For Girls

How to win a man

Be yourself. (If he is worth your while he doesn't want a fake, and he doesn't want to be duped.)
Be frank. (Hold your own opinions, be prepared to share them honestly, and to have them challenged.)
Watch his responses to you. (Learn from his behaviour how you are affecting him. See the truth in his actions – don't just hear his words.)
Think about the consequences of your actions first, then talk about them before acting if they are far reaching. (He will like to be taken seriously if he is worth your while.)
Don't be frightened – he is nervous too (but he is probably much better at hiding it).
Don't be forced. (It is very important that you think your own ideas and don't just wear his. In the long run simple compliance is cheap and weak. Think hard too, he will put you under lots of pressure and he just might sometimes be right.)

Now, This is more difficult:

How to keep a man

Think about it – What is it that you like?

To be at the focus of his undivided attention.

How do you keep him?

Make yourself so interesting that his total attention is focussed on you.

There is no simple recipie for this as we are all individuals. Each of us must look at our partner and consider what we can do to achieve the result we most dearly and secretly desire.

In the long run (perhaps just a few months or years down the connubial track) the bloom of romance and novelty begins to wear thin. After 20 years and a few children, by then adolescents, it will have long been under the most severe abrasion. It is very important then to remember to refocus on what it is you like: see above.

The aspects of you that he finds most interesting are your most valuable assets. Discover them and use the knowledge.

Often women feel negatively about some of these aspects of themselves because as girls they have learned that these parts are somehow ‘dirty’ and that the idea of being blatantly sexual is cheap and coarse. Well, if you think your man isn't interested – it is probably because he is getting it elsewhere – you have competition, and it is time to be worried.

Read ‘How To Become The Sensuous Woman’ by "J" (a small booklet for just a few dollars, first published 1971 and still in print in 1999) and do the exercises.

Get yourself where you want to be – at the focus of his undivided attention. Find out what fires him up (he will have changed over 20 years too) learn about it and develop your skills. Draw his total attention, get precisely what you want, and kill off the competition.

Get real or you might get dumped.

Women are at an advantage here as men tend to be single-minded animals who will attend to the task at hand and ignore all else (as distinct from women who tend to be multitasking – running several concurrent operations – there are good biological reasons for this) so when you draw his attention you can have it all.

Postscript 2004:
You may be aware that I have now separated after more than 27 years of marriage, and consider me not qualified to write those paragraphs. I wish to affirm that I still believe them to be true, however sometimes our best intentions are not enough.

What I have suggested is certainly necessary, I don't suggest it will always be sufficient.

Original: December ‘99
Revised: January 2004
This page is part of “Living in the Light”
found at: http://www.tassie.net.au/~phoban/

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