DARING SNATCH IN DOWNTOWN NEW YORK

News has just come to hand of a daring kidnapping carried out in downtown New York. Details are not yet clarified but it would appear that a helicopter, piloted by a bearded man wearing a flying helmet and goggles and with a beautiful blonde accomplice, landed in front of the Empire State Building just after noon today and snatched a young woman wearing a gorilla mask, before flying off in a southerly direction. At this point in time there is no further information as to the whereabouts of these desperados. All available police, lead by the gallant Inspector ColoKid, are searching for the helicopter and its crew.

KING KONG RUNS AMOK IN NEW YORK

Lunchtime crowds panicked as King Kong, a giant gorilla who stands at least twenty stories high, ran through the streets of New York creating a swathe of damage as he raided fruit barrows and vegetable stalls in searach of bananas. It is not known how this large animal managed to escape from the Empire State Building but it is thought that a mule, dressed in decorative harness, ridden by a woman in cowgirl dress and wearing a blonde wig, may have walked straight through the glass door at the entrance to the building. This mule, who subsequently climbed the stairs to the roof, left a gaping hole in the door through which King Kong was able to make good his escape

BIZARRE SCENE GREETS POLICE

Following the daring kidnapping outside the Empire State Building today police were greeted with a bizarre sight. Upon rushing to the roof of the building they were confronted by such a scene as may never again be experienced in the annals of the city.

The mule which had earlier walked straight through the glass door at the entrance to the building was there with her rider. On top of the radio antenna was found a masked figure dressed from head to toe in purple and carrying a large drop net. Many Wee Folk armed with bows and arrows had taken up positions around the parapet.

When interviewed by police the mule's rider gave her name as Capt Helen. "I'm sorry about the door" she sobbed, "I've never ridden a mule before and Belle just walked straight through. I didn't know how to stop her." Capt helen went on to say that she was riding Belle as a favour to a friend who had a date with a helicopter pilot.

All attempts to question the man in purple failed as he appeared to speak only Chinese. The Wee Folk ducked and ran as soon as the police appeared. A warrant has been issued for the arrest of diverse gnomes, dwarves and fairies but Inspector ColoKid, spokesperson for the police, is not confdent that they will ever be apprehended. "Wee Folk have a habit of disappearing underground." she told reporters.

EYEWITNESS ACCOUNT OF DARING HEIST

An eyewitness to the daring raid which took place outside the Empire State Building is left wondering "Why a trampoline?" Tigger, a visitor to New York from the Silicon Valley in California said that she saw the whole thing. "There was a big trampoline set up out the front of the Empire State Building" she said, "and there was this man bouncing on it. He was dressed in a pink, fluffy, body suit and one pink shoe. He was wearing a long blonde wig and had a black beard." When asked if she recognised him, Tigger stated that she had never seen him before but she was certain that he was insane. She could not be sure but thought that he was holding a small gorilla-like creature and had a torn white dress draped over his arm.

Tigger then told of how a helicopter with two people inside it landed beside the trampoline, snatched up a woman in a gorilla mask who was standing nearby before lifting off over the roofs of New York.

Reports of sightings of a naked man with a beard, wearing one pink shoe and a blonde wig have come from as far away as Pennsylvania. Police are confident that it is the same man and that he has discarded the pink body suit in the belief that it renders him too conspicuous. Investigations are continuing.

MYSTERY SURROUNDS KIDNAP VICTIM

Police investigations into the alleged kidnapping which took place outside the Empire State Building earlier today are baffled as to the identity of the victim. Fingerprints lifted from the trampoline which was left by the victim in front of the building have been identified as those of notorious international criminal Sammy. Sammy is wanted by the police in many countries and is currently on Interpol's "most wanted" list. She is believed to have used the heist as a means of escaping from the United States and is thought to have fled to a South American country from which there is no extradition treaty. A search is underway for the helicopter pilot and his blonde companion as they may have vital information pertaining the the whereabouts of this daring outlaw.

HELICOPTER PILOT INTERVIEWED ON BEACH IN BERMUDA

Our roving reporter today interviewed the daring pilot of the helicopter which lifted the notorious gangster, Sammy, from in front of the Empire State Building in New York.

The pilot, who identified himself as Capt WordSmith introduced his beautiful companion as Blondie, the owner of the mule, Belle. Capt WordSmith and Blondie were relaxing on the beach at Bermuda, sipping champagne and improving their suntans.

"I was just following orders." said Capt WordSmith, "I was hovering over the Empire State Building in my helicopter when i saw a figure on the trampoline in a pink body suit whom i took to be my boss The Pink Panther.

"This figure was jumping up and down and waving his arms and pointing. I saw someone with a face like a gorilla beside the trampoline and thought that she was a stand-in for King Kong whom I was hired to lift from the roof of the Empire State Building. I assumed that there had been a change of plan and since the real King Kong was not on the roof of the building as I had been lead to expect I naturally picked up the substitute."

Capt WordSmith said that he had released his captive on the banks of the turbid Amazon River before flying to Bermuda. "It was a very delicate operation and Blondie and I are having a spot of M&M, I mean R&R, before returning to Arizona to pick the glass fragments out of Belle's harness."

WE COULD HAVE DONE IT BETTER

Lexy, leader of the L-E-X-Y, claims that she could have carried out the kidnapping and ransomming of King Kong far more successfully than the disastrous attempt by THE PINK GANG, lead by The Pink Panther. "Perhaps, in future, people will turn to me for leadership." she said during an interview at her secret hideout. "I have had some trouble recruiting members for my little band up until now but I have hopes that the position will change in the future."

Lexy asked us to announce that she will be conducting job interviews from early next week and that anyone interested should apply to THE L-E-X-Y, c/o The First Class Restaurant in the SST forum.

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