Original Poems dear reader ...


I should warn you, gentle reader, that my poetry is rather black - borne as it is of depression.

Whilst the poems are no longer a reflection of me I leave them here as they have been a very popular part of my site.

Most of them are heart-broken poems but there are two humourous ones as well.

I am very glad to say I am no longer inspired to write poetry, and that my words no longer come in verse.

If you are inspired or comforted by my poems please let me know by leaving a note in the guestbook.

Poems Listing (click on the title or scroll down the page too see all poems)

In chronological order:

Poems

Knights In Shining Armour
(October 2002)

Oh knights in shining armour
Don't dash into my fray,
I'm not in distress,
My life's not a mess;
There's no role for you to play.

My ex is no bastard,
My kids are just fine,
There's no saving to be done here,
Poor knight; maybe next time.

There's no dragon to smite,
No beast to be slain.
No witches or wizards,
No spells made with gizzards.
No poison apple, no sleeping potion;
Just me in my castle,
Far from the ocean.

I'm no fool and no weakling,
I can do my own thinking.
I can cook and clean too and all the usual stuff,
Just that I do it without all the guff
Of "ahh me, ahhh my,
Quickly, Come save me, you glittering guy".

So go save your damsels
So distressed and distraught,
Whose lives are so dreadful
With their own problems fraught.

Oh knights in shining armour,
With your sword, shield and steed,
Return to your castle,
But my words you should heed,
Whilst saving distressed damsels
Is a good deed to do,
Do you think really
They appreciate you?

Will they e'er be out of their situations so dire,
Will they e'er learn not to create their own fires.
Do you see the day
When they can make their own way?
When they're no more under strain
And can stop yanking your chain?

And one day when you tire,
Of saving them from their mire,
Your sword all rusted,
Your gold stores and heart busted.
Maybe that day,
You'll come back by this way

Perchance then you'll see me,
For what I am worth.
And I'll entertain thee
With words down to earth;
Intelligent conversation
And quick repartee,
And no cries of
"Quick, come and save me".

I have use of your sword,
Don't get me wrong,
But it's not to slay enemies
It's me for you to prong!

Being educated is nice,
And logical thinking makes sense,
But oh, sometimes,
I wish I were dense!
For whilst I'm in
no need of saving,
I wish it were me
For whom someone was craving.

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The Shell
(November 2002)

A shell
Washed up on the beach
Faded glory
Of a once much loved home


Now broken
Sun bleached
Its colours
A shadow of their former selves


Outgrown
Tossed aside
Abandoned
Now drifted to this lonely place


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There Lays My Heart
(November 2002)

There lays my heart broken in two,
One piece for me and
One piece for you.

And now that I am only half-hearted,
I sit and wonder
When and how it all started.

I had meant to keep my heart to myself,
See it'd been broken before
So it was back on the shelf.

I thought I did, but obviously not,
'Cos now I realise
I've loved you a lot.

When was it that 'like'
Turned into 'love'?

Was it that time when…?
Or perhaps it was ...?
I really don't know when was the 'then'.

I guess it is not possible to say,
You can't pin it down
To only one day.

It happens over time of that I'm sure,
While I got to know
Those idiosyncrasies of your's.

I thought it was going to be forever,
Because you said:
Let's grow old together.

But no it wasn't to be this time,
Damn I thought I had it
Straight in my mind.

We had plans that lead to the future,
But now you tell me
You have a new suitor.
(You're no longer my suitor)

What is it that's wrong with me?
To live my life
I shouldn't need thee.

Is it because these lines are true,
I have one piece,
The other, still you.

So I pick up my piece and put it in cotton balls,
Place it back on the shelf
And hope it never again falls.

And continue my life although only half-hearted,
Missing the things
that have departed.

They're mostly small
The things I miss
Here's a list, though definately not all:

A hug,
A kiss,
I don't even get a peck on the cheek.

Being close,
Sharing a joke,
Sharing thoughts.
Being best friends.

A warm body next to me in our bed,
Any physical contact at all.

I miss sex,
I miss you,
And I miss being 'us'.

We'll never recover,
My heart and me
The damage you've done
No longer my lover.

So I'll just slip away,
Very quietly.
You surely wont be missing me.

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Pain Pain Go Away
(January 2003)

Pain pain go away
When will I stop crying every other day.

How many months or years must I wait
Until I discover a new fate
Than to weep and despair and feel desolate.

Hope this doesn't mean I want him back;
Surely he's shown to be unworthy of that?

Treacherous heart to want him (if that's so)
After he's flung such injurious blows.

Maybe it's the pain that makes me weep,
The wound is most certainly deep.

Time will heal all it is said,
But scar tissue is ugly and dead.

Small respite is found in a pill;
Brings sleep, but doesn't fix the ill.

Pain pain go away...

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The Struggle
(January 2003)

Fighting against a tide of emotion in darkness,
Trying to go against the waves
But mostly drowning,drowning,drowning
Though sweet peaceful death never yet comes.

How long can one fight the battle
Before succumbing
When there is no land in sight.

Bobbing up sometimes,
But mostly heading down, down, down.

Rest awhile; float.
Then, renewed, energy comes
To a body, already battle-wearied.

Voices call out in the darkness
But there is no light
And the voices alone are unable to help

And so we continue
Fighting, and floating
Though mostly
Just drowning

And this we call
Life
The Struggle

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Butterfly
(March 2003)

I saw a butterfly,
Flutter by, flutter by.

Like no other
I'd ever seen.

It stayed a while,
This butterfly,
Fluttering around me.

It's majesty
And mystery
Enchanted me.

Like other things though
It can't be examined
Whilst fluttering by.

It exists for such a short time,
This creature of much beauty.

And when you can see with clarity
The colours,
The fairy dust,
The intricacies
That allowed it to flutter by.
Then it is too late,
For it is dead.

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Alone
(March 2003)

No one there to hug me at night,
No one to tell me it'll be all right.
Even though those words are a lie
It'd be at least something while I lay there and cry.

Never just one thing at once,
Three major crises in a matter of months.
Why am I punished for being so nice
Punished not just one, not even just twice.

Body and mind falling apart
Can't keep up the pace
May as well retire
No point running the race

Cos whats at the end but to be alone still
Just don't think I have enough will.

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You Said If I Cared
(March 2003)

You said if I cared,
That seeing you happy should make me content.

I guess that's true,
Problem is you don't look happy to me.

You come here confused,
Tell me your lost and missing what we had.

Saying when it was 'us',
You knew where we were heading.

Saying you want so much to come back,
Guess you found out the grass isn't greener.

For some reason though, you left,
Threw all that we'd planned away.

Have you realised now,
She treats you more like a husband than I

With her jealousy fits
When you want to see people you call friend.

Hell it's not as if
You're fucking them like you were when with me.

Our history surrounds me,
Poignant memories of our life together.

And I know it'll never be the same
And I know you're never coming back.

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Shit
(March 2003)

I know what it's like,
Having too much shit in your life;
Fictional deities know I've got plenty.

Shit happens, we all know,
And as through life we go,
No matter if you're ten or seventy.

We accumulate this goo
Some manage to push through
But for others there's just no escape.

No matter what you do,
When you're surrounded by poo
Your soul gets battered and bent out of shape.

The stuff sticks like glue,
It's all over your shoes,
It goes with you where-ever you go.

It drags you right down
'n' all you can do is frown,
As you ponder this gawd awful foe.

Did you create it yourself?
Did someone push it off their shelf,
And it landed, unwanted, on you?

And when you try to rise up,
From out and under all the muck,
You find it's impossible to find a way through.

Your light can't shine
And you become resign'd
To the fact that it's here to stay.

I'll tell you a secret,
No need to sit there and fret
To get rid of this shit there's a way!

Just call up a truck,
You know - the one's that suck up all that muck
And go elsewhere to spew it all out.

I've no idea where they take it,
It's of concern (well, I'll fake it)
'Cos it's gotta end up somewhere.

As long as it's not in my house
That'll make me feel grouse.
Other than that I don't really care.

I'm sure it does harden,
And pr'haps make fertiliser for the garden,
Or something else that wont give folks misgivings.

You'll be shit-free again
Rid of all that pain,
And ready for some fragrance-free living.
(Now where's that phone book …)

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Hi
(March 2003)

"hi, yeah I'm fine"
but you know that I'm lyin'
But it's better than saying I'm sad

Missing you's all I do
Day and night right through
Really wish it wasn't that way

But you saw fit to leave me
Pull my life out from 'neath me
And now you want me to say

That I'm glad that your happy
But you're life's pretty crappy
Least that's what you show.

Don't know where you're going
And that woman you're knowin'
Treats you worse than I ever did

Like a husband and wife
She can't live her life
Without yanking your chain and leash

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The Day After Today
(March 2003)

What's wrong with me,
That I need you to live:
You've been my very breath
Every moment I've lived

And now you take every comfort away
No hugs, no kisses, no love, no way.

You say you still care,
But what do you do:
Just 'fuck me over' again.

Of the pain you have caused me
The hurt with which I live,
It will last forever;
It will leave me never.

Why did it have to be so good
But end, as I never thought it would.

You've killed me inside,
That I can't hide.

All I feel is pain and hurt,
Because of the love that's now a desert.
Feelings are only there on which to be trampled.
Pleasure is better not sampled
As it leads only to pain.

I feel so emotionally badly,
So I hurt myself
So's to have 'real' reason to be sadly.
Emotional pain is unreal,
So I make physical pain to feel.

Everyone says I should get out,
Be with friends.
But there's only one friend
I want to be with,
But that friendship is,
It would seem, a myth.

Inverted crosses on my chest,
On my mound too
Cos they're no longer blessed
With the presence of you.

Go seek help they all say,
But there's no point until the day
When I am ready to move on.

I don't know when that will be,
Right now I can't even see
That there will be
A day
After
Today.

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I Find It Perverse
(March 2003)

I find it perverse,
That my words come in verse
When I'm stressed or feeling depressed.

Thinking of you and me;
How things used to be
Or how things are now, instead.

Or all alone in our bed,
Book laying there, unread,
Trying to sleep, waiting for slumber.

That's when the words come
Yes, I do refine some,
And some I have to pad out.

But in lines of two, sometimes three,
The words tumble out free,
'Bout how I'm feeling; how it is.

They pop into my head,
I write them down to be read
Later, or maybe not.

Most are just sad,
Some are plain bad!
But I type them out just the same.

I've now quite a collection,
And maybe a selection
I'll publish as 'Anon' on the web.

I've never been known
To write so many poems,
Perhaps it's my mind's way of tricking

Me into not thinking
Of my life so low sinking,
Of loneliness and being alone.

Want you back so bad,
It's no passing new fad -
Still missing you every way.

I sure will be happy -
I'll be a 'happy chappy' -
When comes the time
My words come unrhym'd.

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Drug Me Up
(June 2003)

Drug me up and lock me away
I'm just taking up someone else's airspace
No longer a useful member of society

Can't trust, can't love, can't live, can't not
Just going through the motions
A happy lot it's not

One day I'm ok-ish (That's as good as it gets)
Next two or three; back in the pit
Of despair and desolation and regrets.

30 or so years to go
More than a life sentence

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The Knight Returneth
(January 2004)

The knight in shining armour returned,
Yearning for how it used to be
When he lived in that castle
Far from the sea.

He yearned for her company
To sit and drink and talk.
So long desperate he'd been
For her comfort and support.

But he'd told her to 'move on',
"Get on with life" he had said.
So why was he surprised when he knocked on her door
And found the person he'd known wasn't there anymore.

"Curse you woman when, in my hour of need,
Finally of my words you've taken heed.
My heart is all busted, like you said it would be,
Now where are you, come and comfort me."

He longed to loll in her gardens green,
Watch the children play and drink Jim Beam.
Feel again how it is to belong
And welcomed as he is,
Not told he is wrong.

But a coldness had come;
Left alone far too long.
Her heart was dead
And so she said:

"People are not like toys
That you had when a boy
That you played with and then forgot

Friendship goes two ways,
This you haven't displayed,
So no longer am I your rock.

You seek me out
When you've lost a bout
Of fighting with your so precious damsel

Or when business is bad
Or when just feeling sad
It's me from whom you want counsel.

But when I needed you
You took off and flew.
My needs were not of your concern

So tell me why,
Not so glittering guy,
I should provide that for which you yearn.

Saying the same old stuff,
For 18 months, that's enough,
To this castle you may no longer come.

We could meet at the common
I don't go there often
But it's neutral and the children will come.

You've come to me one more time
Knowing that your damsel 'so fine'
Will throw tantrum and swear it's all off.

Cos she's jealous you see
And mistrusts thee;
Can't believe you just need your friend.

That you feel so close,
Wanting me the most,
She can't have that, though she makes to pretend
That see me you can!
But we know it's a sham,
We've been through all that times before.

How hard and callous is she
That when you need me
All she does is fuss and fight.

She has no mind
That man cannot find
All he needs in just one person

That's why we have mates
With whom we can relate
But to her it the situation worsens.

Needs to be your whole life
Prob'ly make you her wife
So your chain she can yank on forever

A hard life it would be
Particularly for thee,
One who wants to be so free of fancy.

She's dreadfully unfond
Of the you-to-me bond
That exists as long as we live.

No, you'll leave me again
Don once more her chain
Try to put me once more out of mind.

Protect myself, I must,
And so I say thus,
Take your cyclical problems away.

Fix yourselves lest you repeat
This astonishing feat
Of separation every few weeks or so"

As he rode away fuming
Back to his damsel so confusing
She had one last thing to say.

"P'raps next time you're this way
You'll have something different to say;
Only then will I sit and listen"

But the words went unheard
His head once again turn'd
To the person with whom there's no future.

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Stronger
(January 2004)

It's true what they say:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I'm his emotional puppet
No longer.

Stronger yes, but lesser;
The old me is gone forever.

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