Old age
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement centre were sitting on a bench under
a tree when one turns to the other and says . . . "Slim, I'm 83 years old
now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How
do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby." "Really!? Like
a new-born baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
Do you feel like doing this to
at least one person everyday?! I do!!!!
Bunnings
An Aussie, a little man, was sitting at a bar in Sydney when this huge, burly
American guy walks in. As he passes the Aussie, he hits him on the neck knocking
him to the floor. The big, burly Yank says,"That's a karate chop from Korea."
Well, the Aussie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.
The burly Yank then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the
Aussie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor.
"That's a judo chop from Japan", he says. The Aussie decides he's had enough
and leaves. A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly Yank bastard
sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and smacks him on the head, knocking
him out. The Aussie says to the bartender, "When he wakes up mate, tell him
that was a f*ckin' crowbar from Bunnings."
Friendship Among Women
A Woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that
she stayed over at a friends place. The husband calls his wife's ten best
friends. None of them know about it!
Friendship Among Men
A Man doesn't come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he
stayed over at a friends place. The wife calls her husbands ten best friends.
Eight of them say he did sleep over, Two claim he is still there.
Armed Robbery
Watch Closely
Blonde Joke
Frank walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde
at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was now on.
The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a tall building
preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Frank and said, "Do you think he'll
jump?" Frank said, "You know, I bet he'll jump" The blonde replied, "Well,
I bet he won't." Frank placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off
the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset and handed her
20 dollars to Frank, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money." Frank replied,
"I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew
he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do
it again."
Frank took the money.
Insane Jokes
I do!!!!
