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Wedding Telegram Text Jokes

if you think you may be offended,
please do not read.

The wedding night should be like a good chicken meal -

- a little bit of breast
- a little bit of leg
.... and a lot of stuffing!

Treat the bride like a new car,
go easy for the first 500!

Forecast for wedding...
  Expected development of warm front, with extreme
  turbulence and moisture in lower regions.
  Good possibility of six inches overnight.
  Sun(son) is expected later on!

Love is a thousand miles long but
  comes in six inch instalments!

Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears,
  roll her over gently and she'll last for many years!

If you don't want the stork to come,
  shoot in the air!

Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride
  through the Khyber Pass, one long hard route!

Don't go on your honeymoon for longer than 5 days,
  or you will get a weak-end!

Take heed from those who know
  Tie you nightie to your toes
  Close your eyes - hold your nose
  Then see how it goes!

Don't keep him in the dog house too often
  or he might give his bone to the woman next door!

Treat him like a flower... grab him by the stalk!

We are curious to know why you both wanted to
  borrow the black leather boots and bull whip?

Please remember that brandy makes you randy,
  Whisky makes you frisky, but its a good stiff
  Johnny Walker that makes you pregnant!

Don't spring on the inner-spring this Spring or
  there will be an off-spring next Spring!

Sorry I cannot be at wedding... Please send me
  a photo of Bride and Groom mounted!

These next two are for rugby fans.

Congratulations - rots of ruck - sideways is great!

Hope all your tries are not converted!

Confucious say man who sink into woman's arms
  soon have arms in woman's sink!

Don't buy your bed from Grace Brothers (Myers)
  they stand behind everything they sell!

Remember Pearl Harbour... Have fun before the nips come!

A honeymoon should be like a table...
  Four bare legs and no drawers!

I was engaged myself once. 
To a contortionist. 
But she broke it off!

Go west young man, get up the Darling as far as you can!

And the story of the man who called his son
  Vendetta, because he always had it in for him!

The trouble with being the best man at
  a wedding is that you never get to prove it!

The groom, upon his engagement, went to his father
  and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!"
His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Your TV viewing on your wedding night will be...
   Firstly, The Marriage Game,
   Followed by, Great Temptation,
   The Untouchables,
   Mission Impossible,
   The Time is Right,
   Rawhide and Bonanza!

They were married on the cricket field,
   that night they were quite wicket,
   the bride said with a happy smile,
   I'm sure this can't be cricket!

Rev: 15th March 2005