While there are many, many single women, who are part of Orthodox parishes, we seem to be the forgotten minority, or at least, that group which no one can quite categorise as to our nature or function. In the past we were the maiden aunts who cared for aged parents and the children of our siblings. Usually we were part of an extended family. In more rural societies, we were also integral to the running and success of the family farm. Later,we were the church school teachers, choir members, and pot-luck supper organisers.

Today for the most part, we are no longer living within the family, but are often miles from the nearest family member. Yet, we have made a place for ourselves in the world, and people seem pretty clear as to our roles wherever we are. We are professional women, who are just as much out in the working world as men. Generally, the church does not seem so clear on what our role can or should be as are those in the secular world. There are many reasons for this, and there are some issues for the single woman which need to be addressed as a result; what our role within and responsibility to the church ought to be, and also, what the church's responsibility towards us should be.

While there are many wonderful aspects to being in the married state (companionship, sharing of burdens, children etc.), being single also brings its blessings. In relation to the church, I see this primarily to mean that we are freer and more able to participate in the life of the church, by virtue of our more limited personal responsibilities. If we wish to be involved in some aspect of parish life every night of the week, there is no one at home who will object, wanting us there to cook the meals and supervise the homework. I believe that many single women have a sincere desire to be involved in this way.

However, this fact seems to escape most priests and those in positions of authority, and most of us have very limited, if any, role to play in our parishes or elsewhere. This is unfortunate, because single women could be an invaluable asset to parishes which may have (for example) a working priest, or too many members for the number of assigned clergy, or where there are specific needs individual women might fill. Some examples are: parish hospital visitor, education director for the church school, or vestment designer and seamstress, not to mention many other roles. Many of us have a number of very specific useful talents, but they are sitting on the shelf, because the idea that we can (and perhaps should) perform these functions seems not to occur to our parish priests. To my thinking, it is a fortunate parish that has such women ready and eager to serve it, and we need to find ways in which this can happen.

It seems to me that there are two reasons why this does not happen on a regular basis. One is the fact that the minute we express an interest in being active in any way ( except perhaps in the choir and church school), a red flag immediately goes up with the clergy and some laity, and we are accused, either covertly or overtly, of being "power hungry". Somehow, we threaten the clergy's authority. For example, my area of expertise is in religious education. I am a seminary graduate, have taught school for over twenty years, and worked as a Christian Education Director for about fifteen of those years.

While most priests have absolutely no background in teaching theory or practice of learning, almost without exception, those that I have encountered preferred to do without competent help in this area, in order to avoid giving up one bit of what they view as their authority and prerogative. This I do not understand. It seems to me that if your area of competence is theology and liturgy, that is your ministry in the church. If my area is education, that is where I should serve, although of course, always with the supervision of the priest. However, it is not clear-cut in most minds, and it is extremely difficult for a woman in most parishes to find an area of service without being perceived as "pushy" or a "feminist". Yet, it seems to me that scripture clearly states that all have a ministry in the church - there are diverse ministries, and just because we are women does not necessarily mean our ministry is to be a church school teacher!

Ways need to be found to search out an appropriate ministry for each of us, while somehow relieving priests of their fears of having their authority usurped, which is not, I am sure, what most of us are trying to do. (It occurs to me that when men attempt to work within the church there is not nearly the fear of competition as when we do so!) If we feel that we have a ministry to give the church and have not been successful in finding it, perhaps our view is too narrow. While our parish may not really need our particular skill, there may be other places that do - perhaps the parish down the street. Unfortunately, the communication among parishes is not very good, and there is no existing way of letting other parishes know what we have to offer. If we have only word of mouth to go on, there may be a very long wait until we find where we are needed. We need to work on both of these areas.

However, we should not give up. There are things that you and I can do. First, let your parish priest know what you are capable of, and would like to do. (A hint : don't tell him you want to plan any liturgies!) Make sure he knows that you desire to do this as a service, out of love for the church, and not because you want power or prestige in any way. And, be sure before you talk with him that you really are doing this with the motives you express, and with real humility as you offer.

Ask him what he feels the needs are that you can fill - before you share with him what you think they are. Finally, ask him if you can be of service to the greater church, if there seems to be no outlet for you in your parish, or you have yet more you offer. That is how I ended up writing a regular Christian Education column for my diocesan newspaper. The first step is always to let people know what you can do and are willing to do - perhaps the problem was really that they didn't know you wanted to be involved in the first place!

While as single women we have a great deal to offer our parishes, we also may need more from them in return than do the married women. As I mentioned before, we are seldom within a family unit, and with our extended families often so far away, we need more support from and involvement with our parishes. Married people often don't realise this. Most of us, although we do not have children and a family life of our own, like to be part of one, and would love being invited to other parishioners' homes for Pascha, or other feasts.

We would appreciate being invited for brunch after Sunday Liturgy, or for coffee after an evening meeting. Unlike the married folk, we do not have people to go home to who will give us support and listen to us complain about how our day was. I am fortunate to belong to a parish where this happens, and I have never had to spend a holiday alone if I didn't wish to. In most parishes however, I suspect that there is room for improvement along these lines.

If we are single, we should never feel inferior to the married women we know. God has allowed us to remain single for a reason, I think, and we have an obligation to find out what this is in relation to the church. Seeking a ministry and a place in it the church is not just one more attempt on the art of women to seize control of the world from men; but is an honest effort to be true to what God made us to be; to fulfil the role he has planned for us. If we search for this with prayer and in honesty and in a true desire to assist the work of the church, we will be able to function in the way God intended for us, and will find ourselves supported in our efforts.