from my database, it only contains TEXT INFO !!!!!!


> Subject: where can i get a japanese rom?
> From: "Christopher Castille" (
> Date: Wed, 09 Feb 2000 17:28:31 CST
> well?

Try Japan, ASSHOLE!!


From Wikipedia before it was removed: Other things Neill Corlett worked on include an arcade game called Kingdom Grand Prix (made by Raizing / 8ing) which was only available in a non-English version, so Neill decided to make a replacement ROM for it. He even went to great lengths to hide the fact that he did this by obfuscating the CRC of the file so it matched the already available code. It was termed a 'ghastly hack' and caused widespread havoc because unscrupulous people realised they could replace their non-English version with an English version to aid in selling it. Unfortunately almost all of the arcade non-English versions of Kingdom Grand Prix have had a ROM replaced to make it English. Now finding a _real_ English version of this game is nearly impossible, and even if one is found, it's very difficult to verify because of the confusion created by that hacked ROM. This mammoth feat of human ingenuity and a prized example of absolute stupidity can be solely accredited to Neill Corlett.

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