Penis Size - Average or Not?

Hi all,

Firstly, sorry its its been a few months since I've posted.

However, I recieved an email from "Chris" and this is in response to your question.

"I have a question.I want to know what the average size of a penis is.I have no problems in the bed with my girlfriend I just wanna know for me. She says it doesnt matter about the size, I just wanna know that I'm at least average."

Ok, so there are pages and pages of research and scientific studies done on penis sizes. But, the fact remains that all men and some women have some pre-concieved and sometimes wrongly stereotypical ideas about penis sizes. I am not going to quote lengthy research material or learned and wise doctors and scientists about this but here are a few websites worth checking out.

http://www.free-condom-stuff.com/education/research.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penis_size
http://www.average-penis-size-chart.com/

To name a few.

My most favourite resource for this topic though is the documentary aired on SBS called "My Penis and I". It showcased an everyday guy that had a below-average penis and was considering surgery to have it enlarged, even though his girlfriend loved him and didn't care about his penis size. Chris, if you can, I would suggest getting your hand on this doco. It is available from SBS or if you know how, by other means on the web.

I hope you find the answers you are seeking and more importantly, I hope your self-doubts are erased. Don't let it ruin a good relationship.

Olivia

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING A FLIRT

Flirting and being able to flirt is one of the most important things you can learn to do and the importance of flirting and being a good flirt really cannot be under-estimated. It is a dance as old as time and should therefore be afforded the same importance as any piece of history.

Flirting makes you and the person you are talking to feel good and is essentially all about having fun. It is perceived as a great communication tool and can be of benefit anywhere, especially in that controversial arena, the workplace.

Flirting can add more to your life than you probably realize. Accomplished flirting can ease the way in your friendships, your love life and your career, therefore making life pleasurable. Often the most appealing people are those who radiate confidence and self-respect.

The first tip in this very exciting game is that it be tastefully executed. This means that if you're the one doing the flirting, you should be aware of the individual preference of the person you are flirting with. No pick-up lines, no fidgeting, no rudeness or vulgarity and be in-tune with the person you are trying to attract. Eye contact, teasing touches and gestures, genuine interest, sincere compliments and an awareness of your sexual self are part of the ritual.

Flirting wants nothing except momentary pleasure. It is invigorating, witty, light, sexy, even elegant and goes a long way towards stimulating those juices.

The pleasure of flirting is that you can play whether you are in a committed relationship or not. You do not have to be young, beautiful or single to flirt, just alive. Regardless of your sexual orientation, you can engage in it with men and women. I enjoy flirting with white-haired men, married women and men, with adolescent vendors and my friends. It makes me feel good and makes the ones I flirt with feel good about themselves. Flirting has a way of making you feel wanted and thereby feel fabulous about yourself.

In our daily lives, a stranger is the closest thing we come to encountering a new frontier. Countless people flow past us unnoticed, but occasionally, one will kindle our interest. Flirtation does nothing more than acknowledge this fact. A glittering glimpse of our energy, it is like a shooting star that fades into the night, leaving us with nothing except perhaps a wish.

So make life fun. Flirt!
Liv

mmmmHOT.COM

Hi all!

I recently came across an article for this website and small business in Scoop magazine and thought I'd do some research. Turns out, "mmmmHot" (yes, thats exactly what they're called) is an Australian designed collection of lingerie, flirtatious costumes, sexy fashion and fun accessories. Their designs are gorgeous and fun and even feature a small range of plus size products.

They also made an appearance at the 2007 Every Woman Expo. "mmmmHot" also host parties which are free and make a fabulous girls' night in! For more information on them, check out their website at http://www.mmmmhot.com.au/ or call them on 9228 4100. You can also visit them at their showroom in Leederville. The address is:

Suite 3, Upstairs

224 Carr Place

Leederville WA

(up the brick path, past Sayer’s Café)

Make sure to check them out!

Liv

ROLE PLAYING Pt 3 - Stripper and Client

The three parter of my role playing series.

Enjoy,

Liv

Stripper and Client Description:

This role play is focused on voyeurism, but also on lack of emotion in sex. A lap dance is a deeply sensual act, and when done properly, leaves both participants feeling rather randy.

Remember: Erotic dancing can be a tough call, especially if a woman is very conscious of her body. A great way to offset these fears is to use lighting, stockings and makeup.

Dim lights tone skin nicely, as do red lights (covering a normal lamp with red material also works). Any lumps and bumps are smoothed out. Keep in mind that the removal of all clothes is not strictly necessary, so let her know to feel free to keep on a sexy-but-supportive bra, or a lovely pair of knickers, or both. As long as the moves are hot and the lighting is appropriate, it will look beautiful and the effect will be the same.

If finding some moves is a problem, look up dancing videos on the web, or if you dare, go into a real strip club and see what they do. "The Dollhouse" in North Perth isnt too bad or "Exotica" in Northbridge. Perth now has strip workout classes available for women (and possibly men) which are a fantastic way to get fit and release the sensual beast inside. Try "She-Moves" on Cambridge St in Leederville.

Sample scenario 1: A dancer in a club is solicited to do a private dance. She takes him into her private booth and closes the curtains, then proceeds to give him the striptease of his life. There are rules: no touching and no kissing. He may put money down her garter belt. He must keep his clothes on.

Sample scenario 2: A sexy twist on the paid strip scenario is for it to be impromptu and free. For example, your girlfriend locks you in the garden, then gives you a decadent strip tease through the window where you can see her, but cannot touch her or get in the house until she says. Watch out for nosy neighbors!

Props: A sexy outfit is paramount -- a g-string is the generally accepted norm. Or some really lacy french knickers. What you wear on top is up to you, but experiment with costumes such as a nurse or maid’s uniform. For shoes, its gotta be high heels!

ROLE PLAYING Pt 2 - Boss and Secretary

Ladies and Gentlemen (and the not so gentle folk!),

My next installment of the role playing series and may I say, one of my favourites. Enjoy!

Liv

Boss and Secretary:

This scene revolves around the work situation, and the power exchange that frequently takes place between women and their male bosses. We suppose that the boss is in control and calls the shots, but when sex is involved, this shifts to a dangerously "hot" level where the woman is actually calling the sexual shots. She loves this because it gives her the power in that particular situation, even if she has none (or very little) at other times at work.

Sample scenario 1: The secretary hides underneath the boss’ big desk before an important meeting. The secretary slowly -- and very quietly -- performs oral sex on the boss while he is in the middle of an important business deal. The clients are either sitting right in front of the desk or "the boss" is on a phone call. He has to keep a straight face and has to continue with his phone conversation without faltering (doing this for real is a whole lotta fun!).

Sample scenario 2: On a more voyeuristic note, the secretary wears some very sexy underwear to work or none at all. She has to try to show her boss what she is wearing (or not wearing!) underneath in any way she can while still maintaining a ”professional” appearance. She teases him as she does the photocopying, while she puts papers on his desk, while he is talking to her. She has to seduce him without taking her clothes off, until he cant take it a moment longer. A strip tease can also be incorporated into this scenario, where he cannot touch her until she says so.

Props: Desk or table, office attire.

ROLE PLAYING Pt 1 - HEADMISTRESS & PUPIL

Role playing can be loads of fun, provided it is done with a pinch of panache and a slice of sophistication. Pretending you are somebody else allows you to venture places you wouldn’t normally go. It means you are voluntarily forced to go outside your comfort zone, and into another -- acting. The world is your oyster, so suck it up; it’s not every day you get to take on a completely different persona. Expectations can be thrown out the window, traditions flushed down the toilet. This is part one of a series of the most popular role plays.

Headmistress and Pupil:

This role play dabbles with the rich fantasy world of teenage boys, and quite possibly, the headmistress. The pupil is under the instruction and discipline of the headmistress. This creates a power imbalance, which can be fun to take advantage of with a lover. Delving into your inner teenager while your lover delves into her inner headmistress is a fun way for you to be dominated by her. It gives her power and control, leaving you at her mercy, though there is always the chance of rebellion.

Sample scenario 1: The scene is set in the headmistress’ office, with the pupil in school uniform, and the headmistress dressed looking very stern and serious, but sophisticated and incredibly sexy. The pupil has always had a crush on the headmistress, and was spying on her through her door, masturbating. The headmistress caught him, and saw he was doing it the wrong way. She now teaches him, in the privacy of her office, how to masturbate correctly. If he does it wrong, spanking may be involved.

Sample scenario 2: The headmistress calls the pupil to her office after school for disciplinary action. The pupil must write down every sexual thought and fantasy he has about her. Then he must read them back to the headmistress, who gets very aroused at the suggestions, which often include her. She then gives the pupil a lesson he will never forget on how to satisfy a woman the correct way. If he gets it wrong, he may be spanked. Or he may be spanked anyway.

Props: Spanking instrument (e.g. plastic ruler), school uniform, pad and pen.

Other alternatives: Try reversing the roles with you as the teacher/headmaster and her as the pupil. Schoolgirl uniforms are a huge turn-on!

THE BLACK GROTTO - "Reposted By Popular Demand"

Hey everyone!

As I'm sure everyone is doing right now, I'm fervently thanking my maker, that its a Friday and the end of not just my work week but the end of today. Because today will always live on as a train wreck in my memory. As the end of this week signals the beginning of a one month holiday for one colleague, so does it signal the beginning of hair-pulling, teeth grindingly maddening work days for me.

I had a new "woman" (third in a row of swiftly exiting employees) start work today to help me out so, apart from the super busy day, I also had to train her. Thankfully she's a quick learner although I can see certain personality clashes ahead. Having to contend with constantly ringing phone lines, demanding co-workers and a new boss who has managed to get under my skin, I was battling sleeplessness and trying to assuage the never-ending need to physically satisfy myself.

THE INVITE
Yesterday, I recieved a rather intriguing invite for the opening of a new "fetish club" in Subiaco simply called, The Black Grotto. It was a little square of stiffened black velvet with blood red italics and asked that the attendees dress in "kinky only". The invite was courtesy of Marcus, a good friend as readers of this blog will know, who is doing the PR for this little novelty. He later told me that the membership for this club was a four figure sum so I was glad to be invited in as a "guest".

Of course, I've been to the occasional so-called "swingers" and "sex clubs" and I assumed, wrongly as it turned out, that this would be more of the same. Balding middle-aged men with too much money and no other way to satisfy their cheating whims. So, I dressed accordingly. After all, the opening of a new club asked, nay demanded, a hot new outfit. A gorgeous see through lace dress by Alannah Hill that had to be worn sans bra and panties (but I never wear those anyway!), black thigh high leather boots and a leather riding crop/whip from Adultshop.com, blood red lips and nails courtesy of Chanel, and a black trench, Morrissey, to cover it all up till I arrived, completed my ensemble.

The look on Marcus's face when he picked me up in a cab was everything and more than I could hope for, especially after our little trip away last wkd. I was already feeling quite sexy but after seeing what Marcus was wearing, my own mouth must've fallen open. I was expecting leather chaps and some cheesy chains but he was dressed in impeccable Armani. Charcoal suit with the faintest of black pinstripes and an exquisitely knotted french silk black tie. His green eyes and dark hair looked amazing and he looked incredible. I can never resist men in suits. Something about peeling every item off layer by layer to get to my prize...

THE ARRIVAL

Two burly security guys, also in suits, greet us at the non-descript door to the club. A security camera takes pictures of us and we are ushered into the club. We pass through a doorway hung with black velvet curtains and find ourselves headed down a concrete corridor lit by lurid red spots that make everything seem awash in blood. A few feet later there is a heavy vault door. Marcus turns the handle and the door hisses open on pneumatic pistons. The dully throbbing sounds of the Ministry of Sound pours out into the narrow corridor.

THE BLACK GROTTO

The main hall is large enough to park a jet. The black velvet curtain and red spot light motif is continued accompanied by standard disco fog and laser light displays. There is a long bar made from black marble and glass bricks occupying most of the west wall, with a handful of tables and booths nearby. There is an elevated stage on the north wall, with a set of stocks, a flogging post, and a rack of whips and chains.

Close to a hundred people, all in various stages of undress, wander the floor. Some have black leather masks over their heads, some wear harnesses, and one patron walks around with a chrome bit in his mouth, the reins held by a pudgy woman stuffed into a Merry Widow corset.

Marcus leads the way to the back of the club. The ladies' room is a toilet placed in the middle of a waist-high corral of marble. There's a door there guarded by another couple of suits. Marcus hands over our invites and one of the security guards swipes them individually on a magnetic key that secures the door. Once we're inside, the guard closes the door behind us, leaving us to whatever fate we've walked into. I'm nervous and Marcus threads his fingers through mine giving them a reassuring squeeze.

The interior of this space is dark, lit by low-wattage rose-coloured bulbs, so that the attendants working the room dont trip and fall. Again, there is a lot of black velvet drapery and black marble in evidence. But the first thing that catches my eye upon entering are the people strapped to various posts in various positions against the back walls. Some are men, some are women, some look like children. I dont look too closely. Almost every major ethnic group seems to be represented. They are all naked and suspended by handcuffs from hooks in the contraptions erected to hold them in place.

Something warm and wet presses itself to the exposed skin at the back of my thighs. I spin around to see a perfectly tanned, very well-endowed young man kneeling behind me. He is wearing a manacle around his throat that has a long chain attached to a hook on the wall. His cock is fully erect and already swelling with pre-cum. He has the glazed look of someone high on ex. I back away. Confused. Embarrassed. Infinitely aroused. I try to find Marcus who I've just realised is no longer holding my hand. I find him backed up against the far wall, hands above his head, being held prisoner by a gorgeous little asian woman with hair like black silk flowing down her naked back wielding a pair of handcuffs. She is rubbing his erection but he continues to resist. I rescue him immediately.

We make our way to the bar at the end of the room. Its 10.30pm and I'm thirsty. We down our first shots of jagermeister like water. A woman encased completely in black latex, except for her genitals, her arms stuffed into a single glove and bound behind her back, walks up to us, accompanied by the whir of chain being paid out. I notice her dog collar is attached to a spool of stainless steel chain set into the wall. Her exposed sex is hairless and pink.

A slender young man dressed in lollipop panties and a starched pinafore steps forward, holding a silver serving tray. On the tray is a Baccarat crystal wineglass full of little white pills. There are various condoms on the tray along with nipple clamps, clit teasers, butt plugs, vibrating bullets and a large double ended dildo. I can feel Marcus stare at the tray and at the woman's exposed pussy. I cannot see her face - it is obscured by a leather bondage mask, a zipper open where her mouth is. Her eyes are wet and gleam from the effects of the excstasy she is obviously on. She turns around and bends over, opening up her ass and pussy as the young man takes the large dildo and starts inserting it into her ass. She moans through the zipper as it slides in easily at the first push.

Marcus shakes his head and turns away. His hand is shaking as he gulps down his third shot. His erection is still evident. I'm tempted to have an ex. Its been ages. But the thought of work the next day makes me turn away too. I am both shocked and excited.

There is a scream from elsewhere in the room and a naked girl no older than 16 runs out from a curtained booth, her long unkempt dirty blonde hair streaming behind. She is slight, small in stature and would easily pass for someone younger. An older man, grey haired and dressed in the cassock and collar of a priest darts after her, whispering angrily. One of the attendants grabs the frightened girl by the hair and slams her against the wall, dazing the child. As Marcus moves forward to intervene, the priest slaps the attendant so hard it draws blood. The naked, cowering girl, sniffling and knuckling her eyes, runs forward to embrace the man. The priest coos endearments and strokes the girl's hair, all the while leading her back to the curtained booth. The music switches from Chicane to Moloko's arrangement of "The Time is Now".

I feel myself dripping past my pussy down to my ass. The see through lace dress clings to and exposes my naked breasts and erect nipples. The piercing on my left nipple is making itself painfully evident. My senses feel overloaded. Dulled. Yet the ache between my thighs is anything but. The clit piercing I had so optimistically put in earlier that day is starting to feel emcumbrant. A hindrance. I gently rub the handle of my whip against his butt. Marcus is playing with his hard-on. It juts out from his suit pants. Swollen and dripping pre-cum. I watch, heart-pounding, feeling light headed. He cums into his hands, shuddering, his green eyes fixed on mine gleaming almost black. I want to kneel down and let him fuck my throat. But I resist. I want to be pounded hard beyond all endurance. But I resist. He turns away and fumbling, zips up. Something changes between us. It is 4.00am. I'm ready to go home.

I'm not sure I want to come back. My first visit will always stay with me but I'm not sure if and when I'll be ready for my next one.

We head home. Our senses are on over-drive. Craving. Wanting more but staying would be, al-most, too tortorous. We dont talk at all on the way back. I'm obsessed with the way every touch feels on my skin. The lace rubbing against my exposed nipples, the piercing on my clit, the leather on my legs, the long thick handle of the whip and the wetness between my thighs. I almost bolt out of the cab when it drops me off on St Georges' Tce. I play till sleep overtakes me.

THE MORNING AFTER

Two hours later the blaring static on my alarm, the only thing I cant ignore, forces me to start my day. I'm still wet. Still horny. Images from the club fill my head. The ache, the need to be stretched out is still there. Work is not the place I wanted to be. I make trips to the ladies' in a fruitless effort to assuage my craven need. An email from an ex-employee cheers me up. Ben wants to have "drinks" later tonight. The chance to put myself out of my misery is tempting. In a desperate attempt to try, for however brief a moment, and forget the men currently dominating my life, I go out for drinks. And hopefully more.

Wish me luck...

Olivia

ROUGH STUFF

Hi all!

Hope everyone's having a great wkd. I've been giving some thought to this subject and felt inspired to discuss it today.

Bondage is about getting a little rougher in the bedroom and to take sex to another level. It doesnt have to be all the heavy stuff like whips and chains and studded dog collars but can also be lighter, a tease, a little pain in return for a lot of pleasure. Everyone has within them the desire to dominate and to be dominated, while others prefer to be submissive to their partner's wants and needs. It is also a great way to build trust and intimacy within your relationships. Whatever your "kink", a little light bondage is a great way to explore the "other" side of the coin.

DOM OR SUB?

Before you start the game, make sure you set some boundaries and decide who will be the dominant (a.k.a. leader, top, dom) and who will be submissive (a.k.a. follower, slave, bottom, sub). Men especially feel that they'd like to be the dom but you'd be surprised at how great it is to submit to someone else every now and again. I personally like tying up my guy and having my way with him but sometimes its nice to be tied up and be made to beg.

You should also decide on a safeword ; a word that the sub says when things are getting a little too rough. Spanking, whipping and all that good stuff should be welcome, but they are not intended to cause harm. So when the sub says the safeword, that means that the game is going a little too far. Have fun but dont forget this about the two of you having a good time.

TOYS

Most people prefer to use stockings, ties, scarves etc to tie him or her up and nothing but your hand to spank them, but sometimes using toys can serve to enhance the experience tenfold. These are some of the toys available for exploration and can be found on adultshop.com.au

The Love Whip

Your hand might be a great tool for spanking, but this toy lets you whip ‘em good, without the sting! Not to mention the the fastener at the top attaches to a D-ring for added pleasure.

Handcuffs & Ankle Cuffs

Now these come in a variety of types. From soft and furry to light and silky for some light bondage to metal shackles and studded leather for the real deal, you can play the game right and make sure that your partner's confinement will be a pleasurably painful one. You can also use tethers to keep your partner's legs spread apart, and I know can be stimulating sight!

Nipple Clamps

Guys and gals either love nipple clamps, or they don't. But if your partner enjoys having their nipples roughly stimulated during sex, chances are that mild torture with clamps will definitely make their submissive experience all the more titillating. Watch out for the ones with piercings though!

Blindfold

My favourite! I'm sure that you're well aware by now that hindering your partner's eyesight will heighten their other senses, and not knowing whats coming next also creates an erotic anticipation.

So, get hooked up to that bedpost and start playing!

Olivia

UPDATE 14/10/07

Hi all!

Its almost the end of my wkd and it has been the best one in a very long time!

As I exited work at 5.30pm on Friday night, with no very definite plans in mind and an empty dayplanner, my phone rang with a welcome call.

Peter Kacey, a gorgeously funny guy called to invite me out to the operatic opening of A Midsummer Night's Dream. After stepping into a fabulous frock and equally fabulous heels, I joined him at the C Restaurant on St Georges' Tce for a few cocktails. The opera was great. Moving. And very definitely intimate as we sat in a one of the balcony seats enjoying the atmosphere and the very glittering society of Perthites that had come out to enjoy the night.

Saturday, I took the opportunity to have a little maintenance done. Hair, nails, wax, the whole deal. Ever since I'd missed my brazilian a couple of weeks ago I'd been miserable and itchy! I finally feel whole again. I spent the beautiful evening at Trigg beach enjoying the company of great friends, good food and delicious champange.

Sunday sees me driving around Kings Park, Nedlands, Matilda Bay and Freo. And later I'll be climbing aboard the Sahara, a boat owned by some friends. We'll be cruising down the Swan River and having dinner onboard. A perfect ending to a blissful wkd.

Hope you've been having a good one too!
Olivia

SEX & THE CITY - THE MOVIE!

For SATC fans, HBO Films and New Line have finally set a release date for the long-awaited Sex and the City: The Movie. The film will hit the big screen on May 30th, 2008. Although there is no word about the plot yet, it has been reported that the movie will revolve around the four characters four years after the final episode.

News sources report several publicity photo leaks. The most recent ones which show Sarah Jessica Parker's character Carrie getting married and an "infertile" Charlotte sporting a large baby bump — are reportedly part of a dream sequence in the film's plot. The photos that show Carrie, stepping out of a New York apartment in an extravagant Zac Posen wedding gown, floor length veil and a turquoise head-dress, before taking a limo to the wedding set are apparently all part of the publicity stunts that the studio is pulling to keep us fans guessing at the plot of the movie.

All I'm thankful for is the fact that the four fabulous women of SATC are back!

Olivia

'MADAME BELLATRIX'

I attended a dinner party at the house of some friends on Friday night.The people gathered were an eclectic bunch of artists, lawyers, designers and all the rest. I had been promised an introduction to 'Madame Bellatrix'. Halfway through aperitifs, we were told that she was also bringing her dog - the dog turned out to be a terribly nice middle-aged man whose name I won't mention but he had a rather attractive stud collar with a silver ring on it. Now, I'm of the school 'easy-come-easy-go', but there is no amount of social etiquette classes and training that can prepare you for such an event. Here are some of the things I discovered that you should and shouldn't do, confronted with such a situation.

Try not to laugh - Although this sounds incredibly obvious, it is the hardest task you will have to complete all evening. You will see things that will make you squirm with embarrassment and send you spiralling through space and time to your schoolyard days. Even though humiliation is part of the raison d'être of the whole relationship, being outright rude is not.

Assumption - The relationship between mistress and 'dog' is not necessarily sexual - it is wrong to assume so.

Do not feed the animal - The 'dog', as all dogs are, is to be fed by his mistress alone and will usually feed from her scraps1. If you catch the 'dog' begging or eyeing up the food, tell the mistress - it is not your job to scold him. At the party above, the mistress was kind enough to give her dog a sip of champagne; when he held the glass and was offered a top up, he got a telling-off.

Do not speak to the animal - if you want to speak to the 'dog', you must ask permission from mistress. If you don't, the 'dog' will ask her for permission to answer. Most of the time, the mistress will answer for her pet.

Fetch! - If you want a pen, light, cigarette or more gravy, ask the 'dog'. This is the one time when you can speak directly to the pet without mistress's permission.

Supremacy - If mistress declares that she is the representative of Female Supremacy on Earth, do not laugh - you will regret it. This Researcher did...

Petting - Don't pet the 'dog' without express permission. This is the only way that the 'dog' knows that he has pleased his mistress; if everyone pets him, it'll lose some of its potency.

Keep your eyes peeled - Although the relationship is mistress and 'dog', the 'dog' is in fact a man and occupies space and positions that are not usual for a human for any length of time. You can expect the 'dog' to be squatting behind his mistress's chair or sat on the floor by the sofa.

House and home - Don't ask where the 'dog' lives, or at least be prepared for a shock. The guest at the party above paid a substantial amount of money each week to live in a kennel in the house of his mistress. Others live in cupboards under the stairs.

1 At this particular party, the dog kept nipping out of the dining room. The hostess got a little suspicious, went after him and caught him stuffing his face in the kitchen, well away from the gaze of his mistress.

At the end of this rather intriguing dinner party, I certainly learned a lot about the nature of relationships, the power of relationships and just how uncomplicated my own life really is!

Olivia

WHY AM I MORE ATTRACTED TO "TAKEN" MEN?!

Modern women are one hell of a choosy bunch and it seems to me it's only getting worse. Some recent studies assert women pick out a gent that will assure them financial security. A bunch of English scientists have declared women prefer feminine-faced blokes to square-jawed types to get our pheromones going. And oddly enough, the same bunch of researchers found that women go for men whose looks resemble their fathers. (Who would've thunk it?)

But there's another, albeit weirder, attractive quality: if they've already been picked out by someone else. That's right folks: it seems true that we're even more attracted to the ones we know we can't have...

The ultimate question however is this: why are we attracted to those who are already obviously taken?

This is a question posed to me by 38-year-old Steve who reckons that since he's gotten himself married, his attraction level to other women has increased dramatically. While he assures me he hasn't done anything drastic in the looks or personality department, he's nevertheless seen a colossal shift in the way women look at him.

"I moved from Sydney to Perth three years ago and never had any success with going out with any women for over 10 years," he explains. "The women I asked out just weren't interested. But now that I'm married, suddenly I've found that women are interested in me, wanting to go out for coffee, etc. I always decline because I tell them I'm married but I realise it can't be anything else than I'm married because nothing else has changed with me!

"So I've come to the conclusion that women find "taken" guys more attractive than single guys. True or False? Is it because they want what they cannot or should not have? Or the guy is a safe bet or the guy shows promise if he's already made a commitment.

"I also hear the `all the good guys are taken' stuff ad nauseum. Well, I wasn't taken when I was single and no women that I met gave me a second thought. Now that I have a wife, it's the opposite. Weird."

Weird indeed. But back to the taken thing. I am often flummoxed when I hear similar stories of singledom ruling a person's dating planet until they eventually find a mate. Suddenly out of nowhere (and much to their delight) they've got scores of hot singles hankering after them.
Why is this so?

There's been a couple of investigations into this bizarre element human behaviour and while I've mentioned a couple on this blog before, I thought I'd mention them again, for the sake of Steve's benefit.

In regards to wanting what we can't have, renowned anthropologist from Rutgers University, Helen Fisher, says we can blame that magic "pleasure" chemical known as dopamine. By her reasoning, the chemical increases in our brain the longer it takes for a pleasure to be fulfilled, hence we actually enjoy yearning for something we know we can never actually have. (Thus we can blame dopamine for those unhealthy Bree Maddox or, in my case, John Barrowman fascinations.)

But my favourite explanation stems from a fascinating survey carried out by scholars at the University of Louisville which introduced the notion of the "mate copying" syndrome. The premise is this: women are more comfortable with a man who has already been pre-approved by another female. In other words if I catch a man out of the corner of my eye being fawned upon by a fellow femme, he'll be more attractive to me than one who stands alone in the corner with a bunch of mates? Apparently so.

According to the researchers, it's evolutionary rather than simply a case of following the crowds, so it's something we have no control over.

But what about those women that actually thrill in the conquest of making a "taken" man stray? What about the ones for whom its all about power and about a boost to their ego? What about the whole "forbidden fruit" theory? Are these fellow single ladies to be wary of?

Maybe we should give people the benefit of the doubt and let them take responsibilities for their action. If an attractive woman flirts with you or is signaling that she is sexually interested in you, you as an adult, dont have to respond if you dont want to. Dont do so if you're not interested in whats on offer. If you do reciprocate, take responsibility for it.

Olivia

HUSBANDS - ATTRACTIVE TO WOMEN? By Steve Worthy

A blog by a good friend. Feel free to respond!

Olivia

The other day I went shopping with my wife and as a typical guy, I went to visit the sporting goods and electronic sections to check out some stuff.

Upon entering the sporting goods section, I stopped by the golf clubs and noticed a very attractive woman looking at me out of the corner of my eye. I turned and said, “Hello”. She replied, “Hello, are you a golfer?” “Oh yeah, I’ve been playing for about 13 years”, I said. We began to converse about clubs, different golf courses and I realized that she was well versed in golf terminology and history. I also noticed that she keep touching my arm. You know how woman do when they are talking. Their hands tend to move in a patting motion, while touching the person they are speaking with.

After about 10 ten minutes, I said to myself, “This lady is flirting with me.” My first thought was, “Wow, I still have it.” My second thought was, “Show Her the Ring” - (My Wedding Ring).

So, I began by placing my left hand on my chin as she was speaking in an effort to say, “Look lady, I’m married, stop flirting with me and move onto the next guy.” So after another 3 minutes or so I began to look at my watch in an attempt to make my exit, only to be handed a business card – by the attractive lady – to call her to play a round golf. In my opinion, she was waiting for me to reciprocate, however, I did not.

When I found my wife, I told what happen and showed her the card. She looked at me and said, “Are you serious” and began laughing. I said, “Oh, another woman can’t find me attractive?” She replied, “No, it’s just that I never really think about another woman finding my husband attractive. Second, I’m just surprised you told me about it."

So, I began thinking, “What would most husbands do in this situation?

Would most husbands bask in the glory that an Attractive Woman is speaking with them?

Would most husbands tell their wives about the encounter?

Would most husbands keep the business card and set up a round of golf?

What do you think? What would you do?

GAME FOR ANYTHING - Retna Wooller

A brand new piece of tech as reviewed by Retna Wooller of The Sunday Times.
Olivia

Inspired by her own gamer widowhood (where computer-nut husbands abandon wives daily in the pursuit of pixel fun), Jenny Chowdhury decided to create a way for husbands and wives to play together - in every sense. Intimate Controllers is a platform were video games are played by a couple touching each other. The female player is fitted with a special bra and the male player is fitted with boxer shorts, each embedded with six sensors positioned for varying degrees of intimacy.

Players must pass game levels together by touching each other in the right way and in doing so the game progresses to the increasingly intimate sensor positioning. Using the techiniques of the old-tech game Pong (the mind boggles), Chowdhury has hit on a possible game gold mine. It certainly puts a new twist on the term "high score".

Retna Wooller

To find out more, visit http://www.jennylc.com/intimate_controllers

Q & A - Rob

Does penis size matter?

Hey Rob!

Speaking for myself, my response to penis size ponderings tend to tow the size-doesn't-matter line because there can be so much more to relating sexually than the length and width of a partner's penis. There's kissing, holding, intimacy, eye contact, one-ness, touching, soul-bearing honesty, trust, breasts, butts, toes, hair, discovery, and so on. Sure, penis size is a big deal to some, while others see it as a little piece of a much bigger sex pie.

Not too big because that can be painful and not too small because that can sometimes be disappointing. Thick around the base for good stimulation. Those are my preferences but if a guy can get me off just by looking into my eyes, why, thats fabulous too!

Thx for posting!

Olivia

UPDATE 29/9/07

Hi all!

Its been, as I predicted, a week from hell! I've been working pretty late nights so I havent even had a chance to masturbate, let alone fuck! A whole week without cumming...it truly has been excruciating! At least while Mr X was still working here, there was some playing around...

Ok, so since the very exciting night at the fetish club, I've been hanging out with "Ben". He stayed at my apartment all last wkd and only left on the Monday after threats and not very well veiled hints of torture! But he's been keeping me entertained.

He came along with me to meet Mr Dildo and was suitably impressed by the very large 11"inch dildo that was given to us in our goody bags. There were also mold your own dildo packs which I'm dying to try out! That was fun.

Marcus wasnt too impressed by my blog on our visit to The Black Grotto (see previous blog). He's been hassling me to take it off the site as it compromises his "professional image". But I've been adamant. I'm not taking it off! I saw him last night and we made up. Which is code for neither one of us apologised and we are now going to pretend the spat never happened.

Another dilemma. I think I've been flirting with my new boss too much. At first, it was just harmless and a way to make work fun again. But, after someone mentioned that the flirting could be interpreted as something more and worse, as ass-kissing, I've been thinking it through.

We were working late the other night when I brought it up. He said he didn't mind the flirting. I'm still unsure as to whether thats a good thing or a bad thing. I cant help thinking if I want him to want the flirting to mean more....Am I twisted or what?!

I need a distraction. So, against all my better judgement, I've said yes to staying with Ben at the Hilton tonight. I might even take up my boss's suggestion. Watch the footy and every time there's a goal, offer to do a dirty deed! After all, he managed to take my mind off things for awhile so why not this time?

Next wkd, I'll be attending and getting tips from Madame Bellatrix. She's a professional dominatrix who caters for "special-needs" gentlemen. Check out the next update!

Here's to the long wkd and lots of playing around! Go the Cats!

Olivia

THE BLACK GROTTO - My First Visit

Hey everyone!

As I'm sure everyone is doing right now, I'm fervently thanking my maker, that its a Friday and the end of not just my work week but the end of today. Because today will always live on as a train wreck in my memory. As the end of this week signals the beginning of a one month holiday for one colleague, so does it signal the beginning of hair-pulling, teeth grindingly maddening work days for me.

I had a new "woman" (third in a row of swiftly exiting employees) start work today to help me out so, apart from the super busy day, I also had to train her. Thankfully she's a quick learner although I can see certain personality clashes ahead. Having to contend with constantly ringing phone lines, demanding co-workers and a new boss who has managed to get under my skin, I was battling sleeplessness and trying to assuage the never-ending need to physically satisfy myself.

THE INVITE
Yesterday, I recieved a rather intriguing invite for the opening of a new "fetish club" in Subiaco simply called, The Black Grotto. It was a little square of stiffened black velvet with blood red italics and asked that the attendees dress in "kinky only". The invite was courtesy of Marcus, a good friend as readers of this blog will know, who is doing the PR for this little novelty. He later told me that the membership for this club was a four figure sum so I was glad to be invited in as a "guest".

Of course, I've been to the occasional so-called "swingers" and "sex clubs" and I assumed, wrongly as it turned out, that this would be more of the same. Balding middle-aged men with too much money and no other way to satisfy their cheating whims. So, I dressed accordingly. After all, the opening of a new club asked, nay demanded, a hot new outfit. A gorgeous see through lace dress by Alannah Hill that had to be worn sans bra and panties (but I never wear those anyway!), black thigh high leather boots and a leather riding crop/whip from Adultshop.com, blood red lips and nails courtesy of Chanel, and a black trench, Morrissey, to cover it all up till I arrived, completed my ensemble.

The look on Marcus's face when he picked me up in a cab was everything and more than I could hope for, especially after our little trip away last wkd. I was already feeling quite sexy but after seeing what Marcus was wearing, my own mouth must've fallen open. I was expecting leather chaps and some cheesy chains but he was dressed in impeccable Armani. Charcoal suit with the faintest of black pinstripes and an exquisitely knotted french silk black tie. His green eyes and dark hair looked amazing and he looked incredible. I can never resist men in suits. Something about peeling every item off layer by layer to get to my prize...

THE ARRIVAL

Two burly security guys, also in suits, greet us at the non-descript door to the club. A security camera takes pictures of us and we are ushered into the club. We pass through a doorway hung with black velvet curtains and find ourselves headed down a concrete corridor lit by lurid red spots that make everything seem awash in blood. A few feet later there is a heavy vault door. Marcus turns the handle and the door hisses open on pneumatic pistons. The dully throbbing sounds of the Ministry of Sound pours out into the narrow corridor.

THE BLACK GROTTO

The main hall is large enough to park a jet. The black velvet curtain and red spot light motif is continued accompanied by standard disco fog and laser light displays. There is a long bar made from black marble and glass bricks occupying most of the west wall, with a handful of tables and booths nearby. There is an elevated stage on the north wall, with a set of stocks, a flogging post, and a rack of whips and chains.

Close to a hundred people, all in various stages of undress, wander the floor. Some have black leather masks over their heads, some wear harnesses, and one patron walks around with a chrome bit in his mouth, the reins held by a pudgy woman stuffed into a Merry Widow corset.

Marcus leads the way to the back of the club. The ladies' room is a toilet placed in the middle of a waist-high corral of marble. There's a door there guarded by another couple of suits. Marcus hands over our invites and one of the security guards swipes them individually on a magnetic key that secures the door. Once we're inside, the guard closes the door behind us, leaving us to whatever fate we've walked into. I'm nervous and Marcus threads his fingers through mine giving them a reassuring squeeze.

The interior of this space is dark, lit by low-wattage rose-coloured bulbs, so that the attendants working the room dont trip and fall. Again, there is a lot of black velvet drapery and black marble in evidence. But the first thing that catches my eye upon entering are the people strapped to various posts in various positions against the back walls. Some are men, some are women, some look like children. I dont look too closely. Almost every major ethnic group seems to be represented. They are all naked and suspended by handcuffs from hooks in the contraptions erected to hold them in place.

Something warm and wet presses itself to the exposed skin at the back of my thighs. I spin around to see a perfectly tanned, very well-endowed young man kneeling behind me. He is wearing a manacle around his throat that has a long chain attached to a hook on the wall. His cock is fully erect and already swelling with pre-cum. He has the glazed look of someone high on ex. I back away. Confused. Embarrassed. Infinitely aroused. I try to find Marcus who I've just realised is no longer holding my hand. I find him backed up against the far wall, hands above his head, being held prisoner by a gorgeous little asian woman with hair like black silk flowing down her naked back wielding a pair of handcuffs. She is rubbing his erection but he continues to resist. I rescue him immediately.

We make our way to the bar at the end of the room. Its 10.30pm and I'm thirsty. We down our first shots of jagermeister like water. A woman encased completely in black latex, except for her genitals, her arms stuffed into a single glove and bound behind her back, walks up to us, accompanied by the whir of chain being paid out. I notice her dog collar is attached to a spool of stainless steel chain set into the wall. Her exposed sex is hairless and pink.

A slender young man dressed in lollipop panties and a starched pinafore steps forward, holding a silver serving tray. On the tray is a Baccarat crystal wineglass full of little white pills. There are various condoms on the tray along with nipple clamps, clit teasers, butt plugs, vibrating bullets and a large double ended dildo. I can feel Marcus stare at the tray and at the woman's exposed pussy. I cannot see her face - it is obscured by a leather bondage mark, a zipper open where her mouth is. Her eyes are wet and gleam from the effects of the excstasy she is obviously on. She turns around and bends over, opening up her ass and pussy as the young man takes the large dildo and starts inserting it into her ass. She moans through the zipper as it slides in easily at the first push.

Marcus shakes his head and turns away. His hand is shaking as he gulps down his third shot. His erection is still evident. I'm tempted to have an ex. Its been ages. But the thought of work the next day makes me turn away too. I am both shocked and excited.

There is a scream from elsewhere in the room and a naked girl no older than 16 runs out from a curtained booth, her long unkempt dirty blonde hair streaming behind. She is slight, small in stature and would easily pass for someone younger. An older man, grey haired and dressed in the cassock and collar of a priest darts after her, whispering angrily. One of the attendants grabs the frightened girl by the hair and slams her against the wall, dazing the child. As Marcus moves forward to intervene, the priest slaps the attendant so hard it draws blood. The naked, cowering girl, sniffling and knuckling her eyes, runs forward to embrace the man. The priest coos endearments and strokes the girl's hair, all the while leading her back to the curtained booth. The music switches from Chicane to Moloko's arrangement of "The Time is Now".