All About Rub

Rub readily admits to having had a fascination with balls from very early age, as can be seen from this photo of him at age 4. In later years his interest expanded to other spherical objects, chatterers will be well aware of Rub's current obsession with the human skull. However, it is his mouse ball polishing expertise which is the focus of this report. We were privileged to observe a demonstration at our most recent meeting.

For those unable to attend the meeting, an overview of the technique Rub recommends follows.

Getting Started

As is the case with any highly technical procedure, Rub recommends that you have the right tools to do the job.

Of course, if you do not have the resources to add the professional tools which Rub proudly displayed to your tool box , there are some simple everyday household items you are likely to already possess which will suffice.

Bear in mind however, these will not produce the amazing results which Rub is able to achieve.

First Things First

So, you have your operating table set up and your tools at the ready. Rub recommends that you obscure the table from your subject's view. "It's difficult enough to catch the little critters in the first place, without them having an inkling of what you're up to", he said. Rub's suggested method for capturing your mouse is demonstrated in the image on the left.

Once again, however, the methods used by the professionals may not necessarily be successful for you, years of training are required to perfect them.

You might need to resort to more traditional methods (image right), especially if you've already disconnected your mouse from your computer and it is roaming free.

Tip No. 1 - never disconnect your mouse until you are ready to perform the procedure.

The Procedure (Step 1)

Blindfold your mouse. As you can imagine this is not a pleasant procedure for the little guy. The blindfold is designed to reduce the trauma and ensure that the performance of your mouse is not affected by long term psychological problems. Rub suggests putting yourself in the mouse's position as an incentive to making him as comfortable as possible.

(Before)

(After)

The Procedure (Step 2)

Begin. Make sure that your hands are clean and use surgical gloves to reduce the risk of viral infection. Ideally, your mouse should be in a horizontal position as demonstrated in the image to the left. It is extremely difficult, but still possible, to perform the procedure if your subject assumes a position such as that shown on the right - further instructions for this method will be included in Rub's next paper "Advanced Mouse Ball Polishing".

Verrrry gently remove the protective cover of the mouse's ball, and allow the ball to slide gracefully onto the operating table. Keep it warm if possible.

Before you start polishing the ball, you should remove any signs of dust or grime from the mouse ball casing using your magnifying glass and tweekers. (It has previously been suggested that using a can of compressed air will produce excellent results. While that may be the case, Rub's opinion is that it will also cause the mouse unnecessary trauma)

Now - verrrry carefully roll the mouse's ball in a sterile cotton polishing cloth which has been moistened with tepid water (Rub suggests using "brasso" only in extreme cases). You should not need to use unnecessary pressure or force, be guided by the reaction of your mouse as you proceed.

Once you are confident that the mouse's ball is in pristine condition, verrrry gently return it to the mouse ball casing and secure the cover in place.

Tip No. 2: Running your hands under warm water before you begin will make the procedure even more comfortable.

The Aftermath

Give the little fella' a pat and, after removing the blindfold, wipe any tears from his eyes (and yours), he'll appreciate your understanding of what has been an emotional event for him.

Reassure him that the procedure was necessary and that he will now feel and perform like a new mouse. It's that simple!

Technical Support (He's not fancy ... but he tweeks)

All those who attended the meeting received Rub's Business Card. He welcomes your further inquiries.

(The Business Card was very professionally designed by Joan O'Donovan)

 

We also have an impressive momento of the inaugural meeting.

A special name badge created by our own resident graphic artist Gail Dodd.